Wife is not a good sham

[Anonymous]

So, let me get this right:

Toddler is in day care 3 days a week, all day?
You have a nanny half days 5 days a week?
Groceries are delivered?
Cleaning person once every two weeks?

For a SAHM this sounds like a dream. She doesn’t like being a SAHM so she should go back to work so get a full time nanny and cleaning person weekly.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Right now almost all of her effort is going to the kids, so I fail to see how she’s not being active with the kids or whatever. 6 months and 2.5 is pretty close in age, so less than a year from now you’re going to have two toddlers and that’s a whole nother level of hot mess. What’s the hours for the PT day care and the PT nanny? If the 2.5 year old is just in something like a 2-3 days a week, 4 hours per day church preschool, that doesn’t give her a lot of hours, especially with a baby at home also. Idk it just sounds to me like typical life at home with 2 little ones and your expectations are unrealistic.

OP here. We are not religious and don’t do church preschool ( not even sure what that is..)

I don’t want to divulge too much detail on a public site. Our son goes to daycare 3 days a week from 8am - 5pm. On the days our son is in daycare, our nanny is there from 8am - 12:30pm caring for our infant. On the days my son is home, the nanny comes from 8am - 4pm.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Right now almost all of her effort is going to the kids, so I fail to see how she’s not being active with the kids or whatever. 6 months and 2.5 is pretty close in age, so less than a year from now you’re going to have two toddlers and that’s a whole nother level of hot mess. What’s the hours for the PT day care and the PT nanny? If the 2.5 year old is just in something like a 2-3 days a week, 4 hours per day church preschool, that doesn’t give her a lot of hours, especially with a baby at home also. Idk it just sounds to me like typical life at home with 2 little ones and your expectations are unrealistic.

OP here. We are not religious and don’t do church preschool ( not even sure what that is..)

I don’t want to divulge too much detail on a public site. Our son goes to daycare 3 days a week from 8am - 5pm. On the days our son is in daycare, our nanny is there from 8am - 12:30pm caring for our infant. On the days my son is home, the nanny comes from 8am - 4pm.

Sorry I had no idea your son was in care from 8am -5pm. I would ask your wife if she is happy. Staying at home can be very boring and who really wants to clean ?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Right now almost all of her effort is going to the kids, so I fail to see how she’s not being active with the kids or whatever. 6 months and 2.5 is pretty close in age, so less than a year from now you’re going to have two toddlers and that’s a whole nother level of hot mess. What’s the hours for the PT day care and the PT nanny? If the 2.5 year old is just in something like a 2-3 days a week, 4 hours per day church preschool, that doesn’t give her a lot of hours, especially with a baby at home also. Idk it just sounds to me like typical life at home with 2 little ones and your expectations are unrealistic.

OP here. We are not religious and don’t do church preschool ( not even sure what that is..)

I don’t want to divulge too much detail on a public site. Our son goes to daycare 3 days a week from 8am - 5pm. On the days our son is in daycare, our nanny is there from 8am - 12:30pm caring for our infant. On the days my son is home, the nanny comes from 8am - 4pm.

Dp. That’s ridiculous. She needs to go back to work. Wtf is she doing all day?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Just curious, on a daily basis, how much time does your wife get away from both kids? Like where she’s actually alone?

OP here. A decent amount. On the days my son is in daycare, she has 8am - 2pm without our infant. Nanny is there until 12:30pm and he sleeps until 2pm. On the days both kids are there, the nanny is there 8am - 4pm. My wife is involved on these days and usually has one kid at a time for half of the day, but gets breaks if she needs one or when they both nap.

On the weekends, I try to give her a break and I let her sleep in and do what she wants for an afternoon.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Just curious, on a daily basis, how much time does your wife get away from both kids? Like where she’s actually alone?

OP here. A decent amount. On the days my son is in daycare, she has 8am - 2pm without our infant. Nanny is there until 12:30pm and he sleeps until 2pm. On the days both kids are there, the nanny is there 8am - 4pm. My wife is involved on these days and usually has one kid at a time for half of the day, but gets breaks if she needs one or when they both nap.

On the weekends, I try to give her a break and I let her sleep in and do what she wants for an afternoon.

What does she accomplish in all her free time? Anything? My husband would probably have zero respect for me if I did this.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:So, let me get this right:

Toddler is in day care 3 days a week, all day?
You have a nanny half days 5 days a week?
Groceries are delivered?
Cleaning person once every two weeks?

For a SAHM this sounds like a dream. She doesn’t like being a SAHM so she should go back to work so get a full time nanny and cleaning person weekly.

OP here. Yes. We lucked out with a great nanny who also handles kid laundry weekly and helps with clean up.

My wife isn’t some lazy, uninvolved parent. She is involved, but I feel like she could do more based on the level of help we have.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Right now almost all of her effort is going to the kids, so I fail to see how she’s not being active with the kids or whatever. 6 months and 2.5 is pretty close in age, so less than a year from now you’re going to have two toddlers and that’s a whole nother level of hot mess. What’s the hours for the PT day care and the PT nanny? If the 2.5 year old is just in something like a 2-3 days a week, 4 hours per day church preschool, that doesn’t give her a lot of hours, especially with a baby at home also. Idk it just sounds to me like typical life at home with 2 little ones and your expectations are unrealistic.

OP here. We are not religious and don’t do church preschool ( not even sure what that is..)

I don’t want to divulge too much detail on a public site. Our son goes to daycare 3 days a week from 8am - 5pm. On the days our son is in daycare, our nanny is there from 8am - 12:30pm caring for our infant. On the days my son is home, the nanny comes from 8am - 4pm.

Sorry I had no idea your son was in care from 8am -5pm. I would ask your wife if she is happy. Staying at home can be very boring and who really wants to clean ?

OP here. He had a nanny ( the same one) until he was 2. We felt he needed more socialization at this age and opted for daycare 3 days a week. He likes it and get to play with our kids his age.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I've put off making this post for while because I feel like I already know the responses I will get but just need to make it. I need some guidance to understand and keep my sanity. Help me navigate this.

My wife and I have two children, an infant and a toddler. She is a great mom who adores our kids. My wife worked PT with our older child but transitioned to a stay-at-home mom when our second came. I was fully on board because I felt it would take a lot of stress off her plate and make life easier.

So far, that hasn't been the case. She doesn't seem like she does much. The house is a disaster every night, I do 90% of the cooking, and I try to help out as much as I can on the weekends. Our oldest is in PT daycare and we have a PT nanny that helps with both kids. We have semi-weekly housekeeper but my wife has been insisting we need her every week to help manage the house. I thought my wife would be more involved, not less. I'm growing tired of it. I feel she should be more active in parenting and maintaining our house. I want to approach the subject but I don't want to cause hurt her feelings or make her think I feel she's a bad wife/mother.

I was a BigLaw associate who billed thousands of hours a year. That was nothing compared to staying at home with my terrible sleeper breastfed baby. I didn’t have time to shower, let alone clean the house and cook. And no, I wasn’t depressed. I was busy taking care of a baby who wailed if not held 24/7. I was happy to go back to work. It felt like vacation.

Taking care do some infants is a lot harder than it looks!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I've put off making this post for while because I feel like I already know the responses I will get but just need to make it. I need some guidance to understand and keep my sanity. Help me navigate this.

My wife and I have two children, an infant and a toddler. She is a great mom who adores our kids. My wife worked PT with our older child but transitioned to a stay-at-home mom when our second came. I was fully on board because I felt it would take a lot of stress off her plate and make life easier.

So far, that hasn't been the case. She doesn't seem like she does much. The house is a disaster every night, I do 90% of the cooking, and I try to help out as much as I can on the weekends. Our oldest is in PT daycare and we have a PT nanny that helps with both kids. We have semi-weekly housekeeper but my wife has been insisting we need her every week to help manage the house. I thought my wife would be more involved, not less. I'm growing tired of it. I feel she should be more active in parenting and maintaining our house. I want to approach the subject but I don't want to cause hurt her feelings or make her think I feel she's a bad wife/mother.

I was a BigLaw associate who billed thousands of hours a year. That was nothing compared to staying at home with my terrible sleeper breastfed baby. I didn’t have time to shower, let alone clean the house and cook. And no, I wasn’t depressed. I was busy taking care of a baby who wailed if not held 24/7. I was happy to go back to work. It felt like vacation.

Taking care do some infants is a lot harder than it looks!

Read the thread.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Just curious, on a daily basis, how much time does your wife get away from both kids? Like where she’s actually alone?

OP here. A decent amount. On the days my son is in daycare, she has 8am - 2pm without our infant. Nanny is there until 12:30pm and he sleeps until 2pm. On the days both kids are there, the nanny is there 8am - 4pm. My wife is involved on these days and usually has one kid at a time for half of the day, but gets breaks if she needs one or when they both nap.

On the weekends, I try to give her a break and I let her sleep in and do what she wants for an afternoon.

What does she accomplish in all her free time? Anything? My husband would probably have zero respect for me if I did this.

OP here. On the days our son is in daycare, she runs errands, does online grocery shopping, makes appointments, mela preps, cooks infants foods from scratch, makes toddler lunches for daycare, etc. Some days she will nap or just relax.

On the days both kids are home, she will take our infant part of the day while nanny takes oldest outside or to an activity. Then my wife will switch with nanny and take my son to an activity or a fun outing. She likes it so that she has one-on-one time with both kids.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:So, let me get this right:

Toddler is in day care 3 days a week, all day?
You have a nanny half days 5 days a week?
Groceries are delivered?
Cleaning person once every two weeks?

For a SAHM this sounds like a dream. She doesn’t like being a SAHM so she should go back to work so get a full time nanny and cleaning person weekly.

OP here. Yes. We lucked out with a great nanny who also handles kid laundry weekly and helps with clean up.

My wife isn’t some lazy, uninvolved parent. She is involved, but I feel like she could do more based on the level of help we have.

Disgree with the lazy part. She's very lazy. Maybe she's depresed though, maybe she'd rather work part time or something but feels guilty about admitting that. Maybe check in with her in a non judgemental way.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I've put off making this post for while because I feel like I already know the responses I will get but just need to make it. I need some guidance to understand and keep my sanity. Help me navigate this.

My wife and I have two children, an infant and a toddler. She is a great mom who adores our kids. My wife worked PT with our older child but transitioned to a stay-at-home mom when our second came. I was fully on board because I felt it would take a lot of stress off her plate and make life easier.

So far, that hasn't been the case. She doesn't seem like she does much. The house is a disaster every night, I do 90% of the cooking, and I try to help out as much as I can on the weekends. Our oldest is in PT daycare and we have a PT nanny that helps with both kids. We have semi-weekly housekeeper but my wife has been insisting we need her every week to help manage the house. I thought my wife would be more involved, not less. I'm growing tired of it. I feel she should be more active in parenting and maintaining our house. I want to approach the subject but I don't want to cause hurt her feelings or make her think I feel she's a bad wife/mother.

I was a BigLaw associate who billed thousands of hours a year. That was nothing compared to staying at home with my terrible sleeper breastfed baby. I didn’t have time to shower, let alone clean the house and cook. And no, I wasn’t depressed. I was busy taking care of a baby who wailed if not held 24/7. I was happy to go back to work. It felt like vacation.

Taking care do some infants is a lot harder than it looks!

OP here. My kids cry and throw tantrums , but they are both relatively chill kids. Our infant was very easy and never really cries much unless hungry or tired.

Our oldest has had some tantrum issues but is still fairly easy and predictable.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Just curious, on a daily basis, how much time does your wife get away from both kids? Like where she’s actually alone?

OP here. A decent amount. On the days my son is in daycare, she has 8am - 2pm without our infant. Nanny is there until 12:30pm and he sleeps until 2pm. On the days both kids are there, the nanny is there 8am - 4pm. My wife is involved on these days and usually has one kid at a time for half of the day, but gets breaks if she needs one or when they both nap.

On the weekends, I try to give her a break and I let her sleep in and do what she wants for an afternoon.

What does she accomplish in all her free time? Anything? My husband would probably have zero respect for me if I did this.

OP here. On the days our son is in daycare, she runs errands, does online grocery shopping, makes appointments, mela preps, cooks infants foods from scratch, makes toddler lunches for daycare, etc. Some days she will nap or just relax.

On the days both kids are home, she will take our infant part of the day while nanny takes oldest outside or to an activity. Then my wife will switch with nanny and take my son to an activity or a fun outing. She likes it so that she has one-on-one time with both kids.

I hope you make good money. With this set up, she’s never going back to work.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Just curious, on a daily basis, how much time does your wife get away from both kids? Like where she’s actually alone?

OP here. A decent amount. On the days my son is in daycare, she has 8am - 2pm without our infant. Nanny is there until 12:30pm and he sleeps until 2pm. On the days both kids are there, the nanny is there 8am - 4pm. My wife is involved on these days and usually has one kid at a time for half of the day, but gets breaks if she needs one or when they both nap.

On the weekends, I try to give her a break and I let her sleep in and do what she wants for an afternoon.

What does she accomplish in all her free time? Anything? My husband would probably have zero respect for me if I did this.

OP here. On the days our son is in daycare, she runs errands, does online grocery shopping, makes appointments, mela preps, cooks infants foods from scratch, makes toddler lunches for daycare, etc. Some days she will nap or just relax.

On the days both kids are home, she will take our infant part of the day while nanny takes oldest outside or to an activity. Then my wife will switch with nanny and take my son to an activity or a fun outing. She likes it so that she has one-on-one time with both kids.

I take back my lazy comment. This post does not match your other posts. So I think you're trolling. If not, do the clean up and stop whining.