Other Daughters of Narcissistic Mothers Here?

[Anonymous]

Today I am haunted by everything I lost in life due to her vicious abuse (and the secondary abuse from her enabler, my dad). Together, they viciously broke me and then I went out into the world and found men to break me even further.

Today I am struggling.

My life now is about putting food on the table and doing healing work alone in my bedroom. It is lonely and silent. Cutting my mother off was good and necessary but I still live with the pain every day.

I guess it's a good thing I decided to be childfree a few years ago because I'm single now.

This was a vent post, not an advice-seeking post. If anyone else wants to vent, I'm here to validate you. Thanks for reading.

[Anonymous]

I'm sorry. Are you in therapy? You don't have to be in such pain.

[Anonymous]

Yes. It's really rough.

And to the PP who thinks therapy fixes it, it doesn't for some.

[Anonymous]

Yes OP, there is a lot of information about this out there, I recommend reading it. It has helped me a lot.

[Anonymous]

It can be lonely but know that you are not alone.

I would suggest maybe a support group if you don't have anyone in your life who can sympathize? Sometimes just hearing that someone gets it can go a long way.

Hugs.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Yes. It's really rough.

And to the PP who thinks therapy fixes it, it doesn't for some.

OP here. Thank you for actually giving me the space to vent, for actually reading my post. I noticed and it means a lot.

[Anonymous]

Hey OP I’m with you and I feel you. Narc mom AND narc dad, went out in the world and found myself to be the flame that narc moths cannot resist. It makes sense as I was programmed early to be a fawning child then became a fawning girlfriend, desperate to be loved and turning myself inside out to please others without consideration for myself and soon resentful.

I cut off my parents two decades ago but already had three decades of abusive memories locked in, so they are never far from my thoughts. I was surprised by how much it persisted in middle age but the more I learned I found it’s common - so many of us repress and try to outrun in our youth and eventually we cannot continue avoiding ourselves.

I have days I’m very angry about how I was raised and how it damaged me. Some days I just sit in it. It’s okay to have those days.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Yes. It's really rough.

And to the PP who thinks therapy fixes it, it doesn't for some.

Dp. Just out of a therapy session where we discussed my narc mom, who abused, neglected and didn't love me. I have a good marriage and I am kind to my kids. I will never heal from the wounds she inflicted. I don't care what made her that way, there is no excuse for what she did. Worst of all is the feeling of worthlessness because even my own mother didn't love me.

[Anonymous]

How long ago did you cut contact? I found the 2 years after cutting contact were particularly difficult. Still have bad days, but they are less frequent.

[Anonymous]

Many therapists are really messed up themselves and project their stuff onto you, so that advice should be good therapists, not any rando therapist.

I had narc parents too and it’s not an experience I recommend. I felt worthless, voiceless, trampled on by everybody.

So I shrunk my circle to people I know will be there for me no matter what (my immediate family: DH, my DCs, and a good friend) to rebuild my faith in myself and others, while I strengthen myself. Have done many healing modalities over the past almost 20 years and thankfully it does seem like I’m in a better place than I was.

My life has been a struggle but I’m glad I kept on and keep going on. It gets better.

[Anonymous]

I am very sorry OP. I don't know you, but my hands are on your back as support.

[Anonymous]

OP I almost posted the same vent today. I found myself crying a bit earlier. The approaching holidays make me particularly sad. My mom is in her 70s and will never change. She has never offered me any sort of emotional support. You are not alone.

[Anonymous]

I'm sorry OP. You deserve better.

[Anonymous]

My parents did a number on me. The damage has limited my horizons for relationships and even career. I wish I could know who I would have been if I grew up in a healthy environment.

Despite that, I have chosen to forgive and my life is greatly improved because of it. Staying angry at someone who is troubled is like holding a hot coal and expecting them to feel the pain. They won't, it only hurts you.

[Anonymous]

I am estranged from my parents. In some ways it's hard around the holidays because I feel like there's a hole in my life. But in other ways I've really started coming into my own, which couldn't have happened without the space. It's hard to talk about with many people unless they know narcissists... the guilt is part of being the daughter of narcissists! We were made to carry guilt to make up for their sins. It's not your fault. I do go to therapy and recommend it.