Mom forgets coffee in microwave multiple times a week

[Anonymous]

My mom is 69. Cognitively she’s okay but I’ve noticed it’s been declining but again, she’s 69 so I figure that’s normal. We were talking about the entire family (22 of us) having Thanksgiving at the beach house last year and she said, “we didn’t have Thanksgiving there”. My brother and I looked at her confused and told her that we did but she said again that we hadn’t. We then recounted stories of things that we did and then that’s when she remembered. Outside of that incident there’s been nothing truly alarming, just general forgetfulness due to old age I guess - she’ll occasionally repeat something she just told me the day prior. Other times she’s repeating word for word what she heard on the news and things she’s read when debating politics (she loves politics), and this is what gives me some reassurance.

My mother teaches virtually and everyday during the work week she has coffee. A handful of those days she forgets her coffee in the microwave despite it beeping non stop for hours, which I can hear from upstairs. I attributed this to her not hearing the beeping because she’s obviously teaching. However, this happens so frequently that it’s causing me to be worried. So I don’t know if I’m overreacting here or not.

Thoughts?

[Anonymous]

What are you worried about exactly? Are you worried about her hearing (I have hearing loss and couldn't hear the microwave without my hearing aids)? Are you worried that she's forgetful about her coffee? Leaving coffee in the microwave is something that a lot of people do - that's the reason that microwaves beep, to remind people who forget.

[Anonymous]

If it's just the coffee thing, I think you are overreacting. I'm 44, have no cognitive decline, and will forget my tea in the microwave multiple times a week because I get busy. If I'm in a part of the house where I can't hear it, I can't hear it.

If you don't have other examples, this seems like a big overreaction (and also mostly just about you being annoyed by it when you are in her house -- why not just go take it out of the microwave after it's been beeping for a few minutes? Can you just take it to her? Why are you allowing it to beep for hours if you can hear it and she can't?

[Anonymous]

My mom left her tea in the microwave nearly every day for years between the ages of 30 and 45 till she quit drinking tea.

That alone wouldn’t concern me, but the Thanksgiving thing would. You know your mom best - trust your gut.

[Anonymous]

All of this sounds pretty mild, OP.
However, it doesn't mean you should just stand by and do nothing until she gets worse.

If she's a cooperative sort, you could tell her that they make meds these days to stave off memory loss, and that to access them, she has to ask her doctor for a test. The test will be for Mild Cognitive Impairment, which is a relatively new diagnosis, and comes before dementia. You can research it to see whether it fits your mother's profile, and to know exactly what she needs to ask from her doctor. Ideally, you'd accompany her to her appointment. It might turn out she does not yet qualify for a diagnosis, in which case her test will serve as a baseline for future comparisons.

She probably has mild hearing loss and also needs to be tested, to determine if she needs hearing aids. Hearing loss contributes to the development of dementia.

[Anonymous]

Leaving the drink in the microwave isn’t cause for concern. I’m in my 50s and have been doing this sort of thing for decades.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:What are you worried about exactly? Are you worried about her hearing (I have hearing loss and couldn't hear the microwave without my hearing aids)? Are you worried that she's forgetful about her coffee? Leaving coffee in the microwave is something that a lot of people do - that's the reason that microwaves beep, to remind people who forget.

Yes, lots of people forget things in the microwave, I know I do but it’s the beeping that goes on for hours when she’s 10 feet away and the frequency of it happening that’s making me worried.

I don’t know if it’s her hearing or early stages of dementia.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Leaving the drink in the microwave isn’t cause for concern. I’m in my 50s and have been doing this sort of thing for decades.

Multiple times a week though?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:If it's just the coffee thing, I think you are overreacting. I'm 44, have no cognitive decline, and will forget my tea in the microwave multiple times a week because I get busy. If I'm in a part of the house where I can't hear it, I can't hear it.

If you don't have other examples, this seems like a big overreaction (and also mostly just about you being annoyed by it when you are in her house -- why not just go take it out of the microwave after it's been beeping for a few minutes? Can you just take it to her? Why are you allowing it to beep for hours if you can hear it and she can't?

+1 I've been doing this for years! If you get busy in another room or on a Zoom call, then you can't remove your cup of tea from the microwave. I think you are over-reacting because the beeping is probably irritating to you.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Leaving the drink in the microwave isn’t cause for concern. I’m in my 50s and have been doing this sort of thing for decades.

Right? In a FB group I’m in for parents people often sign off on their posts with a reminder to get the coffee out of the microwave or move the laundry to the dryer because yeah, we are all busy and forget stuff. And if the microwave beep is high pitched there may be some hearing loss, which is fairly normal.

But maybe do see about getting an evaluation to establish a baseline.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:If it's just the coffee thing, I think you are overreacting. I'm 44, have no cognitive decline, and will forget my tea in the microwave multiple times a week because I get busy. If I'm in a part of the house where I can't hear it, I can't hear it.

If you don't have other examples, this seems like a big overreaction (and also mostly just about you being annoyed by it when you are in her house -- why not just go take it out of the microwave after it's been beeping for a few minutes? Can you just take it to her? Why are you allowing it to beep for hours if you can hear it and she can't?

I will get the coffee for her but lately I haven’t so that I can see if she remembers on her own.

[Anonymous]

Who doesn’t forget their coffee in the microwave several times a week?

Also, the older you get, the more quickly each year seems to go by, and, the more Thanksgivings (or whatever holiday) you have experienced. It’s possibly not at all odd to get one year mixed up with another at her age.

If she’s teaching online regularly and enjoying political discussions, she must be pretty cognitively with it. What is your main concern about her?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:All of this sounds pretty mild, OP.
However, it doesn't mean you should just stand by and do nothing until she gets worse.

If she's a cooperative sort, you could tell her that they make meds these days to stave off memory loss, and that to access them, she has to ask her doctor for a test. The test will be for Mild Cognitive Impairment, which is a relatively new diagnosis, and comes before dementia. You can research it to see whether it fits your mother's profile, and to know exactly what she needs to ask from her doctor. Ideally, you'd accompany her to her appointment. It might turn out she does not yet qualify for a diagnosis, in which case her test will serve as a baseline for future comparisons.

She probably has mild hearing loss and also needs to be tested, to determine if she needs hearing aids. Hearing loss contributes to the development of dementia.

Thank you, I will do this. Hopefully it’s just mild hearing loss.

[Anonymous]

Do you live with your mother? Why are you at her house so frequently that the microwave beep bothers you so much?

[Anonymous]

Stop looking for problems both me and my spouse in our 40s do this. Not a big deal. You are completely overreacting. Wondering if you have any real problems going on in your life right now...