Would you consider this job abandonment?

[Anonymous]

This is why domestic violence victims have so many issues and why so many never break free. This poor woman has been called crazy, she's been called a liar, and now she's lost her job, all after having some kind of altercation with an abusive ex involving her child. Has it not occurred to anyone that the nanny my be fearful for her life, and her job, and she tried to file a police report but didn't give the whole story out if fear of her ex?

I say this as someone who lost both a job and a home as a live in nanny due to the antics of my abusive father. I went to the station, prepared to file a report, but I was scared and didn't give the whole story. They said it wasn't enough to charge him. I said I was going to lose my job as a live in nanny. They informed me that my employers couldn't just fire me and kick me out. They did anyway. I was a 19 year old kid who ended up jobless and homeless and terrfied of my abuser. You all, including OP, seriously suck

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:New poster. You would not be firing the nanny; she abandoned her job. Even if you could be deemed to have fired her, you did so because she went absent without notice or permission, not because of the so-called domestic disturbance. At minimum, a responsible nanny would have found some way to reach you to say that she couldn't come in due a personal crisis--even if she was not in a position to elaborate over the phone.

At any rate, the fact that she has had you advance money multiple times suggests that her life is not stable. She is in over her head in some way that is either caused by or could lead to bad decision making. My guess is that someone (maybe the ex?) was shaking her down for money and got in trouble for being unable to pay when her paycheck was late. So she lied to you, possibly under pressure from the ex or someone else. This is a desperate person, and you don't want desperate in your home or with your kids.

You realize that she very well could have/could claim her absence "without notice" was due to the domestic issue right

Also unclear how you've come to decide the situation she was dealing with didn't prevent her from explaining herself

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:New poster. You would not be firing the nanny; she abandoned her job. Even if you could be deemed to have fired her, you did so because she went absent without notice or permission, not because of the so-called domestic disturbance. At minimum, a responsible nanny would have found some way to reach you to say that she couldn't come in due a personal crisis--even if she was not in a position to elaborate over the phone.

At any rate, the fact that she has had you advance money multiple times suggests that her life is not stable. She is in over her head in some way that is either caused by or could lead to bad decision making. My guess is that someone (maybe the ex?) was shaking her down for money and got in trouble for being unable to pay when her paycheck was late. So she lied to you, possibly under pressure from the ex or someone else. This is a desperate person, and you don't want desperate in your home or with your kids.

You realize that she very well could have/could claim her absence "without notice" was due to the domestic issue right

Also unclear how you've come to decide the situation she was dealing with didn't prevent her from explaining herself

The nanny lives in an apartment complex. She couldn't knock on one of her neighbor's door and ask to dial 911? What would have happened if the friend wasn't sent to check on her? Would she sit in her apartment until the ex decided to return her car?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:New poster. You would not be firing the nanny; she abandoned her job. Even if you could be deemed to have fired her, you did so because she went absent without notice or permission, not because of the so-called domestic disturbance. At minimum, a responsible nanny would have found some way to reach you to say that she couldn't come in due a personal crisis--even if she was not in a position to elaborate over the phone.

At any rate, the fact that she has had you advance money multiple times suggests that her life is not stable. She is in over her head in some way that is either caused by or could lead to bad decision making. My guess is that someone (maybe the ex?) was shaking her down for money and got in trouble for being unable to pay when her paycheck was late. So she lied to you, possibly under pressure from the ex or someone else. This is a desperate person, and you don't want desperate in your home or with your kids.

You realize that she very well could have/could claim her absence "without notice" was due to the domestic issue right

Also unclear how you've come to decide the situation she was dealing with didn't prevent her from explaining herself

The nanny lives in an apartment complex. She couldn't knock on one of her neighbor's door and ask to dial 911? What would have happened if the friend wasn't sent to check on her? Would she sit in her apartment until the ex decided to return her car?

That's the thing. You don't get to decide how a victim reacts to their abuse. When you're paralyzed with fear, your job is NOT what you should have to worry about. The nanny needed to take care of her child. She needed to take care of her car. She needed to deal with her ex. And she needed to take care of herself. Surely OP could take care of her own damn kids for 2 days.

[Anonymous]

It doesn't even matter what we all personally think. If OP lives in DC or VA there are definitely laws on the books, and only that will determine what lawsuit exposure she might have. And I think "she didn't figure out a way to communicate with her employer" will NOT be the fact that her potential liability turns on because many victims won't be able to timely reach out to employers, and that would really take the teeth out of the law.

[Anonymous]

Can you quote the laws you are referencing and show that the laws apply to people with only one employee?

The vast majority of employment laws are moot if you are employed by someone as their Nanny.

[Anonymous]

For those quoting the law, do you realize the employee has to have documentation to purse wrongful DV termination? If if this applied to domestic employees, the fact that the employee in question doesn't even have a police report means that she doesn't even has a case. Otherwise everyone calling out of work could just claim they were settling domestic disturbances when they are terminated

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Can you quote the laws you are referencing and show that the laws apply to people with only one employee?

The vast majority of employment laws are moot if you are employed by someone as their Nanny.

Do you realize that individuals employed as nannies are probably MORE in need of such protections and more likely to fall victim? Do you not think they should also be protected? I'm so sick and tired of domestic employees getting shafted when it comes to employment laws. And by the same women who call themselves feminists, Christians, and liberals. All women matter unless they are brown and poor.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Can you quote the laws you are referencing and show that the laws apply to people with only one employee?

The vast majority of employment laws are moot if you are employed by someone as their Nanny.

Do you realize that individuals employed as nannies are probably MORE in need of such protections and more likely to fall victim? Do you not think they should also be protected? I'm so sick and tired of domestic employees getting shafted when it comes to employment laws. And by the same women who call themselves feminists, Christians, and liberals. All women matter unless they are brown and poor.

That may be true, but the reality is that almost every employment law nannies like to quote do not apply apply to household employers. The way the laws are structured they define an employer by the number of employees they have. If you don't meet the definition of an employer, the law doesn't apply. It's frustrating to me to see people misquote laws over and over and over again. Do some research and know your rights.

If you don't like that, then go out and do something about it. Get involved and lobby for change. Stop whining on message boards and facebook groups about how it is unfair.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'd be more angry about the money she got out of me for the tires.

It sounds to me as though the nanny was owed this money.

But she will get it from the payroll company, OP just floated her another weeks pay early.

[Anonymous]

OP, if she is in a bad situation, she still could have text, email or called to let you know what was going on in less she was being held hostage. I'd be concerned that she is giving you one story and the police another. I would call the police station and verify this officer exists and an incident happened. It could be DV, or she could be scamming you. Either way, she left you in a bind for child care and is this someone, who cannot communicate with you except to ask for money, to care for your child. If it is DV, I feel for her, but you cannot place your kids or your job at risk.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I am new to this hiring game. Our nanny whom we have had for about 1.5 years texted me yesterday to say she had a flat tire and was getting it "taken care off," two hours later she texted to let me know her donut tire was not going to get her to work, she needed to replace all the tires and that she didn't have enough money to pay it since she hadn't received her paycheck from the payroll company. She requested I wire her some money. After wiring her the money I didn't hear back from her and this morning she didn't report to work. She did not answer my calls or my texts. Should I consider this job abandonment if I don't hear back by the end of the day?

I know who you are in the game shady !!! That was a nice One!!! Wellcome if you have never joined us before!!^^ Now we know who you are

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP, if she is in a bad situation, she still could have text, email or called to let you know what was going on in less she was being held hostage. I'd be concerned that she is giving you one story and the police another. I would call the police station and verify this officer exists and an incident happened. It could be DV, or she could be scamming you. Either way, she left you in a bind for child care and is this someone, who cannot communicate with you except to ask for money, to care for your child. If it is DV, I feel for her, but you cannot place your kids or your job at risk.

OP said that she already verified that it was an officer. And the nanny uses her phone for texting, calling and email... and it was taken with the car...

[Anonymous]

Op, if her phone was gone, she probably couldn't contact you by phone because your number likely is stored in her phone and nowhere else. I wouldn't be able to get a hold of anybody at all via text or calling if my phone went missing. That said, I would still be able to email even if I had no computer because I'd borrow one from a neighbor or go to the library. I'd then pack my baby up and take the bus to your house or your work if your house wasn't reasonably accessible by bus. Come hell or high water I'd figure out a way to contact you. Where there's a will there's a way.

[Anonymous]

PPs are making a lot of assumptions here. The OP has no proof that anything happened. Her nanny allegedly reported a "domestic disturbance". This does not mean she is a victim of domestic abuse. If the nanny actually did go to the police, there was no case. This doesn't mean that there is no report. Yet, the nanny won't produce a report. We already know that the nanny lied about having her car and phone stolen, because that would certainly be cause for charges against her ex boyfriend.

There are too many unanswered questions. For all we know, the detective might be her new boyfriend trying to give her an excuse for abandoning her job. For all we know, the nanny might be making elaborate excuses because her childcare fell through and she knows she was wrong for just skipping work. We just don't know. Obviously, the nanny has problems of some sort, but there is nothing solid that indicates she is a victim of anything.

The only things we know for sure is that she lies, and she abandoned her job.

Move on, OP.