Wednesday's Most Active Threads

The Carlee Russell thread was back as the most active thread yesterday after local officials held a press conference. But, again, since I've covered that thread I'll move on to the next most active. That one was titled, "What do the non mask wearers think today when they see someone wearing a mask" and posted in the "Off-Topic" forum. The original poster says that she is a healthcare worker and still wears a mask when she goes out. She is glad that a few others do as well so that she won't stand out as much. Responses fall into roughly three categories. Many posters believe that those wearing masks may be ill, recovering from an illness, or live with folks who have health concerns. Several others simply don't care or assume whatever reasons the mask-wearer has are personal and not their business. The third category attributes mask wearing as a sign of anxiety or mental health problems. Eventually, a group of posters emerge who don't really address what they think about those who wear masks, but proudly and defiantly announce their own unwillingness to wear masks. Some nostalgically recount not masking at the height of the pandemic and feeling pleasure about the discomfort they caused in others. There is also a number of posters who see masks as political symbols and believe that those who wear them are engaging in political symbolism. Of course the mask debate is not new on DCUM. Far from it. But one thing that has changed in these discussions is that there is no longer much of an effort to persuade others to wear masks. To be sure, posters who still wear masks are willing to explain their reasons and defend themselves. But, almost no one is telling others that they should mask. But, past efforts to encourage masking seem to have left a number of posters traumatized to the point that they react to the mere sight of a mask as if it is an attempt to oppress them. There is a certain irony in seeing those who are riled to the point of anger by someone else wearing a mask questioning the mask wearer's mental health. For every overly-anxious mask wearer that probably needs to spend some time in a therapist's office (note, this applies to very few mask wearers) there is probably a rabid anti-masker who should be sitting right next to them. A new development in this discussion is that some posters have started using masks due to poor air quality, particularly on code red days caused by smoke from Canadian wildfires. Whereas in the past people might commonly be maskless outside but don a mask when entering a building, now the opposite happens with people wearing masks outside and removing them upon entering.

The next most active thread yesterday was posted in the "College and University Discussion" forum. Titled, "Roomie wants to discuss decorating?", the original poster says that her daughter, who is apparently headed off to her first year of college, has been contacted by her future roommate in order to coordinate decorating their room. The roommate has asked about the type of headboard to get for their beds. The original poster was taken aback by this because she thinks that headboards are a little much. She questions whether students at this state school will generally even be able to afford such things. She is working with her daughter to find polite ways to address decorating issues, but wants to know if this sort of thing is common now. There seems to be general agreement that decorating dorm rooms is a fairly big deal these days, especially among women, and that coordinating is common. But, even those who agree that this is common suggest that the original poster's daughter can easily discuss limiting her own expenditures on decorations with her roommate. Nobody seems to think that would be too big of a deal. Several posters indicate that lavish dorm room decorating is more common in the South. This causes some debate over what parts of the country are the "South" with some arguing that the DC area is in the South and other arguing that it is not. Quite a few posters support decorating as a means of self expression and fun. Some report having spent or knowing those who spent considerable sums of money on dorm room decorations. In contrast, other posters think some of the decorating suggestions are ridiculous. One parent reported seeing dumpsters filled with room decorations when she picked up her child on the last day of college and considered this a big waste. As one poster said, "There is a sucker born every day, and 18 years later many of them head off to college." One annoying trend that I increasingly see in the college forum as well as other forums is any thread such as this attracting posters who do little more than criticize the original poster for trying to assist their children. In this case a poster responds saying, "I beg of you to step back and let [your daughter] handle this!!" The original poster was clear in her first post that she is letting her daughter handle this. She is just giving advice. Moreover, as the one who would likely be paying for any decorations, the original poster certainly has some say in the matter. There is a vast difference between helicopter parenting and simply providing assistance to your child and it would be nice if some posters figured that out.

Next was a thread titled, "If you're anti-nanny but both you and your partner WOH, could you please explain why?". This was originally posted in the "General Parenting Discussion" forum but I moved it to the "Childcare other than Daycare and Preschool" forum which is better for nanny discussions. The original poster says that she has encountered a number of moms who say things such as "I don't believe in nannies" or "I would never let a non-family member watch my children" even though these families can afford a nanny and both parents work full time outside the home. She says she is genuinely curious about this way of thinking and asks that anyone who has this philosophy to explain it. Several posters immediately responded to say that they preferred daycare and/or preschool for various reasons and also found that managing a nanny could be challenging or too much effort. The whole issue of managing a household employee was a much bigger factor than I would have expected. Even posters who manage employees as part of their job were not interested in doing that as part of their home life. Unfortunately, much of this thread degenerated into criticisms of nannies with many of the usual tropes being reiterated. Nannies are described as lazy and spending all their time on their phones while they neglect their charges. Even posters who don't necessarily have anything against nannies argue that daycares and preschools have more oversight and better programming. The idea that nobody is watching nannies while daycares have multiple employees keeping an eye on things is pervasive. As one poster writes, "Fewer eyes around with nannies". Several posters speak up in defense of nannies, including some posters who are nannies themselves. Posters describe observing nannies who were attentive, caring, and very engaged with the children. One poster described routinely seeing nannies at the park and says, "there were many good, kind women that I learned a lot from." Other arguments are over whether family members are the best caregivers and whether the best caregivers are stay at home moms. Posts that I found refreshing were from posters who recognized their own biases and their own weaknesses and were able to focus on what they believed was best for their child, even when it went against their natural inclinations. For instance, one poster said that she firmly believes that nobody coud be as competent as she is at parenting. But, it didn't make sense for her to leave her job and, if she did, her personality would probably result in extreme helicopter parenting. Therefore, she feels that some time with an "inattentive nanny" is probably a good thing for her children. Obviously, this poster is not being totally literal, but I appreciate her point.

The final thread at which I'll look today was posted in the "Relationship Discussion (non-explicit)" forum. Titled, "Strategies to Marry Rich", the original poster says that she often hears advice to women to marry someone who is rich and wants to know how that goal can be accomplished. My intention was to give this thread a fare shake, but after reading a few posts I had to give up and just skip around reading a few posts. The advice is mostly pretty vapid, simply suggesting being young, pretty, fit, and having a good personality. Some suggest going to graduate school and looking for the men with the best prospects. Other advice is to simply be rich yourself so that the guy doesn't worry that you are marrying him for his money. There are a few posters who describe themselves as either rich women or rich men who offer advice. But, I am a bit skeptical about how honest these posters are about themselves. It's believable to me that rich women frequent DCUM, that has always been the case. But, as I've written in this blog before, I find it hard to believe that wealthy men are spending their time browsing DCUM's relationship forum. At any rate, their advice is really no better than that provided by the admittedly poor posters. Be thin, fit, nice, have good genes, and show the potential of being a good mom. Somehow this thread ended up with posters insulting DC women and Lauren Sanchez. I suspect that this thread doesn't really provide very good advice.