Wife friendship with male neighbor

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Speaking as someone who was cheated on, so take that into account: I interpret your wife's reaction as meaning she had/has feelings for this guy but nothing happened or something almost happened and one or both of them put a stop to it. I am having trouble believing her anger and hurt is about you bringing this up. It feels like she's trying to shift the blame back to you. I don't think you mentioned, did you tell her you looked at her texts?

As far as I now, I have not been cheated on, and I had the same reaction. The anger, hurt, silent treatment seem over the top given the situation.

DP, agree with above.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here. I did not tell her I looked at the texts. Not yet.

Wow. So YOU’RE the one lying and hiding something from HER.

He looked because she gave him very good reason to be suspicious. It’s not like OP is just randomly spying on her.

If he had his suspicions, and wants to communicate openly and honestly, as he claims, there were several other options available to him. He could have asked her about the neighbor, or he could have asked her if she would show him the texts on her phone.

But he didn’t do the open, honest, thing, he jumped straight to violating her privacy. And he found NOTHING. And now you people want to spin it so that his finding nothing is actually a sign of guilt, that she’s clearly erased all incriminating texts.

This is ridiculous. She can’t win. She may as well spread those legs. If I thought my husband had decided I was a flagrant whore, well, I might as well have the fun and take that dick. Congrats, OP, you’ve played yourself and ruined your marriage.

[Anonymous]

PP, are you the overly flirtatious wife?

I’m giving you the benefit of the doubt here.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You sound jealous and possessive.

if a woman had posted this you would have 100% responded to her "trust your gut instinct/intuition". just stop with the hypocrisy.

DP, but you’re the one being really sexist by assuming this would be PP’s reaction.

You must be new to DCUM.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:PP, are you the overly flirtatious wife?

I’m giving you the benefit of the doubt here.

You won’t believe me no matter what I say, so who cares? Once you have nothing to prove to anyone, you can do what you want.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here. I did not tell her I looked at the texts. Not yet.

Wow. So YOU’RE the one lying and hiding something from HER.

He looked because she gave him very good reason to be suspicious. It’s not like OP is just randomly spying on her.

If he had his suspicions, and wants to communicate openly and honestly, as he claims, there were several other options available to him. He could have asked her about the neighbor, or he could have asked her if she would show him the texts on her phone.

But he didn’t do the open, honest, thing, he jumped straight to violating her privacy. And he found NOTHING. And now you people want to spin it so that his finding nothing is actually a sign of guilt, that she’s clearly erased all incriminating texts.

This is ridiculous. She can’t win. She may as well spread those legs. If I thought my husband had decided I was a flagrant whore, well, I might as well have the fun and take that dick. Congrats, OP, you’ve played yourself and ruined your marriage.

Very odd response from a non-cheater.

[Anonymous]

As someone who has crossed the line, I can tell you that if your DW had cheated, you would notice her immediately avoiding him in person around other people. She’d be playing it cool. Of course now you will eliminate that tell since she’ll have to pull back because of your concern. You’re probably in the clear. Good luck.

[Anonymous]

Good luck, OP! You may have crossed a boundary with snooping but you love your wife and all is fair in love and war. Your heart is in the right place and you did what you did because you care. And you care for your future. Your wife has reason to be upset but she realizes she crossed a a line with the workouts. Out the past behind you and work on your relationship. Use this episode to renew your love. Take a vacation - be transparent to each other and move forward.

Signed - a man who cares two hoots for labels such as alpha beta and gamma. Take care. No need to go in a guilt trip and no need to applies either. But invest in your relationship and demonstrate your love to your wife. Go overboard on Mothers Day

[Anonymous]

Divorce is the only option.

[Anonymous]

As a woman who previously cheated , I agree if she slept with him , she’d likely avoid him in a public situation . I agree if she was working out with him and texting with him , she likely had a crush on him that maybe never actualized . I agree with PP , make sure you give her the attention she is craving , make her feel cared for , make love to her ! Otherwise one day , she will cross that line

[Anonymous]

Yes agree with these prior posts. I have a work out “friend” and we have grown very close. And yes I would sleep with this person if the opportunity arose and it has come close over the years. I do love this person and trust as well which is why I have these feelings. And yes there is chemistry. So…. Best to stop or raise it with your DW. I love my spouse but also have to admit I love this other person too and would cross that line if I am not careful!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Yes agree with these prior posts. I have a work out “friend” and we have grown very close. And yes I would sleep with this person if the opportunity arose and it has come close over the years. I do love this person and trust as well which is why I have these feelings. And yes there is chemistry. So…. Best to stop or raise it with your DW. I love my spouse but also have to admit I love this other person too and would cross that line if I am not careful!

I would bet money it’s already happened for quite some time right under his nose. I had a similar relationship that ended up blowing up his marriage and mine.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Yes agree with these prior posts. I have a work out “friend” and we have grown very close. And yes I would sleep with this person if the opportunity arose and it has come close over the years. I do love this person and trust as well which is why I have these feelings. And yes there is chemistry. So…. Best to stop or raise it with your DW. I love my spouse but also have to admit I love this other person too and would cross that line if I am not careful!

I would bet money it’s already happened for quite some time right under his nose. I had a similar relationship that ended up blowing up his marriage and mine.

No. Not if she still is in his orbit at gatherings as OP has said. It’s a sudden caution that would indicate something happened. It’s probably a harmless friendship that once had some enjoyable tension.

[Anonymous]

There’s no need to be mean. Maybe it’s a good idea to talk to your wife. There may be some underlying issues or unfulfilled needs your neighbor was providing her that you were not.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Hmmm I have a similar relationship with our male neighbor. We also share a common interest that neither of our spouses do so we've done things surrounding that together, sometimes with our sons who are starting to share the interest too. Nothing else is going on. There is no emotional affair, there is no desire to sleep with him. We may sit next to each other but we don't converse with just each other. I don't know if DH has ever read the texts. If he has, I'm fine with it. They don't vary much from the texts I have with other people with that interest.

I know people won't believe me, I just don't see him that way.

I totally agree. I used to have a male friend who I did lots of things with, texted, talked on the phone, visited him at his house, worked with him, played on a softball team with him, got rides with him or him with me, I could go on and on. We were both married and we never crossed any lines including no flirting. I found him attractive and guess he probably did me too but neither of us was interested in blowing up our marriages so we were just friends. If my husband had questioned this relationship I would have been pretty upset.

This is interesting…curious if either or both had an extended rough patch in your respective marriages if things would change. Even if no physical affair…maybe a slide into an emotional affair?

We have both had rough patches in our marriages but still never cheated. Just tight friends.