Who pays for what - spelled out?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Thanks for posting the chart PP. I am new to this, but we have quite separate accommodation for our Au pair (English basement apt) so while she is welcome to join us for dinner and cook/eat in our kitchen, given our schedule and the fact that she has her own apt,, I anticipate that she'll often just eat and cook for herself in her own kitchen. She's older and has been an AP in other countries so I know she's used to independent living. I am thinking of just adding an extra amount to her pay per week to cover her food items and let her go from there. Do you think this is a good idea? Or I could let her buy what she wants using a card that I give her, but my concern with that is where to draw the line. I'm completely fine with her buying any groceries or take out or whatever she wants but how to distinguish say a pizza takeout from a huge delivery from an expensive restaurant? I don't want to say "you can spend $x on my card every day" so I think perhaps just giving her a sum each week to cover her needs would be best. I had in mind $50/week for this - do you think that is acceptable?

I would give more like 70-80 a week if it is 3 meals/week. Fine to have her cook herself but you need to provide the food.

[Anonymous]

70-80 per week if she's not using staples. We provide up to $30/week for dinner which we find challenging to have together most nights with sports and lessons. For breakfast and lunch she uses cereal, fruit, yogurt, bread, pasta, lunch meat, cheese, etc. if on vacation we still provide these staples with the exception of fresh fruit so might bump it up $10/wk for vacation weeks...

[Anonymous]

You pay

[Anonymous]

I knew right away from original post, generous was going to lead to but how can i not pay

Our first aupair with an infant was our first. She was no meat but ate salmon. Because we were used to eating dinner out, we we went out 4-5x a week. She came and ordered salmon or shrimp every time. That was $15-20 extra a pop. We ordered a cheaper dish. It was quite annoying. We started not inviting her. She was definitely off hours. It became awkward.

Now we have 4 kids. Its $50 pop for chikfila. Our teenager often doesnt eat out w us. So our rule is food is provided at house. If we invite we pay.

[Anonymous]

Poor AP who wanted to eat fish ... Would you have been this upset if she had ordered steak ?
YOU decided to eat dinner out almost every night and asked her to come along. Yes, it costs extra.

I am French and in my country salmon or shrimp is not fancy but part of a healthy diet.

[Anonymous]

Au pair stipends aren't enough for her to spend much on her own. If you invite her, you pay.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Poor AP who wanted to eat fish ... Would you have been this upset if she had ordered steak ?
YOU decided to eat dinner out almost every night and asked her to come along. Yes, it costs extra.

I am French and in my country salmon or shrimp is not fancy but part of a healthy diet.

I think what the post is referring to, is that if someone takes you out for dinner (let alone 4-5 times per week), it's in bad taste to always choose the most expensive thing on the menu, whether is salmon, shrimp or other.

[Anonymous]

Haha you people are hilarious. She makes $4 an hour. She cant even afford tampons let alone family trips. YOU PAY

[Anonymous]

They don't make $4 an hour. And if room, board, utilities, phone and car are covered... they should certainly have enough with the weekly stipend to cover tampons if they don't blow it all on $5 coffees and mega shopping trips. My au pairs all budgeted well, traveled well and had money for fun. The also ate about 98% of their meals with us (or took something on the go for lunch like a sandwich with stuff made at home), which is totally fine with me.

On the pay... In conformance with the requirements of the Fair Labor Standards Act (FLSA) and the U.S. Department of State, the stipend is based on the federal minimum wage x 45 hours a week less a credit set by the Department of Labor for room and board. The federal minimum wage is $7.25/hour. $7.25 x 45 hours= $326.25.

I believe Dept of Labor sets the credit at 40% for room and board so: $326.25 x 40% = $130.50 for room and board per week. So you take $326.25 - $130.50 for room and board = $195.75 for the weekly stipend. Plus *most* families cover a phone, use of car, extra activities with the family, etc -- in addition to the education funds.

Remember - without the J-1 visa, the child care provider (AP) would have to pay taxes on the full amount of their pay -- not just the stipend. Also, if the program were to change, both the child care provider and family would likely be responsible for FICA, I believe (legal residents and US citizens contribute to our Social Security and Medicare taxes -- not APs). Yes, APs pay for health care, but so do most Americans. We have a unique system, but that is a separate debate.

If you go out and invite the AP, you pay -- just like a teenager living in your house. It's often recommended not to take the au pair on vacation actually. Our LCC suggests the family picks one of the weeks (usually to overlap with their vacation) and the AP picks the dates of one of their weeks vacation.

We do a lot of road trips to see family, and we almost always invite the au pair. If they come, we prepare them that there may be a lot of family time -- not exciting touring time, but that we will try to make sure they see something fun in the local area. And when we go out to a museum or something -- we pay. If we go out to dinner, we pay. Just like with a growing family, it changes where you go out to eat and how often.

And if she has a staycation, I think the food in the house is up for grabs. You don't have to give her the credit card to go wild at the store, but you make sure there are options for her throughout the week.

As for that example with the picnic lunch... that's crazy. You provide for her lunch -- not her friends.

Someone posted a chart on who pays for what. It's a little overwhelming to see that all in writing, but I get it. The only thing that worried me was the avoidable car accident. The chart notes they pay for it. How do you determine if it is avoidable? With Cultural Care, if they are duty, the family pays the deductible. If they are off duty, the au pair pays the deductible. We note, however, that AP pay for ALL tickets (parking and moving violations) whether they are off duty or on duty.

[Anonymous]

re "Haha you people are hilarious. She makes $4 an hour. She cant even afford tampons let alone family trips. YOU PAY"

No, we don't pay for personal hygiene products.

Also, the "stipend" is NOT an hourly wage. It is a stipend. Look up the definition. Prospective APs should be turned away from the program if they think they are coming to the USA to make an hourly wage. That is not how the program works or is intended.

[Anonymous]

People why do you believe that if SOME PERSON (long time ago) from Department of State who have never been HP or an Au pair calculated her stipend using hypothetical assumptions and statistics for the whole USA is still correct?! Unbelievable...

[Anonymous]

I'd like to see statistics about:
access to private bathroom ( not shared with kids),
modern cellphone not for working purposes only or shot confirmations of meetings,
desired food 3 times a day 7 times a week,
trip abroad/ trip to any hotel not being scheduled as "working hours",
tv in Au pair room,
visit in person Au pairs family member in HP house,
no curfew,
transportation paid by HF,
regular weekly payment on friday.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I'd like to see statistics about:
access to private bathroom ( not shared with kids),
modern cellphone not for working purposes only or shot confirmations of meetings,
desired food 3 times a day 7 times a week,
trip abroad/ trip to any hotel not being scheduled as "working hours",
tv in Au pair room,
visit in person Au pairs family member in HP house,
no curfew,
transportation paid by HF,
regular weekly payment on friday.

Why? So APs have "stats" to demand more? None of these are required in the way they're written. Sure, some of them should be discussed at matching, like whether HF pays for a car and it sounds like you want HF to pay for gas at all times the way this is written too.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I'd like to see statistics about:
access to private bathroom ( not shared with kids),
modern cellphone not for working purposes only or shot confirmations of meetings,
desired food 3 times a day 7 times a week,
trip abroad/ trip to any hotel not being scheduled as "working hours",
tv in Au pair room,
visit in person Au pairs family member in HP house,
no curfew,
transportation paid by HF,
regular weekly payment on friday.

Oh my! I guess our family is undesirable since ...

NO access to private bathroom (our AP shared with kids and guest)
NO modern cellphone not for working purposes only or shot confirmations of meetings (we ask AP to provide own phone and we pay for service)
NO desired food 3 times a day 7 times a week (we provide food but not ALL desired food - we don't pay for alcohol, candy, junk food etc)
NO trip abroad/ trip to any hotel not being scheduled as "working hours" (our kids are too young for family trips so this is not applicable to us)
NO tv in Au pair room (tv is in the family room and our AP stream shows on their laptop and ipads)
DEPENDS visit in person Au pairs family member in HP house (we MUST approve each guest and reserve right to reject. There is no unlimited open-ended invitation. Our house is not an unlimited hotel for AP guests.)
HAVE curfew (our AP cannot walk in the door on the dot the morning of work. We expect AP to come home and get some sleep before starting work the next morning. No curfew on non-work days. We have a car curfew.)
PARTIAL transportation paid by HF (our AP pays gas for personal use. We pay gas for program related trips like school, lcc meetings etc.)
DIFFERENT regular weekly payment on friday. (We direct deposit automatically so weekly payment is regular but we pay AP on a different day - not Friday. )

[Anonymous]

Former HP here (for 12 years beginning), but before smartphones, so some things have obviously changed a bit. Others, not so much:

APs who accept invitations to come with the family to dinner, vacation, should be treated as young family members, whether they are "working" or not. Re: vacation: If it was NOT a working trip, they always had the option to go elsewhere. In fact, we would normally discuss vacation planning up front at the interview and again on arrival, and the timing of the weeks was usually "AP choice" for one week and our choice for one week and we coordinated well in advance since there were many schedules involved. Some APs preferred to travel on their own, others enjoyed the option to hang out with us and maybe see places like Martha's Vineyard, Kiawah Island, Cape May, that they might not get to otherwise. All of these involved renting condos or houses that would accommodate the AP. When possible, she would have her own room but sometimes she would have to share with one of the children which was discussed in advance. I think having that choice was important and appreciated. Even the working trips were "light duty," maybe one evening on their own with the kids and then just hanging out with the family and participating in what we did, including meal prep and clean up for few meals eaten in. Keep in mind, even if it doesn't count as vacation for them, they generally lose the freedom to spend their evening and weekend hours as they wish, so it's not correct to think of it as all "perk" for the AP.

I believe we only traveled once by plane with an au pair, though there were many car trips over the years. As we have kept in touch with many of them, I can report that they seem to remember these times fondly. Honestly, our work schedules didn't allow us to reduce their hours to 25-35 hours until the children were in school, and our house isn't huge with an au pair suite, so we tried to be generous in other areas. In recent years, we've met some APs' children and they have come to visit our grandchildren so in general it has been life long rewarding experience on both sides. That doesn't mean that we were ideal host parents or that all our au pairs were perfect matches, but that's another story!