Lunch issues

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Yes, I would fire her because I am not a confrontational person and would rather fire her than confront her about it. But I will say, NONE of you have read my posts. I do not eat IN FRONT of her. I heat up soup and eat it in my office. While working. Door closed. As for picking up lunch, really, it's rude to do that 2-3 times a month? And again, eat it in my office with the door shut? No, it's not.

OP, I'm a nanny who works at least 50 hours with toddler triplets. I would never ever expect my MB or DB to make lunch for me. They both work from home occasionally and we are all grown ups and can manage to find our own lunch when we have down time. Sounds like your nanny is a bit entitled.

[Anonymous]

What's rude is to bring home some McDonald's or whatever and not offer to get a menu for your nanny. She would surely appreciate the attention.

I don't buy it your nanny wants you to cook for her, it doesn't add up at all.

[Anonymous]

Both MB and DB work from home and eat lunch at the table every afternoon. I imagine it is the one hour in the day they can unwind and focus on taking care of their own bodies. I respect their needs by only joining the meal if invited. It has never crossed my mind to expect them to feed me. On the other hand, I would greatly appreciate if they allowed me to eat from the kitchen. They have never offered and I am jealous of nannies who have the privilege.

[Anonymous]

First off I am very sorry you are dealing with PPD and hope you get the best possible help and care.
We have a wonderful nanny who would occasionally make me food when I was nursing/pumping for my DC WFH because I needed to eat to make the milk (I never asked her or expected her to do anything for me). She had her own children and I think she understood how much you need to take care of your health those first few weeks after a new baby. Perhaps your nanny is not knowledgeable/ experienced in this area but it is very rude of her to complain that you are not making her food. Maybe you can look up online resources on PPD and nursing for baby and give links/articles to your nanny so she gets a clue.

[Anonymous]

OP, first of all, I'm sorry you are going through a rough time right now. Secondly, please ignore the entitled lazy nannies giving you ridiculous responses. Nannydeb was right on (and she's a nanny). You absolutely 100% do NOT have to make lunch in any way shape or form for the nanny. You have done more than some employers do just by making sure you have food she likes in your house and making it known she is welcome to help herself to anything. With that said, I understand your frustration but I'm not sure it will really be worth looking for another nanny simply because of this issue. Granted if she is like some of the nannies posting on here then that may not be your only issue. My advice is to try to talk to her about this (or ask your DH to) and try to wait until the cloud of the PPD is gone to re-evaluate.

This is very reasonable advice, OP.

This forum is probably not the best place to seek advice if you're struggling with PPD. Actually, even if you're not, this is not necessarily the best place to seek advice. While there are many reasonable nannies here, unfortunately, they are often overrun by nasty nannies who don't read any posts and just use every thread to bash MBs over imagined slights. So, put that all in perspective if you can.

Free access to a NF's food and kitchen is a huge perk. You already go the extra mile by asking what she likes and stocking it. I don't get food at my job, and I'm not able to leave to buy lunch. If I don't bring my lunch, I don't eat. Nannies don't appreciate how good they have it. You don't have to prepare her lunch, or take her order when you go out, or anything else. You're already offering a great perk by open access and permission for her to go out for lunch whenever she wants. She is acting like a brat, unfortunately spoiled by your mother's visit.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:PP here, you say she has open access to the kitchen, but how much is there actually for her to eat? Ingredients of things you may or may not be planning to use to make dinner? Leftovers she a)isn't sure how long they've been in the fridge and b)doesn't know if someone else is planning to eat them. Did you provide her a variety of food beyond the ingredients to PB&J? It's one thing to tell a nanny she has free access to anything in the kitchen, but it's another for her to actually feel comfortable enough with you to use that access.

This. Maybe the nanny isn't comfortable rummaging through your fridge, and doesn't know what is okay to eat or doesn't want to bug you every day to find out if something is okay. I might create a shelf or something that includes only food that is available for lunch, and make it clear that she is welcome to eat anything on that dedicated shelf.

[Anonymous]

No, you do not have to prepare a nanny's lunch as her boss. That is totally unexpected.

Maybe she is just peeved that you bring home fast food and do not ask her if she wants anything.

I would be annoyed if my boss walked in the kitchen w/a Big Mac and some fries and stared munching away yet didn't ask me if I wanted her to bring me anything prior. It's just common courtesy OP.

Sure, she can take your son out, but it would also be much easier if you could just bring her something too.

[Anonymous]

When you overheard her you should've, very loudly, stated you told her once and you'll tell her again that she has full access to any food in the house. Put her to shame infront of whoever she was on the phone with.
Too late now of course.

[Anonymous]

My husband brought sushi home for the nanny and me once because he knows she likes it and she hadn't had lunch yet. She ate two pieces and put it in the fridge where it sat for days and I finally threw it out. She regularly makes herself things like big pots of home made chicken soup using several chicken breasts, has one bowl and puts the rest in the fridge and never touches it again. I was having to throw it out so then I started to put it in the freezer and ask her to make sure to use it up but she didn't, eventually I had to throw that out too. She makes huge batches of cookies because she feels like eating a cookie, nobody else ever eats them and again, unless I put them in the freezer, they end up going stale and being thrown out. It's driving me a bit nuts, not to mention the waste of money!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My husband brought sushi home for the nanny and me once because he knows she likes it and she hadn't had lunch yet. She ate two pieces and put it in the fridge where it sat for days and I finally threw it out. She regularly makes herself things like big pots of home made chicken soup using several chicken breasts, has one bowl and puts the rest in the fridge and never touches it again. I was having to throw it out so then I started to put it in the freezer and ask her to make sure to use it up but she didn't, eventually I had to throw that out too. She makes huge batches of cookies because she feels like eating a cookie, nobody else ever eats them and again, unless I put them in the freezer, they end up going stale and being thrown out. It's driving me a bit nuts, not to mention the waste of money!

Sounds like what I did when I had an eating disorder.

[Anonymous]

I've had 3 nannies and all of them have just helped themselves to whatever is in the kitchen. I have friends with nannies and it's the same scenario. I don't know anyone who prepares food for their nannies! If I'm out and picking something up for myself, I do pick the same thing up for nanny if it's something she likes.

[Anonymous]

One more thing: I ask my nanny what she likes to have around and make it a point to pick up those things during my grocery run.We always have bread, deli meat, cheese etc. SHe also has certain frozen meals she's asked to have around.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:PP here, you say she has open access to the kitchen, but how much is there actually for her to eat? Ingredients of things you may or may not be planning to use to make dinner? Leftovers she a)isn't sure how long they've been in the fridge and b)doesn't know if someone else is planning to eat them. Did you provide her a variety of food beyond the ingredients to PB&J? It's one thing to tell a nanny she has free access to anything in the kitchen, but it's another for her to actually feel comfortable enough with you to use that access.

This. Maybe the nanny isn't comfortable rummaging through your fridge, and doesn't know what is okay to eat or doesn't want to bug you every day to find out if something is okay. I might create a shelf or something that includes only food that is available for lunch, and make it clear that she is welcome to eat anything on that dedicated shelf.

So if the nanny isn't comfortable going through OP's food (despite the fact that OP told her she could) then OP is expected to make her a meal? The nanny is presumably an adult. As an adult, if someone says to me "help yourself to any of our food" I would do that. If for some reason I'm not comfortable with that then it's on me. Not on them. If you don't want to take what your employers graciously offer then bring your own food.

[Anonymous]

Are you sure that she isn't upset that you don't offer to pick up lunch for her when you go out?
I can't imagine that she wants you to make her lunch.
It actually is somewhat rude to bring fast food home without at least asking if she'd like you to pick some up for her.
This seems much more plausible than her wanting you to make her a sandwich everyday.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Are you sure that she isn't upset that you don't offer to pick up lunch for her when you go out?
I can't imagine that she wants you to make her lunch.
It actually is somewhat rude to bring fast food home without at least asking if she'd like you to pick some up for her.
This seems much more plausible than her wanting you to make her a sandwich everyday.

It would be nice to offer, but not needed and I won't consider it rude if she didn't. Nanny is an adult and can get her own food.