MB asked me to work a few hours on Thanksgiving!!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Why isn't your husband helping out with the kids??? Or grandparents that are coming over??

Can you not multitask?

Stop it. There is no sense in being a martyr. There is nothing that says that parents must do everything absolutely on their own at all times. If a family can afford to hire a beloved nanny or sitter for a few hours on Thursday morning so that the mom and dad can prepare what is probably the biggest party they host all year, then why would you see fit to judge them? I truly don't get it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Everyone is skipping over the real issue here. There is a serious lack of proper communication between MB's and nannies. Nannies are afraid to say no to any request but later feel resentment about having to do xyz.

I can understand why nannies feel this way. Think about it, there's no job security, they are employed only long as MB decides its still working out on her end. There's no HR protection etc. I get it. But at the same time, it seems like MB's can do nothing right.

This is the problem, and that you recognize it is great! There is a power dynamic in the relationship, and the onus is on the individual with the power (MB) to be conscious of it in her requests and treatment of the one with less power (nanny). This is such a thing as abuse of power, and it is really hard for a nanny to say no to her boss. We have NO protection. PPs said that any reasonable person would understand, but there is no rule that only reasonable people can hire nannies. You just never know what could cost you your job, or what they will hold against you later (I can completely see this coming up later in a reference; "Nanny was generally wonderful, but she was inflexible about her hours at times when we REALLY needed it. Blah blah blah.)

Ok, so then you'd rather an MB always, without exception, just hire a different sitter when there might be a chance that her nanny might possibly feel pressured to come in?

+1. That appears to be the end result. MBs should not ask nannies if they want to work on a holiday or weekend even though she might want to.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Why isn't your husband helping out with the kids??? Or grandparents that are coming over??

Can you not multitask?

My husband is flying home from a work meeting Thursday and will arrive in the early afternoon. His brother is bringing the in-laws. My parents are deceased. My close friend is coming over two hours early to help which is very kind, but she is bringing her three kids. So that's seven small children who will be underfoot. Of course I can multi-task. But I am not Superwoman.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Tbe ptoblem is that OP's MB is showing her complete lack ofrespect for OP. money is not everything and OP has a right to enjoy the holifay with her family. Her MB put her in a terrible podition and every damn one of you know that it is not as easy as just saying no.

OP, I hope you do not mess up your holiday by helping this lazy, thoughtless bitch. Happy Thanksgiving to you and I hope het's is an unmitigatef disaster.

You are such a class act. Can I hire you to be my nanny so you can try to walk all over me?

Honey, I wouldn't try, I would.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Why isn't your husband helping out with the kids??? Or grandparents that are coming over??

Can you not multitask?

My husband is flying home from a work meeting Thursday and will arrive in the early afternoon. His brother is bringing the in-laws. My parents are deceased. My close friend is coming over two hours early to help which is very kind, but she is bringing her three kids. So that's seven small children who will be underfoot. Of course I can multi-task. But I am not Superwoman.

Don't let her bait you, pp. There is nothing wrong with what you did. You asked your nanny if she would work on Thanksgiving and she accepted your offer.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Tbe ptoblem is that OP's MB is showing her complete lack ofrespect for OP. money is not everything and OP has a right to enjoy the holifay with her family. Her MB put her in a terrible podition and every damn one of you know that it is not as easy as just saying no.

OP, I hope you do not mess up your holiday by helping this lazy, thoughtless bitch. Happy Thanksgiving to you and I hope het's is an unmitigatef disaster.

You are such a class act. Can I hire you to be my nanny so you can try to walk all over me?

Honey, I wouldn't try, I would.

Sweetie, you would be fired about 5 minutes into your first day.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Everyone is skipping over the real issue here. There is a serious lack of proper communication between MB's and nannies. Nannies are afraid to say no to any request but later feel resentment about having to do xyz.

I can understand why nannies feel this way. Think about it, there's no job security, they are employed only long as MB decides its still working out on her end. There's no HR protection etc. I get it. But at the same time, it seems like MB's can do nothing right.

This is the problem, and that you recognize it is great! There is a power dynamic in the relationship, and the onus is on the individual with the power (MB) to be conscious of it in her requests and treatment of the one with less power (nanny). This is such a thing as abuse of power, and it is really hard for a nanny to say no to her boss. We have NO protection. PPs said that any reasonable person would understand, but there is no rule that only reasonable people can hire nannies. You just never know what could cost you your job, or what they will hold against you later (I can completely see this coming up later in a reference; "Nanny was generally wonderful, but she was inflexible about her hours at times when we REALLY needed it. Blah blah blah.)

Ok, so then you'd rather an MB always, without exception, just hire a different sitter when there might be a chance that her nanny might possibly feel pressured to come in?

+1. That appears to be the end result. MBs should not ask nannies if they want to work on a holiday or weekend even though she might want to.

The point that most of the nannies here are trying to make is that they usually (99.99999% of the time) don't want to work on a holiday/weekend, and few will have their feelings hurt if you don't ask. So yes, make other plans, there is no rule you have to share this fact with your nanny. I have no idea when my NF hires someone else and that's how I like it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I asked my nanny to work too. So what? I have almost 40 people coming over, and 4 children to mind while getting the house ready. An extra set of hands will be very useful. If she had said she couldn't do it, I'd just have asked if she had any nanny friends who were looking for some extra money leading up to the holiday season. I wouldn't be angry at her if she said she couldn't because she already has plans. No need to get all riled up on either side.

And your nanny should work a federal holiday because you decided to host and can't control all four of your children. That is absurd, I really wish my NF would ask me to come in on a holiday I would quit immediately as they are only worried about themselves.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Everyone is skipping over the real issue here. There is a serious lack of proper communication between MB's and nannies. Nannies are afraid to say no to any request but later feel resentment about having to do xyz.

I can understand why nannies feel this way. Think about it, there's no job security, they are employed only long as MB decides its still working out on her end. There's no HR protection etc. I get it. But at the same time, it seems like MB's can do nothing right.

This is the problem, and that you recognize it is great! There is a power dynamic in the relationship, and the onus is on the individual with the power (MB) to be conscious of it in her requests and treatment of the one with less power (nanny). This is such a thing as abuse of power, and it is really hard for a nanny to say no to her boss. We have NO protection. PPs said that any reasonable person would understand, but there is no rule that only reasonable people can hire nannies. You just never know what could cost you your job, or what they will hold against you later (I can completely see this coming up later in a reference; "Nanny was generally wonderful, but she was inflexible about her hours at times when we REALLY needed it. Blah blah blah.)

Ok, so then you'd rather an MB always, without exception, just hire a different sitter when there might be a chance that her nanny might possibly feel pressured to come in?

+1. That appears to be the end result. MBs should not ask nannies if they want to work on a holiday or weekend even though she might want to.

Stop being obtuse. That is not what I said. I said you should be cognizant of the power dynamic, and make very clear when something is a request and not an expectation. Make clear to her that you understand COMPLETELY if she has plans, and truly crept that she has the right to say no to you. Meaning do not hold it against her later. I've had childish MBs in the past that get passive aggressive if I stand up for myself.

[Anonymous]

This thread is pretty stupid. There is no problem here. OP, you can't work on a holiday? Say no.

MBs who want help, don't ask your nanny. Too much of a hassle.

As usual, this thread is populated by nannies (some pretending they are MBs) to complain about the power dynamic, needing help, making money, etc etc.

Means nothing. The question is straightforward.

[Anonymous]

Lazy, thoughtless, inconsiderate, entitled bitches.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Why isn't your husband helping out with the kids??? Or grandparents that are coming over??

Can you not multitask?

My husband is flying home from a work meeting Thursday and will arrive in the early afternoon. His brother is bringing the in-laws. My parents are deceased. My close friend is coming over two hours early to help which is very kind, but she is bringing her three kids. So that's seven small children who will be underfoot. Of course I can multi-task. But I am not Superwoman.

I call troll on you! Now it's 7 kids!!!!

I seriously hope you are paying your nanny well and your "friend" is paying her as well. That is just ridiculous

[Anonymous]

I honestly don't understand the hostility here. If I didn't have plans, and my NF asked me to work, I would, but at time and a half. If I had plans, I'd decline and offer a friend's number. It's not that complicated!

[Anonymous]

I am an MB that posted earlier and I find it mindboggling that other MBs arguing that it's totally fine to ask nanny to work on a major holiday. That is at least without a ton of "we expect you already have your own plans but just wanted to give you the shot at the job first just in case. absolutely no problem at all if you don't want it - in fact, have a great holiday withyour family!".

There is an inherent huge power difference - this puts the onus on the MB to do all she can to try to even it back out. Simply asking "would you be able to work on thanksgiving" is terrible because most nannies I think would feel worried about saying no to that. And they should not have to! Someone else said "what's wrong with hiring help for the holiday". Sorry - i think it's just as wrong as those who go shopping on Thursday. It's a major holiday in this country - even hourly workers should be able to enjoy it with their families/friends rather than be forced to come in because of teh decisions their bosses made. I just think it's crappy.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I am an MB that posted earlier and I find it mindboggling that other MBs arguing that it's totally fine to ask nanny to work on a major holiday. That is at least without a ton of "we expect you already have your own plans but just wanted to give you the shot at the job first just in case. absolutely no problem at all if you don't want it - in fact, have a great holiday withyour family!".

There is an inherent huge power difference - this puts the onus on the MB to do all she can to try to even it back out. Simply asking "would you be able to work on thanksgiving" is terrible because most nannies I think would feel worried about saying no to that. And they should not have to! Someone else said "what's wrong with hiring help for the holiday". Sorry - i think it's just as wrong as those who go shopping on Thursday. It's a major holiday in this country - even hourly workers should be able to enjoy it with their families/friends rather than be forced to come in because of teh decisions their bosses made. I just think it's crappy.

+1