We have a wonderful nanny...

[Anonymous]

As a MB, I understand how you feel. But if she's great, you need to let go of your annoyance. Yes, it would be nice of her to do it, and no doubt you'd be grateful, but would you rather have a subpar nanny who puts your coffee cup in the dishwasher?

I have had a nanny who was not taking the initiative that we asked for in our contract and verbally in terms of finding new activities and was always taking the kids to the same playcentre around the corner from us all, and as is typical I started to get annoyed about other things. I felt like I was being "nickled and dimed" in terms of the duties she was willing to perform, yet she was not doing some of things required (I ended up doing all the research and sorting out all the activities), and there was no way she would ever consider 'going above and beyond'. However, she was great with the kids in many other ways and they loved her, so I didn't rock the boat. I have to say though, that I always made sure the kitchen was spotless when she started work each day as it didn't seem fair to ask her to deal with our dirty dishes etc, and I would also leave the living areas very tidy, but sometimes it was messier when she left!

So to reiterate, I think if your nanny is ticking every single box in terms of her job duties, then you need to live with the fact that she might not see how a small gesture like picking up a dirty coffee cup would be appreciated very much.

[Anonymous]

MB here. If the nanny is not meeting your family's needs, then she is not a great nanny for you, regardless of the fact that she comes on time and interacts well with your baby. Successful relationships between nannies and employers are all about fit.

I think you're off base to expect her to do your laundry or pick up your dirty clothes when your agreement with her is clear that she will only do child-related housework. However, if you're really just leaving one or two coffee cups and not a collection of dirty dinner dishes as well, I think you're right to be bugged about her ignoring the cups when she is hand-washing the baby's dishes anyway. That's just petty.

As for the dishwasher, you messed up by not making that an explicit part of her duties, but I would sit her down now and tell her that you thought it was part-and-parcel to cooking in your kitchen and since there appears to have been a misunderstanding, you need to make dishwasher management part of her job. If she gets miffed and quits, which is very unlikely, know that you are far better off making that transition and finding a better fit now rather than later. Aside from the fact that hand washing dishes does not sterilize the way a dishwasher does, there is no reason for you to put up with such a rigid nanny when there are many, many others out there who will happily do everything she does plus the dishwasher.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:If it's so easy to move a coffee cup from the table to the dishwasher (and I agree, it is), ask yourself this: why can't you put your own coffee cup in the dishwasher when you're finished with it?

I can tell you why she won't move it. It's because things start out small; a coffee cup here, a dirty plate there, and then one Monday morning she's going to walk in the house to a full, dirty dishwasher and a sink full of weekend's dishes. And while you say you won't do that.....how does she really know?

Exactly this. I made the mistake of doing this with my last employer. The 1 coffee cup turned into the coffee cup and a breakfast plate...eventually it was a sink full of dinner dishes from the night before. I can understand why it's annoying at times, but she's sticking to her boundary. My guess is she's been taken advantage of in the past.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:MB here. If the nanny is not meeting your family's needs, then she is not a great nanny for you, regardless of the fact that she comes on time and interacts well with your baby. Successful relationships between nannies and employers are all about fit.

I think you're off base to expect her to do your laundry or pick up your dirty clothes when your agreement with her is clear that she will only do child-related housework. However, if you're really just leaving one or two coffee cups and not a collection of dirty dinner dishes as well, I think you're right to be bugged about her ignoring the cups when she is hand-washing the baby's dishes anyway. That's just petty.

As for the dishwasher, you messed up by not making that an explicit part of her duties, but I would sit her down now and tell her that you thought it was part-and-parcel to cooking in your kitchen and since there appears to have been a misunderstanding, you need to make dishwasher management part of her job. If she gets miffed and quits, which is very unlikely, know that you are far better off making that transition and finding a better fit now rather than later. Aside from the fact that hand washing dishes does not sterilize the way a dishwasher does, there is no reason for you to put up with such a rigid nanny when there are many, many others out there who will happily do everything she does plus the dishwasher.

Are you really suggesting that she let go of her otherwise awesome nanny over the dishwasher? It sounds like the nanny IS taking care of all dishes she uses while working.

When I was a nanny, I took it upon myself to load/unload the dishwasher without being asked. But losing a nanny over a 5-minute task that you can do yourself is incredibly foolish and short-sighted.

[Anonymous]

Nannies become rigid when they have been taken advantage of in the past, so you likely have her former MBs to thank for that (11:13 who thinks itd be okay to act like running the dish washer was always part of the deal). If running the dishwasher, cleaning up after you, and doing your laundry are important to you and are suddenly needs of yours, add them to her contract and expect to pay for them.

[Anonymous]

I have never used a dishwasher. I wouldn't know where to put what, where to put the soap, or anything else that would need to be done. The only thing I've done is push the start button.
I prefer washing by hand dishwashers to me don't seem to get things clean enough and if you wash as you go it doesn't take that long

[Anonymous]

MB here. I specifically told our nanny not to touch our dirty dishes, do laundry, or unload the dishwasher.
She was hired to perform childcare tasks and I don't want her to feel that she is suddenly a housekeeper as well.

[Anonymous]

OP - if this is really about a coffee cup, it seems like not such a big deal and I'd let it go. If it's about your needs overall, and the fact that you might need a nanny who is more willing to do some of the little stuff (not scrubbing toilets, but maybe unloading and loading the dishwasher, etc.), it's a different issue. It's fair to want a nanny who will do some of those household tasks - there are many terrific nannies out there who can be great with your kids and also load/unload the dishwasher (or even better, do it with your kids and help them learn how to do it themselves). However, stuff like that needs to be discussed and agreed upon up front. It's not fair to your current nanny to hold it against her for not doing something that has never been discussed as part of her job.

[Anonymous]

That would bug me. When I babysat and nannied I'd do little things like that. It is not a big deal. Our nanny helps with other stuff too. We really appreciate the little stuff she does. Its not about free housework. If it is the end of her day, I'll tell her to leave her dish/glass and go home. Or, the mess from playing. They are in the house 8-9 hours a day and should help minimal with upkeep. At my job I have to keep my office clean, I dust it, and help keep the common areas clean. I don't see the big deal (no it is not at all in my job description).

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:That would bug me. When I babysat and nannied I'd do little things like that. It is not a big deal. Our nanny helps with other stuff too. We really appreciate the little stuff she does. Its not about free housework. If it is the end of her day, I'll tell her to leave her dish/glass and go home. Or, the mess from playing. They are in the house 8-9 hours a day and should help minimal with upkeep. At my job I have to keep my office clean, I dust it, and help keep the common areas clean. I don't see the big deal (no it is not at all in my job description).

Are your coworkers leaving their coffee cups and undies in your office?

[Anonymous]

Eh, I am a nanny that does put up items if they're out, add or wash the few extra dishes in the sink before I came, etc. Not extra work on my part by a lot or anything.

[Anonymous]

I suspect PP's who said she'd been taken advantage of in the past are probably correct. Put your coffee cup away or load your dishes before you leave your house or let it go; she doesn't want to open the floodgates as sometimes happens. If you need help with household work that is a different conversation you need to have (changing her job description). No, what you are describing right now is not a big deal but please understand that what starts with a coffee cup sometimes ends up with the diapers of the weekend being left in the living room, an entire family's breakfast dishes left on the table, and loads of laundry to fold.

[Anonymous]

Geez OP, it seems like you are nit picking here.

You have a wonderful nanny like you stated, yet you seem like you are looking to find some fault with her for some reason. It's like you have to justify to yourself that there just HAS to be something wrong w/this nanny...She just cannot be this perfect.

I say, chill out!

So she doesn't move a coffee cup. Is it really the end of the world??!!

And why in the world would you be upset just because she doesn't throw in your husband and your laundry?? I wouldn't either!! Her job is caring for your baby OP!! Not your personal laundress!! Why would she want to touch your underwear or your hubby's? And even if she did just "toss in" your laundry (you make it sound like it's nothing), how does she know what temp you want the water at, what cycle, etc. You would probably be on here complaining about how she used the wrong water temp, I know.

Instead of complaining what she doesn't do which sounds like peanuts, start appreciating what she does.

And from now on, start putting your own coffee cup in the sink before you leave. If it's so damn easy, why can't you just do it?

[Anonymous]

I will clean and organize as I go without complaint but you know what I'm thinking when I see your coffee mug sitting on the table...how hard is it to put it in the sink. You know what I'm thinking when I see an over flowing trash can, how hard is it to take out when you leave for work. We all have busy lives but it's no excuse to get upset when someone who is doing there job, doesn't pick up your slack. I have no pity for working parents, just because you have kids doesn't mean it's our responsibility to "help" with everything unless that is blatantly written in our agreement. I can be nice but as soon as you start expecting more regularly and are upset when it's not done is the day we need to either cut ties or have a serious conversation.

I get up early put in a load of laundry, take my dog for a walk and organize any mess I see before I have to be at work at 7:30am everyday. I then spend the next 10 hours caring for two toddlers before I head to my night classes. I spend my weekends cleaning without help from my roommate, babysitting my niece and doing homework. If I can do all that working 50 hours a week, going to school full time year around without a spouse, dog walker or cleaning service then you can put your coffee cup in the sink. If you feel overwhelmed then it's time to pay for additional services or work out a cleaning schedule with your husband.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I will clean and organize as I go without complaint but you know what I'm thinking when I see your coffee mug sitting on the table...how hard is it to put it in the sink. You know what I'm thinking when I see an over flowing trash can, how hard is it to take out when you leave for work. We all have busy lives but it's no excuse to get upset when someone who is doing there job, doesn't pick up your slack. I have no pity for working parents, just because you have kids doesn't mean it's our responsibility to "help" with everything unless that is blatantly written in our agreement. I can be nice but as soon as you start expecting more regularly and are upset when it's not done is the day we need to either cut ties or have a serious conversation.

I get up early put in a load of laundry, take my dog for a walk and organize any mess I see before I have to be at work at 7:30am everyday. I then spend the next 10 hours caring for two toddlers before I head to my night classes. I spend my weekends cleaning without help from my roommate, babysitting my niece and doing homework. If I can do all that working 50 hours a week, going to school full time year around without a spouse, dog walker or cleaning service then you can put your coffee cup in the sink. If you feel overwhelmed then it's time to pay for additional services or work out a cleaning schedule with your husband.

Preach!