Strike up a friendship with the neighbor's wife |
Interesting |
You know it's inappropriate. Don't let the desperate wives of dcum gaslight you |
This is the best revenge. Unfortunately you would probably be a downgrade from the sound of it so unlikely you would succeed. |
I have never cheated nor do I expect to. I was shocked at one period of time by how tempted I felt, but it had way more to do with how badly my marriage was going than a specific situation with another person. I think if your marriage is strong you are ok. But the silent treatment is not good and the snooping is not good. Maybe you guys need marriage counseling to deal with your relationship separate from the neighbor |
Exactly. Sigh. You just made a crucial mistake by talking to her about your suspicions, OP. Now she's going to feel super awkward about her interactions with her friend. The minute you see nothing untoward in the text chains, that's when you need to back off. It's not like your wife has a burner phone. She has a friendly relationship, out in the open, with a male neighbor. She would never sit next to him if she was having an affair with him. My husband has checked my phone to go through my texts with a male friend, because he was suddenly uncomfortable I'd gone to the movies with him. Our texts are food and kid related. He's welcome to reading all of them, and search my phone for pics! So back off to minimize the damage. |
OP here (there was a previous "OP" with a flip response - not me)
wasn't expecting quite the lengthy thread. Thanks for the serious replies. The irony in all of this is that I brought up this topic to improve our relationship for the long run. Let me explain. I'm not a perfect husband. I've given her the silent treatment on occasions over the years as has she. Our communication in general needs improvement. Maybe some counseling. Recently i've been opening up about various things to mixed/surprised reactions from her. I love her dearly and I believe she loves me. We have our health, awesome kids, financial stability, and generally a great life. I'm not looking to blow it up. On the contrary, I wanted to pull the band aid on something that has been on my mind for quite a while. It may be (and i hope it is) perfectly innocent. Great! But as her husband I want her to know how i've been perceiving all of this. One pp noted that in a healthy relationship, both spouses have a right to discuss their concerns, suspicions, etc openly. 100% pp. 100%. To be clear, I did NOT accuse her of any wrong doing and made it very clear to her that I was not doing so when we talked. I stated my observations and thoughts that are a culmination of multiple years of experiences. We're in the midwest, so it could be a cultural thing? (we're both transplants here) I truly don't know if anything has transpired and I may never know. What I do know with near certainty is that others in our neighbor group have noted and they likely noted years ago. I can read a room. As soon as Ryan's name left my lips I could see her tense up and flush. She wasn't surprised so much about the topic more so than the timing. Why not a few yrs ago during the "gym" years - which could have been construed as inappropriate? She made clear nothing went on between them. Fine. But i've cleared the air and she's upset. I can see from her perspective how insulting this might be. But my feelings are valid too and I don't regret bringing it up. It's been 2 days. I'll give her space and see what she has to say when she's ready. |
Sounds like something insecure in you, which is why you have this feeling just now and not years ago. What happened? Practice self reflection and meditation. |
Dude you are an idiot. These dcum women are setting you up.
Your SAH wife was “working out” with this dude who WFH and is her BF. There’s zero chance this guy has not been working her out better than you can. |
This is interesting…curious if either or both had an extended rough patch in your respective marriages if things would change. Even if no physical affair…maybe a slide into an emotional affair? |
I don’t want to hijack this thread but I will say that the reason I feel this way has absolutely nothing to do with anyone’s appearance or even income. |
NP. This kind of thinking, above, is by someone who believes all men will go after sex at every possible opportunity, and view women based mostly if not entirely on whether those women would be up for sex with them. It's immature at best, toxic at worst. People like this PP are incapable of having friendships which aren't, in the backs of their tiny self-centered brains, just fronts for getting sex if the slightest opportunity arises. So they can't understand that some men can spend time with women without having to f*** them. |
Have you said the bold to her? Acknowledged that you "see from her perspective how insulting this might be"? You should. Have you tried to answer her question about why you're doing all this now, and not a few years ago -- years, OP! -- when she saw him regularly to exercise? She has a good point. Have you had suspicions that festered all these years? That may be why she's so monumentally pi$$3d; she may think that the last several years have been you, putting up a front and watching her every interaction like a hawk. You claim you didn't have suspicions then and I'm not hearing any concrete reasons for real red flags now, OP. She may feel blindsided and may be wondering if you've been spying on her in other ways over time. I'd start to doubt everything that had happened over the recent years after this, in her shoes. So you need to talk to her again. And saying "Well, we're in silent treatment mode, so there's no point in trying to talk to her now!" is frankly cowardly on your part. (And yes, I also think that the silent treatment is immature on HER part, for sure, but one of you has to be the bigger person to start working on this. Let it be you. If you insist it be her, well, you and she both have MUCH larger problems of intransigent stubbornness.) You admit that you have communication issues already. You and she need an objective third party like a therapist or counselor to hash this out or the mistrust between you over this mess is going to fester and will always be there. Great recipe for an eventual breakup. Sitting back and saying "I'll see what she has to say" is letting things stew, OP. Don't let it stew. You should apologize to her, tell her you haven't been spying on or perseverating about this for years (have you--?) and point out what is good in your relationship, then say you recognize you blindsided her with this. It's fine to say you felt you had to articulate your concerns, OP! But you need to pair that with recognition of her feelings of being blindsided and accused by you. Then get outside help. |
Speaking as someone who was cheated on, so take that into account: I interpret your wife's reaction as meaning she had/has feelings for this guy but nothing happened or something almost happened and one or both of them put a stop to it. I am having trouble believing her anger and hurt is about you bringing this up. It feels like she's trying to shift the blame back to you. I don't think you mentioned, did you tell her you looked at her texts? |
This is all good advice. Hopefully she will apologize, too. It certainly sounds like it was an inappropriate relationship given her reaction. Regardless, she should at least acknowledge your feelings about it and show some understanding. |