Being given a direct who cries often but is very well liked in the office

[Anonymous]

Spot on PP. Basically, acknowledge the person is having a strong reaction to something and ask what it is. Offer a tissue but more importantly, listen. If they’re truly crying a lot maybe they need a break from whatever it is that is bothering them. Burn out and workplace hostility can cause this.

[Anonymous]

I want to pause here and caution you. Is this person ill or dealing with something extraordinary outside the office? When I was going through a divorce I shut the door or my office and cried frequently. When you have nothing but cubicles, there is no privacy for this. It sounds like since this person is well liked, there is more to this story.

I actually don't find this a problem as long as their work is high quality and they have a place for privacy.

[Anonymous]

OP still hasn't explained what the actual problem is. We have no idea if this person has wet eyes at their desk or is screaming lamentations during meetings.

[Anonymous]

I agree with lots of what gas already been said, but wanted to add that as I enter perimenopause, I get very weepy at certain times of month. About happy and sad things. Like, if I read the wrong news article, I will start crying. Not sobbing, but visible tears. I can absolutely guarantee that certain conversations would have thus effect. I’ve always been this way to an extent, but hormone changes have made it much worse.

I’m a good employee. I have great performance reviews and just got promoted. I’m glad that no one held a few tears against me.

[Anonymous]

Are we talking just tearing up or sobbing uncontrollably such that they can’t complete their work? People are allowed to have emotions.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This person has been dumped on you. It's your turn to babysit.

The fact that upper management likes them means there is more to this story than OP knows.

If this person has been “crying a lot” at work consider that maybe there’s a reason for it and try to be supportive.

+1 right, we need more context. Crying intermittently throughout the week because they have experienced the death of a child is much different than crying during meetings because someone disagreed with their idea or they got some constructive feedback in a performance review. One person would get much more sympathy from me.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Unfortunately I cried recently expressing frustration about management’s expectations to a (non-manager) colleague who is training me. She was great about it and said basically “I can tell you’re frustrated, what do you think we should be doing instead?” I told her and she said she agreed and we decided to pitch that plan to the manager.

It had been years since I’d last cried at work, but I used to have trouble managing my perfectionism and not panicking in response to feedback. I finally figured out (a) I can’t cry and drink water at the same time and (b) nobody expected me to instantly improve the moment I heard feedback and it was okay to circle back and get more clarification.

It does make me mad that crying is such an unacceptable emotion at work while other emotions - such as anger - aren’t treated the same way. I had a supervisor who would yell, pound on the desk, and punch the wall. Somehow it was kind of “well, that’s how he gets when he’s frustrated” but when I would tear up it was “that will hold you back•

It’s because crying is typically a female response to frustration while anger is a male response. We have somewhat normalized the latter.

[Anonymous]

You might start thinking of them as a human being rather than “a direct.”

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I want to pause here and caution you. Is this person ill or dealing with something extraordinary outside the office? When I was going through a divorce I shut the door or my office and cried frequently. When you have nothing but cubicles, there is no privacy for this. It sounds like since this person is well liked, there is more to this story.

I actually don't find this a problem as long as their work is high quality and they have a place for privacy.

Thank you, pp, for adding and I am sorry that you are going through this. Happened to a colleague who was experiencing a surprise marriage breakup.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You might start thinking of them as a human being rather than “a direct.”

+1000.

[Anonymous]

It's a technique that weaponizes white women tears, work with he to pip her and shut it down

https://metro.co.uk/2021/01/28/the-destructive-power-of-white-womens-tears-13944822/amp/

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It's a technique that weaponizes white women tears, work with he to pip her and shut it down

https://metro.co.uk/2021/01/28/the-destructive-power-of-white-womens-tears-13944822/amp/

oh god you sound like the absolute WORST.
people are f***ing human beings. jfc.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You might start thinking of them as a human being rather than “a direct.”

this. people are people. they aren't perfect. they dont become a robot the second they walk through the door at work. maybe try being the manager who actually finally helps her navigate her work so that it's manageable and a place where she can feel empowered to be good at her job and manage her challenges

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It's a technique that weaponizes white women tears, work with he to pip her and shut it down

https://metro.co.uk/2021/01/28/the-destructive-power-of-white-womens-tears-13944822/amp/

oh god you sound like the absolute WORST.
people are f***ing human beings. jfc.

OH yeah I see this used to powerful effect at places with long lines all the time

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It's a technique that weaponizes white women tears, work with he to pip her and shut it down

https://metro.co.uk/2021/01/28/the-destructive-power-of-white-womens-tears-13944822/amp/

oh god you sound like the absolute WORST.
people are f***ing human beings. jfc.

OH yeah I see this used to powerful effect at places with long lines all the time

it's so gross that you think people are a. doing it on purpose and b. even able to cry on demand for some reason to do with privilege and manipulation.

while there are many good conversations to be had about how a poc might be received after emotional expressions vs a white person, those arguments should not be geared towards making a world where no one can express emotions but rather the opposite.