Being given a direct who cries often but is very well liked in the office

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Op here. Sobbing in interactions at any mention of work related feedback - this is to colleagues, upper management, it is mentioned in their annual reviews, pretty much often enough that they are known for this type of response to feedback. Performance is hit or miss and that comes with a lot of feedback as this particular role is both Operations and Administrative.

Re: Well liked — This colleague is friends with a few of the Executives in upper management hence the well liked part.

Crying in response to constructive feedback at work is manipulative and immature and unacceptable. Unfortunately it sounds like you are going to need to tread lightly due to office politics. You say performance is "hit or miss." I'd consider a PIP, but like I said -- if she is friends with people at the top you will need to be very careful about it.

I was discussing crying (esp in response to feedback) with some female friends / colleagues. Two (me and one other) have ADHD and wonder if it’s related to rejection sensitivity disorder (RSD). It can be helpful to read tips on handling this as one approach to tears in response to feedback whether or not this is the person’s situation. Another colleague shared she cried when she was really passionate about the project and had really strongly held ideas that just weren’t being respected / considered / discussed (she had expertise in the area). The frustration just got really overwhelming when they went a different direction and she later got negative feedback about the direction they went.

I don’t think people crying at feedback are trying to manipulate (at least not generally). As a manager I think reading up on how to handle people who cry when receiving feedback and how to avoid crying / see if there’s any coaching you can offer on that front would make sense.

This
I'm a premenopausal woman with ADHD. Crying is often my reaction on any feedback, I'm very sensitive. I can control it sometimes, but it's almost impossible when I'm tired/hungry/sleep deprived, PMS you name it. I work on it with therapist, but reality is - it's not going to go away. I'm not trying to manipulate anyone, it's just who I am. Take it or leave it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I am a lawyer (a litigator, fwiw) and there are people at my office who cry. In fact, I remember when I was very new at a firm and a senior associate walked in on me crying in my office once, and I apologized profusely, and she said, “oh, it’s fine, everyone cries at work.” Everyone cries at work. Sometimes people even cry when given feedback. It sounds like someone put the fact that this woman cries at work in her REVIEW?! I hope she sues and says that’s coded sexism.

Agree. Tears happen. I’d rather see someone get choked up when feeling passionate, than get angry or rude.

[Anonymous]

Crying? As an adult? Yeah, no. We will not cry at work. But, I have the emotional build of a snail so..... I do not think highly of people who cry at work and think they cry to get attention and get catered to. Seriously? Suck it up. And if it is a man, they need to take their testosterone.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Op here. Sobbing in interactions at any mention of work related feedback - this is to colleagues, upper management, it is mentioned in their annual reviews, pretty much often enough that they are known for this type of response to feedback. Performance is hit or miss and that comes with a lot of feedback as this particular role is both Operations and Administrative.

Re: Well liked — This colleague is friends with a few of the Executives in upper management hence the well liked part.

Crying in response to constructive feedback at work is manipulative and immature and unacceptable. Unfortunately it sounds like you are going to need to tread lightly due to office politics. You say performance is "hit or miss." I'd consider a PIP, but like I said -- if she is friends with people at the top you will need to be very careful about it.

I was discussing crying (esp in response to feedback) with some female friends / colleagues. Two (me and one other) have ADHD and wonder if it’s related to rejection sensitivity disorder (RSD). It can be helpful to read tips on handling this as one approach to tears in response to feedback whether or not this is the person’s situation. Another colleague shared she cried when she was really passionate about the project and had really strongly held ideas that just weren’t being respected / considered / discussed (she had expertise in the area). The frustration just got really overwhelming when they went a different direction and she later got negative feedback about the direction they went.

I don’t think people crying at feedback are trying to manipulate (at least not generally). As a manager I think reading up on how to handle people who cry when receiving feedback and how to avoid crying / see if there’s any coaching you can offer on that front would make sense.

Is this a joke? Who on earth have you ever managed? What field? Because I don't have time to "read up on how to handle people who cry." I don't have time for people crying at all. Take that $h!t home.

[Anonymous]

Interesting thread and my theory is that responses will be largely driven by generation of the respondents. Boomers will be all “what’s WRONG with her?! That’s so unprofessional!”
GenX is the “yeah it happens but just hand her a tissue and get on with it.”
Millennials = “she must be experiencing trauma. Just give her space and try to make it work.”
And Gen Z is “I totally get her. it’s no wonder she’s crying! why aren’t we ALL crying at work?! This 9-hours a day, 5 days a week work thing makes no sense!”

🤣😂

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Depending on the circumstances, I would ignore or ask if they need a minute to compose themselves (said nicely).

In fact, the more I think about it, crying is a normal emotional reaction, similar to anger, disdain/contempt, frustration, etc. How do you manage employees who exhibit these emotions in the workplace?

Heaven bless you for your reasonable and humane response! Crying is normal and harmless.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Interesting thread and my theory is that responses will be largely driven by generation of the respondents. Boomers will be all “what’s WRONG with her?! That’s so unprofessional!”
GenX is the “yeah it happens but just hand her a tissue and get on with it.”
Millennials = “she must be experiencing trauma. Just give her space and try to make it work.”
And Gen Z is “I totally get her. it’s no wonder she’s crying! why aren’t we ALL crying at work?! This 9-hours a day, 5 days a week work thing makes no sense!”

🤣😂

I 100% agree that it's generational. I'm Gen X (shout out to you for including us because we are constantly forgotten), and your example is exactly how I would respond to someone crying— mildly moved but wipe your face and shut up.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Interesting thread and my theory is that responses will be largely driven by generation of the respondents. Boomers will be all “what’s WRONG with her?! That’s so unprofessional!”
GenX is the “yeah it happens but just hand her a tissue and get on with it.”
Millennials = “she must be experiencing trauma. Just give her space and try to make it work.”
And Gen Z is “I totally get her. it’s no wonder she’s crying! why aren’t we ALL crying at work?! This 9-hours a day, 5 days a week work thing makes no sense!”

🤣😂

Nailed it

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I have cried at work because I was in an extremely hostile work environment. When asked to speak about it, I cry because I have PTsd. Has the person cried in front of you? And why? Or did someone just tell you they cried a lot?

Omg did people see you? I worked in a highly toxic environment but would have been eaten alive by all my male colleagues if I was seen crying. (I was the only women in the division)

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Crying? As an adult? Yeah, no. We will not cry at work. But, I have the emotional build of a snail so..... I do not think highly of people who cry at work and think they cry to get attention and get catered to. Seriously? Suck it up. And if it is a man, they need to take their testosterone.

it is SO WEIRD to me that you think this is on purpose? no one CHOOSES to cry at work. honestly you need to work on why you would think that in therapy. was emotion considered undesirable in your home as a child? did you have to find a way to completely shut that part of yourself off in order to thrive?
crying is an involuntary phsiological reaction. of course one needs to work on getting a handle on it in the workplace. but cry for attention? please.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Interesting thread and my theory is that responses will be largely driven by generation of the respondents. Boomers will be all “what’s WRONG with her?! That’s so unprofessional!”
GenX is the “yeah it happens but just hand her a tissue and get on with it.”
Millennials = “she must be experiencing trauma. Just give her space and try to make it work.”
And Gen Z is “I totally get her. it’s no wonder she’s crying! why aren’t we ALL crying at work?! This 9-hours a day, 5 days a week work thing makes no sense!”

🤣😂

I am gen x but i ally much more with your description of gen z.
Why AREN'T we all crying all the time at work? I am having an existential crisis every day wondering why i am spending my life in this manner. the idea that you're meant to have a work person and a home persona is insane. let's just be human at work and then maybe it will suck less.
that being said even though i am c suite i am a very unusual c suite in that I desire to never get dressed up and am literally allergic to corporate speak.

[Anonymous]

You should always have a box of kleenex in your office if you are a manager. Sometimes people cry during reviews or coaching or if they need to talk to you about something personal that's impacting their work. Especially when you are delivering bad news, you should be prepared for it. Some people cry more easily than others. In a 30 year career, I've cried twice in a manager's office. It happens. I've never seen anyone cry in a meeting or a group. That is unusual.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Crying? As an adult? Yeah, no. We will not cry at work. But, I have the emotional build of a snail so..... I do not think highly of people who cry at work and think they cry to get attention and get catered to. Seriously? Suck it up. And if it is a man, they need to take their testosterone.

This is why everyone hates you, by the way.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You should always have a box of kleenex in your office if you are a manager. Sometimes people cry during reviews or coaching or if they need to talk to you about something personal that's impacting their work. Especially when you are delivering bad news, you should be prepared for it. Some people cry more easily than others. In a 30 year career, I've cried twice in a manager's office. It happens. I've never seen anyone cry in a meeting or a group. That is unusual.

This. It’s why managers have sofas. Half of management is helping people through hard things, sometimes they get emotional. Especially if they trust you!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I have cried at work because I was in an extremely hostile work environment. When asked to speak about it, I cry because I have PTsd. Has the person cried in front of you? And why? Or did someone just tell you they cried a lot?

Omg did people see you? I worked in a highly toxic environment but would have been eaten alive by all my male colleagues if I was seen crying. (I was the only women in the division)

I only cried in private 1-1 meetings with management and HR when asked to talk about it. It sucked.