Do I just let my kid quit and fail?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

He doesn’t want to go or do any of the sports he played his entire life. This boy has played soccer since preschool and claims he hates it. He has played golf and tennis since kindergarten and is so talented and it is like pulling teeth trying to get him to go to his expensive lessons. I have to force him to go to tennis matches and tournaments. He constantly says he is tired.[/b]

We went on a few big trips in the past year and during spring break, he complained the entire time and declared he will not be going on any large international trips. He does not want to go on our three week summer vacation.

He probably is tired -- he's playing soccer, golf, and tennis? That's a lot. And I saw this as a parent who had a son crazy about sports and tried everything. But not all at the same time.

And for the trips, that also seems like a lot too. Three week summer vacation? He probably doesn't want to be away from friends, or his home for that long. If it was just once a year, but it sounds like your family is ripping and running constantly. How old are your other kids?

He is not playing soccer. He refused to play. After all those years of travel, he does not want to play.

He hasn’t said he wanted to quit tennis yet. He just finds every excuse not to go to clinic and lessons. DS has been having fits and tantrums not going to matches because he will say he didn’t have advance notice. WTF. He had been going to these matches for his entire life. We have friends whose kids work so hard at tennis and just aren’t that good. This is kid is talented and so lazy.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

He doesn’t want to go or do any of the sports he played his entire life. This boy has played soccer since preschool and claims he hates it. He has played golf and tennis since kindergarten and is so talented and it is like pulling teeth trying to get him to go to his expensive lessons. I have to force him to go to tennis matches and tournaments. He constantly says he is tired.[/b]

We went on a few big trips in the past year and during spring break, he complained the entire time and declared he will not be going on any large international trips. He does not want to go on our three week summer vacation.

He probably is tired -- he's playing soccer, golf, and tennis? That's a lot. And I saw this as a parent who had a son crazy about sports and tried everything. But not all at the same time.

And for the trips, that also seems like a lot too. Three week summer vacation? He probably doesn't want to be away from friends, or his home for that long. If it was just once a year, but it sounds like your family is ripping and running constantly. How old are your other kids?

He is not playing soccer. He refused to play. After all those years of travel, he does not want to play.

He hasn’t said he wanted to quit tennis yet. He just finds every excuse not to go to clinic and lessons. DS has been having fits and tantrums not going to matches because he will say he didn’t have advance notice. WTF. He had been going to these matches for his entire life. We have friends whose kids work so hard at tennis and just aren’t that good. This is kid is talented and so lazy.

You sound very angry at your son. I get being frustrated with an adolescent who can be a pain, but it seems there really is more to this than he's just being lazy.

[Anonymous]

Let him stop the sports and get him mental health assistance.

[Anonymous]

My DS is a similar age and has also acted increasingly grumpy and not interested in many things. He has ADHD and school is stressful for him. I think there are a lot of challenges at this age and some of the kids react by trying to shut down and avoid interacting.

[Anonymous]

Is he smoking pot? using other drugs?

[Anonymous]

He's entering adolescence, OP. He is beginning to separate a bit from the mothership. He is figuring out who he is, independent of you, your tastes, your interests. What are his tastes, and his interests? Are you going to control him down to his last eye lash, or will you allow him to have a voice within his own family?

Your choice.

7th grade is when kids should be learning how to self-manage their workload at school. You shouldn't be speaking to their teachers directly anymore, except at open house. Let your child ask the teacher questions, and email the teacher themselves. Your job is to be encouraging behind the scenes.

Make this shift now, while the stakes are lower. This is how you create a teenager who is ready for college. Don't be one of those moms of a HS senior who is still talking to the teachers on your kid's behalf, checking their dashboard, and running your kid's show. Teach your kid how to run his own show. That starts by letting him have an opinion that isn't yours, OP.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You said “ He was a grumpy tween and then he turned 13 and we went away on vacation and he came back as a stranger. I truly don’t recognize him anymore.”

What happened on that vacation? Did someone hurt him? Many kids shut down after a trauma and parents don’t know it happened.

You also said he changed with the phone. Did he see something that traumatized him? I know many adults still working through traumatizing internet exposures.

Don’t call him spoiled. He needs help.

We went to Asia for spring break. It was a long flight. I do not think anything traumatizing happened to him. I cannot comment on phone and internet if anything happened on the internet.

I do see him snapping his friends on Snapchat. I am his friend on Snapchat and I can see him post happy birthday Jack on his stories.

He used to have friends over all the time but he hasn’t had friends over for a while. I don’t know what is going on with him.

Last week, I picked him up from school and I could tell he was unhappy. I kept prying and he told me to leave him alone. I was worried and Dh said some kids probably were mean to him. DH said middle school boys can be jerks and he would be fine.

I have friends who tell me various stories of their kids having bad experiences in elementary, middle and high school. My daughter tells me everything. My boys don’t share much.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

He doesn’t want to go or do any of the sports he played his entire life. This boy has played soccer since preschool and claims he hates it. He has played golf and tennis since kindergarten and is so talented and it is like pulling teeth trying to get him to go to his expensive lessons. I have to force him to go to tennis matches and tournaments. He constantly says he is tired.[/b]

We went on a few big trips in the past year and during spring break, he complained the entire time and declared he will not be going on any large international trips. He does not want to go on our three week summer vacation.

He probably is tired -- he's playing soccer, golf, and tennis? That's a lot. And I saw this as a parent who had a son crazy about sports and tried everything. But not all at the same time.

And for the trips, that also seems like a lot too. Three week summer vacation? He probably doesn't want to be away from friends, or his home for that long. If it was just once a year, but it sounds like your family is ripping and running constantly. How old are your other kids?

He is not playing soccer. He refused to play. After all those years of travel, he does not want to play.

He hasn’t said he wanted to quit tennis yet. He just finds every excuse not to go to clinic and lessons. DS has been having fits and tantrums not going to matches because he will say he didn’t have advance notice. WTF. He had been going to these matches for his entire life. We have friends whose kids work so hard at tennis and just aren’t that good. This is kid is talented and so lazy.

You sound very angry at your son. I get being frustrated with an adolescent who can be a pain, but it seems there really is more to this than he's just being lazy.

I am very angry at him! It was the worst morning we have had maybe ever. This includes younger days when kids throw up or having toddler tantrums. He refused to go to school and almost made both his siblings late for school. I basically had to force him to go to school.

I remember I used to think having 2-3 young kids was hard. That was a cake walk compared to now. I remember hearing older parents say that the teen years were the most difficult. They weren’t kidding!

[Anonymous]

I agree with this PP. A sudden change in behavior/grades, etc., is a classic signal of trauma in a kid. I hope this isn't the case OP, but please consider that something bad happened to him and he's acting out. My first thought was that he needs help.

[Anonymous]

Something traumatic happened on spring break.

Get him a therapist

He’s probably also hitting puberty and I see if he’s vaping

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:He's entering adolescence, OP. He is beginning to separate a bit from the mothership. He is figuring out who he is, independent of you, your tastes, your interests. What are his tastes, and his interests? Are you going to control him down to his last eye lash, or will you allow him to have a voice within his own family?

Your choice.

7th grade is when kids should be learning how to self-manage their workload at school. You shouldn't be speaking to their teachers directly anymore, except at open house. Let your child ask the teacher questions, and email the teacher themselves. Your job is to be encouraging behind the scenes.

Make this shift now, while the stakes are lower. This is how you create a teenager who is ready for college. Don't be one of those moms of a HS senior who is still talking to the teachers on your kid's behalf, checking their dashboard, and running your kid's show. Teach your kid how to run his own show. That starts by letting him have an opinion that isn't yours, OP.

Just for the record it's people like you that have shut down any help my autistic son could have gotten from high school. They cater to the highly autistic and down syndrome type kids and basically make them children forever but for the adhd and autistic children that mature at about half the rate of a normal child they act like everything is a coddle and it hurts the parents and these children. There is a middle ground where slightly special needs Children can be more coddled as teens and experience their more independent teenage type years as Young adults and it's not the end of the world for everyone. It's a spectrum. It shouldn't be a separation of independent teen or completely dependent special needs teen. There needs to be a middle ground in school

[Anonymous]

Of course not, but you need to figure out what is going on. Do you think he's using drugs .Being bullied? Molested?

[Anonymous]

This happened to our teen at the same time, he was vaping delta 8 starting in 8th grade which the vape stores near the schools sell to anyone. Also he reinvented himself and joined a more male macho sport instead of his decade long one that he was amazing at. Lol ugh. We did get him to stop vaping and delta 8 after 6 months of family therapy.

[Anonymous]

I would think that something is wrong. I would start with a visit to a pedi.atrician

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

He doesn’t want to go or do any of the sports he played his entire life. This boy has played soccer since preschool and claims he hates it. He has played golf and tennis since kindergarten and is so talented and it is like pulling teeth trying to get him to go to his expensive lessons. I have to force him to go to tennis matches and tournaments. He constantly says he is tired.[/b]

We went on a few big trips in the past year and during spring break, he complained the entire time and declared he will not be going on any large international trips. He does not want to go on our three week summer vacation.

He probably is tired -- he's playing soccer, golf, and tennis? That's a lot. And I saw this as a parent who had a son crazy about sports and tried everything. But not all at the same time.

And for the trips, that also seems like a lot too. Three week summer vacation? He probably doesn't want to be away from friends, or his home for that long. If it was just once a year, but it sounds like your family is ripping and running constantly. How old are your other kids?

He is not playing soccer. He refused to play. After all those years of travel, he does not want to play.

He hasn’t said he wanted to quit tennis yet. He just finds every excuse not to go to clinic and lessons. DS has been having fits and tantrums not going to matches because he will say he didn’t have advance notice. WTF. He had been going to these matches for his entire life. We have friends whose kids work so hard at tennis and just aren’t that good. This is kid is talented and so lazy.

You sound very angry at your son. I get being frustrated with an adolescent who can be a pain, but it seems there really is more to this than he's just being lazy.

I am very angry at him! It was the worst morning we have had maybe ever. This includes younger days when kids throw up or having toddler tantrums. He refused to go to school and almost made both his siblings late for school. I basically had to force him to go to school.

I remember I used to think having 2-3 young kids was hard. That was a cake walk compared to now. I remember hearing older parents say that the teen years were the most difficult. They weren’t kidding!

You need to not take it personally. He needs help and you won't be in a position to help him if you are angry.