How could I or should I have handled this differently?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:IMO the sleep issue needs to be fixed first. Talk to mb about taking the time needed to slowly transition her to a single nap. I will offer advice on that tomorrow if you like.

Exhaustion makes everything else a struggle for any kid, and a high needs kid struggles 10x more.

I'm a mom of twins and I totally agree. Barring some special need, both kids should still be taking two naps a day at this age. Fix the sleep issues and many other things may fall in line.

Puffs aren't evil, nor are 13mth olds. The kids need routine, consistency, and patience.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I am really kind of alarmed that you are a nanny. I say this as a former nanny, a teacher, a nanny-employer and a mother.

You called a 13 month old a PITA and a pain in the butt twice. You clearly have a lot of judgment for this family and very little compassion for the TODDLER you are entrusted with. Seriously? Harping on toddler "junk food"? Constantly comparing her unfavorably to her brother? Why in the world do you think it is your duty to tell her she can't have puffs when she usually allowed them?

This seriously makes me sick to my stomach. I sincerely hope you exit the nannying profession and find a job more suitable to your personality. I would hate to find out that my nanny feels the way you do about my toddler.

You are kidding, right? You have never once thought your own kid was a pain in the ass? I guarantee everyone thinks you are...

[Anonymous]

I hope this is not a real post, because honestly I hope you are not a nanny.

I'm a nanny to triplets and have worked with several other sets of triplets and twins.

9 month olds should not be taking 1 nap a day (The age that they were when you started forcing her to do this). The fact that you don't know this is alarming. She is likely constantly overtired which is contributing to her crankiness and overall demeanor. It is also contributing to her not staying asleep longer.

The food thing is a very common issue, especially amongst multiples. Throwing food is so much more fun when you have someone else to laugh at you and get a reaction fun.

First of all- stop giving her milk or anything to drink before she starts eating. This is cutting her hunger and giving her more incentive to throw food.

Second- Give her very little food on her tray/plate. Giving her more isn't working and is just giving her more food to throw.

Third- Give her a stern warning when you see her start to throw food and remind her that the meal will be over if she throws.

Fourth- Praise her really enthusiastically when she doesn't throw food. You can also praise her twin when he doesn't throw food.

Fifth- I also had a very strict policy that the meal time is over when they threw food. Only took me about a week of enforcing this and they stopped. However you shouldn't make a toddler go hungry for 2 hours because she threw food on the floor. Toddlers can't tell time, so offering her another meal a little later is fine. She will learn that if she throws food the meal time is immediately over.


You have a hungry and tired little girl on your hands. How would you act if you were constantly hungry and tired? Probably not the best.

[Anonymous]

If it shuts her up, give her the junk food.

[Anonymous]

Puffs really aren't that bad. Give her 5 or 6 and then her regular food. Make them a part of the meal and they won't be such a big deal and you can more easily wean away that way. Today give 6 next week 5, the next week 4 and so on.

The need to be on the same sleep schedule even if it means brother lays in his bed for 30 min before he's actually tired. That won't hurt him.

[Anonymous]

1) you can start your mandatory health food regime AFTER she is getting enough sleep
2) she is not getting enough sleep. Tell MB that she is not napping well when she waits too long togo down and that you would like to experiment for one week with putting her down for a morning nap a little early, waking her after 30 minutes and then putting her down at the same time as her brother
3) you say it like there are only two choices: tive in and tive junk food mid-tantrum or let her starve for 2 hours. I would have picked her up and calmed her, take. Both kids to another room to play for 15 minutes, then declared "It's snacktime! Let's head to the kitchen!" And served them each a handful of something she actually likes. And I say this as a nanny who serves almost exclusively homemade, healthy food to the 2 sets of twins I have nannied through that age. She is already exhausted! Don't also make her hungry!

[Anonymous]

Is there a point at which (18 months? 24 months? 3 years?) it makes more sense to stress healthy foods to the point of making a child go hungry because he/she is holding out for junk food?


Yes. It doesn't make sense to stress healthy foods until they can a) talk and understand you, and b) have some concept of time other than "now," so knowing they can eat later or have junk after they eat healthy food makes sense. I also really believe that most of this is modeling. So, you should be eating the same food at the same time, and so should her parents.

Also, I'm sorry, but I think that your understanding of how a 13 month old thinks is way off base. 13 month olds to not have the ability to stop themselves mid action, think back to the last time they did this, remember the consequence, and decide if they want that same consequence to happen again. These are the same kids who are amazed that all of the water comes out every time they flip a cup over. 3 months ago, she thought you completely disappeared when you hid behind a blanket playing peek-a-boo. You aren't teaching her jack by making her watch her brother eat when she throws food on the floor. Wait until she is older. You can tell when a child understands consequences when she stops flipping her cups over, purposefully pushes the correct buttons on her toys to make the noise she wants, etc. That is when to start discipline.

[Anonymous]

They are at the age where most kids still nap twice a day, The DS is the one who is non conforming to this, not the DD.
Will she take one of her naps in the stroller so it is shorter and you can be out with the other one?
Go for a walk around 10/10.30 and let her have a snooze while you talk to the other one, or push him in a swim or whatever you are doing.
If your goal is to have them nap at the same time so you get a break, im sorry but you are going to have to wait a few more months and then try again to get them on the same schedule, dont let that poor baby be cranky and tired when most other babies her age nap twice.


Let the food go, You are the Nanny not the parent ( I say this as a former Nanny and now a Mom) I dont mean this in a snarky way, but with twins you have enough on your plate without worrying if a 13 mo is eating puffs instead of healthier food, It is not candy so I would let it go and let the Mom use her judgement on food.

[Anonymous]

17:16 again in response to your clarification OP -

Thank you for elaborating. It sounds like you really are trying to do the right thing. I am a little concerned though about having a three strikes policy for a 1 year old. I am very pro-time out, and pro discipline, structure, etc but 13 months is just way too young to understand a 3 strikes policy and to curb her behavior in response to that incentive structure. Perhaps the parents asked you to do this, perhaps the ped is recommending that you just end meal time when she's refusing, but I think there are ways to tweak the approach that might get you better results given how young she is.

Some alternatives: (1) Pick an approach and stick with it for at least a week before moving onto something else. For starters, I'd say meals should have two foods and she's free to eat as much of either or both as she likes, and there's no pressure to eat the lesser preferred option during that meal time, but there are two & only two options. If she's not happy during meal time, end it after 15 minutes, not with a time out in the play area, but by reading her a book instead and trying to feed her again maybe an hour later. (2) give one piece of food on her tray at a time - so one strawberry, not three. (3) If she really is just throwing things, then lay out a waterproof mat and feed her on the floor. (4) All three of you (you, brother, and the girl) sit down and eat a meal together. Put the food infront of her and don't say anything about whether and how she eats it. If she tosses it on the floor, don't say anything. Keep it upbeat & happy, keep the conversation on something other than the food. When you & brother finish, clean up the meal, and carry on with your day - no admonishment about what she should have done instead. This girl is probably feeling the pressure and not responding well to that - I went through that with my kid, I was really stressed out by her refusal to eat, but my ped said I really just have to bite my tongue and make food a non-issue. Pretty soon, my kid was eating again - not as much as I wanted, but enough.

Alternative to all of what I've just said - given how incrediably young she is, milk is still probably a large part of her diet. If she simply isn't into food, give her more milk. I'd run that by the ped/parents first, but some kids take longer than others to take to a food-based diet and when a kid is so hungry & tired, it's easier to drink milk than it is to sit & behave properly through a meal of your non-favorite foods.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Cliff notes please.

Lol. I agree.

Perhaps I will come back and resume reading this after I make a hot cup of tea.

[Anonymous]

What foods are you truly offering? I only saw fruits and vegetables listed - kids that age need a lot of fat and a lot of carbs. Try reading how to get your kid to eat but not too much. She basically says giving filler foods is fine so that they meet their calorie requirements but then keep offering the other stuff too - but they don't need like six cups of fruits and veggies a day to meet their nutritional needs Also, you could buy some healthy carb like snacks if the puffs bother you. Ritz makes whole wheat crackers - put some hummus or peanut butter on it. Offer avocado. Why do you think cheese is bad? It's dairy, fat, protein. How about full fat greek plain yogurt and mix in a puree to make it a bit sweeter?

[Anonymous]

Thanks everyone for your helpful responses. I only have a minute but wanted to address 23:11s concerns regarding sleep (and judgy "the fact that you don't know this is alarming" comment). Yes, I do know that. When MB told me her plan for naps, I expressed my reservations, saying I didn't think they were ready. However she was dead set on it, and when I showed up to work the following week she said the three days I was off they both took one long nap and it went fine. They still tell me that every weekend the twins take one long nap together without problems. I've mentioned before my frustration that DD often doesn't nap well for me, and is cranky all morning, but they haven't offered any ideas for possible solutions on the sleep issue-- and neither have you.

I'm not sure if you're the same multiples nanny who responded on page one, but that poster said to keep them on the same schedule. So what should I do since DS isn't tired before noon and DD is? Should I do as others suggested and let her have a brief stroller snooze in the morning? Or...?

[Anonymous]

10:06 the list of food offered yesterday morning included cheese and Turkey. Peanut butter on whole wheat toast and yogurt are often offered also. They have refused all beans and avocado at this point although I do keep trying those. I agree I try to include protein and fat. I never ever said cheese was bad, I offered it to DD several times yesterday.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Thanks everyone for your helpful responses. I only have a minute but wanted to address 23:11s concerns regarding sleep (and judgy "the fact that you don't know this is alarming" comment). Yes, I do know that. When MB told me her plan for naps, I expressed my reservations, saying I didn't think they were ready. However she was dead set on it, and when I showed up to work the following week she said the three days I was off they both took one long nap and it went fine. They still tell me that every weekend the twins take one long nap together without problems. I've mentioned before my frustration that DD often doesn't nap well for me, and is cranky all morning, but they haven't offered any ideas for possible solutions on the sleep issue-- and neither have you.

I'm not sure if you're the same multiples nanny who responded on page one, but that poster said to keep them on the same schedule. So what should I do since DS isn't tired before noon and DD is? Should I do as others suggested and let her have a brief stroller snooze in the morning? Or...?

The solution is replacing you. You state they don't nap well for YOU but they nap well for others, so what kind of solutions do you want?

[Anonymous]

Right. Well they hired me to replace their previous nanny primarily because she couldn't get them to nap at all! I'm told that previous nanny would try to put them down in the morning unsuccessfully and then they would crash out around 4 and sleep until 6 and then be terrors all night. There were other issues with previous nanny but it's my understanding they've always napped decently well for mommy and daddy but not so well for other care givers. (I know for example that MB and DB have grandma watch them every other Friday, and they often don't nap well or at all for her either).