Parents who waited on giving phones, tell me your ways

[Anonymous]

My nieces are in 8th with no phones (and no chance of phones in sight).

Apple Watches to reach parents when out.

Limited texting via iPads when at home.

Strong parental controls on both - no web browser, contact list set by parents with no calls or texts outside that list, no social media.

And they say no. Over and over and over. And are okay with the teen angst that follows because they know the kids aren’t actually deprived.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You can get them an Apple Watch so you can track them and they can call you. I feel like that’s the main reason i need them to have a phone.
iPad at home where they can text their friends and not be out of the loop.

This is what we did and not until halfway through 6th. It is helpful and also has cut way, way down on requests for a phone. Watch has strict rules (put away every night in family room, not allowed in bedroom after 8pm), school time (locked down entirely) during school hours, all contacts are managed by me, etc.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My nieces are in 8th with no phones (and no chance of phones in sight).

Apple Watches to reach parents when out.

Limited texting via iPads when at home.

Strong parental controls on both - no web browser, contact list set by parents with no calls or texts outside that list, no social media.

And they say no. Over and over and over. And are okay with the teen angst that follows because they know the kids aren’t actually deprived.

I responded previously with my one social kid where it was hard. I think it's still the right call, but if your kid is very social they will miss opportunities to hang out with other kids in person. Which is the biggest downside. The meetups now kids do in person are all very spontaneous and driven by being able to reach each other pretty instantly and in the preferred format. It's an unforutnate reality that we want them to be interacting more in real life and less in the screen so we don't give them the phones but the phones are now a tool to meet up in person.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Oldest kid did not have any friends who had phones early, so there were no group chats to keep up with. The kids whose parents got them phones in elementary are part of a whole different crowd. High intensity, competitive parenting crowd that is very focused on kids' social lives and tons of extracurricular activities.

Your oldest kid didn’t have ANY friends who had phones before 8th grade?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My nieces are in 8th with no phones (and no chance of phones in sight).

Apple Watches to reach parents when out.

Limited texting via iPads when at home.

Strong parental controls on both - no web browser, contact list set by parents with no calls or texts outside that list, no social media.

And they say no. Over and over and over. And are okay with the teen angst that follows because they know the kids aren’t actually deprived.

I don't know how soon "in sight" is for you, but by high school it could be seriously hindering to not have a phone-and I don't mean just socially.
My high school kid's sports coach communicates with the players via app. Announcements such as practice times, if they need to bring things (paperwork or specific gear), etc.
Tickets to events like football games, the school plays, and even dances like homecoming and prom are also done via app. There is no way to just buy a ticket and print it out, or even pay cash at the door.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My nieces are in 8th with no phones (and no chance of phones in sight).

Apple Watches to reach parents when out.

Limited texting via iPads when at home.

Strong parental controls on both - no web browser, contact list set by parents with no calls or texts outside that list, no social media.

And they say no. Over and over and over. And are okay with the teen angst that follows because they know the kids aren’t actually deprived.

The kids will hate them later for being hard nosed jerks.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My nieces are in 8th with no phones (and no chance of phones in sight).

Apple Watches to reach parents when out.

Limited texting via iPads when at home.

Strong parental controls on both - no web browser, contact list set by parents with no calls or texts outside that list, no social media.

And they say no. Over and over and over. And are okay with the teen angst that follows because they know the kids aren’t actually deprived.

I don't know how soon "in sight" is for you, but by high school it could be seriously hindering to not have a phone-and I don't mean just socially.
My high school kid's sports coach communicates with the players via app. Announcements such as practice times, if they need to bring things (paperwork or specific gear), etc.
Tickets to events like football games, the school plays, and even dances like homecoming and prom are also done via app. There is no way to just buy a ticket and print it out, or even pay cash at the door.

I think they should get them for 8th grade graduation, and my sister-in-law agrees. So far my brother is digging his heels in, though, so it should be interesting to see what happens.

As for spontaneous meet-ups, they go to a private school that draws from a pretty broad geographic area, so no real spontaneous anythings happen, as it would just be too much coordinating and driving required.

[Anonymous]

My son is friendly with a girl who doesn’t have a phone in ninth grade. They are in band together and occasionally there would be marching band section things that the kids would organize, and nobody would have a way to contact her and she basically was reliant on my son telling her about these things when he saw her in person.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My nieces are in 8th with no phones (and no chance of phones in sight).

Apple Watches to reach parents when out.

Limited texting via iPads when at home.

Strong parental controls on both - no web browser, contact list set by parents with no calls or texts outside that list, no social media.

And they say no. Over and over and over. And are okay with the teen angst that follows because they know the kids aren’t actually deprived.

The kids will hate them later for being hard nosed jerks.

Or thankful that they got to be kids a little longer.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My nieces are in 8th with no phones (and no chance of phones in sight).

Apple Watches to reach parents when out.

Limited texting via iPads when at home.

Strong parental controls on both - no web browser, contact list set by parents with no calls or texts outside that list, no social media.

And they say no. Over and over and over. And are okay with the teen angst that follows because they know the kids aren’t actually deprived.

The kids will hate them later for being hard nosed jerks.

Or thankful that they got to be kids a little longer.

lol...really

[Anonymous]

Our daughter got one in 8th. She knew we could ask to see it at any time and it would be charging in the living room starting at 8pm each night. No social media until summer before 10th, no snapchat.

We recognized her social needs but also wanted to have some restrictions.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My nieces are in 8th with no phones (and no chance of phones in sight).

Apple Watches to reach parents when out.

Limited texting via iPads when at home.

Strong parental controls on both - no web browser, contact list set by parents with no calls or texts outside that list, no social media.

And they say no. Over and over and over. And are okay with the teen angst that follows because they know the kids aren’t actually deprived.

The kids will hate them later for being hard nosed jerks.

Or thankful that they got to be kids a little longer.

+1

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My nieces are in 8th with no phones (and no chance of phones in sight).

Apple Watches to reach parents when out.

Limited texting via iPads when at home.

Strong parental controls on both - no web browser, contact list set by parents with no calls or texts outside that list, no social media.

And they say no. Over and over and over. And are okay with the teen angst that follows because they know the kids aren’t actually deprived.

The kids will hate them later for being hard nosed jerks.

Or thankful that they got to be kids a little longer.

LOL no and those kids will not come home later in life either.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My nieces are in 8th with no phones (and no chance of phones in sight).

Apple Watches to reach parents when out.

Limited texting via iPads when at home.

Strong parental controls on both - no web browser, contact list set by parents with no calls or texts outside that list, no social media.

And they say no. Over and over and over. And are okay with the teen angst that follows because they know the kids aren’t actually deprived.

The kids will hate them later for being hard nosed jerks.

Or thankful that they got to be kids a little longer.

LOL no and those kids will not come home later in life either.

There's a 50/50 chance. They could rebel for other reasons or not at all.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My older child, now 15, didn’t get a phone until halfway through 8th grade. She had an iPod that allowed her to text friends at home, but it never left the house. It was never really an issue. She never complained. She still rarely looks at her phone when we’re out and about. (Still no social media.)

Younger sibling is in 7th grade and has no phone. He can text friends on an old iPad at home. He’ll probably get a phone before 8th grade starts, but he never asks for one or complains, either.

I don’t know, no trick to it. Just don’t buy one.

New poster here.
Just curious-was there ever a time where she was out and needed to reach you (her parent?) Like if there was an after school club and it finished up earlier than the typical time, and she wanted to call you and ask you to come get her? Because that kind of thing came up with my kids when they were in middle/early high school a lot. Back in my day, there were payphones at school, but none of those around anymore....

My teen got a phone for her 15th bday and younger siblings (12,14) don’t have one. They were involved in after school activities. If it got cancelled during the day, they’d ask in the office to call. If the practice/ club got out early, they’d just normally wait around until the predetermined pick up time. They’d either sit outside the school or in the library. Sometimes they’d ask to borrow a phone (schools or friends) but that was rare.

Also, I find it inappropriate for coaches to be texting (though apps or group messages) minors. We always just put the app/ parents number down.