Thursday's Most Active Threads

As has been the case lately, the first two threads are ones that I've already discussed and, therefore, will start with what was actually the third most active thread yesterday. That thread was titled, "Marriage is hard" and posted in the "Relationship Discussion (non-explicit)" forum. Before getting to the thread, after complaints about the lack of paragraphs in my formatting, I've decided to try things a little differently today. So, let's see how that goes.

Back to the thread, the original poster simply stated that the phrase in the thread's title is common and would like to know what makes marriage hard for others. The first and most common answer is "communication", though it is not clear to me whether these posters mean that communication is difficult or that a lack of communication makes marriage hard. Other posters say that as long as you marry the right person, marriage is not hard.

The first few pages of the thread are more or less dominated by a single poster who seemed eager to attack anyone who is happy with their marriage. The poster questioned such posters, creating hypothetical situations and asking if their marriage would be hard if that imaginary situation occurred. The others either ignored this poster or appeared perplexed.

Many, perhaps even most of the responses, were devoted to what made the posters' marriages work rather than what made marriage hard. These posters described things like shared commitment and similar goals. Many emphasized that people changed over time and that it was important to accept those changes in yourself as well as in your partner. Knowing that their spouse would accept those changes was also necessary.

Another theme was that marriage was easy until kids came along. As one poster said, "My marriage is easy...Parenting is hard." Another said that before kids marriage was a "cakewalk". Whether this was due to increased responsibilities or the forced changes to their previous lifestyles or something else was not always clearly explained. In most cases the difficulties involved young children but at least one person stated that parenting teenagers was the difficult part.

Many of those who found marriage hard blamed it on shortcomings in their spouses. When posters criticize their partners in this forum it is fairly common for another poster to either ask them why they chose that person or blame them for making a poor choice. This sort of smugness is bothersome to some posters and one of those lambasted the so-called smug posters. This started a back and forth argument that ran throughout the thread. Most of that debate was little more than juvenile insults, the sort of behavior that, between spouses, would make marriage hard.

The next most active thread was also posted in the "Relationship Discussion (non-explicit)" forum and titled, "We keep arguing about work and home responsibilities because we're both overwhelmed." Although it wasn't meant that way, this thread can almost be seen as a direct response to the previous thread. The original poster says that her husband works 45-50 hours a week and she works 40. They have 2 young kids and no family support. Her husband also works out in the morning and, as a result she is responsible for getting the kids to and from school and aftercare and preparing dinner. Both she and her husband are stretched pretty thin and stressed out by the situation. 

Most posters agree that the original poster is bearing too much of the burden in this family. Many have been in her situation with both good and bad outcomes. The most common advice was to get her husband to take some of the load off of her. They suggested cutting back on his hours or changing his schedule so that he could at least do the morning drop off. Others suggested that he could use the weekend to prepare meals that could then be eaten during the week. This would save the original poster some of the cooking duty. More drastically, he could seek a more family-friendly job.

Alternatively, posters advised the original poster to "throw money at it" by which posters meant hiring more help. Several posters advised getting a nanny for the afternoon and early evening. The nanny could handle picking the kids up from aftercare and help with a few other things around the house. A house cleaner is also seen as essential. Others suggested relying on pre-made meals or other food services to save on cooking time.

Several suggestions involved the original poster changing her work arrangement. These ran from starting to work at home to switching to parttime. Some even suggested that the original poster quit her job and become a stay at home mom. These ideas were rejected by several other posters who believed that these were unreasonable sacrifices by the original poster that didn't require her husband to change anything. But one poster noted that the original poster's husband is treating her like a stay at home mom so she might as well become one.

The final group of suggestions involved simply sticking it out. Posters disagreed about which ages of childhood were the most difficult for parenting, but there was general agreement that young children involve more hands-on care. Some poster argued that if the original poster could hold on a bit longer, things would get better. Others proposed elaborate planning and scheduling that could ease the situation. In this regard, several posters argued that the family does not earn enough for all the outsourcing proposed above and that, instead, they would be better off with schedule changes and more contributions from the original poster's husband. Some posters were rather disdainful toward the husband who they argued, despite making a considerably higher salary than the original poster, does not earn enough to justify his lack of contribution. Such posters basically proposed an ultimatum. He should either earn more or pitch in more.

Next was a thread titled, "Catholicism has become official US Religion" and posted in the "Political Discussion" forum. The original poster argues that due to the influence of Catholics on the US Supreme Court and within the Republican Party generally, Catholicism is becoming the de facto official US religion. The original poster further argues that if former President Donald Trump is reelected, the US will likely officially become Catholic.

Most posters generally agree that there is considerable Catholic influence on US politics, but they point out that not all Catholics are conservative. For instance, both Joe Biden and Nancy Pelosi are Catholic. For that matter, so is Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez. Even among the Catholics on the Supreme Court, one is Sonia Sotomayor who is a liberal justice. Despite their religion, none of these individuals have an interest in seeing Catholicism become an official religion. As for Trump, I doubt that he can distinguish a Catholic from a Baptist. Most posters consider the original poster's argument is to be wildly off the mark.

What posters do accept is that Catholic beliefs have influenced US policies on topics such as birth control, abortion, IVF, and a range of other issues. But, many argue that evangelical Protestants hold these same beliefs and are likely a stronger political force. Several posters pointed out that many, maybe even most, Catholics disagree with the hardline beliefs and don't adhere to them.

The argument that many posters make is that the conservative Catholics on the Supreme Court were not necessarily chosen for their Catholicism, but rather due to their political beliefs and willingness to break down the wall between church and state. More specifically, most of them were hand picked by Leonard Leo of the Federalist Society. He wanted justices with specific legal and political views. As such, the influence on the Court is not due to Catholics, but rather these specific Catholics who are far from representative of all American Catholics.

One last note about this thread is that I am not sure that I have received any reports about posts in it. If I did, it was not a significant number. I normally get a flood of reports about anything seen as anti-Catholic. Therefore, I am not sure if this thread is free of anti-Catholic posts — I have not read every page but that would surprise me — or if those offended by such posts have just thrown up their hands in resignation.

Instead of discussing a single topic for my last entry as I normally do, I am going to discuss three topics very briefly. Due to the number of topics in the top 10 list that I am skipping because I have already discussed them, there are only three topics left. Moreover, two of those are related.

The first two of these were both posted in the "College and University Discussion" forum. By virtue of having 4 more posts that then next thread, the first of these was titled, "s/o Worst college towns?". This thread is a spin off of an earlier thread and meant to list the worst college towns, towns that as the original poster says, are unsafe, lack charm, offer nothing to do, or should be avoided for other reasons despite the strength of the school. The resulting thread is simply a list of names of towns and cities. This is a subjective topic and nobody really agrees on the places suggested. What one person dislikes, others appreciate. For instance, almost inexplicably to me, several posters listed DC as being a place to avoid for school. I came to DC originally for university studies. I liked it so much that I have lived here ever since.

Next was a thread titled, "What are the best college towns?". The original poster claims to be "adding on" to the previous thread. That thread was a spin off of an earlier thread about the best college towns. So, we are sort of going in circles here with a spin off of a spin off. Again, this is just a list of towns, some of which also appeared on the worst list in the previous thread. I was somewhat surprised to see the number of towns and cities in the midwest given the normal view forum posters hold of such places.

Finally, the last thread from the yesterday's top 10 most active threads was titled, "New boundary study for Churchill, Clarksburg, Damascus, Gaithersburg, RM, Northwest, Poolesville, QO, SV, WM, Wootton" and posted in the "Montgomery County Public Schools (MCPS)" forum. I have written about boundary studies many times and noted that they tend to be extremely controversial. This thread was started after MCPS staff proposed combining boundary studies for two high schools into a larger study of boundaries for several high schools and their feeder schools. Needless to say, posters have plenty to say about this,