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Reply to "Vent: My son unintentionally shamed my brother, who then "told on me" to our parents"
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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]Sounds like your son was parroting comments and sentiments you yourself had expressed. You invited someone to your home only to mock him and enlist your elementary school son in the process. That is no way to treat a guest. You owe him an apology. I suggest counseling to deal with your deep rooted latent hostility and anger towards your family. They’re all obviously fine with their living and support arrangements. You, on the other hand, are seething with rage. Please get help soon and stop attacking those who love you. [/quote] DH and I are very careful to not talk in front of the kids about my brother. I think it was more that DS doesn't know any grown men without jobs, and was thinking out loud as he struggled to understand the situation. All he sees is my brother sitting or laying on the couch when he's here. He won't even play on the floor with the kids or go outside to draw with chalk on the driveway. Also, we don't invite my brother. My mother calls and announces she's "sending" him over. He used to try to bring dirty laundry thinking I'd do it for him. DH finally told him after the 4th or 5th time that was never going to happen. [/quote] I don’t believe you. Seven year olds are not that obsessed with adult jobs, even in DC. You sound high pressure and anxiety ridden OP. I wouldn’t want to be your brother and I wouldn’t want to be your son![/quote] It's amazing how all the coddled, failure to launch losers clamor to get on these threads to try shame the successful, normal launched sibling. Every. Damn. Time. And no, I'm not OP. [/quote] Thing is, they’re probably all products of family dysfunction, including the person you deem a “loser”. He may never have been told what’s “wrong” with him, or his parents may never have sought adequate help, so they could be caregivers and saviors to him. This seems even more likely given how early OP seems to have been the “responsible one”, and her relationship with her brother has always been juxtaposed with this. It’s actually not that unusual of a family dynamic, unfortunately, but it’s certainly not a healthy one. It’s easy to pin in on the brother, but he is also a product of his environment. I had a coworker once with VERY severe issues, who had no clue why he could not fit in with regular people. His sister loathed him with every fiber of her being, and I don’t blame her. He was just told he had a few learning disabilities- it was NOT the case. It would take anyone 30 seconds meeting him to know that. He is truly a wonderful person, but his parents really failed him in telling him he was “normal” when he had profound issues that could have been coached to allow him a better life. [/quote] We all carry shit from family trauma. As an adult you are responsible for healing your junk [/quote] Exactly. And if that’s the case heal your junk and don’t delete and extract your parents resources. [/quote]
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