Do you regret your adoption?

[Anonymous]

How is OP a troll when several people on this thread said they DO regret their adoption?

These people would have regretted becoming parents anyway. Adoption probably has little to do with it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:As the adoptive parent of three children, I can honestly say that I do regret it. The kids were 9, 9 and ten when they came to live with us. We loved them, provided well for them and they've brought us nothing but pain. They were totally out of control as teenagers and made our lives a living hell. Despite thousands of dollars spent on counseling, they've grown up to be angry, non productive adults. Instead of being angry at the parents who abused and abandoned them, they turned their anger on us. My husband is gone now, and I've finally accepted the fact that they have no affection for me, they can't be trusted and I'm better off just to have no contact with them. We weren't equipped to deal with their pain and I'm not sure anyone could have made a difference for them. It's very sad and I am permanently scarred by the experience. All I can say is that we tried.

Those poor kids I'm so so sorry for them.

[Anonymous]

I was adopted at birth. My birth mother had me young (17) - she was an excellent student, great athlete, typical overachiever and wanted to do things typical of her circle like go live in a dorm for college, go to prom, and whatnot which would not have been possible (or would have been made more difficult) had she kept me. My biological father was also in a similar situation. The two do not stay together. It was an open adoption. My adoptive parents were there during the birth. Luckily, none of the horror stories about the birth parents changing their mind happened.

Overall, I do not "regret it" (not that I really had the choice) at all. There were definitely bumps in the road, I often felt conflicted between my adoptive parents and my biological parents given that the adoption was so open but there would have been even more bumps in the road had I stayed with my bio mom. My adoptive parents were able to give me time, cultural experiences/vacations/lessons/sports/etc. that would have been less likely w/ bio mom.

I am Facebook friends with my biological mother. She graduated from college, got a job, etc. and got married eventually and has two kids now. She lives across the country now so I do not see her often (2 years ago was the last time) but we do keep in contact. I am less in contact with my biological father.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:As the adoptive parent of three children, I can honestly say that I do regret it. The kids were 9, 9 and ten when they came to live with us. We loved them, provided well for them and they've brought us nothing but pain. They were totally out of control as teenagers and made our lives a living hell. Despite thousands of dollars spent on counseling, they've grown up to be angry, non productive adults. Instead of being angry at the parents who abused and abandoned them, they turned their anger on us. My husband is gone now, and I've finally accepted the fact that they have no affection for me, they can't be trusted and I'm better off just to have no contact with them. We weren't equipped to deal with their pain and I'm not sure anyone could have made a difference for them. It's very sad and I am permanently scarred by the experience. All I can say is that we tried.

Those poor kids I'm so so sorry for them.

I'm so sorry for all involved - parents and children. Such a sad story.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

How is OP a troll when several people on this thread said they DO regret their adoption?

These people would have regretted becoming parents anyway. Adoption probably has little to do with it.

How do you know that?

[Anonymous]

Fascinating thread. Thank you to those who are sharing their stories.

[Anonymous]

No regrets. We adopted our daughter 15 years ago. We had two sons and longed for another child to complete our family. God answered our prayers -- she's a terrific girl -- energetic, adventurous, curious about the world, responsible, generous and funny. How could we have lived without the sunshine she brings to our lives? (Of course, she also busts our chops on occasions -- as did her brothers when they were teens.)

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Do I regret adopting? It depends on when you ask me. Lately the answer has been yes most of the time. It's been two years and my life has completely changed. I give the kid a lot of my time and spend countless amounts of money on his needs. He tells me I do nothing for him. The costs in the two years he has been with me are probably over $100,000.00, but yet I'm told by him I have done nothing. He is a teenager which accounts for a lot of this. I'm just tired of dealing with all the headaches. He lies, steals, and tries to manipulate. It's gotten real old. I'm looking forward to his 18th birthday!

How old was he when you adopted him? Why dud you adopt an older child?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Not to dismiss people who regret adopting (though I am sad that these situations exist), but couldn't a similar question of "Do you regret having kids?" be asked of parents with bio children? I'm sure there are parents who wish they'd never had kids.

My parents regret having me and I'm their biological child. It happens.

Also, there was never anything terrible that I did. I was a typical kid, went to college, got married and now have a family of my own. I don't think my parents ever wanted kids but believed the pro-life propaganda and lacked the emotional fortitude to give me up for adoption. Some people shouldn't have kids.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Do I regret adopting? It depends on when you ask me. Lately the answer has been yes most of the time. It's been two years and my life has completely changed. I give the kid a lot of my time and spend countless amounts of money on his needs. He tells me I do nothing for him. The costs in the two years he has been with me are probably over $100,000.00, but yet I'm told by him I have done nothing. He is a teenager which accounts for a lot of this. I'm just tired of dealing with all the headaches. He lies, steals, and tries to manipulate. It's gotten real old. I'm looking forward to his 18th birthday!

How old was he when you adopted him? Why dud you adopt an older child?

This is probably also a parenting issue.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:As the adoptive parent of three children, I can honestly say that I do regret it. The kids were 9, 9 and ten when they came to live with us. We loved them, provided well for them and they've brought us nothing but pain. They were totally out of control as teenagers and made our lives a living hell. Despite thousands of dollars spent on counseling, they've grown up to be angry, non productive adults. Instead of being angry at the parents who abused and abandoned them, they turned their anger on us. My husband is gone now, and I've finally accepted the fact that they have no affection for me, they can't be trusted and I'm better off just to have no contact with them. We weren't equipped to deal with their pain and I'm not sure anyone could have made a difference for them. It's very sad and I am permanently scarred by the experience. All I can say is that we tried.

Those poor kids I'm so so sorry for them.

I'm so sorry for all involved - parents and children. Such a sad story.

PP, you did try your best and gave them your love and provided a stable home for children who desperately needed it. You have my admiration and respect.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Not to dismiss people who regret adopting (though I am sad that these situations exist), but couldn't a similar question of "Do you regret having kids?" be asked of parents with bio children? I'm sure there are parents who wish they'd never had kids.

My parents regret having me and I'm their biological child. It happens.

Also, there was never anything terrible that I did. I was a typical kid, went to college, got married and now have a family of my own. I don't think my parents ever wanted kids but believed the pro-life propaganda and lacked the emotional fortitude to give me up for adoption. Some people shouldn't have kids.

Life isn't fair, is it? I would have cherished a child like you.

[Anonymous]

We were too scared to adopt because we don't know a single situation that wasn't a disaster.

One couple adopted a beautiful little blond girl that was removed from a drug addict. The father was likely a 'john'. She had behavior problems, and when she hit the teen years she was out of control, ended up in jail, drugs, DUIs. She is in her 20's now but will probably never be stable. The heartbreak and financial cost to the parents is staggering.

Another couple of people adopted Russian orphan kids, and the kids had severe emotional issues, problems in school and are on the way to becoming criminals.

I wouldn't adopt any child unless I knew the parents and background - and it wasn't like a Dickens tale. That can't be undone with good intentions.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:We were too scared to adopt because we don't know a single situation that wasn't a disaster.

One couple adopted a beautiful little blond girl that was removed from a drug addict. The father was likely a 'john'. She had behavior problems, and when she hit the teen years she was out of control, ended up in jail, drugs, DUIs. She is in her 20's now but will probably never be stable. The heartbreak and financial cost to the parents is staggering.

Another couple of people adopted Russian orphan kids, and the kids had severe emotional issues, problems in school and are on the way to becoming criminals.

I wouldn't adopt any child unless I knew the parents and background - and it wasn't like a Dickens tale. That can't be undone with good intentions.

I know someone who also adopted from Russia, The son is now at VMI and is an amazing young man.
i have a 5yo we adopted at 30 days. No regrets and I cant imagine ever regretting it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:We were too scared to adopt because we don't know a single situation that wasn't a disaster.

One couple adopted a beautiful little blond girl that was removed from a drug addict. The father was likely a 'john'. She had behavior problems, and when she hit the teen years she was out of control, ended up in jail, drugs, DUIs. She is in her 20's now but will probably never be stable. The heartbreak and financial cost to the parents is staggering.

Another couple of people adopted Russian orphan kids, and the kids had severe emotional issues, problems in school and are on the way to becoming criminals.

I wouldn't adopt any child unless I knew the parents and background - and it wasn't like a Dickens tale. That can't be undone with good intentions.

Adopting internationally is very different as is foster care from domestic newborn. Most kids are removed for drugs or mental health issue. If it was drugs, most likely child was exposed in utero which can cause issues. If international, many have issues but not all. As a parent when you adopt you have to know this is a possibility.