We have a wonderful nanny...

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It is apparent to me that the MB is not putting her cup in the dishwasher because the dishwasher is full of clean dishes. Emptying the dishwasher is a five or ten minute job, not a thirty second job. That's five or ten minutes that the mom may not have as she's trying to feed the kids and get out the door on time. But the nanny certainly can find five minutes to empty a dishwasher when she works with one baby who takes several naps.

To the poster who said the MB needs to pay more if she wants to ask the nanny to start emptying the dishwasher--you are nuts. Jobs evolve as needs are identified. If my boss assigned me to handle some new five minute task every day and I said "okay, but that will cost you another dollar an hour," I would be laughed out of a job.

If that five minute job had absolutely nothing to do with your job, you're damn right it would require more money, especially if that job is actually someone else's and they are changing/adding to your title. If your boss asks you to start cleaning out his email mail box daily for him, it takes 5 minutes, but 1) it isn't your job, 2) some people are particular about how said job is done, and 3) it changes the nature of your job and will undoubtedly snowball. In OPs case, today it the coffee cup, next week its all of the breakfast dishes, in a month they are bothering to do any dishes, soon enough she's cleaning up after all meals, washing pots and pans, straightening the kitchen, and more. No. If you want to start adding housekeeping needs as you see them, the privilege will cost you, or you will evolve yourself right out of a nanny.

Most of you fail to differentiate between the nanny profession and the nanny job. The nanny's profession is childcare. As an at-will employee, her job is whatever the employer defines it as, at whatever time the employer perceives a need to add/subtract/or alter the scope of work. At that point, the nanny can either stay in the job, leave, or try to negotiate.

BTW, you are wrong about the email example. My profession is being an attorney. My job is to practice law, but it is also to help my firm run smoothly and meet the needs of its clients, even when that means doing these that fall outside the practice of law and/or underutilize my skills and/or test my ego. If I had substantial downtime during my workday and my boss asked me to triage his emails because he was having trouble keeping up with it, I would absolutely do it and consider it part of my job. The fact that he might be particular about how it gets done just means I need to take the time to learn how he wants it done. Yes, assuming this task might change the nature of the job and I might eventually get sick of it. In that case, I would do my best to fill my time with alternative work that is more valuable to the firm than the email-checking gig, and after having done that, I would ask the boss to put someone else in charge of his inbox. If the email box snowballed into, say, cleaning the office toilets, I would object and possibly quit AT THAT TIME--not in defensive anticipation of the possibility that the inbox might snowball into toilets. That is just a function of maturity and confidence, I suppose. I'm willing to give a few inches because I don't doubt my ability to say no and have that no respected if someone tries to take the mile. Not sure why nannies have so much trouble with that.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It is apparent to me that the MB is not putting her cup in the dishwasher because the dishwasher is full of clean dishes. Emptying the dishwasher is a five or ten minute job, not a thirty second job. That's five or ten minutes that the mom may not have as she's trying to feed the kids and get out the door on time. But the nanny certainly can find five minutes to empty a dishwasher when she works with one baby who takes several naps.

To the poster who said the MB needs to pay more if she wants to ask the nanny to start emptying the dishwasher--you are nuts. Jobs evolve as needs are identified. If my boss assigned me to handle some new five minute task every day and I said "okay, but that will cost you another dollar an hour," I would be laughed out of a job.

If that five minute job had absolutely nothing to do with your job, you're damn right it would require more money, especially if that job is actually someone else's and they are changing/adding to your title. If your boss asks you to start cleaning out his email mail box daily for him, it takes 5 minutes, but 1) it isn't your job, 2) some people are particular about how said job is done, and 3) it changes the nature of your job and will undoubtedly snowball. In OPs case, today it the coffee cup, next week its all of the breakfast dishes, in a month they are bothering to do any dishes, soon enough she's cleaning up after all meals, washing pots and pans, straightening the kitchen, and more. No. If you want to start adding housekeeping needs as you see them, the privilege will cost you, or you will evolve yourself right out of a nanny.

Most of you fail to differentiate between the nanny profession and the nanny job. The nanny's profession is childcare. As an at-will employee, her job is whatever the employer defines it as, at whatever time the employer perceives a need to add/subtract/or alter the scope of work. At that point, the nanny can either stay in the job, leave, or try to negotiate.

BTW, you are wrong about the email example. My profession is being an attorney. My job is to practice law, but it is also to help my firm run smoothly and meet the needs of its clients, even when that means doing these that fall outside the practice of law and/or underutilize my skills and/or test my ego. If I had substantial downtime during my workday and my boss asked me to triage his emails because he was having trouble keeping up with it, I would absolutely do it and consider it part of my job. The fact that he might be particular about how it gets done just means I need to take the time to learn how he wants it done. Yes, assuming this task might change the nature of the job and I might eventually get sick of it. In that case, I would do my best to fill my time with alternative work that is more valuable to the firm than the email-checking gig, and after having done that, I would ask the boss to put someone else in charge of his inbox. If the email box snowballed into, say, cleaning the office toilets, I would object and possibly quit AT THAT TIME--not in defensive anticipation of the possibility that the inbox might snowball into toilets. That is just a function of maturity and confidence, I suppose. I'm willing to give a few inches because I don't doubt my ability to say no and have that no respected if someone tries to take the mile. Not sure why nannies have so much trouble with that.

Nannies have trouble with that because we are at the mercy of our bosses on a level I'm not sure that you comprehend. Our bosses answer to no one, most workplace protections do not extend to us, we are incredibly isolated, and most of us cannot afford to pursue matters legally even in the face of the most outrageous abuses. I've had bosses steal money from me, threaten my life, invade my privacy, make outrageous demands, ask me to break or ignore the law, and more (most of these were the same terrible family). In the end I could do nothing more than quit, and lose a reference I worked my ass off for. Saying no as a nanny is really hard, and it honestly is much easier to have firm boundaries from the beggining than to try to say no after saying yes for too long. I'm sorry that makes me stupid, immature, or lacking in confidence as you put it. I guess you're just better than me. If only MBs could just put wash their own coffee cups, we wouldn't even have an issue.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It is apparent to me that the MB is not putting her cup in the dishwasher because the dishwasher is full of clean dishes. Emptying the dishwasher is a five or ten minute job, not a thirty second job. That's five or ten minutes that the mom may not have as she's trying to feed the kids and get out the door on time. But the nanny certainly can find five minutes to empty a dishwasher when she works with one baby who takes several naps.

To the poster who said the MB needs to pay more if she wants to ask the nanny to start emptying the dishwasher--you are nuts. Jobs evolve as needs are identified. If my boss assigned me to handle some new five minute task every day and I said "okay, but that will cost you another dollar an hour," I would be laughed out of a job.

If that five minute job had absolutely nothing to do with your job, you're damn right it would require more money, especially if that job is actually someone else's and they are changing/adding to your title. If your boss asks you to start cleaning out his email mail box daily for him, it takes 5 minutes, but 1) it isn't your job, 2) some people are particular about how said job is done, and 3) it changes the nature of your job and will undoubtedly snowball. In OPs case, today it the coffee cup, next week its all of the breakfast dishes, in a month they are bothering to do any dishes, soon enough she's cleaning up after all meals, washing pots and pans, straightening the kitchen, and more. No. If you want to start adding housekeeping needs as you see them, the privilege will cost you, or you will evolve yourself right out of a nanny.

Most of you fail to differentiate between the nanny profession and the nanny job. The nanny's profession is childcare. As an at-will employee, her job is whatever the employer defines it as, at whatever time the employer perceives a need to add/subtract/or alter the scope of work. At that point, the nanny can either stay in the job, leave, or try to negotiate.

BTW, you are wrong about the email example. My profession is being an attorney. My job is to practice law, but it is also to help my firm run smoothly and meet the needs of its clients, even when that means doing these that fall outside the practice of law and/or underutilize my skills and/or test my ego. If I had substantial downtime during my workday and my boss asked me to triage his emails because he was having trouble keeping up with it, I would absolutely do it and consider it part of my job. The fact that he might be particular about how it gets done just means I need to take the time to learn how he wants it done. Yes, assuming this task might change the nature of the job and I might eventually get sick of it. In that case, I would do my best to fill my time with alternative work that is more valuable to the firm than the email-checking gig, and after having done that, I would ask the boss to put someone else in charge of his inbox. If the email box snowballed into, say, cleaning the office toilets, I would object and possibly quit AT THAT TIME--not in defensive anticipation of the possibility that the inbox might snowball into toilets. That is just a function of maturity and confidence, I suppose. I'm willing to give a few inches because I don't doubt my ability to say no and have that no respected if someone tries to take the mile. Not sure why nannies have so much trouble with that.

Nannies have trouble with that because we are at the mercy of our bosses on a level I'm not sure that you comprehend. Our bosses answer to no one, most workplace protections do not extend to us, we are incredibly isolated, and most of us cannot afford to pursue matters legally even in the face of the most outrageous abuses. I've had bosses steal money from me, threaten my life, invade my privacy, make outrageous demands, ask me to break or ignore the law, and more (most of these were the same terrible family). In the end I could do nothing more than quit, and lose a reference I worked my ass off for. Saying no as a nanny is really hard, and it honestly is much easier to have firm boundaries from the beggining than to try to say no after saying yes for too long. I'm sorry that makes me stupid, immature, or lacking in confidence as you put it. I guess you're just better than me. If only MBs could just put wash their own coffee cups, we wouldn't even have an issue.

PP, we need a clapping icon. You are so right.

And MB PP, no, the nanny's job is what is outlined in their contract NOT whatever the parents decide it is on a given day. If OP needs housework done she needs to address that by speaking to her nanny about changing needs and whether she's agreeable to changing her job description (and compensation). I do all kinds of things that aren't in my contract, from swiffering to taking out trash and recycling, cleaning windows, loading, running, and unloading the dishwasher, washing towels and kitchen rags, etc. Not because it's in my contract and certainly not during the first 5 months I worked there, but after we established a good relationship and I felt confident my going above and beyond would not result in job creep I wanted to help out. PP is right that as a nanny with few recourses (and seriously, how many nannies have the financial stability to just quit a job because their boss left breakfast dishes everywhere?) you have to be firm in the beginning to protect yourself and your job.

My bet is that if OP took the time to put away her own dishes most of the time, her nanny would happily handle it on the occasion she was too rushed to do so. If she's leaving this mug out every day, and dishes in the sink regularly, nanny is probably thinking that OP wants her to do it - is lazily leaving the mess with the ASSUMPTION nanny will do it - and really wants to be clear that is not what she was hired to do.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It is apparent to me that the MB is not putting her cup in the dishwasher because the dishwasher is full of clean dishes. Emptying the dishwasher is a five or ten minute job, not a thirty second job. That's five or ten minutes that the mom may not have as she's trying to feed the kids and get out the door on time. But the nanny certainly can find five minutes to empty a dishwasher when she works with one baby who takes several naps.

To the poster who said the MB needs to pay more if she wants to ask the nanny to start emptying the dishwasher--you are nuts. Jobs evolve as needs are identified. If my boss assigned me to handle some new five minute task every day and I said "okay, but that will cost you another dollar an hour," I would be laughed out of a job.

If that five minute job had absolutely nothing to do with your job, you're damn right it would require more money, especially if that job is actually someone else's and they are changing/adding to your title. If your boss asks you to start cleaning out his email mail box daily for him, it takes 5 minutes, but 1) it isn't your job, 2) some people are particular about how said job is done, and 3) it changes the nature of your job and will undoubtedly snowball. In OPs case, today it the coffee cup, next week its all of the breakfast dishes, in a month they are bothering to do any dishes, soon enough she's cleaning up after all meals, washing pots and pans, straightening the kitchen, and more. No. If you want to start adding housekeeping needs as you see them, the privilege will cost you, or you will evolve yourself right out of a nanny.

Most of you fail to differentiate between the nanny profession and the nanny job. The nanny's profession is childcare. As an at-will employee, her job is whatever the employer defines it as, at whatever time the employer perceives a need to add/subtract/or alter the scope of work. At that point, the nanny can either stay in the job, leave, or try to negotiate.

BTW, you are wrong about the email example. My profession is being an attorney. My job is to practice law, but it is also to help my firm run smoothly and meet the needs of its clients, even when that means doing these that fall outside the practice of law and/or underutilize my skills and/or test my ego. If I had substantial downtime during my workday and my boss asked me to triage his emails because he was having trouble keeping up with it, I would absolutely do it and consider it part of my job. The fact that he might be particular about how it gets done just means I need to take the time to learn how he wants it done. Yes, assuming this task might change the nature of the job and I might eventually get sick of it. In that case, I would do my best to fill my time with alternative work that is more valuable to the firm than the email-checking gig, and after having done that, I would ask the boss to put someone else in charge of his inbox. If the email box snowballed into, say, cleaning the office toilets, I would object and possibly quit AT THAT TIME--not in defensive anticipation of the possibility that the inbox might snowball into toilets. That is just a function of maturity and confidence, I suppose. I'm willing to give a few inches because I don't doubt my ability to say no and have that no respected if someone tries to take the mile. Not sure why nannies have so much trouble with that.

Like PP, I don't think you understand the difference in power balance or circumstances. Allowing someone to abuse your time, walk over you, and skirt their own work is not mature or a hallmark of confidence. Especially since you prefaced your comment with "if I had substantial downtime during my workday." The nanny described in the post was said to be taking care of a child, doing child related chores, and making homemade baby food - not sitting around . No, I think it would be the equivalent of your boss deciding your lunch hour was a frivolous benefit and therefore instead of eating your lunch each day you can spend an hour washing his car in the company parking lot.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I feel very fortunate that my daughter has a great nanny. She is well-educated, knows a great deal about childhood development, is kind, loving and funny with the baby, is never late and is kind of amazing about thinking up solutions to problems/issues we have encountered over the last year. She never seems to be in a bad mood and our child loves her. She does all child-related duties - including shopping for ingredients to make homemade baby food and all kitchen clean up, baby's laundry and ironing, cleaning up baby's room and playroom, leaving the house exactly as she found it.

And I mean, she leaves the house exactly as she found it. If I leave a coffee cup on the table that is where it is when I come home. I think she would step over any article of clothing DH or I may have dropped before she'd pick it up (never actually happened but you get the picture). Any time we leave a few dishes in the sink, she puts them to the side and washes only the baby's dishes, pot and pans, bottles, etc. She hand washes everything, dries and puts the dishes away and has never opened our dishwasher. For herself, she brings her own lunch and never even uses a drinking glass in our house.

While we agreed that her only duties were to be child-related, it sometimes bugs me that she won't move my used coffee cup from the table to the sink or stick in a load of laundry for DH and I that is sitting in the basket next to the washer when she is done with the baby's laundry.

Please know that I have no intention of firing her and do thank my lucky stars that we found her. But am I wrong to feel bugged?

I think your nanny lean in the beginner when shE's coming to USA,when I come hire I herd lots this thing don't do that,do only thing relative a baby. And she's continue to do that,this call,horse nannies,rsrsrsrsr.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I feel very fortunate that my daughter has a great nanny. She is well-educated, knows a great deal about childhood development, is kind, loving and funny with the baby, is never late and is kind of amazing about thinking up solutions to problems/issues we have encountered over the last year. She never seems to be in a bad mood and our child loves her. She does all child-related duties - including shopping for ingredients to make homemade baby food and all kitchen clean up, baby's laundry and ironing, cleaning up baby's room and playroom, leaving the house exactly as she found it.

And I mean, she leaves the house exactly as she found it. If I leave a coffee cup on the table that is where it is when I come home. I think she would step over any article of clothing DH or I may have dropped before she'd pick it up (never actually happened but you get the picture). Any time we leave a few dishes in the sink, she puts them to the side and washes only the baby's dishes, pot and pans, bottles, etc. She hand washes everything, dries and puts the dishes away and has never opened our dishwasher. For herself, she brings her own lunch and never even uses a drinking glass in our house.

While we agreed that her only duties were to be child-related, it sometimes bugs me that she won't move my used coffee cup from the table to the sink or stick in a load of laundry for DH and I that is sitting in the basket next to the washer when she is done with the baby's laundry.

Please know that I have no intention of firing her and do thank my lucky stars that we found her. But am I wrong to feel bugged?

I think your nanny lean in the beginner when shE's coming to USA,when I come hire I herd lots this thing don't do that,do only thing relative a baby. And she's continue to do that,this call,horse nannies,rsrsrsrsr.

Your incoherent posts are becoming a nuisance. It's fine if English is not your first language but could you at least start to attempt some semblance of correct grammar and comprehensible speech?

[Anonymous]

Our date night sitter is like this. Literally does not touch a single thing. It is kind of annoying not because I leave stuff for her to do but just because I know she sits around for hours once the kids are down and it does not seem nuts to think she could finish clearing the stuff we got half way through tackling in the kitchen before heading out.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Our date night sitter is like this. Literally does not touch a single thing. It is kind of annoying not because I leave stuff for her to do but just because I know she sits around for hours once the kids are down and it does not seem nuts to think she could finish clearing the stuff we got half way through tackling in the kitchen before heading out.

You're even nuttier than OP. A date night sitter is just that; a sitter. She feeds the kids maybe, gets them to bed, and she sits. I charge a lot less for sitting jobs, and I view the payment not as payment for the actual work but for the valuable time I'm giving up. Most people like to make plans on Friday and Saturday night, so if you want someone to be at your home so you can go out, THAT is what you are paying for. Your dishes aren't her job.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:
It is apparent to me that the MB is not putting her cup in the dishwasher because the dishwasher is full of clean dishes. Emptying the dishwasher is a five or ten minute job, not a thirty second job. That's five or ten minutes that the mom may not have as she's trying to feed the kids and get out the door on time. But the nanny certainly can find five minutes to empty a dishwasher when she works with one baby who takes several naps.

To the poster who said the MB needs to pay more if she wants to ask the nanny to start emptying the dishwasher--you are nuts. Jobs evolve as needs are identified. If my boss assigned me to handle some new five minute task every day and I said "okay, but that will cost you another dollar an hour," I would be laughed out of a job.


If that five minute job had absolutely nothing to do with your job, you're damn right it would require more money, especially if that job is actually someone else's and they are changing/adding to your title. If your boss asks you to start cleaning out his email mail box daily for him, it takes 5 minutes, but 1) it isn't your job, 2) some people are particular about how said job is done, and 3) it changes the nature of your job and will undoubtedly snowball. In OPs case, today it the coffee cup, next week its all of the breakfast dishes, in a month they are bothering to do any dishes, soon enough she's cleaning up after all meals, washing pots and pans, straightening the kitchen, and more. No. If you want to start adding housekeeping needs as you see them, the privilege will cost you, or you will evolve yourself right out of a nanny.

And your attitude is why you'll never be a $35/hr nanny.

[Anonymous]

Evrything depends on your contract with your nanny. If she agreed to light housekeeping, then she should load a dishwasher. If she agreed to child related duties ONLY then you cannot expect her to clean your dishes.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I feel very fortunate that my daughter has a great nanny. She is well-educated, knows a great deal about childhood development, is kind, loving and funny with the baby, is never late and is kind of amazing about thinking up solutions to problems/issues we have encountered over the last year. She never seems to be in a bad mood and our child loves her. She does all child-related duties - including shopping for ingredients to make homemade baby food and all kitchen clean up, baby's laundry and ironing, cleaning up baby's room and playroom, leaving the house exactly as she found it.

And I mean, she leaves the house exactly as she found it. If I leave a coffee cup on the table that is where it is when I come home. I think she would step over any article of clothing DH or I may have dropped before she'd pick it up (never actually happened but you get the picture). Any time we leave a few dishes in the sink, she puts them to the side and washes only the baby's dishes, pot and pans, bottles, etc. She hand washes everything, dries and puts the dishes away and has never opened our dishwasher. For herself, she brings her own lunch and never even uses a drinking glass in our house.

While we agreed that her only duties were to be child-related, it sometimes bugs me that she won't move my used coffee cup from the table to the sink or stick in a load of laundry for DH and I that is sitting in the basket next to the washer when she is done with the baby's laundry.

Please know that I have no intention of firing her and do thank my lucky stars that we found her. But am I wrong to feel bugged?

I'm a nanny and I understand what you are saying and agree with it, partially. I've worked for a long time with a number of families and I will always pick up something that I find on the floor when I come over. I understand life and people don't leave a mess on purpose, but it depends on the family of course. If the house is a total mess all the time, I probably wouldn't have started with them in the first place, but lets pretend I did then I wouldn't try to clean up, it's not my job. But if it's like the families I have worked for over the years, those who keep a near house and take care of their own things, if I come over and notice a coffee mug on the coffee table I will happily just drop it in the sink. I have no problem with that, don't consider it cleaning or being a maid, and don't expect extra pay or special recognition. I don't see that little thing ever becoming an issue where the family purposefully leaves coffee mugs around for me to clean up. Now would I go out of my way to clean the blinds or vacuum a whole floor? No, and I can see how that might become a thing where the family expects me to do it if I start randomly vacuuming the house every Wednesday or something. But I think it's a little strange that a nanny would step over a sock that got dropped or a play around a mug left on a table instead of just helping out and moving it.

[Anonymous]

Do your own dishes!! How hard is that? What if she left her cups out at unwashed dishes in sink? It's a respect thing, leave your house clean and she will do the same.

[Anonymous]

"You're even nuttier than OP. A date night sitter is just that; a sitter. She feeds the kids maybe, gets them to bed, and she sits. I charge a lot less for sitting jobs, and I view the payment not as payment for the actual work but for the valuable time I'm giving up. Most people like to make plans on Friday and Saturday night, so if you want someone to be at your home so you can go out, THAT is what you are paying for. Your dishes aren't her job "

Agree. It is not "her job" but ages ago I was. Babysitter too and normally tried to pick stuff back up or at least move dirty dishes to the sink so that the house was neat-ish when the parents came home. I still use the sitter - just saying it is low level annoying that she doesn't pick up at all. It is not like the house is a disaster zone but it is literally however we left it when we return even if they were playing with toys that were out or I left a plate of food out for DC to try to continue eating. It is not a reason to not hire the sitter; but it sure would be a factor if I were being asked whether she would make a good nanny. Someone who indicates they will just show up is fine for date night but would make an awful nanny.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Our date night sitter is like this. Literally does not touch a single thing. It is kind of annoying not because I leave stuff for her to do but just because I know she sits around for hours once the kids are down and it does not seem nuts to think she could finish clearing the stuff we got half way through tackling in the kitchen before heading out.

You're even nuttier than OP. A date night sitter is just that; a sitter. She feeds the kids maybe, gets them to bed, and she sits. I charge a lot less for sitting jobs, and I view the payment not as payment for the actual work but for the valuable time I'm giving up. Most people like to make plans on Friday and Saturday night, so if you want someone to be at your home so you can go out, THAT is what you are paying for. Your dishes aren't her job.

That's true, but if our sitter is not only great with the kids but also does a bit of tidying up, we give her a big tip, will call her first next time we need someone, and give her an excellent reference if she needs one.

Ditto on the nanny front. When our nanny goes above and beyond we give her bonuses and gift cards, and we make sure we let her know how much we appreciate her in words and with cards and emails.

[Anonymous]

I am the OP of this thread that has gotten ridiculous at points! I now realize that I was totally wrong for feeling bugged about a coffee cup or a load of laundry. Our nanny works non-stop and is actually amazing - aside from knowing so much more than I do about child development - she is just one of those people who are gifted when it comes to children. All children flock to her like the Pied Piper. I'm actually embarrassed that I started this thread - I was wrong.