just quit my job to sah... so why am i all of the sudden regretful?

[Anonymous]

After returning to work 3 months ago, not a day has gone by that I don't miss DD, hate that she goes to a (good) daycare center, and never do I look forward to my job.
So I gave notice this week that I am leaving... and I can't understand why all of the sudden I am worried that I made the wrong decision.

I want to raise my daughter, I don't want to leave her in other hands, even if very capable hands, for the majority of her young years.

It's not a matter of not working, it's more that I don't want her in daycare/with a nanny all day every day. I would be fine to work part-time, but that wasn't an option with my job and SAH full-time was the next best thing. I plan to resume a graduate school program this year, in order to keep my options open for returning to work.

Am I nervous because it's just becoming real now? I want to trust my instincts, but I don't know what they are telling me now!

[Anonymous]

You probably are experiencing some cold feet/jitters. It's a big life change.

Keep in mind that any decision you make isn't permanent. You can stay at home, and go back to work if it isn't working out for the family.

[Anonymous]

Change is hard, scary, risky. Stay steady. It will all settle down.

[Anonymous]

I think too many of us women expect to be 100% happy with whatever choice we've made -- especially a choice to stay-at-home. I work FT and would actually like to SAH, but my DH is against it, because he fears I would regret it.

But, I think to myself, don't I regret working NOW? (answer: yes). Wouldn't it be better for my child(ren) if I were there for them? (answer: yes). Would I love every single minute of being a stay at home mom? (answer: no, not every single minute). But I sure don't love every single minute of work, either!!!

I think we expect to have total satisfaction because we "get" to make the choice between working and staying at home. Eh....there is nothing wrong with working moms who want to work but still have twangs of wishing they stayed at home, and there is nothing wrong with a stay at home who wants to stay at home but still has twangs of missing work.

All you can do is the best you can do....take the information you have, do what feels right, and don't expect to *never* have regrets.

I'm feeling philosophical today.

[Anonymous]

I was in your shoes last year. I left my job to SAH, but was so emotional when I was leaving. And, I had the same thoughts as you--it wasn't that I didn't want to work it was more that I did not want my DD spending most of her time in daycare or with a nanny. My job was also pretty stressful, regularly 50-60 hours a week and my DH's job is the same, so for me I felt it was just too much time away from DD.

Anyway, fast forward a year and I have never regretted my decision and I love spending every day with my DD. But, that doesn't stop me from missing work sometimes. Even so, I still wouldn't change the fact that I SAH. Does that make any sense? It's more like I sometimes miss my "old" life working pre-baby. But, now that I have DD, I would much rather be at home with her, and feel fortunate that I am able to do so.

I suspect that you feel about the same. You want to stay home, but that doesn't mean another part of you can't also be nervous about this transition and even miss work too.

I've picked up a bit of free lance work which helps keep my options open for the future, and I think it is great that you will resume a grad program for the same reason.

Hope this helps and good luck!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

I want to raise my daughter, I don't want to leave her in other hands, even if very capable hands, for the majority of her young years.

You probably didn't intend for this, but please realize that statement is offensive to working mothers. I am a working mother, and I am raising my own child. Noone else is doing it for me.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:


I want to raise my daughter, I don't want to leave her in other hands, even if very capable hands, for the majority of her young years.




You probably didn't intend for this, but please realize that statement is offensive to working mothers. I am a working mother, and I am raising my own child. Noone else is doing it for me.

OP here.
Just my own wording; for sure, no offense intended.

Thanks everyone for your feedback. I appreciate knowing I am not the only one that has second guessed a seemingly easy choice.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

I want to raise my daughter, I don't want to leave her in other hands, even if very capable hands, for the majority of her young years.

You probably didn't intend for this, but please realize that statement is offensive to working mothers. I am a working mother, and I am raising my own child. Noone else is doing it for me.

Please realize that you are being offensive. EVERY mother I have ever meet is a working mother. The ones who do it F/T work the hardest. Many mothers who depend (for whatever reason) on others to provide most of the care for their children, don't want to do it themselves F/T. If the caregiver isn't "raising" your child, exactly what IS she doing while you are at your away-from-home job?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

I want to raise my daughter, I don't want to leave her in other hands, even if very capable hands, for the majority of her young years.

You probably didn't intend for this, but please realize that statement is offensive to working mothers. I am a working mother, and I am raising my own child. Noone else is doing it for me.

Please realize that you are being offensive. EVERY mother I have ever meet is a working mother. The ones who do it F/T work the hardest. Many mothers who depend (for whatever reason) on others to provide most of the care for their children, don't want to do it themselves F/T. If the caregiver isn't "raising" your child, exactly what IS she doing while you are at your away-from-home job?

Ugh, Ladies just STOP. Does EVERY post on this topic have to devolve into this battle? The OP was trying to articulate her reasons, to help us understand and therefore help her understand her mixed emotions at this major life change. She is allowed to have those feelings, and you can choose whether to be offended, but it doesn't take away from her right to feel that way. let it go!!!

OP, before the thread gets ugly.... I'm not yet in a position to make this decision, but think your uncertainty is normal. Did you get any pre-wedding jitters? During pregnancy ever have any of those "oh my gosh, they're actually going to send that baby home from the hospital with me, what were were thinking" emotions? Scary knot in the pit of your stomach when you signed the paperwork to take on a mortgage to buy your house? Same thing here.

This could end up being the wrong decision for you...or it might not. But the jitters right now are totally normal at any major life change. Give yourself a chance to evaluate living this new life as a SAHM. Best of luck to you.

[Anonymous]

IMO there is no such thing as perfect unless you have the perfect part-time job. Each option has its drawbacks and concequences.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

I want to raise my daughter, I don't want to leave her in other hands, even if very capable hands, for the majority of her young years.

You probably didn't intend for this, but please realize that statement is offensive to working mothers. I am a working mother, and I am raising my own child. Noone else is doing it for me.

Please realize that you are being offensive. EVERY mother I have ever meet is a working mother. The ones who do it F/T work the hardest. Many mothers who depend (for whatever reason) on others to provide most of the care for their children, don't want to do it themselves F/T. If the caregiver isn't "raising" your child, exactly what IS she doing while you are at your away-from-home job?

NP here - WMs raise their children, just as working dads do - though there is no such term as working dads, they just get to be "dads" for some reason.

As a WM, my childcare provider is doing an awesome job of helping us, and influencing and loving and teaching my child. But she isn't raising her.

And you have no idea who has it the "hardest" - but pretty sure it isn't you - you sound incredibly spoiled.

[Anonymous]

You regret it because you know that staying home with a baby day in and day out - 24 hours a day/7 days a week - is tedious and boring.

[Anonymous]

The most difficult job you will ever have is being a SAM. You children, however, are the luckiest children in the world. My daughter felt so special when she was the first in the family to go to a great university. She was the only one in her freshman dorm that had never had a babysitter or nanny. I do not make the money now that I would have made if I had gone back after maternity leave and they had been in daycare all of their lives but we all loved the lives we had. You will not believe how quickly you are an empty nester and back in the work a day world. If you can be a SAM they will appreciate it all of their lives.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:The most difficult job you will ever have is being a SAM. You children, however, are the luckiest children in the world. My daughter felt so special when she was the first in the family to go to a great university. She was the only one in her freshman dorm that had never had a babysitter or nanny. I do not make the money now that I would have made if I had gone back after maternity leave and they had been in daycare all of their lives but we all loved the lives we had. You will not believe how quickly you are an empty nester and back in the work a day world. If you can be a SAM they will appreciate it all of their lives.

I know it is shocking to hear, but some of us love and appreciate our working moms too!!!

Can we please stop the generalizations? We don't even know how long OP is taking off from work. She may go back in a year or two. In fact, the vast majority of moms with kids work FT by the time they start school. And I'm sure some of those kids find it in their hearts to appreciate and love their moms.

[Anonymous]

So, this got off track pretty fast - I just posted about loving my WM and cutting out the generalizations, but wanted to come back to say I'm sure you will figure it out OP.

I am able to work 4 days a week which has helped me stay in the working world, but I would say enjoy your time at home. It does sound like a smart idea to pursue a grad program - that way you can fill your resume yet still be at home for the most part. Good luck! As moms, it is normal to constantly doubt ourselves right?!?