This Weekend's Most Active Threads

In order to write these posts, I begin each day by checking which threads were most active and since today is Monday, that means the most active threads over the weekend. Some days the list makes me want to turn around and go back to bed. Today is one of those days. The most active thread over the weekend, by some measure, was titled, "Question for the smart girls who snag the good guys early in life" and posted in the "Relationship Discussion (non-explicit)" forum. Yes, the thread is just as nauseating as the title suggests that it would be. The original poster laments that the "good guys with the potential to make good money" are all spoken for early in life and that, because she lacked the skills to identify such guys, she missed out on finding one. Now she wants to know how those who did grab such guys learned to do it. In what I envision as a perfect world, nobody would have replied to this poster. In a slightly less than perfect world, posters would have only replied to tell the original poster that her post was ridiculous. But, in the world in which we live, most posters actually took the thread seriously. The original poster was advised to skip the "frat boys" and concentrated on the nerdy guys, especially engineers. Some posters disclosed that their mothers had taught them what to look for in a guy. Others said they had established their own plans and goals and found partners that would help achieve them. Several posters described their personal experiences, not all of which led to happiness. It took until page 7, but finally a poster replied in a manner that wasn't completely discouraging, writing "This thread is so dated. Tell your daughters to snag a degree that will enable the life they want."

The second most active thread over the weekend was also posted in the "Relationship Discussion (non-explicit)" forum. Titled, "My husband called me fat — I’m not fat", the original poster says that her husband is very obsessed with weight and despite the fact that she has a very heathy weight, he called her fat. She is extremely angry about this and considers it to be potentially relationship ending. She asks if others have dealt with husbands who are fixated on thinness. Many posters responding saying how hurtful they would find such an experience, with several warning about the dangers of body-image problems. There were recommendations for therapy and, this being DCUM, advice to divorce. The original poster went to great lengths to argue that she is not fat but some responders argued that was not the point. Regardless of her weight, the fact that her husband who should be supporting her had used hurtful language toward her is not acceptable. However, a great number of posters devoted considerable efforts to trying to deduce whether or not the original poster was, in fact, fat. The original poster had included her height and clothing size, but not her weight, something about which she would be coy throughout the thread. Posters repeatedly tried to reverse engineer the size and height to show that the original poster was either fat or not fat. Many included their own measurements as proof of one or the other. So tiring were these types of posts that I ended up devoting quite a bit of time to removing them all. The issue is really not whether the original poster is fat, but her husband's action and how it affected her. A few posters, most appearing to be men, argued that being called "fat" is not a big deal and the original poster and most of those responding were massively overreacting. This sentiment did not go over well at all. Moreover, because the original poster responded to suggest that she was, in fact, going to take the DCUM advice to divorce, much of the discussion turned to the logistics of ending her marriage.

Contining the trend of this weekend's most active threads being from the "Relationship Discussion (non-explicit)" and making a return to bed increasingly appealing was a thread titled, "Are women's standards higher now or is it just a myth?". The original poster describes herself as "youngish" and says she hears guys complain that women have higher standards now than in the past. She wants to know if this is true. The most common sentiment seems to be that this is simply men making excuses for their own shortcomings. But some posters suggest that women are succeeding in education at higher rates than men and, since education is a desirable characteristic, the pool of eligible men is decreasing. Similarly, posters argue that the increasing financial indepence of women means that they can be more picky. Along those lines are those suggesting that women's standards haven't changed, but the opportunities have and women no longer have to settle. Another view was that the men complaining about women's standards might want to evaluate their own standards. At some point, the thread got hijacked and instead of discussing the standards to which men are held, began discussing the faults of women, particularly American women. Posters advise men to look beyond America's borders for women who are described as having a whole list of favorable characteristics that American women are said to lack, one of which may be lower standards for men. Reading this thread along with the "how to snag a good guy" thread with which I began this post, I get the feeling that both men and women have established idealized conceptions of what they seek in a partner, but few in either group fully embody those ideals. The result is a lot of disappointed and frustrated individuals, many of whom frequent our relationship forum.

Closing out the list of this weekend's most active threads and finally leaving the relationship forum was a thread in the "College and University Discussion" forum titled, "Does University of Michigan live up to the hype?" The original poster explains that her daughter who is a high school junior is determined to attend the University of Michigan. Because out of state tuition is expensive and her daughter has no real connection to the school or ability to explain its attraction, the original poster wants to know if the University lives up to its reputation. I haven't read the entire thread, but from what I have read it seems most posters consider it to be a pretty good school on par with other large state flagship universities. What separates it from the University of Virginia or the University of Maryland is that students local to the DC metro area may have a better chance of admission. I didn't see much criticism of the school, but posters did point to the cold winters. There is some discussion of the characteristics, both good and bad, of large universities. The bottom line seems to be that the University offers great opportunties for students who can obtain decent job offers or graduate school admission, but it's size, the climate, and high cost can be detriments.