how would you handle this difficult work situation?

[Anonymous]

OP, many business settings in our region have a culture that constantly asks workers to "make sacrifices" and put in long hours. And there are a lot of ambitious suckers out there who happily comply in hopes of getting ahead. You have to decide whether that aligns with your personal needs in life or not. There really are good jobs out there with good organizations that recognize that happy workers with balanced lives are more productive. If your current workplace can't offer that environment, I wouldn't waste a lot of energy trying to satisfy their unrealistic expectations.

Ignore the "I've always worked 60 hours a week" martyrs. That's a choice, not a metric for deciding whether or not someone has a strong work ethic or is a valuable employee. I supervise a number of employees who happily fool around at the office until 6 or 7pm every night yet somehow are substantially less productive than my employees who keep a strict 9-5 work day.

[Anonymous]

One thing I've learned to do is set my limits. I may not move up as fast, but I know that I CAN'T work much overtime because I'm the primary caregiver in the family. Nevertheless, I continue to be promoted, because I'm good at what I do. try to focus on your contribution to the job, as opposed to what others may think you're not doing. For the team project, volunteer to do what is manageable to you, and do a great job.

When I first started working, I was always finished with my work by 5:00, yet my colleagues were always running around like chickens with their heads cut off. Rather than say to myself, "What am I missing?" I realized that I was simply more efficient than others.

Presently, I get to work before 8:00 and I leave at around 5:00-5:30 to pick up my kids. My colleagues roll in at around 9:00, take an hour or so to work out in the afternoon, and leave the office at 7:00. While it appears they are working harder than I, we are really working the same hours.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:For some perspective, people opining that the OP should suck it up, my full time week is 37.5 hours. This is defined by my employer. If I was asked regularly to work 40+ hours, that, for me, is overtime. Not a ton of overtime, and certainly not a back-breaking amount of work by the standards of this 60+ hour/week town, but it would still be overtime for me. At 32 weeks pregnant, any overtime at all would have exhausted me. Now, not pregnant, with a toddler, any overtime at all exhausts me. If I was trying to cope with all of those things at once, I would be as stressed out as the OP is.

Also keep in mind that everyone's pregnancy is different, and every pregnancy a woman has is different as well. My first was a wonderfully easy pregnancy and wonderfully easy baby. My best friend's first pregnancy was physically exhausting and her first child was a very difficult baby. If the OP says she's struggling, comments about how she should suck it up are both useless and heartless.

As was noted by another PP, OP is pregnant, not cripple. I have three kids and lots of times I didn't feel well but I was getting paid to do my job, which I did. When I felt I was too exhausted to continue then I began my maternity leave early and OP can do the same. Just because you're pregnant doesn't mean that you get special privileges. It has been hard enough in the work place for women to make the progress we have over the past 30 years and we still have a long way to go and women like OP aren't helping this situation. If you can't stand the heat, get out of the kitchen.

[Anonymous]

I think that OP is misunderstood. She is saying 43 hours hard but managing. She is stressed by the fact that this is not enough. I agree with others to do what you can to push through the next two months and get your leave. Thereafter, look for another job that is more flexible.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

As was noted by another PP, OP is pregnant, not cripple. I have three kids and lots of times I didn't feel well but I was getting paid to do my job, which I did. When I felt I was too exhausted to continue then I began my maternity leave early and OP can do the same. Just because you're pregnant doesn't mean that you get special privileges. It has been hard enough in the work place for women to make the progress we have over the past 30 years and we still have a long way to go and women like OP aren't helping this situation. If you can't stand the heat, get out of the kitchen.

While I agree with the you're pregnant not crippled, you're still a woman. No man can be pregnant and until then, you should get some privileges. I'm not saying your work performance has to suffer, I have no idea what OP does but really, there are distinct differences between the capabilities of a man and a woman. No man will ever have to pump breastmilk or birth a baby, let alone carry them. To compare the "progress" women have made with regards to OP's situation is irrelevant. I have 3 kids as well and work up until I deliver, all on my feet as a nurse. My patients don't care how I am feeling, they're the patients and I'm there to care for them until I leave for the day.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I'm reading the post a bit differently, I don't think the OP is complaining about her current duties, but rather the expectation of "personal sacrifices" for this project. Sounds like a busy and demanding job that OP is managing - just barely. If I heard that I'd be expected to work weekends in addition, it would send me looking for a new job. I'm sorry I don't have any advice but it sounds like a crappy place to work.

Sorry, that's not a 40 hr/week job.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I'm sorry, but since when is working more than 40+ hours a week the norm? I agree with the occasional needing the put in more but seriously? I would rather spend the time with my family than busting my ass for a company that won't remember my name after a few weeks. I just think the expectations put on women in general today are absurd, I work to live, I don't live to work . People do what they get away with, and if people are willing to work a ton of hours for the same pay of a 40 hr week, the employer is going to keep doing it. Their profit margin is better for it, but don't think you're going to get a gold star just more work next time.

Then get a different job. Pretty simple, for both the PP and the OP. The comment, "They are expecting way too much work from the position. I am not a lazy bum and have never had a problem at work before about not meeting expectations but this position requires way too much." is nonsense. It's just another way of saying she doesn't feel like she can fulfill the job responsibilities, and blaming the employer for settign unrealistic expectations, rather than recognizing that she doesn't want to do what the job requires.

Also, your "expectations put on women" comment is pretty silly - it's OK for men to be expected to work hard, and long hours, but not women? Sorry, no. Not in this day and age. (Although if it's wrong for you th be expected to work as hard as a man, I assume you're OK with making less than he does?)

[Anonymous]

NP here. PP - are you by any chance in BigLaw?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:
Also, your "expectations put on women" comment is pretty silly - it's OK for men to be expected to work hard, and long hours, but not women? Sorry, no. Not in this day and age. (Although if it's wrong for you th be expected to work as hard as a man, I assume you're OK with making less than he does?)

Can a man do all that a woman does? No, he can't. I'm speaking with regards to reproduction and sustaining a life. Can a man breastfeed a newborn? No, but he can formula feed, which is subpar at best. So, if as a women in the workforce, I have to take time to pump to give my kid the optimal nutrition I will. No man can do that for me, so no we're not equal to men, we're different. I don't have cock envy in the workplace, I do my job both at home and at work. I balance and prioritize as suits me and my family. I don't compare my salary to the men or women I work with, if I think I deserve more I ask for it, or find a place that will pay me for what I'm worth.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:
Also, your "expectations put on women" comment is pretty silly - it's OK for men to be expected to work hard, and long hours, but not women? Sorry, no. Not in this day and age. (Although if it's wrong for you th be expected to work as hard as a man, I assume you're OK with making less than he does?)

Can a man do all that a woman does? No, he can't. I'm speaking with regards to reproduction and sustaining a life. Can a man breastfeed a newborn? No, but he can formula feed, which is subpar at best. So, if as a women in the workforce, I have to take time to pump to give my kid the optimal nutrition I will. No man can do that for me, so no we're not equal to men, we're different. I don't have cock envy in the workplace, I do my job both at home and at work. I balance and prioritize as suits me and my family. I don't compare my salary to the men or women I work with, if I think I deserve more I ask for it, or find a place that will pay me for what I'm worth.

It would have been helpful if you had said that in the first place.

[Anonymous]

It's sad really but a lot of workplaces expect you to show up, do your job, earn your pay and leave anything non-office related at home. Yes, that includes kids, personal problems, illnesses etc. Pregnancy will not earn you a break, I know at my firm, they'd as soon let you go on medical leave than cut your hours or give you "less work".

Just the world we live in.

[Anonymous]

Thanks everyone for your perspectives. I have started searching for a new job-including trying to find some places that offer flexible work environments/schedules. Overall, it is just depressing.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Thanks everyone for your perspectives. I have started searching for a new job-including trying to find some places that offer flexible work environments/schedules. Overall, it is just depressing.

You do know, I hope, that if you leave this job you will not be eligible for FMLA? I doubt that there are many companies, busineses, law firms, etc., that would seriously consider hiring someone as far along as you and then would be taking off two or three months, even if it unaid leave.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Thanks everyone for your perspectives. I have started searching for a new job-including trying to find some places that offer flexible work environments/schedules. Overall, it is just depressing.

You do know, I hope, that if you leave this job you will not be eligible for FMLA? I doubt that there are many companies, busineses, law firms, etc., that would seriously consider hiring someone as far along as you and then would be taking off two or three months, even if it unaid leave.

No shit sherlock.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP, many business settings in our region have a culture that constantly asks workers to "make sacrifices" and put in long hours. And there are a lot of ambitious suckers out there who happily comply in hopes of getting ahead. You have to decide whether that aligns with your personal needs in life or not. There really are good jobs out there with good organizations that recognize that happy workers with balanced lives are more productive. If your current workplace can't offer that environment, I wouldn't waste a lot of energy trying to satisfy their unrealistic expectations.

Ignore the "I've always worked 60 hours a week" martyrs. That's a choice, not a metric for deciding whether or not someone has a strong work ethic or is a valuable employee. I supervise a number of employees who happily fool around at the office until 6 or 7pm every night yet somehow are substantially less productive than my employees who keep a strict 9-5 work day.

I agree with this poster. I get really sick of hearing from people that working 40 hours a week is a "dream job." I switched to a job with 40 hour weeks from a much more stressful but better paying job that required 50-60 hours/week, and it was a great move for me. If your boss is a total a-hole, I say just work the 42-ish hours a week that you can and leave it at that, knowing that after maternity leave you might go back for a bit but eventually look for another job. If, on the other hand, he or she is more reasonable, I agree with PPs who said you should try to talk to him or her about your inability at this point to make many "personal sacrifices" beyond the ones you already are. I would also check with your dr or midwife to see if they could make clear to your employer that there are medical reasons you can't do this.

I'm so sorry OP - this really sucks. Take care of yourself.