Truthfully, can you both have careers and have 3+ kids?

[Anonymous]

I just had my second and my heart wants a third but my husband has a leadership role and I’m a physician. Our careers are important to us. We have some flexibility in our jobs but reading posts it sounds like 3 kids and two careers isn’t possible. Anyone who is making it work (esp without nanny or day to day family help)? How?

[Anonymous]

We were able to manage two careers when we had 3 kids. I had a flexible job which helped. I had to quit when we had our 4th.

[Anonymous]

Real question, why would you try to do this without a nanny? It seems like you would at least need a nanny.

[Anonymous]

Four kids, nanny full time. No physical family help, but financial.

[Anonymous]

It’s hard. My career is really important to me but I need flexibility, my children are all elementary age but there are still random illnesses, activities etc it makes it really hard.

[MayBug]

First, congratulations on the birth of your second kid! My employer and his wife, who works as a therapist, have three children. They seem to manage their careers well. If you both enjoy a certain amount of flexibility in your jobs, I don't see a reason why you shouldn't. For a fourth kid, however, you probably would need to wait until the eldest could support you.

[Anonymous]

Worked for us. Three kids. Trial lawyer with full caseload that also managed a litigation section and VP level healthcare administrator. We used daycare and did not really have babysitters or anything but very occasional help - like once a year or so in real emergencies, not for like late to daycare pick up type “emergencies”, which we never had because we didn’t allow that to happen. (Only time we were late was when the roads flooded and no one could get there). We had an every other week housecleaner and probably didn’t do much cleaning in between. One summer we got someone to do the yard, but that was more trouble than it was worth for us.

Two of my kids have special needs and required therapies and IEPs. That was managed by doing an alternative work schedule so that I had off one day every other week and handling those therapies that could not b done during the evenings and weekends. That worked because there were/are rarely substantive matters handled on Fridays in court in this area and if there were, I just got them moved. That was a pain, but manageable.

Key to making things work for us was never duplicating functions, not bean counting as to who is doing more in household chores and child related duties, being really organized, not sweating the small stuff and realizing that most stuff is small stuff. We both knew our roles/lanes, which were developed based on what we were good at, what we liked to do and what we had time for.

And, we never forgot/forget to have fun and we never forgot/forget to be nice to each other and understand that we are doing the best we can.

[Anonymous]

The only couple I know who truly have made this work have utilized two full time nannies in the early years, have local grandparents, and she is an ER doc who has a very flexible schedule.

[Anonymous]

We have four kids and two high stress jobs. For us, the key is having school, day care, work, activities all close to home and truly partnering together to juggle things. We keep our weekends and evenings as simple as possible. Our kids have early bed times and we can finish work and hang out with each other after 8 pm.

[Anonymous]

I guess it depends on what you think a successful career is. My DH is a big law partner. He works somewhere between 60-80 hours a week plus travels to see clients. I work a normal 9-5 job with a lot of flexibility from home. We have 3 kids (5 years apart from start to finish). It’s a lot. I do a lot. We don’t have a nanny or any family near by. We have great friends and a network of people we can count on if need be.

When everything aligns and there is daycare and school things go ok. If something goes awry then it’s like a house of cards and everything comes tumbling down.

[Anonymous]

My sister and her husband are very successful big law attorneys with 3 kids. They had a full-time nanny and housecleaner. However, she did pull back for a little while as well. She still worked full-time but it was the entertaining of clients on evenings and weekends where she drew the line. The kids have turned out happy and successful and she loves her career. Our pediatrician and her physician husband have 3 kids (now college age and older).

[Anonymous]

Depends what type of physician. DH is a surgeon and he has two female colleague who are surgeons. One has 3 kids and the other has 4 kids. The husband took time off with kids and is the default parent in those cases. We know other physicians with 3-4 kids in various fields so it is possible. One friend works very part time (1-2 shifts per month) with 4 kids married to another high earning physician.

[Anonymous]

You need a third adult. But I think that’s true for 2 kids/2 careers. Why NOT have a full time nanny?

[Anonymous]

You must have plenty of money. Yes, get people to do the menial work of running a family while you oversee the important things.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I just had my second and my heart wants a third but my husband has a leadership role and I’m a physician. Our careers are important to us. We have some flexibility in our jobs but reading posts it sounds like 3 kids and two careers isn’t possible. Anyone who is making it work (esp without nanny or day to day family help)? How?

Not without a relative or a nanny doing a lot of heavy lifting of things a parent typically does. Of course it can be done but is that what you want?