My ex gave my allergic kid unsafe candy

[Anonymous]

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Anonymous wrote:Ok, you haven’t said what your kid’s allergens are, unless I missed it. I’m going to assume they’re tree nuts and peanuts, given the Easter egg context. I’m also going to assume it was a chocolate bunny given the foil wrapped comment you made.

First thing you should teach your kid with nut allergies is to NEVER accept/eat chocolate that isn’t labeled with ingredients. Doesn’t matter if a parent gives it to them or not. No ingredients to read= hard pass. I know it’s hard/sad to see them unable to enjoy like other kids, but I’ve always taught my 14 year old son with nut allergies that no brownie or chocolate is worth having a reaction and that we will get a safe treat later.

It sounds like your kid knew that and refused, so good for her. She carries two epis all the time- good for her.

You know your ex best, but with nut allergies, sweets are really hard, so I wouldn’t necessarily extrapolate that a slip up with chocolate means all food your ex provides is now suspect. Unfortunately, there is nothing we can do to ever be 100% safe from allergens. There are always food recalls stating undeclared allergens found, etc.

This was the safe treat mom gave her after and she trusted mom when it came to the replacement safe treat and didn't catch it. OP did as he recognized it and stopped her from eating it. Had daughter not called him then, she would have eaten it and more than likely had a reaction. While most on here say who cares - her problem. Some of us can understand (as an adult who had allergies as a child and a mother I couldn't trust to not give me nuts) how this makes daughter feel.

Oh please. The kid wasn't a moment away rom eating it, life hanging in the balance, until she called Daddy who saved her life.

Why do you say that? She was eating through the 'safe' candy, and would have eaten the chocolates next. Dad noticed and stopped her. Had dad not stopped her I am not sure why you think the chocolate wouldn't have caused a serious or even life threatening reaction when she ate it?

Because she stopped and thought about it. This is her life. She knows she has to think before eating "unsafe" things.

Op said he stopped her as he noticed it when talking ot her on the phone and knew it wasn't safe. .

What is this candy dad immediately recognized but kid didn't? I call BS on this story.

Did you read the thread? It was an Easter candy. Dad had seen it in the store but didn't buy it after he checked it and saw it had nuts. Mom gave it to daughter as the safe replacement candy - dad was on the phone and saw it and told her not to eat it. Daughter didn't know it wasn't safe as mom had given to her as a safe replacement for the candy she couldn't eat.

Actually, if you read carefully the OP has avoided stating whether it contained the allergen, was a “may contain” or a “processed on shared equipment”. If you have an allergic kid you know that many allergists advocate a different level of risk tolerance to these different labels, and OP hasn’t said which it was.

For my dangerously allergic child, we allow “shared equipment” or “may contain trace” if we are in our own home (with every level of response available to us and 11 minutes from an ER). Our allergist endorses this approach. So no, we don’t know that this candy was necessarily dangerous.

I clarified early in the thread that it had a filling that included the allergen. Something like this, although I can’t find the specific brand on my phone.

https://www.williams-sonoma.com/products/rainbow-chocolate-praline-eggs/?sku=1220688&cm_ven=PLA&cm_ite=1220688_14932288941&cm_cat=Google&cm_pla=Local&gad_source=1&gclid=EAIaIQobChMIg_afx8yphQMVc0ZHAR3ZLwG8EAQYASABEgLtn_D_BwE

But I am not going to engage with people looking to shame people who don’t let their kid eat “may contain” or “shared equipment”. My kid’s allergist has been crystal clear in both the written allergy plan and conversations with both of us that they are not safe for my kid.

Weird that you "can't find it now" but saw a pic of it and instantly knew exactly what it was and confirmed the ingredients. And now you can't.

"I spotted it because I had seen the same candies in the store and checked the ingredients because they were cute so when my youngest texted me “look at my candy” it clicked."

Really not weird that I remembered the wrapper 24 hours after I saw it but don’t remember the brand name now almost a week later.

Also not weird that Easter candy was easier to find last week than this.

Well, considering how serious of an issue this supposedly is you would think you would have made a note or documented it since you seem to be building a case against your ex.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

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Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Ok, you haven’t said what your kid’s allergens are, unless I missed it. I’m going to assume they’re tree nuts and peanuts, given the Easter egg context. I’m also going to assume it was a chocolate bunny given the foil wrapped comment you made.

First thing you should teach your kid with nut allergies is to NEVER accept/eat chocolate that isn’t labeled with ingredients. Doesn’t matter if a parent gives it to them or not. No ingredients to read= hard pass. I know it’s hard/sad to see them unable to enjoy like other kids, but I’ve always taught my 14 year old son with nut allergies that no brownie or chocolate is worth having a reaction and that we will get a safe treat later.

It sounds like your kid knew that and refused, so good for her. She carries two epis all the time- good for her.

You know your ex best, but with nut allergies, sweets are really hard, so I wouldn’t necessarily extrapolate that a slip up with chocolate means all food your ex provides is now suspect. Unfortunately, there is nothing we can do to ever be 100% safe from allergens. There are always food recalls stating undeclared allergens found, etc.

This was the safe treat mom gave her after and she trusted mom when it came to the replacement safe treat and didn't catch it. OP did as he recognized it and stopped her from eating it. Had daughter not called him then, she would have eaten it and more than likely had a reaction. While most on here say who cares - her problem. Some of us can understand (as an adult who had allergies as a child and a mother I couldn't trust to not give me nuts) how this makes daughter feel.

Oh please. The kid wasn't a moment away rom eating it, life hanging in the balance, until she called Daddy who saved her life.

Why do you say that? She was eating through the 'safe' candy, and would have eaten the chocolates next. Dad noticed and stopped her. Had dad not stopped her I am not sure why you think the chocolate wouldn't have caused a serious or even life threatening reaction when she ate it?

Because she stopped and thought about it. This is her life. She knows she has to think before eating "unsafe" things.

Op said he stopped her as he noticed it when talking ot her on the phone and knew it wasn't safe. .

What is this candy dad immediately recognized but kid didn't? I call BS on this story.

Did you read the thread? It was an Easter candy. Dad had seen it in the store but didn't buy it after he checked it and saw it had nuts. Mom gave it to daughter as the safe replacement candy - dad was on the phone and saw it and told her not to eat it. Daughter didn't know it wasn't safe as mom had given to her as a safe replacement for the candy she couldn't eat.

Actually, if you read carefully the OP has avoided stating whether it contained the allergen, was a “may contain” or a “processed on shared equipment”. If you have an allergic kid you know that many allergists advocate a different level of risk tolerance to these different labels, and OP hasn’t said which it was.

For my dangerously allergic child, we allow “shared equipment” or “may contain trace” if we are in our own home (with every level of response available to us and 11 minutes from an ER). Our allergist endorses this approach. So no, we don’t know that this candy was necessarily dangerous.

I clarified early in the thread that it had a filling that included the allergen. Something like this, although I can’t find the specific brand on my phone.

https://www.williams-sonoma.com/products/rainbow-chocolate-praline-eggs/?sku=1220688&cm_ven=PLA&cm_ite=1220688_14932288941&cm_cat=Google&cm_pla=Local&gad_source=1&gclid=EAIaIQobChMIg_afx8yphQMVc0ZHAR3ZLwG8EAQYASABEgLtn_D_BwE

But I am not going to engage with people looking to shame people who don’t let their kid eat “may contain” or “shared equipment”. My kid’s allergist has been crystal clear in both the written allergy plan and conversations with both of us that they are not safe for my kid.

Weird that you "can't find it now" but saw a pic of it and instantly knew exactly what it was and confirmed the ingredients. And now you can't.

"I spotted it because I had seen the same candies in the store and checked the ingredients because they were cute so when my youngest texted me “look at my candy” it clicked."

Not weird, because obvious troll is obvious.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Op, the man haters are out tonight. If this was a woman posting how her ex had told their nut allergic daughter that he had gotten her safe chocolates since she couldn't eat the regular chocolates but then he didn't check the labels and actually gave her chocolate with nuts and the only reason daughter didn't eat it is as mom say it....no one would be telling mom that she has an anxiety disorder for being concerned and that no one should be upset or bothered or anxious at all about dad giving daughter 'safe' chocolate with nuts and that the only issue is that mom needs therapy.

There are actually other posts on here from women whose husbands give their children food with allergens and no one tells the OP to get get herself therapy and leave dad alone and let him give child whatever he wants.

When OP's only contact with ex is through paid FC vendors how he comes across to them matters.

[Anonymous]

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Anonymous wrote:It'll happen. You train your kid and really can't account for what other people will do. You won't be able to control everything.

You train your kid that they can’t trust their own parent?

You teach your kid that anyone can make mistakes so they always have to double check.

This is not hard. You guys need to grow up.

This. The kid wears a seatbelt in the car even if the parent is a safe driver right? Because accidents happen?

Excellent analogy.

OP, how did you leap from an accident re: once a year holiday candy to "meals are unsafe?"

You need CBT to manage your anxiety and not conflate.

As a parent of a kid with allergies to 6 of the top 8 foods, I get it is stressful. I'm divorced from someone I have safety concerns about, I get that too. But you need to be able to distinguish an accident that is isolated from ongoing patterns and not come across as hysterically conflating the 2. FC is not your friend and at the level of conflict that 3rd party coordinators suggests, all you can do is manage yourself. Once the FC vendors have their hooks in they will be happy to drain you both dry financially. You need to not play into that, it's not in your kids' interests. Managing anxiety is key, a low dose med might be helpful while you access the CBT techniques.

Re: ex, I found the free NAMI family to family course helpful, perhaps you may, too.

I don’t know what FC or a 3rd party coordinator means in this context. The 3rd party in this context is mom’s parent the kids’ grandparent. Since mom doesn’t talk to me at all, I need someone I can tell that I am sending antibiotics because a kid has an ear infection, and who can tell me when and where to drop off or pick up and what to pack. In this case, since the grandparent was at the celebration, after I talked to my daughter and said “hold off on eating the candy”, I texted grandparent that it needed to be sorted out.

This is part of a bigger pattern. Since separation, there have been multiple incidents including driving while intoxicated with kids in the car.

Talk about burying the lede. DUI? If true you need to get her busted.

+1. This has to be a troll.

What has your lawyer said, OP? This doling out of details seems trollish, but, you tell us, OP.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Op, the man haters are out tonight. If this was a woman posting how her ex had told their nut allergic daughter that he had gotten her safe chocolates since she couldn't eat the regular chocolates but then he didn't check the labels and actually gave her chocolate with nuts and the only reason daughter didn't eat it is as mom say it....no one would be telling mom that she has an anxiety disorder for being concerned and that no one should be upset or bothered or anxious at all about dad giving daughter 'safe' chocolate with nuts and that the only issue is that mom needs therapy.

There are actually other posts on here from women whose husbands give their children food with allergens and no one tells the OP to get get herself therapy and leave dad alone and let him give child whatever he wants.

When OP's only contact with ex is through paid FC vendors how he comes across to them matters.

I don’t know where you are getting the “paid FC vendor” when I have been clear that communication goes through my kids’ grandparent.