Being given a direct who cries often but is very well liked in the office

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It's a technique that weaponizes white women tears, work with he to pip her and shut it down

https://metro.co.uk/2021/01/28/the-destructive-power-of-white-womens-tears-13944822/amp/

I’m the PP who has cried at work before. This article literally says it’s not referring to any time a white woman cries. Yes, there are circumstances where this is a problem (and one of my anxieties about being prone to tears when under stress) but not all tears are weaponzing. In fact, most are self destructive in the workplace.

[Anonymous]

Op here. Sobbing in interactions at any mention of work related feedback - this is to colleagues, upper management, it is mentioned in their annual reviews, pretty much often enough that they are known for this type of response to feedback. Performance is hit or miss and that comes with a lot of feedback as this particular role is both Operations and Administrative.

Re: Well liked — This colleague is friends with a few of the Executives in upper management hence the well liked part.

[Anonymous]

I typically find grown-assed adults who cry a lot to be manipulative. I would nip her bs in the bud.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Op here. Sobbing in interactions at any mention of work related feedback - this is to colleagues, upper management, it is mentioned in their annual reviews, pretty much often enough that they are known for this type of response to feedback. Performance is hit or miss and that comes with a lot of feedback as this particular role is both Operations and Administrative.

Re: Well liked — This colleague is friends with a few of the Executives in upper management hence the well liked part.

This doesn’t sound like it’s based on your own experiences. I suggest that you manage this employee like anyone else, and if you manage to elicit such a response, come back and read the advice here.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Are we talking just tearing up or sobbing uncontrollably such that they can’t complete their work? People are allowed to have emotions.

People are allowed to eat liver. They are allowed to eat fish. But they really shouldn't do it at work where everyone else has to smell it. Same thing. Cry to your momma -- not to people at work.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Op here. Sobbing in interactions at any mention of work related feedback - this is to colleagues, upper management, it is mentioned in their annual reviews, pretty much often enough that they are known for this type of response to feedback. Performance is hit or miss and that comes with a lot of feedback as this particular role is both Operations and Administrative.

Re: Well liked — This colleague is friends with a few of the Executives in upper management hence the well liked part.

Crying in response to constructive feedback at work is manipulative and immature and unacceptable. Unfortunately it sounds like you are going to need to tread lightly due to office politics. You say performance is "hit or miss." I'd consider a PIP, but like I said -- if she is friends with people at the top you will need to be very careful about it.

[Anonymous]

i feel bad for people who think crying is manipulative. who WANTS to cry? zero people want this. and you know what makes it worse? psychopaths who think you are doing it on purpose. jfc.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Unfortunately I cried recently expressing frustration about management’s expectations to a (non-manager) colleague who is training me. She was great about it and said basically “I can tell you’re frustrated, what do you think we should be doing instead?” I told her and she said she agreed and we decided to pitch that plan to the manager.

It had been years since I’d last cried at work, but I used to have trouble managing my perfectionism and not panicking in response to feedback. I finally figured out (a) I can’t cry and drink water at the same time and (b) nobody expected me to instantly improve the moment I heard feedback and it was okay to circle back and get more clarification.

It does make me mad that crying is such an unacceptable emotion at work while other emotions - such as anger - aren’t treated the same way. I had a supervisor who would yell, pound on the desk, and punch the wall. Somehow it was kind of “well, that’s how he gets when he’s frustrated” but when I would tear up it was “that will hold you back•

Unless you're in an artistic profession, and then it's OK. I know two grown men who cry and get hyper-emotional: one is a conductor, the other is a soloist who also teaches. When they tear up and start emoting, everyone "respects the artist".

I find it hilarious.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Op here. Sobbing in interactions at any mention of work related feedback - this is to colleagues, upper management, it is mentioned in their annual reviews, pretty much often enough that they are known for this type of response to feedback. Performance is hit or miss and that comes with a lot of feedback as this particular role is both Operations and Administrative.

Re: Well liked — This colleague is friends with a few of the Executives in upper management hence the well liked part.

Crying in response to constructive feedback at work is manipulative and immature and unacceptable. Unfortunately it sounds like you are going to need to tread lightly due to office politics. You say performance is "hit or miss." I'd consider a PIP, but like I said -- if she is friends with people at the top you will need to be very careful about it.

I was discussing crying (esp in response to feedback) with some female friends / colleagues. Two (me and one other) have ADHD and wonder if it’s related to rejection sensitivity disorder (RSD). It can be helpful to read tips on handling this as one approach to tears in response to feedback whether or not this is the person’s situation. Another colleague shared she cried when she was really passionate about the project and had really strongly held ideas that just weren’t being respected / considered / discussed (she had expertise in the area). The frustration just got really overwhelming when they went a different direction and she later got negative feedback about the direction they went.

I don’t think people crying at feedback are trying to manipulate (at least not generally). As a manager I think reading up on how to handle people who cry when receiving feedback and how to avoid crying / see if there’s any coaching you can offer on that front would make sense.

[Anonymous]

What is "a direct"?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Op here. Sobbing in interactions at any mention of work related feedback - this is to colleagues, upper management, it is mentioned in their annual reviews, pretty much often enough that they are known for this type of response to feedback. Performance is hit or miss and that comes with a lot of feedback as this particular role is both Operations and Administrative.

Re: Well liked — This colleague is friends with a few of the Executives in upper management hence the well liked part.

"I see and understand that feedback is upsetting you. How would you like to handle this in the future?"

Maybe an email where she can cry privately in her office is better? Maybe do it at the end of the day so she can leave and go home and deal with it? But not receiving feedback is NOT an option. And then once you documented that she prefers her performance reviews/constructive criticism/feedback in a certain way, you are absolved from guilt when you deliver it.

[Anonymous]

I cry a lot but I am so productive. It's an art.

[Anonymous]

I get these people a lot because I am pretty empathetic and can be pretty deft at handling them.

I listen to them, offer support and concern, read their body language about when to give feedback, and am really tactful in my delivery.

If they are high performers, this is worth the time. If not, we let them go. Some really good employees require some handholding.

[Anonymous]

I am a lawyer (a litigator, fwiw) and there are people at my office who cry. In fact, I remember when I was very new at a firm and a senior associate walked in on me crying in my office once, and I apologized profusely, and she said, “oh, it’s fine, everyone cries at work.” Everyone cries at work. Sometimes people even cry when given feedback. It sounds like someone put the fact that this woman cries at work in her REVIEW?! I hope she sues and says that’s coded sexism.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Are we talking just tearing up or sobbing uncontrollably such that they can’t complete their work? People are allowed to have emotions.

People are allowed to eat liver. They are allowed to eat fish. But they really shouldn't do it at work where everyone else has to smell it. Same thing. Cry to your momma -- not to people at work.

+100. Controlling tears is a part of emotional regulation.