Parents who waited on giving phones, tell me your ways

[Anonymous]

Just say no and stick to it. Be upfront about your timeline from the first time they ask (not 8th grade, or whenever).

[Anonymous]

The kids will hate them later for being hard nosed jerks.

Just came here to post that. DC did not have phone until eighth grade. They all understand and appreciate it now.

We were on vacation this week, and none could believe the amount of young elementary school kids on devices.

So if they know it comes out of a position of love and truly trying to do what is best for them, this is certainly not the issue that will make or break a relationship.
If it does, you have done something else wrong..

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My nieces are in 8th with no phones (and no chance of phones in sight).

Apple Watches to reach parents when out.

Limited texting via iPads when at home.

Strong parental controls on both - no web browser, contact list set by parents with no calls or texts outside that list, no social media.

And they say no. Over and over and over. And are okay with the teen angst that follows because they know the kids aren’t actually deprived.

The kids will hate them later for being hard nosed jerks.

Or thankful that they got to be kids a little longer.

+1

Doubt it. They sound like strict authoritarians who make irrational rules like no dating or make up until a specific age, no common sense allowed. Those kids will run from that house and never look back.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My older child, now 15, didn’t get a phone until halfway through 8th grade. She had an iPod that allowed her to text friends at home, but it never left the house. It was never really an issue. She never complained. She still rarely looks at her phone when we’re out and about. (Still no social media.)

Younger sibling is in 7th grade and has no phone. He can text friends on an old iPad at home. He’ll probably get a phone before 8th grade starts, but he never asks for one or complains, either.

I don’t know, no trick to it. Just don’t buy one.

New poster here.
Just curious-was there ever a time where she was out and needed to reach you (her parent?) Like if there was an after school club and it finished up earlier than the typical time, and she wanted to call you and ask you to come get her? Because that kind of thing came up with my kids when they were in middle/early high school a lot. Back in my day, there were payphones at school, but none of those around anymore....

My teen got a phone for her 15th bday and younger siblings (12,14) don’t have one. They were involved in after school activities. If it got cancelled during the day, they’d ask in the office to call. If the practice/ club got out early, they’d just normally wait around until the predetermined pick up time. They’d either sit outside the school or in the library. Sometimes they’d ask to borrow a phone (schools or friends) but that was rare.

Also, I find it inappropriate for coaches to be texting (though apps or group messages) minors. We always just put the app/ parents number down.

Both parents and kids are on the apps. It's not either or. So we are all aware of the schedule changes but at least I don't have to frantically try to get a hold of a kid as soon as school lets out that the game is canceled as it may change who picks up when. They know as soon as they check their phone end of day.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My nieces are in 8th with no phones (and no chance of phones in sight).

Apple Watches to reach parents when out.

Limited texting via iPads when at home.

Strong parental controls on both - no web browser, contact list set by parents with no calls or texts outside that list, no social media.

And they say no. Over and over and over. And are okay with the teen angst that follows because they know the kids aren’t actually deprived.

The kids will hate them later for being hard nosed jerks.

Or thankful that they got to be kids a little longer.

+1

Doubt it. They sound like strict authoritarians who make irrational rules like no dating or make up until a specific age, no common sense allowed. Those kids will run from that house and never look back.

No, not strict at all, ruled that make sense. My kid will grow up eventually, it just have to be so early.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My nieces are in 8th with no phones (and no chance of phones in sight).

Apple Watches to reach parents when out.

Limited texting via iPads when at home.

Strong parental controls on both - no web browser, contact list set by parents with no calls or texts outside that list, no social media.

And they say no. Over and over and over. And are okay with the teen angst that follows because they know the kids aren’t actually deprived.

I responded previously with my one social kid where it was hard. I think it's still the right call, but if your kid is very social they will miss opportunities to hang out with other kids in person. Which is the biggest downside. The meetups now kids do in person are all very spontaneous and driven by being able to reach each other pretty instantly and in the preferred format. It's an unforutnate reality that we want them to be interacting more in real life and less in the screen so we don't give them the phones but the phones are now a tool to meet up in person.

You are spot on for what happened at our house in all your posts. I also have an unsocial and social kid. Communication is social kid's lifeblood! Missing out on a last minute outing is the end of the world and they cry like they've been left to die on the street.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My nieces are in 8th with no phones (and no chance of phones in sight).

Apple Watches to reach parents when out.

Limited texting via iPads when at home.

Strong parental controls on both - no web browser, contact list set by parents with no calls or texts outside that list, no social media.

And they say no. Over and over and over. And are okay with the teen angst that follows because they know the kids aren’t actually deprived.

The kids will hate them later for being hard nosed jerks.

Or thankful that they got to be kids a little longer.

+1

Doubt it. They sound like strict authoritarians who make irrational rules like no dating or make up until a specific age, no common sense allowed. Those kids will run from that house and never look back.

No, not strict at all, ruled that make sense. My kid will grow up eventually, it just have to be so early.

What makes sense about 8th graders not having phones and no chance in sight? Why to prove a point? Is this like seeing whose kid can ride backwards in the carseat for the longest?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My nieces are in 8th with no phones (and no chance of phones in sight).

Apple Watches to reach parents when out.

Limited texting via iPads when at home.

Strong parental controls on both - no web browser, contact list set by parents with no calls or texts outside that list, no social media.

And they say no. Over and over and over. And are okay with the teen angst that follows because they know the kids aren’t actually deprived.

The kids will hate them later for being hard nosed jerks.

Or thankful that they got to be kids a little longer.

+1

Doubt it. They sound like strict authoritarians who make irrational rules like no dating or make up until a specific age, no common sense allowed. Those kids will run from that house and never look back.

No, not strict at all, ruled that make sense. My kid will grow up eventually, it just have to be so early.

What makes sense about 8th graders not having phones and no chance in sight? Why to prove a point? Is this like seeing whose kid can ride backwards in the carseat for the longest?

They're still kids, go hang out with your friends in person, not behind a screen. Plenty of time in HS to be a full blown teen holed up in your room on a screen. Go and be a kid.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My nieces are in 8th with no phones (and no chance of phones in sight).

Apple Watches to reach parents when out.

Limited texting via iPads when at home.

Strong parental controls on both - no web browser, contact list set by parents with no calls or texts outside that list, no social media.

And they say no. Over and over and over. And are okay with the teen angst that follows because they know the kids aren’t actually deprived.

The kids will hate them later for being hard nosed jerks.

Or thankful that they got to be kids a little longer.

+1

Doubt it. They sound like strict authoritarians who make irrational rules like no dating or make up until a specific age, no common sense allowed. Those kids will run from that house and never look back.

No, not strict at all, ruled that make sense. My kid will grow up eventually, it just have to be so early.

What makes sense about 8th graders not having phones and no chance in sight? Why to prove a point? Is this like seeing whose kid can ride backwards in the carseat for the longest?

They're still kids, go hang out with your friends in person, not behind a screen. Plenty of time in HS to be a full blown teen holed up in your room on a screen. Go and be a kid.

Or go hang out with your friends in person, where everyone will be holed up together playing on a larger screen.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My nieces are in 8th with no phones (and no chance of phones in sight).

Apple Watches to reach parents when out.

Limited texting via iPads when at home.

Strong parental controls on both - no web browser, contact list set by parents with no calls or texts outside that list, no social media.

And they say no. Over and over and over. And are okay with the teen angst that follows because they know the kids aren’t actually deprived.

The kids will hate them later for being hard nosed jerks.

Or thankful that they got to be kids a little longer.

+1

Doubt it. They sound like strict authoritarians who make irrational rules like no dating or make up until a specific age, no common sense allowed. Those kids will run from that house and never look back.

No, not strict at all, ruled that make sense. My kid will grow up eventually, it just have to be so early.

What makes sense about 8th graders not having phones and no chance in sight? Why to prove a point? Is this like seeing whose kid can ride backwards in the carseat for the longest?

They're still kids, go hang out with your friends in person, not behind a screen. Plenty of time in HS to be a full blown teen holed up in your room on a screen. Go and be a kid.

Did you read what you're responding to? The 2 8th graders above have no phones and the parents sound like they will never be providing phones. You're talking about something else. And high schoolers don't just show up at their friends house asking if they can play.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

What makes sense about 8th graders not having phones and no chance in sight? Why to prove a point? Is this like seeing whose kid can ride backwards in the carseat for the longest?

The “why” for us is based on the multiple sources that show that phones and their content are detrimental to kids mental health and their developing brains.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My nieces are in 8th with no phones (and no chance of phones in sight).

Apple Watches to reach parents when out.

Limited texting via iPads when at home.

Strong parental controls on both - no web browser, contact list set by parents with no calls or texts outside that list, no social media.

And they say no. Over and over and over. And are okay with the teen angst that follows because they know the kids aren’t actually deprived.

I responded previously with my one social kid where it was hard. I think it's still the right call, but if your kid is very social they will miss opportunities to hang out with other kids in person. Which is the biggest downside. The meetups now kids do in person are all very spontaneous and driven by being able to reach each other pretty instantly and in the preferred format. It's an unforutnate reality that we want them to be interacting more in real life and less in the screen so we don't give them the phones but the phones are now a tool to meet up in person.

You are spot on for what happened at our house in all your posts. I also have an unsocial and social kid. Communication is social kid's lifeblood! Missing out on a last minute outing is the end of the world and they cry like they've been left to die on the street.

PP's teens probably prefer to hang out with their parents, so nothing is being missed.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I’m have a young tween and several in the class already have them, and DC has asked for one.

For those who have successfully held out until kids were in 8th or older, how have you done it? Just a simple no, shown them the research, tried to find similar-minded parents of peers (how?). Any advice on how you did it would be awesome.

I recently gave my 16yr 2mo dc a cell phone. According to them, they were the oldest teen in the world to finally get a phone. I chose to hold off for a number of reasons, the main one being my dc has OCD and had a lack of self control. I explained to them that I want them to mature a bit more and that they would get a phone when I am certain they could manage the responsibility. Welp, that time came and my dc is tge proud owner snd responsible user of a cell phone. I advise about how the phone should be used and have rules about keeping it on the charger over noight. I will not be monitoring their usage or communications. Privacy and responsibility are of huge importance in our family. So far, so good. P.S. The child never suffered or missed out on social things for not having a phone. Kids find ways to hang out. Dcs friends friends are happy for them and also jealous that I will not be using the phone to control, monitor or punish dc. Dc being mature enough to handle their own usage is the main benefit of waiting...for both of us.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My nieces are in 8th with no phones (and no chance of phones in sight).

Apple Watches to reach parents when out.

Limited texting via iPads when at home.

Strong parental controls on both - no web browser, contact list set by parents with no calls or texts outside that list, no social media.

And they say no. Over and over and over. And are okay with the teen angst that follows because they know the kids aren’t actually deprived.

The kids will hate them later for being hard nosed jerks.

Or thankful that they got to be kids a little longer.

+1

Doubt it. They sound like strict authoritarians who make irrational rules like no dating or make up until a specific age, no common sense allowed. Those kids will run from that house and never look back.

No, not strict at all, ruled that make sense. My kid will grow up eventually, it just have to be so early.

What makes sense about 8th graders not having phones and no chance in sight? Why to prove a point? Is this like seeing whose kid can ride backwards in the carseat for the longest?

They're still kids, go hang out with your friends in person, not behind a screen. Plenty of time in HS to be a full blown teen holed up in your room on a screen. Go and be a kid.

Did you read what you're responding to? The 2 8th graders above have no phones and the parents sound like they will never be providing phones. You're talking about something else. And high schoolers don't just show up at their friends house asking if they can play.

I mean, the post says they have apple watches and iPads with messaging, so they’re not exactly cut off from the world.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

What makes sense about 8th graders not having phones and no chance in sight? Why to prove a point? Is this like seeing whose kid can ride backwards in the carseat for the longest?

The “why” for us is based on the multiple sources that show that phones and their content are detrimental to kids mental health and their developing brains.

This is so dumb. There is so much content on a phone that is not detrimental to a developing brain. What's detrimental is not teaching a child how to properly use a phone, and how and when to put it down so they know that life is more than just what's on a phone. As a parent, you are the best judge on knowing when your kid can handle that responsibility. For some that's 8th grade, for others, that's either later or earlier.