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[Post New]10/07/2014 15:12
quote
nannydebsays

Member Offline
OP, is the nanny who left the only nanny your older child has known? If so, have you managed the transition as gently and firmly as possible?

Anecdote: I left a family after 4 years to return to school. The parents handled things poorly, not telling the 6 yo and 3 yo until my last week that I was leaving. The kids didn't get to mourn, and didn't get the support they needed from their parents to work through their feelings. 6 years down the road, the then 12 yo was still asking me to come back to take care of them, and telling her now SAHM to go back to work because "Nanny takes better care of me than you do!"

All that to say that this has to be managed in a way that allows your children to mourn their loss and still encourages them to welcome someone new into their lives. If you have had a nanny for a long time, there is an attachment and your kids need to have you help them manage the loss they are experiencing.

Once you start dealing with their loss, you can also start looking for a nanny who has come into a family and managed the transition from "old nanny" to "new nanny" successfully.

Be gentle with your kids as they mourn and be firm with them about a new nanny coming into their lives. They can learn to love a new nanny and manage the fact that they feel disloyal to the old nanny with your help.

Good luck!
[Post New]10/07/2014 16:42
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Anonymous
You don't have a nanny problem. You have a kid running the show problem. Fix the kid, fix the problem.
[Post New]10/07/2014 18:24
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Anonymous
Anonymous wrote:You don't have a nanny problem. You have a kid running the show problem. Fix the kid, fix the problem.


Agreed. If your K. has to come home and have a snack, do homework or work and then some free play, of course they are not going to be happy. They are exhausted from the new school environment and activities at school and aren't going to be on their best behavior. Put the 5 year old in after care and little one in day care for more stimulation if you do not feel there is enough with a nanny.
[Post New]10/07/2014 20:01
quote
Anonymous
OP, is the nanny who left the only nanny your older child has known? If so, have you managed the transition as gently and firmly as possible?

Anecdote: I left a family after 4 years to return to school. The parents handled things poorly, not telling the 6 yo and 3 yo until my last week that I was leaving. The kids didn't get to mourn, and didn't get the support they needed from their parents to work through their feelings. [bold] 6 years down the road, the then 12 yo was still asking me to come back to take care of them, and telling her now SAHM to go back to work because "Nanny takes better care of me than you do!"[/bold]

All that to say that this has to be managed in a way that allows your children to mourn their loss and still encourages them to welcome someone new into their lives. If you have had a nanny for a long time, there is an attachment and your kids need to have you help them manage the loss they are experiencing.

Once you start dealing with their loss, you can also start looking for a nanny who has come into a family and managed the transition from "old nanny" to "new nanny" successfully.

Be gentle with your kids as they mourn and be firm with them about a new nanny coming into their lives. They can learn to love a new nanny and manage the fact that they feel disloyal to the old nanny with your help.

Good luck!


I find this very hard to believe. Seriously? You want us to believe that a 12 yr old has been begging for your return for six years because he thinks you are a better caretaker than his mother?

BS.

You're a fine nanny, deb, and you have a lot to offer other nannies here.

But don't overplay your hand.
[Post New]10/07/2014 21:00
quote
Anonymous
Your job ad should absolutely state that you want someone with a degree in ECE. I suggest asking for a portfolio, it will show examples of projects the nanny has set up in the past. Most important, you and the five year old may need to work on processing the loss of the last nanny. In your private time you may want to do a gratitude journal with your DD to focus on the amazing things you enjoy in your new nanny. Explain that love and trust are built up over time, it is ok if you guys don't feel much of either for now. Then model the attitude you want DD to have by judging the new nanny as an individual, not a stand in for the last girl.
[Post New]10/07/2014 21:30
quote
Anonymous
Anonymous wrote:
OP, is the nanny who left the only nanny your older child has known? If so, have you managed the transition as gently and firmly as possible?

Anecdote: I left a family after 4 years to return to school. The parents handled things poorly, not telling the 6 yo and 3 yo until my last week that I was leaving. The kids didn't get to mourn, and didn't get the support they needed from their parents to work through their feelings. [bold] 6 years down the road, the then 12 yo was still asking me to come back to take care of them, and telling her now SAHM to go back to work because "Nanny takes better care of me than you do!"[/bold]

All that to say that this has to be managed in a way that allows your children to mourn their loss and still encourages them to welcome someone new into their lives. If you have had a nanny for a long time, there is an attachment and your kids need to have you help them manage the loss they are experiencing.

Once you start dealing with their loss, you can also start looking for a nanny who has come into a family and managed the transition from "old nanny" to "new nanny" successfully.

Be gentle with your kids as they mourn and be firm with them about a new nanny coming into their lives. They can learn to love a new nanny and manage the fact that they feel disloyal to the old nanny with your help.

Good luck!


I find this very hard to believe. Seriously? You want us to believe that a 12 yr old has been begging for your return for six years because he thinks you are a better caretaker than his mother?

BS.

You're a fine nanny, deb, and you have a lot to offer other nannies here.

But don't overplay your hand.


I got the impression NannyDeb's example was about an isolated, adolescent outburst rather than a continuous six years of them, used to illustrate that supporting your kids during transitions is important; it's something your teenagers may throw back at you if you don't (they'll certainly remember feeling unsupported).

Apologies if I misunderstood.
[Post New]10/08/2014 06:42
quote
Anonymous
Anonymous wrote:
OP, is the nanny who left the only nanny your older child has known? If so, have you managed the transition as gently and firmly as possible?

Anecdote: I left a family after 4 years to return to school. The parents handled things poorly, not telling the 6 yo and 3 yo until my last week that I was leaving. The kids didn't get to mourn, and didn't get the support they needed from their parents to work through their feelings. [bold] 6 years down the road, the then 12 yo was still asking me to come back to take care of them, and telling her now SAHM to go back to work because "Nanny takes better care of me than you do!"[/bold]

All that to say that this has to be managed in a way that allows your children to mourn their loss and still encourages them to welcome someone new into their lives. If you have had a nanny for a long time, there is an attachment and your kids need to have you help them manage the loss they are experiencing.

Once you start dealing with their loss, you can also start looking for a nanny who has come into a family and managed the transition from "old nanny" to "new nanny" successfully.

Be gentle with your kids as they mourn and be firm with them about a new nanny coming into their lives. They can learn to love a new nanny and manage the fact that they feel disloyal to the old nanny with your help.

Good luck!


I find this very hard to believe. Seriously? You want us to believe that a 12 yr old has been begging for your return for six years because he thinks you are a better caretaker than his mother?

BS.

You're a fine nanny, deb, and you have a lot to offer other nannies here.

But don't overplay your hand.


I am still in touch with a charge from 11 years ago. She has never asked me to replace her mom but does expect me to attend her holiday recital every year when I visit home for Christmas. I get two tickets from her in the mail and phone calls inquiring whether I will be there. No other nanny has ever attended with me. If I lived in the same state we would probably be very close.
[Post New]10/08/2014 13:49
quote
Anonymous
Anonymous wrote:You don't have a nanny problem. You have a kid running the show problem. Fix the kid, fix the problem.

This. And you're over bearing. MB here.
[Post New]10/08/2014 15:17
quote
nannydebsays

Member Offline
Anonymous wrote:
OP, is the nanny who left the only nanny your older child has known? If so, have you managed the transition as gently and firmly as possible?

Anecdote: I left a family after 4 years to return to school. The parents handled things poorly, not telling the 6 yo and 3 yo until my last week that I was leaving. The kids didn't get to mourn, and didn't get the support they needed from their parents to work through their feelings. [bold] 6 years down the road, the then 12 yo was still asking me to come back to take care of them, and telling her now SAHM to go back to work because "Nanny takes better care of me than you do!"[/bold]

All that to say that this has to be managed in a way that allows your children to mourn their loss and still encourages them to welcome someone new into their lives. If you have had a nanny for a long time, there is an attachment and your kids need to have you help them manage the loss they are experiencing.

Once you start dealing with their loss, you can also start looking for a nanny who has come into a family and managed the transition from "old nanny" to "new nanny" successfully.

Be gentle with your kids as they mourn and be firm with them about a new nanny coming into their lives. They can learn to love a new nanny and manage the fact that they feel disloyal to the old nanny with your help.

Good luck!


I find this very hard to believe. Seriously? You want us to believe that a 12 yr old has been begging for your return for six years because he thinks you are a better caretaker than his mother?

BS.

You're a fine nanny, deb, and you have a lot to offer other nannies here.

But don't overplay your hand.


You are free to believe me or not. The facts are as I described them. I do not know what went on within that family the 358 or so days each year I was NOT around after leaving, but what I witnessed was a child not getting supportive closure from her parents after I left and trying to get me to return to take care of her. I'm not stupid enough to start describing everything that happened in great detail, so do with my input what you will.
[Post New]10/09/2014 14:29
quote
Anonymous
Op do you allow the nanny to take the children out? Also if the older child always has homework to do with the nanny then of course he's not going to think she's fun
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