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[quote=Anonymous]OP, I think you are frustrated and calling the DD a PITA is just venting.  And I totally get it.  But I think you need to work on getting your feelings about the situation in check a little.  DD isn't TRYING to be a PITA -- she's just a baby/toddler!

What's hard here is that you have to compare them because they are the same age and doing the same things.  But think about if you were a nanny for the same family but DS was 2 years older.  You might have really different feelings about DD.  You might excuse some of her behavior because you wouldn't see another kid her same age doing it differently.

DD might be more trouble now, but DS might be more later.  They obviously have really different personalities.  Maybe DS is just a calmer person than DD.

But probably, IMHO, the issue is that DD really needs two naps and is being forced into a different schedule.  A lot of kids won't eat well even when hungry if they're exhausted.  So that might be another cause of it all.  And everyone -- adults included -- gets cranky when they are hungry and tired.

I'm sort of shocked that you have been trying DD on a one-nap-a-day schedule for 4 months.  Most kids don't transition away from 2 naps until 12 months or after.  At 13 months, many kids are still doing two naps.

It seems like you and MB have been prioritizing DS's needs over DD's.  He wants to nap once a day, so you do it.  Just to turn the tables -- what if you forced DS to do a quiet time or nap in the morning when DD is ready for her nap?  He'd probably fuss and make a big issue of it, right?  And then he'd be the troublemaker.  Just a consideration as an alternative.

My personal feeling is that you need to balance the needs of the kids with your (and the parents') need to care for two children of the same age.  This might mean doing some things differently than would be ideal (i.e. for napping or for your own sake of having a break).  But it should always be a balance and shouldn't disadvantage one person over the other all the time.

Also, I feel like your expectations are more appropriate for much older kids.  Kids this little are still learning to eat solids, and it's normal to make a mess.  I think you can enforce rules, and I certainly wouldn't give junk food just to fill up DD, but I also wouldn't be too upset with her for playing with her food.

All of this is going to change a lot in the coming months and year.  DS will probably start being really picky and not eating much, and maybe DD will start eating more (I've seen this with almost all kids who eat a lot and well as early toddlers -- they get picky and stubborn later, so don't think it will be simple at meals forever with him).  Give them a little slack, and take some breaks for yourself, too.  Hang in there![/quote]

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