Vent: My son unintentionally shamed my brother, who then "told on me" to our parents

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Ask your parents:

“Larlo is at an age where he’s curious about how the world works and what adults do. How would you like me to explain to him that uncle doesn’t work or go to school?

What do you want me to tell him when he asks about how uncle spends his days?”

Again extremely rude and passive agressive. Larlo is not entitled to the particulars of why his uncle does not have a job. 1 in 10 prime age adults in this country don't have a job for a variety of reasons.

Tell your kids there are many reasons why some adults don't have a job, those reasons are very personal and we don't pry unless the other person openly shares. Many people look and act in ways that are not typical, you don't put them on the spot. It's a lesson kids learn in kindergarten.

I wasn’t aware that lazy people were a protected class in America.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Ask your parents:

“Larlo is at an age where he’s curious about how the world works and what adults do. How would you like me to explain to him that uncle doesn’t work or go to school?

What do you want me to tell him when he asks about how uncle spends his days?”

Again extremely rude and passive agressive. Larlo is not entitled to the particulars of why his uncle does not have a job. 1 in 10 prime age adults in this country don't have a job for a variety of reasons.

Tell your kids there are many reasons why some adults don't have a job, those reasons are very personal and we don't pry unless the other person openly shares. Many people look and act in ways that are not typical, you don't put them on the spot. It's a lesson kids learn in kindergarten.

I wasn’t aware that lazy people were a protected class in America.

I bet your smirk and make nasty comments when you see people use their SNAP and WIC benefits at the store. Get a job you lazy MOFOs!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Ask your parents:

“Larlo is at an age where he’s curious about how the world works and what adults do. How would you like me to explain to him that uncle doesn’t work or go to school?

What do you want me to tell him when he asks about how uncle spends his days?”

Again extremely rude and passive agressive. Larlo is not entitled to the particulars of why his uncle does not have a job. 1 in 10 prime age adults in this country don't have a job for a variety of reasons.

Tell your kids there are many reasons why some adults don't have a job, those reasons are very personal and we don't pry unless the other person openly shares. Many people look and act in ways that are not typical, you don't put them on the spot. It's a lesson kids learn in kindergarten.

Then his uncle needs to manage the conversation. Its not the moms job unless it was getting out of hand in which case she should be alerted but no mom needs to be on hand for every discussion over breakfast. It's actually the uncle who is passive aggressive. If he had been direct during this conversation no one else would need to be involved.

It's precisely her job to teach her son basic relational skills so that such conversations don't happen in the first place.

All these moms here who are blaming OP and the kid's rude manners---I'd like to see you react in the same way when your kid says or does something racist. I bet you will quickly turn into kids will be kids and i am uncomfortable teaching. MMMM hmmmm.

What a reach. The only person doing all of that is OP.... he's just curious! He doesn't understand how anyone can be different?

It's not a reach at all. Ableism and racism are very similar. And the same people who try to villify the 7 yr old and OP about the uncle will shy away from holding their kid accountable for other isms.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Ask your parents:

“Larlo is at an age where he’s curious about how the world works and what adults do. How would you like me to explain to him that uncle doesn’t work or go to school?

What do you want me to tell him when he asks about how uncle spends his days?”

I don’t see how this is rude. And if OP is still reading I am curious how her parents respond when people ask about their son. Or better yet, what does the brother say when someone asks him directly?

Inquiring about work is such a common conversation filler that it’s hard to imagine that they don’t have stock answers for these questions. It’s like getting offended that someone commented on the weather.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Ask your parents:

“Larlo is at an age where he’s curious about how the world works and what adults do. How would you like me to explain to him that uncle doesn’t work or go to school?

What do you want me to tell him when he asks about how uncle spends his days?”

I don’t see how this is rude. And if OP is still reading I am curious how her parents respond when people ask about their son. Or better yet, what does the brother say when someone asks him directly?

Inquiring about work is such a common conversation filler that it’s hard to imagine that they don’t have stock answers for these questions. It’s like getting offended that someone commented on the weather.

OP here. I can only think of one extended family gathering where we overheard someone ask how my brother keeps himself busy these days, and he said something vague like "you know, this and that."

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Ask your parents:

“Larlo is at an age where he’s curious about how the world works and what adults do. How would you like me to explain to him that uncle doesn’t work or go to school?

What do you want me to tell him when he asks about how uncle spends his days?”

Again extremely rude and passive agressive. Larlo is not entitled to the particulars of why his uncle does not have a job. 1 in 10 prime age adults in this country don't have a job for a variety of reasons.

Tell your kids there are many reasons why some adults don't have a job, those reasons are very personal and we don't pry unless the other person openly shares. Many people look and act in ways that are not typical, you don't put them on the spot. It's a lesson kids learn in kindergarten.

Then his uncle needs to manage the conversation. Its not the moms job unless it was getting out of hand in which case she should be alerted but no mom needs to be on hand for every discussion over breakfast. It's actually the uncle who is passive aggressive. If he had been direct during this conversation no one else would need to be involved.

It's precisely her job to teach her son basic relational skills so that such conversations don't happen in the first place.

All these moms here who are blaming OP and the kid's rude manners---I'd like to see you react in the same way when your kid says or does something racist. I bet you will quickly turn into kids will be kids and i am uncomfortable teaching. MMMM hmmmm.

What a reach. The only person doing all of that is OP.... he's just curious! He doesn't understand how anyone can be different?

It's not a reach at all. Ableism and racism are very similar. And the same people who try to villify the 7 yr old and OP about the uncle will shy away from holding their kid accountable for other isms.

No one is vilifying the 7 year old, obviously he is a kid who is not being guided appropriately. This was a perfectly teachable moment but mom is acting defensively and normalizing his behavior.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Ask your parents:

“Larlo is at an age where he’s curious about how the world works and what adults do. How would you like me to explain to him that uncle doesn’t work or go to school?

What do you want me to tell him when he asks about how uncle spends his days?”

Again extremely rude and passive agressive. Larlo is not entitled to the particulars of why his uncle does not have a job. 1 in 10 prime age adults in this country don't have a job for a variety of reasons.

Tell your kids there are many reasons why some adults don't have a job, those reasons are very personal and we don't pry unless the other person openly shares. Many people look and act in ways that are not typical, you don't put them on the spot. It's a lesson kids learn in kindergarten.

Then his uncle needs to manage the conversation. Its not the moms job unless it was getting out of hand in which case she should be alerted but no mom needs to be on hand for every discussion over breakfast. It's actually the uncle who is passive aggressive. If he had been direct during this conversation no one else would need to be involved.

It's precisely her job to teach her son basic relational skills so that such conversations don't happen in the first place.

All these moms here who are blaming OP and the kid's rude manners---I'd like to see you react in the same way when your kid says or does something racist. I bet you will quickly turn into kids will be kids and i am uncomfortable teaching. MMMM hmmmm.

What a reach. The only person doing all of that is OP.... he's just curious! He doesn't understand how anyone can be different?

It's not a reach at all. Ableism and racism are very similar. And the same people who try to villify the 7 yr old and OP about the uncle will shy away from holding their kid accountable for other isms.

Sure. And i see the “not my baby” defensiveness as much more likely.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Ask your parents:

“Larlo is at an age where he’s curious about how the world works and what adults do. How would you like me to explain to him that uncle doesn’t work or go to school?

What do you want me to tell him when he asks about how uncle spends his days?”

I don’t see how this is rude. And if OP is still reading I am curious how her parents respond when people ask about their son. Or better yet, what does the brother say when someone asks him directly?

Inquiring about work is such a common conversation filler that it’s hard to imagine that they don’t have stock answers for these questions. It’s like getting offended that someone commented on the weather.

OP here. I can only think of one extended family gathering where we overheard someone ask how my brother keeps himself busy these days, and he said something vague like "you know, this and that."

So ask him yourself? You keep avoiding why you don't just have the hard conversation instead of putting your 7 yr old up to the task. Say "what gives, brother? When do you plan on getting off your ass and getting a job?"

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Sounds like your son was parroting comments and sentiments you yourself had expressed. You invited someone to your home only to mock him and enlist your elementary school son in the process. That is no way to treat a guest. You owe him an apology. I suggest counseling to deal with your deep rooted latent hostility and anger towards your family. They’re all obviously fine with their living and support arrangements. You, on the other hand, are seething with rage. Please get help soon and stop attacking those who love you.

NP and you are obnoxious.

To me, it’s clear that at worst, OP is guilty of not being sympathetic to the fact that her brother might have some kind of unseen mental health disorder. But that is not entirely her fault if her family chose not to share this with her and just allowed her to think he’s just lazy and entitled all these years.
What else is OP supposed to think?
And her DS didn’t belittle or mock him. OP said he simply asked questions about why he didn’t have a job—questions that the uncle didn’t know how to answer and that made him uncomfortable.
Oh well.
Maybe if the family had included OP on what was going on with him, she could offer an explanation that made more sense.

Yes OP comes off sounding bitter and hurt. But being the sibling in her position watching how the parents favor her brother with no explanation can leave a lot of hurt.

OP seemingly has it all together. Kids, career, spouse, etc. Her brother does not. WTF does she have to be bitter and hurt about? Her brother quite clearly doesn't have it all together. Only an extremely insecure person would be hung about this or the fact that her 7 yr old got called out for being rude and nosy. She's already winning in life, what more does she need? If she can't be empathetic then she needs to just cut him out of her life because he's not good enough for her or living his life in a way she finds acceptable. A rational person would see that he's not firing on all cylinders and no think "well, nobody has explicitly told me there's a problem" It's clear as day.

It is pretty ironic that OP judges her mother's parenting skills and "coddling" of her brother yet is extremely defensive and coddling of her own son's rude behavior.

Does her 7 yr old sit around all day? And would her 7 year old be up in arms, if say, a one year old hurt his feelings?

Why is OP so mad that her family hurt her feelings? What's the difference?

She's not. They are

She is venting in a public forum, she is upset that her parent's called her out on her son's poor behavior. People who aren't upset don't give this a second thought.

Exactly. This is all an epic whine that she's not the favored child. Secure well adjusted adults don't need mommy's approval or to be told they are awesome and their brother is just a loser so that she feels like she's winning. She's winning in life because of all the things she listed in her OP that she has going for her. What more validation does she need?

Insane. Everyone needs a parent. She's not a robot. She hosted her brother,expected nothing of him, and is annoyed that on top of hosting him she gets called out. Don't come over. Problem solved.

Fine stop inviting him. But no, a healthy 30 yr old doesn't need to be parented anymore. That's the point.

Op mentioned her mom invited the brother over probably to give herself a break or to foster a better relationship between siblings.

[Anonymous]

Op in think it's time to have an honest conversation with yout parents about what is going to happen when they get too old to take care of him.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Op in think it's time to have an honest conversation with yout parents about what is going to happen when they get too old to take care of him.

Nope. She and son will just be cut out of any inheritance.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Sounds like your son was parroting comments and sentiments you yourself had expressed. You invited someone to your home only to mock him and enlist your elementary school son in the process. That is no way to treat a guest. You owe him an apology. I suggest counseling to deal with your deep rooted latent hostility and anger towards your family. They’re all obviously fine with their living and support arrangements. You, on the other hand, are seething with rage. Please get help soon and stop attacking those who love you.

NP and you are obnoxious.

To me, it’s clear that at worst, OP is guilty of not being sympathetic to the fact that her brother might have some kind of unseen mental health disorder. But that is not entirely her fault if her family chose not to share this with her and just allowed her to think he’s just lazy and entitled all these years.
What else is OP supposed to think?
And her DS didn’t belittle or mock him. OP said he simply asked questions about why he didn’t have a job—questions that the uncle didn’t know how to answer and that made him uncomfortable.
Oh well.
Maybe if the family had included OP on what was going on with him, she could offer an explanation that made more sense.

Yes OP comes off sounding bitter and hurt. But being the sibling in her position watching how the parents favor her brother with no explanation can leave a lot of hurt.

OP seemingly has it all together. Kids, career, spouse, etc. Her brother does not. WTF does she have to be bitter and hurt about? Her brother quite clearly doesn't have it all together. Only an extremely insecure person would be hung about this or the fact that her 7 yr old got called out for being rude and nosy. She's already winning in life, what more does she need? If she can't be empathetic then she needs to just cut him out of her life because he's not good enough for her or living his life in a way she finds acceptable. A rational person would see that he's not firing on all cylinders and no think "well, nobody has explicitly told me there's a problem" It's clear as day.

It is pretty ironic that OP judges her mother's parenting skills and "coddling" of her brother yet is extremely defensive and coddling of her own son's rude behavior.

Does her 7 yr old sit around all day? And would her 7 year old be up in arms, if say, a one year old hurt his feelings?

Why is OP so mad that her family hurt her feelings? What's the difference?

She's not. They are

She is venting in a public forum, she is upset that her parent's called her out on her son's poor behavior. People who aren't upset don't give this a second thought.

Exactly. This is all an epic whine that she's not the favored child. Secure well adjusted adults don't need mommy's approval or to be told they are awesome and their brother is just a loser so that she feels like she's winning. She's winning in life because of all the things she listed in her OP that she has going for her. What more validation does she need?

Insane. Everyone needs a parent. She's not a robot. She hosted her brother,expected nothing of him, and is annoyed that on top of hosting him she gets called out. Don't come over. Problem solved.

Fine stop inviting him. But no, a healthy 30 yr old doesn't need to be parented anymore. That's the point.

Op mentioned her mom invited the brother over probably to give herself a break or to foster a better relationship between siblings.

OP is playing her part in all this dysfunction. Weird that these adults can't just talk to each other.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Ask your parents:

“Larlo is at an age where he’s curious about how the world works and what adults do. How would you like me to explain to him that uncle doesn’t work or go to school?

What do you want me to tell him when he asks about how uncle spends his days?”

Again extremely rude and passive agressive. Larlo is not entitled to the particulars of why his uncle does not have a job. 1 in 10 prime age adults in this country don't have a job for a variety of reasons.

Tell your kids there are many reasons why some adults don't have a job, those reasons are very personal and we don't pry unless the other person openly shares. Many people look and act in ways that are not typical, you don't put them on the spot. It's a lesson kids learn in kindergarten.

I wasn’t aware that lazy people were a protected class in America.

I bet your smirk and make nasty comments when you see people use their SNAP and WIC benefits at the store. Get a job you lazy MOFOs!

And I bet you use SNAP & WIC benifits

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Does the seven year old ask other kids moms why they don’t work? I find this so hard to believe.

Most 7 yos know the difference between a married parent who stays home to take care of kids and a 42 man who lives with his parents who doesn’t work.

Stays home to take care of kids who at school with said 7-year old all day? Ok sure, that would totally make sense to this kid then.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Why does everyone assume mental illness? He might just have a strong preference for leisure that his parents have enabled.

Love this phrasing. Strong preference for leisure.

I wonder if there's enough room for this on the occupation line on forms