Vent: My son unintentionally shamed my brother, who then "told on me" to our parents

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Your seven year old got frustrated with not understanding why your brother doesn't work? LOL

Look clearly you are entitled to your opinion but you are in the wrong here. Don't be a jerk and don't project things on to your kids.

Yeah, my twins are nine and I can't fathom that they would ask any follow up questions if someone told them they didn't work.

So I guess you're a troll. Either that or you're the one who pushed the issue.

You can't imagine your twins asking 'Why?'. You are either very unimaginative or your twins are very simple.

Actually, it's the opposite. Someone who is unimaginative or simple needs to be told why someone doesn't work. Someone with an imagination or half a brain can think of reasons why someone wouldn't work all on their own.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Ask your parents:

“Larlo is at an age where he’s curious about how the world works and what adults do. How would you like me to explain to him that uncle doesn’t work or go to school?

What do you want me to tell him when he asks about how uncle spends his days?”

Again extremely rude and passive agressive. Larlo is not entitled to the particulars of why his uncle does not have a job. 1 in 10 prime age adults in this country don't have a job for a variety of reasons.

Tell your kids there are many reasons why some adults don't have a job, those reasons are very personal and we don't pry unless the other person openly shares. Many people look and act in ways that are not typical, you don't put them on the spot. It's a lesson kids learn in kindergarten.

Then his uncle needs to manage the conversation. Its not the moms job unless it was getting out of hand in which case she should be alerted but no mom needs to be on hand for every discussion over breakfast. It's actually the uncle who is passive aggressive. If he had been direct during this conversation no one else would need to be involved.

It's precisely her job to teach her son basic relational skills so that such conversations don't happen in the first place.

All these moms here who are blaming OP and the kid's rude manners---I'd like to see you react in the same way when your kid says or does something racist. I bet you will quickly turn into kids will be kids and i am uncomfortable teaching. MMMM hmmmm.

What a reach. The only person doing all of that is OP.... he's just curious! He doesn't understand how anyone can be different?

It's not a reach at all. Ableism and racism are very similar. And the same people who try to villify the 7 yr old and OP about the uncle will shy away from holding their kid accountable for other isms.

Sure. And i see the “not my baby” defensiveness as much more likely.

A dingo ate your baby

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Sounds like your son was parroting comments and sentiments you yourself had expressed. You invited someone to your home only to mock him and enlist your elementary school son in the process. That is no way to treat a guest. You owe him an apology. I suggest counseling to deal with your deep rooted latent hostility and anger towards your family. They’re all obviously fine with their living and support arrangements. You, on the other hand, are seething with rage. Please get help soon and stop attacking those who love you.

DH and I are very careful to not talk in front of the kids about my brother. I think it was more that DS doesn't know any grown men without jobs, and was thinking out loud as he struggled to understand the situation. All he sees is my brother sitting or laying on the couch when he's here. He won't even play on the floor with the kids or go outside to draw with chalk on the driveway. Also, we don't invite my brother. My mother calls and announces she's "sending" him over. He used to try to bring dirty laundry thinking I'd do it for him. DH finally told him after the 4th or 5th time that was never going to happen.

I don’t believe you. Seven year olds are not that obsessed with adult jobs, even in DC. You sound high pressure and anxiety ridden OP. I wouldn’t want to be your brother and I wouldn’t want to be your son!

It's amazing how all the coddled, failure to launch losers clamor to get on these threads to try shame the successful, normal launched sibling. Every. Damn. Time. And no, I'm not OP.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Sounds like your son was parroting comments and sentiments you yourself had expressed. You invited someone to your home only to mock him and enlist your elementary school son in the process. That is no way to treat a guest. You owe him an apology. I suggest counseling to deal with your deep rooted latent hostility and anger towards your family. They’re all obviously fine with their living and support arrangements. You, on the other hand, are seething with rage. Please get help soon and stop attacking those who love you.

DH and I are very careful to not talk in front of the kids about my brother. I think it was more that DS doesn't know any grown men without jobs, and was thinking out loud as he struggled to understand the situation. All he sees is my brother sitting or laying on the couch when he's here. He won't even play on the floor with the kids or go outside to draw with chalk on the driveway. Also, we don't invite my brother. My mother calls and announces she's "sending" him over. He used to try to bring dirty laundry thinking I'd do it for him. DH finally told him after the 4th or 5th time that was never going to happen.

I don’t believe you. Seven year olds are not that obsessed with adult jobs, even in DC. You sound high pressure and anxiety ridden OP. I wouldn’t want to be your brother and I wouldn’t want to be your son!

It's amazing how all the coddled, failure to launch losers clamor to get on these threads to try shame the successful, normal launched sibling. Every. Damn. Time. And no, I'm not OP.

Thing is, they’re probably all products of family dysfunction, including the person you deem a “loser”. He may never have been told what’s “wrong” with him, or his parents may never have sought adequate help, so they could be caregivers and saviors to him. This seems even more likely given how early OP seems to have been the “responsible one”, and her relationship with her brother has always been juxtaposed with this.

It’s actually not that unusual of a family dynamic, unfortunately, but it’s certainly not a healthy one. It’s easy to pin in on the brother, but he is also a product of his environment. I had a coworker once with VERY severe issues, who had no clue why he could not fit in with regular people. His sister loathed him with every fiber of her being, and I don’t blame her. He was just told he had a few learning disabilities- it was NOT the case. It would take anyone 30 seconds meeting him to know that. He is truly a wonderful person, but his parents really failed him in telling him he was “normal” when he had profound issues that could have been coached to allow him a better life.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Sounds like your son was parroting comments and sentiments you yourself had expressed. You invited someone to your home only to mock him and enlist your elementary school son in the process. That is no way to treat a guest. You owe him an apology. I suggest counseling to deal with your deep rooted latent hostility and anger towards your family. They’re all obviously fine with their living and support arrangements. You, on the other hand, are seething with rage. Please get help soon and stop attacking those who love you.

DH and I are very careful to not talk in front of the kids about my brother. I think it was more that DS doesn't know any grown men without jobs, and was thinking out loud as he struggled to understand the situation. All he sees is my brother sitting or laying on the couch when he's here. He won't even play on the floor with the kids or go outside to draw with chalk on the driveway. Also, we don't invite my brother. My mother calls and announces she's "sending" him over. He used to try to bring dirty laundry thinking I'd do it for him. DH finally told him after the 4th or 5th time that was never going to happen.

I don’t believe you. Seven year olds are not that obsessed with adult jobs, even in DC. You sound high pressure and anxiety ridden OP. I wouldn’t want to be your brother and I wouldn’t want to be your son!

It's amazing how all the coddled, failure to launch losers clamor to get on these threads to try shame the successful, normal launched sibling. Every. Damn. Time. And no, I'm not OP.

Frankly op needs to not be so triggered and emotional if she wants to convince anyone she is well adjusted and winning.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Ask your parents:

“Larlo is at an age where he’s curious about how the world works and what adults do. How would you like me to explain to him that uncle doesn’t work or go to school?

What do you want me to tell him when he asks about how uncle spends his days?”

Again extremely rude and passive agressive. Larlo is not entitled to the particulars of why his uncle does not have a job. 1 in 10 prime age adults in this country don't have a job for a variety of reasons.

Tell your kids there are many reasons why some adults don't have a job, those reasons are very personal and we don't pry unless the other person openly shares. Many people look and act in ways that are not typical, you don't put them on the spot. It's a lesson kids learn in kindergarten.

Then his uncle needs to manage the conversation. Its not the moms job unless it was getting out of hand in which case she should be alerted but no mom needs to be on hand for every discussion over breakfast. It's actually the uncle who is passive aggressive. If he had been direct during this conversation no one else would need to be involved.

It's precisely her job to teach her son basic relational skills so that such conversations don't happen in the first place.

All these moms here who are blaming OP and the kid's rude manners---I'd like to see you react in the same way when your kid says or does something racist. I bet you will quickly turn into kids will be kids and i am uncomfortable teaching. MMMM hmmmm.

What a reach. The only person doing all of that is OP.... he's just curious! He doesn't understand how anyone can be different?

It's not a reach at all. Ableism and racism are very similar. And the same people who try to villify the 7 yr old and OP about the uncle will shy away from holding their kid accountable for other isms.

Sure. And i see the “not my baby” defensiveness as much more likely.

A dingo ate your baby

That baby is breathtaking.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Sounds like your son was parroting comments and sentiments you yourself had expressed. You invited someone to your home only to mock him and enlist your elementary school son in the process. That is no way to treat a guest. You owe him an apology. I suggest counseling to deal with your deep rooted latent hostility and anger towards your family. They’re all obviously fine with their living and support arrangements. You, on the other hand, are seething with rage. Please get help soon and stop attacking those who love you.

DH and I are very careful to not talk in front of the kids about my brother. I think it was more that DS doesn't know any grown men without jobs, and was thinking out loud as he struggled to understand the situation. All he sees is my brother sitting or laying on the couch when he's here. He won't even play on the floor with the kids or go outside to draw with chalk on the driveway. Also, we don't invite my brother. My mother calls and announces she's "sending" him over. He used to try to bring dirty laundry thinking I'd do it for him. DH finally told him after the 4th or 5th time that was never going to happen.

I don’t believe you. Seven year olds are not that obsessed with adult jobs, even in DC. You sound high pressure and anxiety ridden OP. I wouldn’t want to be your brother and I wouldn’t want to be your son!

It's amazing how all the coddled, failure to launch losers clamor to get on these threads to try shame the successful, normal launched sibling. Every. Damn. Time. And no, I'm not OP.

Thing is, they’re probably all products of family dysfunction, including the person you deem a “loser”. He may never have been told what’s “wrong” with him, or his parents may never have sought adequate help, so they could be caregivers and saviors to him. This seems even more likely given how early OP seems to have been the “responsible one”, and her relationship with her brother has always been juxtaposed with this.

It’s actually not that unusual of a family dynamic, unfortunately, but it’s certainly not a healthy one. It’s easy to pin in on the brother, but he is also a product of his environment. I had a coworker once with VERY severe issues, who had no clue why he could not fit in with regular people. His sister loathed him with every fiber of her being, and I don’t blame her. He was just told he had a few learning disabilities- it was NOT the case. It would take anyone 30 seconds meeting him to know that. He is truly a wonderful person, but his parents really failed him in telling him he was “normal” when he had profound issues that could have been coached to allow him a better life.

We all carry shit from family trauma. As an adult you are responsible for healing your junk

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Sounds like your son was parroting comments and sentiments you yourself had expressed. You invited someone to your home only to mock him and enlist your elementary school son in the process. That is no way to treat a guest. You owe him an apology. I suggest counseling to deal with your deep rooted latent hostility and anger towards your family. They’re all obviously fine with their living and support arrangements. You, on the other hand, are seething with rage. Please get help soon and stop attacking those who love you.

DH and I are very careful to not talk in front of the kids about my brother. I think it was more that DS doesn't know any grown men without jobs, and was thinking out loud as he struggled to understand the situation. All he sees is my brother sitting or laying on the couch when he's here. He won't even play on the floor with the kids or go outside to draw with chalk on the driveway. Also, we don't invite my brother. My mother calls and announces she's "sending" him over. He used to try to bring dirty laundry thinking I'd do it for him. DH finally told him after the 4th or 5th time that was never going to happen.

I don’t believe you. Seven year olds are not that obsessed with adult jobs, even in DC. You sound high pressure and anxiety ridden OP. I wouldn’t want to be your brother and I wouldn’t want to be your son!

It's amazing how all the coddled, failure to launch losers clamor to get on these threads to try shame the successful, normal launched sibling. Every. Damn. Time. And no, I'm not OP.

Thing is, they’re probably all products of family dysfunction, including the person you deem a “loser”. He may never have been told what’s “wrong” with him, or his parents may never have sought adequate help, so they could be caregivers and saviors to him. This seems even more likely given how early OP seems to have been the “responsible one”, and her relationship with her brother has always been juxtaposed with this.

It’s actually not that unusual of a family dynamic, unfortunately, but it’s certainly not a healthy one. It’s easy to pin in on the brother, but he is also a product of his environment. I had a coworker once with VERY severe issues, who had no clue why he could not fit in with regular people. His sister loathed him with every fiber of her being, and I don’t blame her. He was just told he had a few learning disabilities- it was NOT the case. It would take anyone 30 seconds meeting him to know that. He is truly a wonderful person, but his parents really failed him in telling him he was “normal” when he had profound issues that could have been coached to allow him a better life.

We all carry shit from family trauma. As an adult you are responsible for healing your junk

Exactly. And if that’s the case heal your junk and don’t delete and extract your parents resources.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Sounds like your son was parroting comments and sentiments you yourself had expressed. You invited someone to your home only to mock him and enlist your elementary school son in the process. That is no way to treat a guest. You owe him an apology. I suggest counseling to deal with your deep rooted latent hostility and anger towards your family. They’re all obviously fine with their living and support arrangements. You, on the other hand, are seething with rage. Please get help soon and stop attacking those who love you.

DH and I are very careful to not talk in front of the kids about my brother. I think it was more that DS doesn't know any grown men without jobs, and was thinking out loud as he struggled to understand the situation. All he sees is my brother sitting or laying on the couch when he's here. He won't even play on the floor with the kids or go outside to draw with chalk on the driveway. Also, we don't invite my brother. My mother calls and announces she's "sending" him over. He used to try to bring dirty laundry thinking I'd do it for him. DH finally told him after the 4th or 5th time that was never going to happen.

I don’t believe you. Seven year olds are not that obsessed with adult jobs, even in DC. You sound high pressure and anxiety ridden OP. I wouldn’t want to be your brother and I wouldn’t want to be your son!

It's amazing how all the coddled, failure to launch losers clamor to get on these threads to try shame the successful, normal launched sibling. Every. Damn. Time. And no, I'm not OP.

Frankly op needs to not be so triggered and emotional if she wants to convince anyone she is well adjusted and winning.

OMG, OP is not triggered and emotional. She is rightfully frustrated. Some of you are so delusional. Her parents enable her adult brother to act like a child and then demand an apology for a 7 year old asking a normal question of an uncle? Utter BS. The uncle SHOULD feel some shame. Shame has its place in helping people to change bad behavior. OP owes no one any apologies here. The OP did nothing wrong, her kid did nothing wrong.

There are a lot of dysfunctional people on this thread projecting their own issues onto OP.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Your seven year old got frustrated with not understanding why your brother doesn't work? LOL

Look clearly you are entitled to your opinion but you are in the wrong here. Don't be a jerk and don't project things on to your kids.

Yeah, my twins are nine and I can't fathom that they would ask any follow up questions if someone told them they didn't work.

So I guess you're a troll. Either that or you're the one who pushed the issue.

You can't imagine your twins asking 'Why?'. You are either very unimaginative or your twins are very simple.

Actually, it's the opposite. Someone who is unimaginative or simple needs to be told why someone doesn't work. Someone with an imagination or half a brain can think of reasons why someone wouldn't work all on their own.

Not if they are seven.

People taking issue with a seven year old asking about someone's work are strange. Of course seven year old's ask about these things. And might be temporarily confused if they see a grown man who does nothing all day.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Your seven year old got frustrated with not understanding why your brother doesn't work? LOL

Look clearly you are entitled to your opinion but you are in the wrong here. Don't be a jerk and don't project things on to your kids.

Yeah, my twins are nine and I can't fathom that they would ask any follow up questions if someone told them they didn't work.

So I guess you're a troll. Either that or you're the one who pushed the issue.

You can't imagine your twins asking 'Why?'. You are either very unimaginative or your twins are very simple.

Actually, it's the opposite. Someone who is unimaginative or simple needs to be told why someone doesn't work. Someone with an imagination or half a brain can think of reasons why someone wouldn't work all on their own.

Not if they are seven.

People taking issue with a seven year old asking about someone's work are strange. Of course seven year old's ask about these things. And might be temporarily confused if they see a grown man who does nothing all day.

Sure. I guess this kid has never seen a man on the weekend. People saying this really don’t know 7 yr olds.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Your seven year old got frustrated with not understanding why your brother doesn't work? LOL

Look clearly you are entitled to your opinion but you are in the wrong here. Don't be a jerk and don't project things on to your kids.

Yeah, my twins are nine and I can't fathom that they would ask any follow up questions if someone told them they didn't work.

So I guess you're a troll. Either that or you're the one who pushed the issue.

You can't imagine your twins asking 'Why?'. You are either very unimaginative or your twins are very simple.

Actually, it's the opposite. Someone who is unimaginative or simple needs to be told why someone doesn't work. Someone with an imagination or half a brain can think of reasons why someone wouldn't work all on their own.

Not if they are seven.

People taking issue with a seven year old asking about someone's work are strange. Of course seven year old's ask about these things. And might be temporarily confused if they see a grown man who does nothing all day.

Sure. I guess this kid has never seen a man on the weekend. People saying this really don’t know 7 yr olds.

The kid knows it’s the weekend and no one works then duh. It seems there’s some useless, triggered people on here who are so useless, even a 7 year old can make them feel bad about themselves.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Sounds like your son was parroting comments and sentiments you yourself had expressed. You invited someone to your home only to mock him and enlist your elementary school son in the process. That is no way to treat a guest. You owe him an apology. I suggest counseling to deal with your deep rooted latent hostility and anger towards your family. They’re all obviously fine with their living and support arrangements. You, on the other hand, are seething with rage. Please get help soon and stop attacking those who love you.

DH and I are very careful to not talk in front of the kids about my brother. I think it was more that DS doesn't know any grown men without jobs, and was thinking out loud as he struggled to understand the situation. All he sees is my brother sitting or laying on the couch when he's here. He won't even play on the floor with the kids or go outside to draw with chalk on the driveway. Also, we don't invite my brother. My mother calls and announces she's "sending" him over. He used to try to bring dirty laundry thinking I'd do it for him. DH finally told him after the 4th or 5th time that was never going to happen.

I don’t believe you. Seven year olds are not that obsessed with adult jobs, even in DC. You sound high pressure and anxiety ridden OP. I wouldn’t want to be your brother and I wouldn’t want to be your son!

It's amazing how all the coddled, failure to launch losers clamor to get on these threads to try shame the successful, normal launched sibling. Every. Damn. Time. And no, I'm not OP.

Frankly op needs to not be so triggered and emotional if she wants to convince anyone she is well adjusted and winning.

OMG, OP is not triggered and emotional. She is rightfully frustrated. Some of you are so delusional. Her parents enable her adult brother to act like a child and then demand an apology for a 7 year old asking a normal question of an uncle? Utter BS. The uncle SHOULD feel some shame. Shame has its place in helping people to change bad behavior. OP owes no one any apologies here. The OP did nothing wrong, her kid did nothing wrong.

There are a lot of dysfunctional people on this thread projecting their own issues onto OP.

It's the SAHM all day insta posting crowd that needs to champion anyone who doesn't have a job

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Your seven year old got frustrated with not understanding why your brother doesn't work? LOL

Look clearly you are entitled to your opinion but you are in the wrong here. Don't be a jerk and don't project things on to your kids.

Yeah, my twins are nine and I can't fathom that they would ask any follow up questions if someone told them they didn't work.

So I guess you're a troll. Either that or you're the one who pushed the issue.

You can't imagine your twins asking 'Why?'. You are either very unimaginative or your twins are very simple.

Actually, it's the opposite. Someone who is unimaginative or simple needs to be told why someone doesn't work. Someone with an imagination or half a brain can think of reasons why someone wouldn't work all on their own.

Not if they are seven.

People taking issue with a seven year old asking about someone's work are strange. Of course seven year old's ask about these things. And might be temporarily confused if they see a grown man who does nothing all day.

Sure. I guess this kid has never seen a man on the weekend. People saying this really don’t know 7 yr olds.

The kid knows it’s the weekend and no one works then duh. It seems there’s some useless, triggered people on here who are so useless, even a 7 year old can make them feel bad about themselves.

My kid doesn’t know that no one works on the weekend, “duh”, because many people do. You sound narrow and entitled and possibly not employed. Even people with weekday jobs sometimes find themselves having to fill in, in some capacity, on weekends.

And FWIW, “duh” is not really much of an argument or position.

Blaming people for being “triggered” is also pretty basic and not really based in anything other than Gen Z TikTok. I’m guessing it’s the other people in the house who bring more to the table for intelligence, culture, and money.

[Anonymous]

OP, what is the plan for your brother once your parents are gone? Focusing on your kid is a way to try to avoid the big issues, but that's not in your interest.

Bro may inherit the estate and could still end up homeless. What is the plan?

In that convo, I'd also ask about diagnoses, straight up.