how would you handle this difficult work situation?

[Anonymous]

I am 32 weeks pregnant and have a toddler at home. I work full time in a mid level position. Right now there is tons of pressure to work lots of overtime hours. I am exhausted and have tons of stuff to do at home as well. I am working 40/41/42/43 hours a week but I can tell that my boss and boss' boss are not pleased with me because of it. They are expecting way too much work from the position. I am not a lazy bum and have never had a problem at work before about not meeting expectations but this position requires way too much. It truly does. I cannot do everything required of me. I do not think I have had one sick day since being pregnant and when I have had dr's appts I generally make up the time elsewhere in the week (and still work 40/41 hours). I am working on a team project right now (in addition to my regular duties) and my manager held a meeting today where she said that over the next 6 weeks we would probably all have to make "a lot of personal sacrifices" to meet the goals of the project. They are already discussing what weekends people will be working. Um...I cannot do it. Has anyone ever been in a situation like this? How have you handled it? It really is not that I am not willing to work and work hard. I do work hard and have been really making an effort. But I am not physically up to lots of extra hours at this point.

[Anonymous]

I feel for you, but working less that 43 hours per week is not that many hours, so, even though you are at 32 weeks, you can't expect your boss to care that you have a toddler at home....I know that sounds harsh, but if you were working 50+ hours per week, maybe you'd have room to say that the hours were unreasonable. But a 40 hour week is a 9-5 day. Most people work 8-5 or 9-6 nowadays so you are actually lucky to have a work week less than 45 hours. Good luck and I hope you can make it. Do you have family in the area that can help you on the weekends? Can your DH step up and do more at home? Maybe get a cleaning lady and order in a few dinners each week to take a bit of the home load off your plate.

[Anonymous]

I wouldn't argue with 23:40's point under different circumstances, but in this case OP, you are pregnant and need to take care of your body. High anxiety, dehydration and other stressers can cause early labor. I realize you're concerned about your group and boss dynamic at this point, but you wouldn't get much work down from a hospital bed if you go into early labor at 35 weeks.
My advice is find a way to balance rest with your work schedule. A weekend helper sounds good, but so does a full night's rest and time off your feet during the day.
I work for a family unfriendly boss as well and I've just had to be clear about my boundaries.

[Anonymous]

I had a situation like this happen right when I came back from leave, we were expected to work 50+ hours and I just couldn't do that with a 2 month old baby (I had come back early so they wouldn't be short staffed). My "laziness" from not wanting to work over 40 hours when I was still technically on maternity leave has followed me around for years and ruined my reputation at work.

Its a red flag, you should either suck it up and work the extra time, or realize that people don't give two hoots that you're 32 weeks pregnant (I know what jerks) and will hold it against you later. My advice would be to suck it up as much as you can right now, and plan on getting another job 7-8 months after your baby is born. Its not a good sign that they have expectations like this now, what's it going to be like when your kid is sick but you have a deadline at work.

[Anonymous]

How invested are you in this job for the long term?

If you plan to take paid leave, come back for a year, then move on to a new organization, then cut yourself some slack and don't sweat it. Work your 40 hours, do what you can, then go home. You said that they're asking more than is reasonable for your position, so I suspect that you already felt undercompensated prior to getting pregnant.

If this is a job with an organization you plan to be with a long time, on the other hand, you may have to get more creative. Maybe a conversation with HR is in order? Maybe you need to ask DH to step up and take on more responsibilities related to your first child? Sometimes a direct conversation with your supervisor can be helpful: "[Boss], I wanted to speak with you about some workload concerns I have. We're obviously going through a period that's requiring a lot of every member of our team and I want to make sure that I'm doing my part. I'm really struggling to balance workload and pregnancy exhaustion right now, so I wanted to check in to make sure you don't have any concerns about my performance and to make sure no essential work is falling through the cracks." Sometimes just letting your boss know that you still care can really change the dynamic.

First and foremost, take care of yourself and your baby! Remember: every job is temporary. Very best wishes.

[Anonymous]

I agree with what pps have said, unfortunately, many offices will not cut a pregnant woman much slack. As my DH would say, "you're pregnant, not cripple, so suck it up". I don't think 40/42 hours a week is a lot even if you're pregnant but then again, I'm not you and I can't judge how difficult or exhausting your pregnancy is. There were days I worked from 9am-2AM at my office at 35 weeks pregnant, my boss did not bat an eyelid when he asked. I guess it was up to me to say no.

I would ask your DH to pitch in with the toddler so you can try to focus more on work. You still have 8 weeks to go at least, you don't want to start taking advantage now, save that for 36 weeks when the exhaustion really sets in. I've also found that they tend you give you more of a pass in the end, if you've consistently pulled your weight (no pun intended) during the pregnancy.

However, if you really just can't do it, then talk to you boss and lay out your concerns. The stress is not good for you or the baby.

[Anonymous]

I worked 50 hour weeks with a 2 hour commute and even went into the office for five hours the day I was scheduled to be induced. I sucked it up, took my maternity leave, and got a new job before DS turned one.

[Anonymous]

I'm reading the post a bit differently, I don't think the OP is complaining about her current duties, but rather the expectation of "personal sacrifices" for this project. Sounds like a busy and demanding job that OP is managing - just barely. If I heard that I'd be expected to work weekends in addition, it would send me looking for a new job. I'm sorry I don't have any advice but it sounds like a crappy place to work.

[Anonymous]

yeah, sorry to be harsh on the poster but i have always worked 60-80+ hour work weeks in my career, pregnant or not, and working 43 hours sounds like a dream.

of course, that was the nature of the jobs i accepted and the only thing i put my foot down on was taking conference calls after midnight or traveling to Asia in my 3rd trimester.

did these demands come out of nowhere or are they just more difficult for you now in your specific situation? at any rate, sounds like you need to look for a new job with expectations that are more aligned with what you are prepared to deliver.

[Anonymous]

at 32 weeks though, looking for a new job is probably not feasible unless you have the means to do it, in which case, you can put in your 2 weeks and leave.

I left my previous job at 12 weeks because the stress of the job plus newly pregnant woes wasn't something I could deal with at the time.

I would say you should just talk to your boss if you can't handle the extra hours.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I had a situation like this happen right when I came back from leave, we were expected to work 50+ hours and I just couldn't do that with a 2 month old baby (I had come back early so they wouldn't be short staffed). My "laziness" from not wanting to work over 40 hours when I was still technically on maternity leave has followed me around for years and ruined my reputation at work.

Its a red flag, you should either suck it up and work the extra time, or realize that people don't give two hoots that you're 32 weeks pregnant (I know what jerks) and will hold it against you later. My advice would be to suck it up as much as you can right now, and plan on getting another job 7-8 months after your baby is born. Its not a good sign that they have expectations like this now, what's it going to be like when your kid is sick but you have a deadline at work.

I agree with this. Your company needs to learn that taking care of their employees will help build loyalty over the years. I've worked for 7 years at a company where my boss often tries to control my work and my opportunities for advancement have been limited. I've looked into leaving a couple of times but stayed because my boss and the company in general have been very family friendly at a time when my kid was in crisis. I would have left long ago if that hadn't been the case - and that would have been a loss for them because they rely on my skills and long-term experience pretty heavily.

[Anonymous]

I'm sorry, but since when is working more than 40+ hours a week the norm? I agree with the occasional needing the put in more but seriously? I would rather spend the time with my family than busting my ass for a company that won't remember my name after a few weeks. I just think the expectations put on women in general today are absurd, I work to live, I don't live to work . People do what they get away with, and if people are willing to work a ton of hours for the same pay of a 40 hr week, the employer is going to keep doing it. Their profit margin is better for it, but don't think you're going to get a gold star just more work next time.

[Anonymous]

Your choices are simple:

1. Work the hours and suck it up. It may surprise you, no end, that your colleagues will give you some slack and do a lot of your work. They may even tell you they don't need you every weekend, afterall.

2. Go to HR and tell them you are too exhausted. HR will tell your boss and this will not endear you to him/her. You will probably then be told that you are excused from working the extra hours but this will hurt you in both the short- and long run.

[Anonymous]

I think it does sound lazy to your boss - pregnant or not - to say you had to work 41, 42, 43 hours a week. If you said you were already over 50 and then required to work more I would say that's a lot right now. Ask if you can do anything over 40 hours at home maybe?

[Anonymous]

For some perspective, people opining that the OP should suck it up, my full time week is 37.5 hours. This is defined by my employer. If I was asked regularly to work 40+ hours, that, for me, is overtime. Not a ton of overtime, and certainly not a back-breaking amount of work by the standards of this 60+ hour/week town, but it would still be overtime for me. At 32 weeks pregnant, any overtime at all would have exhausted me. Now, not pregnant, with a toddler, any overtime at all exhausts me. If I was trying to cope with all of those things at once, I would be as stressed out as the OP is.

Also keep in mind that everyone's pregnancy is different, and every pregnancy a woman has is different as well. My first was a wonderfully easy pregnancy and wonderfully easy baby. My best friend's first pregnancy was physically exhausting and her first child was a very difficult baby. If the OP says she's struggling, comments about how she should suck it up are both useless and heartless.