How could I or should I have handled this differently?
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nannydebsays
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Ask DB and MB what exactly they do as the nap routine. Ask to watch them go through that routine.
They are not communicating something to you. Either they are fibbing about how well the babies sleep because MB simply wants things done her way and doesn't care about the children's actual needs, or they have some sort of special magical methodology for naps. Either way, you need to be let in on their secrets! |
Anonymous
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I'm a mom to twins.
1. Yes one of them is a PITA sometimes. I love her to death, but she requires a lot of special handling. 2. My twins are very different and require different sleep schedules during the day. I would never force on to stay awake and be cranky just to keep to a schedule. Sorry, that is cruel. My nanny agrees with 1 and 2 
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Anonymous
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My mb can sometimes claim something went well at the wkend, but later it turns out it didn't. i.e that they ate well etc. I think sometimes its wishful thinking-that's what she wishes was the case.
I think part of the issue is is that you're treating her like she is older than she is. That whole system with the strikes and then sitting watching her brother eat during meals is far too complicated for her age. I do take food away when they throw at this age but I make far less fuss about it. If they throw once I will remind them not to throw. If they throw again I assume they aren't hungry and then I just quietly remove plate/food and let her get down. At the moment its a real cycle as she is tired and hungry. What is her actual routine like? At 13mths mine have been doing something like: 7am: 7oz milk 8am-breakfast of porridge with fruit mixed in. Or toast and pieces of fruit if they prefer finger foods. 9am-10am-naptime 10am-snacktime. Chopped fruit. 12pm-lunchtime. Cooked meal followed by fruit in natural yogurt. 1-3pm-naptime 3pm-snacktime. beaker of milk and chopped fruit/rice cakes 5:30-dinner.cooked meal. followed by chopped fruit 7:30-7oz milk. bed Since yours don't have a morning nap I would actually try and readjust the routine. I would have breakfast at 8am, skip morning snack and have an early lunch at 11:30 and then have them both in bed by 12-12:15. The aim would be for them to sleep about 3hrs from 12-3. If they woke in between I would try and go in and resettle. I would do everything to try and make sure they are down for about 3hrs. It might take a wk or so to adjust. With food I would do one big meal and make the other more relaxed. So lunch the cooked meal and then the dinner one with the stuff she will like ie puffs etc. At least then she will be getting one full meal a day. Hopefully in a few wks you can then stop with the puffs |
Anonymous
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OP, I think you are frustrated and calling the DD a PITA is just venting. And I totally get it. But I think you need to work on getting your feelings about the situation in check a little. DD isn't TRYING to be a PITA -- she's just a baby/toddler!
What's hard here is that you have to compare them because they are the same age and doing the same things. But think about if you were a nanny for the same family but DS was 2 years older. You might have really different feelings about DD. You might excuse some of her behavior because you wouldn't see another kid her same age doing it differently. DD might be more trouble now, but DS might be more later. They obviously have really different personalities. Maybe DS is just a calmer person than DD. But probably, IMHO, the issue is that DD really needs two naps and is being forced into a different schedule. A lot of kids won't eat well even when hungry if they're exhausted. So that might be another cause of it all. And everyone -- adults included -- gets cranky when they are hungry and tired. I'm sort of shocked that you have been trying DD on a one-nap-a-day schedule for 4 months. Most kids don't transition away from 2 naps until 12 months or after. At 13 months, many kids are still doing two naps. It seems like you and MB have been prioritizing DS's needs over DD's. He wants to nap once a day, so you do it. Just to turn the tables -- what if you forced DS to do a quiet time or nap in the morning when DD is ready for her nap? He'd probably fuss and make a big issue of it, right? And then he'd be the troublemaker. Just a consideration as an alternative. My personal feeling is that you need to balance the needs of the kids with your (and the parents') need to care for two children of the same age. This might mean doing some things differently than would be ideal (i.e. for napping or for your own sake of having a break). But it should always be a balance and shouldn't disadvantage one person over the other all the time. Also, I feel like your expectations are more appropriate for much older kids. Kids this little are still learning to eat solids, and it's normal to make a mess. I think you can enforce rules, and I certainly wouldn't give junk food just to fill up DD, but I also wouldn't be too upset with her for playing with her food. All of this is going to change a lot in the coming months and year. DS will probably start being really picky and not eating much, and maybe DD will start eating more (I've seen this with almost all kids who eat a lot and well as early toddlers -- they get picky and stubborn later, so don't think it will be simple at meals forever with him). Give them a little slack, and take some breaks for yourself, too. Hang in there! |
Anonymous
Of course she has been a pain and he is sweet. Sleeping and eating patterns seem to have been build around his (and mom's) needs. His needs are met, hers are not. You say she is not a picky eater but on the other hand you say she won't eat. She IS picky. You are just not listening to her. You are listening to him (by feeding him things he likes and will eat quickly and in great quantities) and forcing his likes on her by not also offering her food that she likes to eat. You say she doesn't nap well or not enough - he naps 2 1/2 hours at noon, she wants two 1-hour naps, she will nap just as much as him if you let her. On her schedule. Of course she is a pain. She is tired and hungry and it seems that if she gets cranky and wants to be comforted (by being held) she doesn't even get that because cleaning is more important. Try meeting some of needs (sleeping pattern, food choices, comfort) and I am sure she will be a much sweeter baby. If I was hungry, tired and alone I'd act out as well (heck, I DO act out when I am tired and hungry just that I am 35 and can actually control where I act out and who gets to see it, I also don't throw food). Remember that negative attention is also attention and if you will only attend to her if she misbehaves she will misbehave. Stop focusing on DS. Start focusing on that these are two seperate individuals who both need to have their individual needs met. And especially start meeting her needs. You are with them 9.5 hrs/day. She wants a nap at 10 am? Have her nap, then take them to the park. Either be back at 1 for his nap or have him sleep in the stroller. Or take them to the park at 9 am and have her sleep on the way home. He sits at the table and eats fruit/vegetables? Great! She wants to play? Let her play by your side. She doesn't need to eat just because he is eating. She also doesn't need to like the same foods just because they are the same age. If she prefers starches to veggies, boil a small amount of pasta or make some oat meal. You (and/or her parents) are trying to do what caretakers often do when caring for multiples - you are trying to treat them both the same because they are the same age. They still have different needs. If he was 3 and she was 1 you would a) not try to force her onto his schedule with regards to napping and you would b) not force her to eat the same food at the same time. You would arange for both kids' needs to be met because you would accept that one is older and one is younger and thus their needs were different. It doesn't matter that they are both 13 months old. They still - very obviously! - have different needs and you need to arrange to meet both their needs. As a side note I am also fairly certain that MB is not telling the complete truth if she says DD behaves completely differently when she is with her. She might want you to believe that so that you will feel as if you are doing something wrong (MB can meet DD's needs so it HAS to be you who is doing it wrong) or to make her feel better but they obviously don't do as you are told to do. They feed her different foods then they tell you to feed her - if she eats while with them, she does not go hungry on those days (no hunger = better temper). She will also likely sleep in the car or the stroller if they run errands or go to the park. |
Anonymous
This nanny sounds so mean. A year old baby does not understand consequences for throwing food. 
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nannydebsays
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OP, I wrote out a huge post and lost it. Here's the short version. Let her sleep when she needs to for a week or 2. 10 - 11 and 2:30 - ??. That is a normal sleep schedule for a 13 mo. Try shifting the DS toward a 1 pm nap.
Then: 1) 10:15 - 11 and 2:15 - ?? for a week 2) 10:30 - 11 and 2 - ?? for a week 3) 10:30 - 11 and 1:45 - ?? ..week 4) 10:30 - 11 and 1:30 - ?? ..week 5) 10:45 - 11 and 1:15 - ?? ..week 6) 10:45 - 11 and 1:00 - ?? for a week 7) quiet time with you if acting tired in am and afternoon nap between 12:30 and 1 - ?? along with DS |
Anonymous
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I'm the triplet nanny who you responded to before. That was my only post, so wasn't the same person on page 1.
Honestly it's hard to give advice without knowing the babies and more information. How many weeks were they born at? Any health concerns? Do they share and sleep in the same room? What does she do when she wakes up before him? What time do they get up in the morning? Do they sleep through the night? If keeping them on the same schedule is a priority for your MB, then I think you need to brainstorm and experiment with different schedules to find something that works for both of them. Off the top of my head maybe moving nap time to 11:30 would work? Or possible giving her a short morning nap early like 8:30/9 am of 1 sleep cycle would help her be able to make it to a longer afternoon nap and still give you time for morning outings. Right now she sounds constantly overtired, which is contributing to her overall crankiness and being more difficult. Think about how you feel when you are overtired over a long period of time and that's exactly how she feels. I personally couldn't continue to work for someone who wasn't giving growing babies enough sleep. It's so crucial to brain development, that it is something that I need to be on the same page with my NF about. |
Anonymous
| I find it odd you call them dd dear daughter and ds dear son. These are not your children |