just quit my job to sah... so why am i all of the sudden regretful?

[Anonymous]

let's just hope you never get divorced

[Anonymous]

Everyone hopes they never get divorced. It sucks whether you work or not. And yes, the economy is terrible right now, but let's not sell ourselves short. Just because you don't have a job one day doesn't mean you can't ever get one again. Good luck, OP!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My mother worked during my entire childhood. I also went to a great university. I also had a great childhood and appreciated all my mother did for me. Stop fooling yourself by thinking that women working outside the home is somehow damaging to children.

My mother worked during my entire childhood, at home. Who was your primary caregiver during your first three years of life?

[Anonymous]

I quit my job to SAH about 6 months ago and had a really hard time as first, especially as a lot of my friends were going back to work. I didn't like my job and didn't think I identified with it, but it was tough to define myself without reference to a career. as I got more used to my new life at home, those issues went away and i started to relax into being a SAHM. Now, I am really grateful to my husband that I can SAH, but recognize that I might feel differently down the road. My point is that it's a big change for a whole host of reasons and it does take some getting used to...the good news is that you can always go back to work if it doesn't work out for you.

good luck!!!

[Anonymous]

I rarely hear of a WM or WW go to SAHM- it's simply easier- the older the kids get- it's easier. Why? WM don't stop being moms so all that you need to do you couple with work. I have been a SAHM for years- it was th earliest years- I had issues since we had reflux kids/ failure to thrive so it was never so easy- so now that they are in PS- and I got this offer I had to take since it's family friendly (economy- DH was unemployed then)- but SAHM gets way easier- I am glad I was there for solving the reflux neverneding issues and other things but it was hard. Most kids don't have these issues- so I can only imagine how easy it is to have a child that naps, has no issues, the goes to church based preschool for socialization- EASY! When they go to school- they have 9-4 out then some after school (depending on kids)- like my neighbor said- after 3pm its wham busy- but before that?

If you can do it- go for it- but you won't look back since this is easy compared to working for a business.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My mother worked during my entire childhood. I also went to a great university. I also had a great childhood and appreciated all my mother did for me. Stop fooling yourself by thinking that women working outside the home is somehow damaging to children.

My mother worked during my entire childhood, at home. Who was your primary caregiver during your first three years of life?

Please don't be so unkind. Why are you trying to hurt people? It can't possibly make you feel good. I posted earlier about really wanting to stay home with my kids but not having the option yet, Posts like yours are really heart breaking. Ever since I started coming on DCUM I have not been able to understand why people take so much pleasure out of saying hurtful things to others.

[Anonymous]

fyi, I am not trying to hurt you or anyone else. I am trying to let you know that child abandonment is not ok. If your child has good care, fine. I am sick of parents putting up with bad care because that's all they could find/afford. Your child's care should be your top priorrty, not the house, car, or career. The F/T work of a parent is too important out-source. Sorry.

[Anonymous]

To those who all think you can get back to the work force no issue after disappearing for so long- that's the old days- there are tons of candidates out there. You have to be really (over) qualified, well connected or some lower level job that you just barely move forward career-wise so experience only adds incrementally so much for your pay. If your DH lose their job- which is a real possibility in this environment- don't assume you'll jump back in and supplement the income that you'll all be ok. Unemployment is a joke- and if you were really not a primary or even near- you won't be able to hold the household together at that time. More years away- the less you can expect and the less given you have a bigger pool of competition.. Basically- I have seen most SAHMs people who had less executive level jobs- so- giving up a job vds childcare is a sobering reality. Other less normal profile (though louder on this board- not seen that much in Vienna where I live) is a high paying mom going SAHM- but usually DH is super high paying.

[Anonymous]

Sure, but who's minding the children?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:fyi, I am not trying to hurt you or anyone else. I am trying to let you know that child abandonment is not ok. If your child has good care, fine. I am sick of parents putting up with bad care because that's all they could find/afford. Your child's care should be your top priorrty, not the house, car, or career. The F/T work of a parent is too important out-source. Sorry.

Every parent I know,wether they work or not, puts their children's care first. As an outsider you simply cannot make judgement calls about people based on what you think you know. It's just not fair. You do not know the pain of a mother who has to leave her child with someone else ( that you may not consider a suitable carer but who is the only one that she can afford) so that she can put food on the table for her family. Your insults will not change her situation but will only serve to make her feel worse than she already feels. If you feel it us your duty to do so well, I'll leave you to it. I wish you and your kids the best.

[Anonymous]

Getting back to the original topic . . . OP, I am pregnant with our first. I have gone through all permutations of this - keep working FT, go PT, SAH - over and over again. I have tried making a decision each way and seeing how I feel about that. All three options give me palpitations and fears, just different ones. It's a way harder decision than I ever anticipated. I totally get where you are coming from. I agree with the PPs who said, this is not a permanent change. Try it and see what works best for you and your family, and reevaluate if needed. Best of luck to you!

[Anonymous]

comment on original post:

I have been in the same situation and I think that what you are going through is just an adaptation phase
as you are mentally adjusiting to the new siutation you go back and forth to the old one..
sort of kind of like life after getting married..

I think that you would find tons of support and better "analize this" on
the www.mothering.com where is thousands of people of whom
many thousands are stay at home moms and they can give you some
more insight and perspective on your feelings.

Go to the link and click on community atab nd there you will find a
forum that you can relate to.

The mothering.com community is a community that celebrates Attachment parenting
a parenting style that puts child in a center and supports natural
parenting in all kinds of ways it is very interesting concept and
you might actully find that you are not alone in your efforts
and what you feel is good and natural without judging others
you will find support to your own style that is there super popular.

btw.. Mothering magazine is sold in our area in the Whole Foods stores
so they are in line with the healthy life style and that crowd is buying this idea..
so you might want to double check that.

Best regards.. from sham mom for 4 years.. ( and btw.. the first yeear is weirdest,
the following due to adjustment and achieving mental peace and
getting to breath easier once you feel that what you are doing is the right thing
and although other ways might be also right this is the "rightest" for you
and so it is...

[Anonymous]

My mom worked pt when we were in school. So from the time I was born to kindergarten she was a sahm. I enjoyed it. I got to sleep in my own bed, and do my own thing at home. While my brother and I were in school she worked part time enough to make extra money for extra things. My dad was a marine we was an officer but money wasn't great.

While we were in school she worked sometimes we would come home and we would be home for an hour or so by ourselfs. Also my mom paid neighbors to watch us over the summer if she was working often she took off for the summer. Now that I am an adult I think she wants to work but doesnt know where to go. She wouldn't make much because she doesnt have a college degree.

One thing I know my mom works hard. Our house is always clean. We are always fed. We were always clean. there are some things we went with out but never knew it. I know my mom was happy to be home.

I work as a nanny for many families. I never say I am raising there kids but sure I am helping. I provide different things than the parents. When I worked at a daycare I took care of their children while they were working.

If you decided to stay home to take care of your own child your way then good for you.

If you are using a childcare center when you are working and keep your kids with you when you are not working then you are doing what you can and you are certainly raising your child.

If you have a nanny then you are raising your child too and your nanny is helping.

The only people I have a problem with and I say they are not raising their children are the ones who leave their children in child care when they are home, have off or out shopping. If you have a nanny so you can sit around and do nothing then shame on you.

to each their own but I know I loved my mom when she as working to pay for extras like vacations or at home providing me with a great loving home

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My mother worked during my entire childhood. I also went to a great university. I also had a great childhood and appreciated all my mother did for me. Stop fooling yourself by thinking that women working outside the home is somehow damaging to children.

My mother worked during my entire childhood, at home. Who was your primary caregiver during your first three years of life?

You know, you have really dug yourself into a hole. This blatant bashing of women who have different circumstances than you does not make it seem like you had a great childhood, or that your stay at home mom did a great job of raising a stable, secure child.

If you were happy, stable, secure, you wouldn't be bashing people with different circumstances. The moment I start doing this on DCUM is the moment I will reevaluate my current situation and consider a change.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Successful children is what makes *this* mom happy. Ignoring myself is not an option. Just as I share the benefits of my husband's paycheck, he shares the benefits of my F/T parenting. How's that for real equality?

I appreciate this sentiment, but I hate the idea that working has to be something the mom does for her - it is so, so much more than that. Providing for your family and keeping yourself active in the workforce is NOT selfish. It is reality - anyone's husband could get laid off or worse. Since becoming a mom I have a stronger drive to perform well and earn my paycheck. I take great pride in providing for my family along with my husband. I did cut back my hours to four days a week and took a paycut to spend more time at home, but it is not selfish to want to provide for your child.

Most WMs do not have husbands that make millions. The vast majority are working to help with the family income, and that is not selfish. It is being a responsible mom. I just don't understand how the economic reality escapes people. Losing health insurance coverage would be a major issue unless you literally have millions saved or invested. Most people don't. It's not just about earning for now, it's about keeping yourself in the workforce.

For those of you who stay home because it works better for your family to stay home, and you can afford to, that is great - enjoy! But implying moms who stay in the work force are doing it for their own identity or to have something for themselves, that is a bonus of a fulfilling career but in the year 2010 it's really ignoring a very real economic reality for most families in this area.