Do you regret your adoption?
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Anonymous
You clearly have a big heart. Strength and good wishes to your family. |
Anonymous
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"If I had my life over again, I would not adopt. It has been the biggest regret of my life. Every day I feel I am being punished. I did it out of kindness, and it has backfired on me. Genes will out at the end of the day and you can't fix damaged children."
I know a heck of a lot of parents --both related to me and otherwise -- who have the same thoughts about their own bio kids who grew up in perfectly normal middle-class households. It's a just a little more taboo to say such things out loud when you made 'em yourself, because it usually inculpates you. Life's a crapshoot. You don't know if the child you bear or adopt is going to be challenging (bipolar/autistic/ADD) in some way you don't even realize yet. But people seem to take for granted problems that exist with bio kids when they're lamenting problems with adopted kids. A child I knew down the block, who had been foster kid and later adopted, held his family up at knife point. My sister did the exact same thing to us five years later, and she truly hadn't been abused as a child. I'm not saying that decent resources and patient families don't make a huge difference, especially in the early childhood years. But if love doesn't necessarily conquer all, that's true of all children. |
Anonymous
In adaption the problems are highlighted Sad for the b-parents who truly believe the child will be loved as much as what they would love it, and maybe even more. What a betrayal |
Anonymous
Oh be quiet! You have no idea about what parents go through. We all want to love our children, both birth and adopted ones. You have no idea about the heartbreak when things don't work out as you'd hoped and dreamed for that child. I can't bear judgemental posts like this. (Of course I take it all back if you have suffered the heartache of being rejected by adoptive parents) |
Anonymous
| I am an adoptee, adopted at birth and I have always known. My birth mom tried to abort me and failed. I ended up with a great home, wonderful parents and am a well adjusted new mom myself (bio kid). I am closer to my mom than anyone else and couldnt be happier. I wanted to adopt too, but DH was afraid. |
Anonymous
| Sometimes we adopt for the wrong reasons and then regret it . I did. I will have to live with this quilt forever. The child is not 4yrs old and i still have not bonded with her. I have tried, but it is not in my heart. She is very active and demanding and i get very depressed and anxious and feel so much regret as to how i am stuck with her. I did not think it was going to go this way... she was so cute as a baby but soon drained me !! |
Anonymous
| PP how long was your maternity leave did you have after you adapted her? |
Anonymous
Wow, you sound strange. You describe your first mother as a person who wanted an abortion, speak of your adoptive parents with gratitude That is the difference between adoptees and non-adaptees. We are not made to feel we must be grateful, and love our mothers even though had a tough time years and years ago and tried to get an abortion and failed. |
Anonymous
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"You describe your first mother as a person who wanted an abortion, speak of your adoptive parents with gratitude
That is the difference between adoptees and non-adaptees. We are not made to feel we must be grateful, and love our mothers even though had a tough time years and years ago and tried to get an abortion and failed." Who says you have to feel greatful? I am an adoptive mom and many of my parent friends are also adoptive moms. Most of us have don't push this at all, but rather try to give our kids information and let them come to their own decisions about how they do and should feel about their birth parents. I ask this as a serious question because if there is some underlying message that gets sent by our actions or some pressure that we place one way or another, I'd really like to hear about it so I can understand how my actions and my messages are perceived. |
Anonymous
Why does she sound strange? I am very grateful to my biological parents for all they did for me and I think many people are and express that. My parents don't ask for gratitude but thatdoes not stop me from feeling it. I think you sound strange for not feeling some gratitude towards your parents. |
Anonymous
well, the adult adoptee who summed up her birth mother as a woman who tried to get an abortion, and then praises her adoptive parents. What kind of upbringing is that. For a person who has grown up to use those words to describe her birth mom, and then of course how awful her life would have been if she had not been adapted. |
Anonymous
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Sometimes an adoption does not work out. It is called a disruption.
If you are not happy and the cute baby has outgrown its cuteness, find out what your options are. Maybe even the birth mother would be happy to have her child back. If you wake up every day regretting your adoption then you are not the best parent to parent that child |
Anonymous
| Do I regret adopting? It depends on when you ask me. Lately the answer has been yes most of the time. It's been two years and my life has completely changed. I give the kid a lot of my time and spend countless amounts of money on his needs. He tells me I do nothing for him. The costs in the two years he has been with me are probably over $100,000.00, but yet I'm told by him I have done nothing. He is a teenager which accounts for a lot of this. I'm just tired of dealing with all the headaches. He lies, steals, and tries to manipulate. It's gotten real old. I'm looking forward to his 18th birthday! |
Anonymous
| Not to dismiss people who regret adopting (though I am sad that these situations exist), but couldn't a similar question of "Do you regret having kids?" be asked of parents with bio children? I'm sure there are parents who wish they'd never had kids. |
Anonymous
Actually, bio parents cannot blame anyone, and do not regret that. |