How to deal with paranoid/overly sensitive "friends"

[Anonymous]

I'm with the OP. I also live in a neighborhood where people spend a lot of time outside in front of their houses and I also get tired of having to make small talk with acquaintances every time I want to load or unload the car. It's not that I'm not friendly with my neighbors, because I am, but every once in a while, it would be nice to just go from the car parked on the street to my front door without having to chit chat for 10 minutes.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I'm with the OP. I also live in a neighborhood where people spend a lot of time outside in front of their houses and I also get tired of having to make small talk with acquaintances every time I want to load or unload the car. It's not that I'm not friendly with my neighbors, because I am, but every once in a while, it would be nice to just go from the car parked on the street to my front door without having to chit chat for 10 minutes.

This is my point. This is a totally valid way to feel. It makes sense. What doesn't make sense is the OP turning *her* feelings into some sort of character flaw in a friendly neighbor. If you look at the actual words the neighbor is reported as saying, there is nothing wrong with them. The OP implies that there was some tone or vibe to them, but I would be willing to bet that any tone was a response to the OP's tone.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm with the OP. I also live in a neighborhood where people spend a lot of time outside in front of their houses and I also get tired of having to make small talk with acquaintances every time I want to load or unload the car. It's not that I'm not friendly with my neighbors, because I am, but every once in a while, it would be nice to just go from the car parked on the street to my front door without having to chit chat for 10 minutes.

This is my point. This is a totally valid way to feel. It makes sense. What doesn't make sense is the OP turning *her* feelings into some sort of character flaw in a friendly neighbor. If you look at the actual words the neighbor is reported as saying, there is nothing wrong with them. The OP implies that there was some tone or vibe to them, but I would be willing to bet that any tone was a response to the OP's tone.

I'm the PP you quoted, and I would agree that with MOST of my neighbors you would be spot on. There are a couple, however, who are extremely passive aggressive in other ways, so when they say things like "Oh well, let's just go back to our house because SOMEONE is obviously busy" or "You're always in SUCH a hurry", I am reasonably sure that the tone is with them and not me.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm with the OP. I also live in a neighborhood where people spend a lot of time outside in front of their houses and I also get tired of having to make small talk with acquaintances every time I want to load or unload the car. It's not that I'm not friendly with my neighbors, because I am, but every once in a while, it would be nice to just go from the car parked on the street to my front door without having to chit chat for 10 minutes.

This is my point. This is a totally valid way to feel. It makes sense. What doesn't make sense is the OP turning *her* feelings into some sort of character flaw in a friendly neighbor. If you look at the actual words the neighbor is reported as saying, there is nothing wrong with them. The OP implies that there was some tone or vibe to them, but I would be willing to bet that any tone was a response to the OP's tone.

I'm the PP you quoted, and I would agree that with MOST of my neighbors you would be spot on. There are a couple, however, who are extremely passive aggressive in other ways, so when they say things like "Oh well, let's just go back to our house because SOMEONE is obviously busy" or "You're always in SUCH a hurry", I am reasonably sure that the tone is with them and not me.

However, OP does sound pretty unpleasant with her talk about "paranoid" (??) friends, and how she's not interested in "coddling" people and doesn't have time for them, etc. She just doesn't really sound like a particularly pleasant person. I think it'd serve her right if all of her "friends" decided they are too busy for her.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:However, OP does sound pretty unpleasant with her talk about "paranoid" (??) friends, and how she's not interested in "coddling" people and doesn't have time for them, etc. She just doesn't really sound like a particularly pleasant person. I think it'd serve her right if all of her "friends" decided they are too busy for her.

I very much hope my passive aggressive neighbors decide they are too busy for ME. Would make life in my neighborhood much more pleasant! (mean grin)

[Anonymous]

wow.....OP you are being self-centered and narcissistic!
All I ever read on this forum is how unfriendly Washingtonians are.
Now we have clean evidence of it. The OP has the nerve to BITCH about a neighbor who is just trying to be NEIGHBORLY...and her fucking panties are all in a wad over someone being TOO NICE and WANTING TO SOCIALIZE!

Move to the far out burbs where you have 10 acres all to yourself so that no one even knows you exist. Sounds like where the OP belongs...

And pick up the phone and apologize for your disgusting behavior!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm with the OP. I also live in a neighborhood where people spend a lot of time outside in front of their houses and I also get tired of having to make small talk with acquaintances every time I want to load or unload the car. It's not that I'm not friendly with my neighbors, because I am, but every once in a while, it would be nice to just go from the car parked on the street to my front door without having to chit chat for 10 minutes.

This is my point. This is a totally valid way to feel. It makes sense. What doesn't make sense is the OP turning *her* feelings into some sort of character flaw in a friendly neighbor. If you look at the actual words the neighbor is reported as saying, there is nothing wrong with them. The OP implies that there was some tone or vibe to them, but I would be willing to bet that any tone was a response to the OP's tone.

OP this is exactly how I feel. And honestly, I didn't see it as a character flaw in my neighbor for wanting to be friendly. What I did find offensive and bothersome was that she clearly got so mad at me about something dumb that I don't even feel like was my fault! (Hence me calling her paranoid/sensistive) If it was so obvious to her that I wasn't in the mood to chit chat (as it obviously was based on her comment about not getting a warm welcome) why didn't she just go home? That's what I would have done and wouldn't have been offended or felt the need to make a snarky comment to her.

And I could not care less if this women wants to be my friend or not. I agree that its easier to be neighbors if you are friendly, and would prefer to remain friendly with this neighbor. But its not like we are long lost sisters or something.

And no, my 2 year old does not rummage around in other people's garages - and I resent the implication that this is typical toddler behavior!

[Anonymous]

13:22 here. Meant to say that I was the OP writing the response.

[Anonymous]

I used to have a neighbor that I bumped into every day as I got in from work with my child in the backseat. I would be coming from daycare pickup after a long day at work. My kid was hungry, tired, wanted mommy, etc. Neighbor was an old man who cared for his grandchildren a lot and this was obviously their walk time. He would literally be approaching my driveway returning from walking everyday. I was friendly at first, but then it turned into just a marathon 20 minute conversation each day while I was jiggling an increasingly hungry baby. Finally, I started smiling and waving as I drove down our street and then pulling into the garage and putting the garage door down.

[Anonymous]

OP could move out to the countryside and have no neighbors. Problem solved.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I
And I could not care less if this women wants to be my friend or not. I agree that its easier to be neighbors if you are friendly, and would prefer to remain friendly with this neighbor. But its not like we are long lost sisters or something.

And no, my 2 year old does not rummage around in other people's garages - and I resent the implication that this is typical toddler behavior!

This is the part that is really unattractive. It sounds like you don't understand how to be a good neighbor. No, you are not long lost sisters -- you are NEIGHBORS. It matters to you AND to your child that you have good relationships with them. It sounds like you feel free to freeze people out when you are too busy for their company. I would be upset if someone treated my three year old the way you treated your three year old neighbor. You are an adult -- couldnt' you just say, "DC is just going down for a nap so it's not a good time to take out the toys"???? How do you handle things in life, OP? Is freezing people out is your only way to be in control?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP could move out to the countryside and have no neighbors. Problem solved.

yep

[Anonymous]

Why didn't you tell me to my face instead of posting it on here? No one is paranoid- you were rude, and it's not the first time.

[Anonymous]

I suspect OP is like me and an introvert. If I've just been at the playground for 2 hours playing with my child and chatting with my actual mom friends, and I pull my car onto my property and see that my neighbor who I'm not actually friends with is running over to talk for 12 minutes about when we can have a playdate, or do I want to have a glass of wine at 3 pm or the latest thing her 7 year old did at gymnastics, and all I want to do is go inside and take a deep breath, to be HOME!, I am annoyed. And yes, I'm fully aware that I need to move to the country. I am trying to get there.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

OP is right. 3 yr old just stopping by to play - no that's not ok.

Exactly.. I don't care if the kid lives next door. All interactions between children must occur in the context of a formally-scheduled playdate. Kids just wandering over to lay with each other? What is this world coming to?!

At the age of 3! Hell no that's not acceptable if my neighbor let her kids do it all the time, I would believe she didn't understand how to properly supervise a child and I would call the police.