Monday's Most Active Threads

The most active thread yesterday was was a thread that I previously discussed that was about former President Donald Trump's inability to post bond that is necessary for him to appeal a fraud ruling against him. Yesterday the bond amount was reduced and Trump was given an additional 10 days to pay. So this thread will probably be back on top shortly. The most active thread after that one was titled, "Can someone explain to me why so many on here would never remarry?" and posted in the "Relationship Discussion (non-explicit)" forum. The original poster says that she has read many posts from those who are divorced or thinking about divorce who say that they have no expectations of getting remarried and nor should anyone else. The original poster asks for the reason(s) behind those expectations and offers several proposals herself. Her own suggestions include the first marriage being so bad that it tarnished the entire concept, marriage being primarily about kids, not wanting to care for an older person, and skepticism that they would find a desirable partner or would be desirable themselves. Several posters respond saying that it is all of the above. As you would expect from a female-dominated forum, most of the responses come from women and, therefore, represent a largely women's point of view. Several posters say that in their previous marriages they were required to take care of everyone but themselves. Now they have the freedom to put themselves first and don't want to give that up. Several of those responding say that their financial independence is a factor in not creating an interest in remarriage. A number of responses amplify factors that the original poster suggested. For instance, one poster reported leaving an abusive relationship which was so bad that she no longer has an interest in marriage. A number of posters said that they have children from their earlier marriages with whom they have great relationships and have no interest in another family. The don't want to be responsible for someone else's children and either can't have or don't want more of their own. A common complaint was a lack of eligible and desirable men. Over and over posters questioned what the available men "brought to the table" and suggested that it wasn't much. To the contrary, the available men were generally seen as "entitled, demanding, and whiny". Males posters who weighed in were generally also not interested in remarrying. One expressed love for the "adult Disneyland that exists" due to online dating. He described a nearly endless supply of younger women that he could casually date and feared the financial implications of marriage. This caused the thread to get diverted into a dispute about prenuptial agreements and other ways that men could protect their wealth. Generally, the attitudes of the men justified the skepticism with which the women viewed them.

The next most active thread was posted in the "Family Relationships" forum and titled, "Vent: My son unintentionally shamed my brother, who then ‘told on me’ to our parents". As the poster makes clear in the title, her post is a vent. In this case, the poster is venting about her older brother who is 42 years old and has never held a job and her parents who she believes enable him. The specific provocation for the vent resulted from a recent visit by her brother to her house. The original poster's 7-year-old son asked her brother what he does for work and then got frustrated due to not understanding why her brother does not have a job. The original poster's older brother lives with their parents and, after he returned home, the original poster's father called her and said that she and her son must apologize to her brother for shaming him. The original poster refused and then her mom got on the phone with the same demand. While the original poster loves her parents, she says that they have provided her an example of how not to raise a son. To the best of my knowledge, the original poster only made a single follow-up post in this thread and that was on the first page. The additional 11 pages were created without further input. I don't have it in me to trudge through all 12 pages to read a thread that, apparently, couldn't even interest the original poster. But it looks like several posters empathize with the original poster and some describe having siblings in similar circumstances. At least one poster sided with the original poster's parents and suggested that her son was likely repeating things that he had heard the original poster say. Another poster compared the brother to her sister who has five kids and a sick husband and pointed out that nobody criticizes her for not having a job. Needless to say, most posters didn't find the comparison of a woman with five children and a husband needing her care to be a valid comparison to the original poster's brother. There seems to be a lot of discussion about what might have led to the original poster's brother being in this situation with some suggestions of mental illness. As such, these posters believe that the brother deserves sympathy and support rather than ridicule or shame, even if unintentional.

Next was a thread titled, "Why is Northeastern (NEU) so popular with both parents and students these days?" and posted in the "College and University Discussion" forum. The original poster asks why Northeastern has seemed to come out of nowhere to be at the top of many students' lists of schools. A few years ago, I could not have told you a single thing about Northeastern University. I am not confident that I had even heard of it back then. But, because of the constant threads about Northeastern in the college forum and, more specifically, the large number of reports that those threads generate, I've come to learn quite a bit about the school. For instance, I know without reading a single response that several posters will alleged that Northeastern engages in shenanigans to game its statistics and rankings. They will similarly allege that the school practices a sort of bait and switch with students by accepting them for other campuses or with promises of financial aid that don't pan out. On the other hand, it will be full of posts from Northeastern supporters who will tout its attributes and brush off criticism as uninformed or a result of ignoble motivations. These threads have become predictable in their routine. Also predictable is that a NEU supporter will ask to have the thread removed and that the same or another NEU supporter will post a warning that the thread, no matter how positive or full of praise for the school the responses might be, was started as a scheme aimed at criticizing Northeastern. It is literally impossible to post a thread about NEU without having this phenomenon occur. In this case, the obligatory warning came on the first page with a poster writing:

There is an antagonistic poster (and those like them, for those using VPNs) who regularly posts about this school, clearly intending for the post to turn negative, clearly having ill intent.

Dutifully, other posters play their assigned roles in the pantomime that these threads have become with another saying, "Hey! The NEU Booster is back! Time to shut down the thread." I am not the only one who has noticed the instant dumpster fires that result when NEU is discussed. One poster wrote, "NEU is such a weird lightning rod on this website it’s just bizarre." Soon enough, the insults begin. "This booster is probably literally mentally ill", writes a poster. The previous poster "is a crazy troll", writes another. I received a "report" about one of NEU critics accusing him of actually being dangerous and presenting a threat of some sort. "I implore you to delete this thread for safety reasons", wrote the person submitting the report. These threads have become such a headache that I am torn between immediately deleting them as if they were Meghan Markle threads or simply ignoring them and let them exist in a sort of Hobbesian state of nature. But, whereas Hobbes' state of nature was nasty, brutish, and short, these threads seem to be nasty, brutish, and last forever,

The last thread that I will discuss today was posted in the "Relationship Discussion (non-explicit)" forum. Titled, "Why was I so angry about this?", the original poster says that her family was skiing yesterday and her husband went ahead of the family, forcing the original poster to lag behind keeping an eye on their kids. When their youngest son fell and was upset, the original poster attempted to help him but was "taken out" by another skier. The original poster has repeatedly asked her husband to help watch the kids but he never does. Moreover, her husband was upset when the original poster yelled at him about this incident. She says that something about this scenario has "just lit a huge fire for me". The first thing that I should note is that the original poster of this thread is the same as the original poster of the first thread I discussed today. The poster is either an extremely talented troll or someone who has a flair for writing about the drama in her life. I suspect the second. Notably, the selfish, self-centered behavior exhibited by her husband is exactly one of the most common characteristics of men that motivated many of the divorced posters in the earlier thread to swear off marriage. A common theme in this thread is that the original poster has rightly or wrongly become the default parent and, therefore, is expected to take the primary role in parenting. As such, the original poster's husband naturally leaves watching the kids to her while he skis ahead enjoying himself. There are various suggestions offered concerning how to confront this situation. Simply discussing it with her husband has not worked for the original poster. In a similar situation, a poster has refused to go skiing. Another has left the slope early. Some posters ignored the issue with the original poster's husband and, instead, focused on the child. They suggested that he was not ready for that slope and the parents were wrong to bring him there. Other posters rejected this notion, as did the original poster. Posters exhibited differences of opinion about the best skiing arrangement in situations such as this. One poster, who happened to be a woman, said she is the strongest skier in her family and will therefore always ago ahead. If the family splits up, she goes with the strongest skier of their kids. She seems to believe that this is the prerogative of the strongest skier, seemingly siding with the original poster's husband. But other posters, including dads, argued differently that the strongest skier should bring up the rear. The exception is when the terrain is extreme and a strong skier needs to lead the way. However, on relatively easy, nicely groom slopes, exchanging positions and allowing everyone a chance to lead is preferable. The main takeaway for me from this thread was that people ski a whole lot more at this time of the year than I would have ever guessed.