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Parenting -- Special Concerns
Who gets to decide what DD/DS call the step parent?
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Anonymous
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Ex-DH and I generally have (had?) a great relationship.
I am remarried and have been for almost 7 years. Ex has been with his girlfriend for about 3 years but is not married or engaged. Ex saw on DD's phone that she has my current husband, her SD, listed as Papa G in her phone. He asked about it and she explained that she calls him Papa G. She started doing this maybe 2 months ago on her own accord. Before that, she had always called him by his first name. Ex is furious. He sent me a lengthy text about it and also scolded DD. He told her that she was not to use any name for her SD except his first name. DD texted me when it happened. Just a very short text like "dad is mad I call ____ Papa G. He's going to call you heads up sry TYML" She then came home from her time with him very upset and feeling like she did something wrong. I reassured her that she did not. Ex's text was lots of CAPS LOCK messages about him being her only father and current DH should remember his place. He's not her dad or papa and never will be, blah blah blah. He also threatened to petition the court for more time (we have 50/50 right now) because he feels she's being negatively influenced and poisoned against him (wtf??). I told Ex that DD is old enough to make her on choice (she's 14 almost 15) and it was wrong of him to admonish her. DD is back to calling her SD by his first name and keeps apologizing to me for "making dad mad" and "causing stress" which leads me to believe she's the one stressed over this situation. I feel terrible for her because this is the first time she's experienced parents who were not buddy-buddy. And for the record, my current DH doesn't care what DD calls him. he was fine with his first name. He was fine with Papa G. |
Anonymous
| Tell her to start calling the new mom Mama K and see what happens. |
Anonymous
The OP said her ex is not engaged or married. Technically, there is no new mom. Op this is none of his business, and he would get nowhere with a court petition. It sounds to me that he is threatened by DD's relationship with SD. Since your dh doesn't mind either way, let your DD decide. I would be furious with ex for making her feel bad and let him know that. He doesn't control her relationship with SD or what goes on in your house. Does your daughter understand that it's perfectly OK to have a good relationship with SD, and theycan have that relationship no matter what she calls him? |
Anonymous
| If my ex husband did this regarding my almost 15 year old, I'd respond that I'm not in charge of or responsible for the name he chooses to call someone, and not engage beyond that. But this comes from the context of my ex and son generally spatting a lot, and not being willing to get pulled into the middle. Their personalities are too similar in some ways, and they just clash. |
Anonymous
| Don’t have children with someone you shouldn’t. |
Anonymous
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Remind your DH about Alex Baldwin and tell him he will do irreparable harm to the relationship with his daughter by acting that way.
https://heavy.com/entertainment/2019/09/alec-baldwin-voicemail-phonecall-daughter-message/ |
Anonymous
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Your ex may not like it but the reality is your DH is a role model in the life of your child. Children can never have too many people love them. Ex should want current DH and child to get along.
It might sting a bit but he should be adult enough to see nothing malicious is happening here and your kid respects new DH enough in her life to give him his new title. I have a friend with a son the same age as DD who is remarried and her ex is also getting married this year. 12yo son calls Step dad and soon to be step mom by their first names for now. |
Anonymous
I’m sure ex wants them to get along. That does not mean he needs to like the daughter calling the step dad that name. |
Anonymous
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It's none of his business what she calls other people.
He sounds like an insecure d*ck. I'd dare him to go for more than 50/50, and be prepared to fight back over how his temper is harming your child. |
Anonymous
| You are WRONG. Your child should only be using the term "dad" or any other version for her actual dad. Are you ok with your child calling someone else mom? |
Anonymous
Yes, it is his business and it his child. Its inappropriate. |
Anonymous
| My ex just asked that the kids not call my second husband anything they call him. Occasionally they slip because my second husband's kids live with us so my kids hear his kids calling him daddy all the time. But we don't stress over that. |
Anonymous
Hey, where did you get your time machine? I'd love to get one for myself. |
Anonymous
WRONG. This isn't any of his business indeed and he can stuff it. He is a man child who pitched a fit that his daughter loves and respects her SD instead of being glad that they have a good relationship. Maybe this moron would be happier if OP married someone awful who caused his daughter all kinds of stress on a daily basis. This is a sure way to have no relationship with his growing daughter when her time with him is not court-mandated. |
Anonymous
No, he is the parent. Mom's need to stop replacing the children's dad with their current husband and dismissing dad's role except as a child support check. It's very inappropriate and yes, he should have a say. Child should call step-dad by his first name. Are you ok with your child calling someone else MOM? |