just quit my job to sah... so why am i all of the sudden regretful?

Anonymous
OP, it is natural to have jitters and wonder whether you are doing the right thing. I stay at home with my DD, and sometimes I do get frustrated, and sometimes I do wonder what career I'm going to be able to make for myself in a few years. But, at the end of the day, I have never ever thought I would be happier right now if I worked out of the home. I hope you feel the same way soon. I think you will. If you were that unhappy at work, this is probably the right thing for you.

I will say, too, that while some afternoons are boring and some days are long, I don't think that staying at home is boring or tedious at all. It's way more fun than working was to me. I get to set our own schedule. I get to read for pleasure more. We get to travel more. Our weekends are free from chores and errands because I can do them during the day. I'm much, much, MUCH happier.

I don't think staying at home is the hardest job, either. I'm never sure why the women on this site want to argue over who has it harder. I stay at home because in our family it's easier on everyone: me (for sure), my husband (for sure), and (I think, in our case) my daughter.

Good luck!
Anonymous
OP, I really do envy you. It is my dream to be able to spend more time at home with my daughter now and soon my daughter and her twin siblings. If we could afford it, I would quit in a heart beat. We can't so I plan to "petition" my boss to allow me to go part time when the babies are born. Whenever I think about making the proposal to my boss I get butterflies in my stomach because I don't know what I will do if he says no. I haven't the option to quit altogether and I cannot bear the thought of working full time after maternity leave. I did stay home with my daughter for three years but then I had quit my job because we were moving countries. Now I am in a very well paying very stable and secure job with the expenses (house etc) to match so a little more complicated. I really would like the twins to spend a similar amount of time with me as their sister did before school starts. To be at the other end like you, with the decision behind you is an enviable position indeed.

All the best. Remember the reason you decided to quit and keep that in front of you. I am sure you and your spouse have considered all the financial and other implications and decided on this course of action so just go for it you lucky thing!
Anonymous
I'm not reading the other posts (because I know these things can go crazy).

Any big decision comes with doubts. I think only someone insane could make such a large decision and NOT have doubts. I remember someone telling me that once you have a child you just KNOW if you want to be a SAHM or a working mom. Well, I for one, was completly confused. I wanted to be with my child, and I wanted to know I was financially secure.

But don't look at this as a "once you've made it, it is for the rest of your life" kind of decision. You can go back to work - maybe not the same job, maybe at the snap of your fingers, but you CAN go back. You haven't stepped off a cliff, you've simply taken another path. It's less scary that way.

Also, what do you fear the most? Loss of social interaction? Look for mommy groups or social groups that you could meet at night (if you husband can watch the kids?). Lack of intellectual stimulation? One of my SAHH friends listens to NPR to keep up with the world and her head working. She also does their taxes and other "business-like" roles around the house.

Lack of money? I found that to be the hardest to overcome (I was lucky to go part-time), but yet easiest to accept in the long run.

Afraid the kids will drive you crazy? Well, hey, maybe they will some days. But they drive working mom's crazy too.

Good luck to you. Enjoy your child!
Anonymous
I regretted making the same change so I went back to work. It was tough to get back into the work force but I did. Afterwards, I felt much better than I had before. I knew about both ways of doing things and which one worked for me. Since then, I haven't missed staying at home, which in my case was a huge mistake.

One person's perspective. I'm sure that for every parent there's a different angle to this.

Just know that it really is possible that staying at home is the wrong choice for some people. Don't let guilt enter into the equation. Just know yourself, your family, your capabilities, and go from there.
Anonymous
I applaud your decision!

I worked PT for many years. The best moment I can remember was sitting in the park with my one year old and laughing on a bright and sunny weekday. It will always stay with me. The minutes will go slowly, the years will pass quickly. Enjoy the time. You will miss things about work but focus on why you decided to leave. I am now working FT and I forever wish for my PT life back...but that had its own host of issues.

Good luck with this next phase. I second getting SAH mom friends quickly
Anonymous
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:

I want to raise my daughter, I don't want to leave her in other hands, even if very capable hands, for the majority of her young years.



You probably didn't intend for this, but please realize that statement is offensive to working mothers. I am a working mother, and I am raising my own child. Noone else is doing it for me.


I am a working mom, and don't find this offensive at all. It is reality. I completely understand where OP is coming from.
Anonymous
OP - you are saying "good bye" to an identity and an office career. You may not have "mourn" per se, but you will experience the typical did-I-make-the-right decision and second guess yourself.

Think of the positive - the funfilled times you will have with your DD and being able to be with her
Anonymous
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:

I want to raise my daughter, I don't want to leave her in other hands, even if very capable hands, for the majority of her young years.



You probably didn't intend for this, but please realize that statement is offensive to working mothers. I am a working mother, and I am raising my own child. Noone else is doing it for me.


I am a working mom, and don't find this offensive at all. It is reality. I completely understand where OP is coming from.


Agreed, I am a working mom, too, and I do have guilt that my baby is having so many waking hours in the loving care of somebody else. They are helping me to raise him, and, in my honest, anonymous moments I will admit I wish it were me doing all the "raising." But I have the health insurance in the family (and a chronic disease to go along with it, so quitting is not on the horizon).
Anonymous
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:

I want to raise my daughter, I don't want to leave her in other hands, even if very capable hands, for the majority of her young years.



You probably didn't intend for this, but please realize that statement is offensive to working mothers. I am a working mother, and I am raising my own child. Noone else is doing it for me.


I am a working mom, and don't find this offensive at all. It is reality. I completely understand where OP is coming from.


It's not reality for all WMs. I work four days a week and have some flexibility in my job. It can be hectic, but I never feel like someone else is raising my child. Helping raise her, sure, and loving her and influencing her, but not raising her.

I agree we shouldn't take it so personally, it is easy to do online. I'm sure OP meant that SHE felt way, because of her circumstances. I don't know OP's circumstances, and I'm sure if I had an intense job and worked 50 or 60 or more hours a week I would feel like that, but not all WMs do. There are careers and companies that help you balance your work with your life and you can work and "raise" your child.
Anonymous
amen to 16:09. I'm also part time (32 hours) and get every Wednesday off. I would not want to quit my job for many reasons, among them, my mom was a stay at home mom and that has made her life after kids a nightmare for me. I would have paid good money for her to have worked so her life was not entirely centered around me and my brother.
Anonymous
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:

I want to raise my daughter, I don't want to leave her in other hands, even if very capable hands, for the majority of her young years.



You probably didn't intend for this, but please realize that statement is offensive to working mothers. I am a working mother, and I am raising my own child. Noone else is doing it for me.

Please realize that you are being offensive. EVERY mother I have ever meet is a working mother. The ones who do it F/T work the hardest. Many mothers who depend (for whatever reason) on others to provide most of the care for their children, don't want to do it themselves F/T. If the caregiver isn't "raising" your child, exactly what IS she doing while you are at your away-from-home job?


By that argument, I suppose you are never plan on sending your child to school? And risk a teacher "raising your child for you"? The horror!!
Anonymous
Hi, OP. Congrats on making your tough decision. I know I agonized for about a year before leaving my job. I loved my job and still fantasize about it, but I have been fortunate to be able to stay home with my DS for the past two years. I have no idea if it will have any impact on his life, but it has had a tremendously wonderful impact on mine. Good luck to you. Don't doubt yourself. Appreciate the time you have with your daughter and know that you made the right decision with the information and emotions that you had at the time. That's all that matters.
Anonymous
Anonymous wrote:The most difficult job you will ever have is being a SAM. You children, however, are the luckiest children in the world. My daughter felt so special when she was the first in the family to go to a great university. She was the only one in her freshman dorm that had never had a babysitter or nanny. I do not make the money now that I would have made if I had gone back after maternity leave and they had been in daycare all of their lives but we all loved the lives we had. You will not believe how quickly you are an empty nester and back in the work a day world. If you can be a SAM they will appreciate it all of their lives.


Happy mothers make happy families. If working makes a woman happy, her children will benefit from being around a mother who can balance out her various responsibilities w/o ignoring herself.

So please stop making ridiculous generalizations.

Anonymous
My mother worked during my entire childhood. I also went to a great university. I also had a great childhood and appreciated all my mother did for me. Stop fooling yourself by thinking that women working outside the home is somehow damaging to children.
Anonymous
Successful children is what makes *this* mom happy. Ignoring myself is not an option. Just as I share the benefits of my husband's paycheck, he shares the benefits of my F/T parenting. How's that for real equality?
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