Is it fair to be upset with nanny

[Anonymous]

We found a nanny through a neighbors recommendation and she’s been with us for three weeks now.

She is very engaging with 8 mo old DC and very helpful around the house, which I really appreciate.

However, since the beginning I’ve felt she might be the first caregiver we’ve had that might have a competitive approach our DC’s affection, or that she’s attempting to take over the baby /household, which is really not the dynamic I’m looking for. Some examples:

-first few days she would make a big deal out of DC hugging her in front of me (not clear if he was actually hugging her) and if he clearly reached for me would try to keep him in her arms rather than handing him back
-she told me proudly that her previous nanny kid was sad she was nannying our baby because she is his “second mother” but she told him to “say grandma” to not hurt his moms feelings (you could tell she was proud about this)
-she told me that her other nanny family’s kid called her their “best friend” over and over ever since the kid was little
-she says that “she would’ve had more kids if she could (she has 5)” and that being with my DC “reminds her of being with her kids when they were little”


In addition:
-especially at first, despite instruction, she seemed to just be going rogue and feeding the baby whatever she wanted, whenever she wanted to, as many bottles a day and snacks across as many partial feedings as she wanted
- on multiple occasions I’ve set out food for my baby or told her what he should have for lunch and she’ll ask if she can feed him something else or just give him something else not on the menu
-I will put the baby in clothes for the day or set an outfit out and she will change him into something else without asking
-she will feed him to sleep even though I’ve said we try to avoid that

Anyway, am I right to be irritated? Is it best I cut my losses early or am I overreacting?

[Anonymous]

As a former Nanny and now parent I think you are over reacting. I think she’s trying to show you how much she enjoys your child already and that she’s connected with him.
Regarding food and clothing, from a parent viewpoint I do these things for sitters, like a date night sitter or occasional after school sitter. But for a FT Nanny the nanny usually does this. As a Nanny I always chose the kids meals, usually something we all liked as I ate with them. I knew what our plans were for the day so chose clothing appropriate for the days activity.
You could make suggest a food diary or something so you know what he’s been eating and so does she, but you need to step back from the micromanaging if you want the Nanny to succeed.

[Anonymous]

OP here. Thank you for your honest reply. I guess I should have mentioned that she is a part time nanny and I work part time. Maybe that’s where part of the tension comes from—I’m still involved in DC’s day-to-day and she’s used to nannying full time for infants where she does everything for them. I don’t know.

[Anonymous]

Hi OP, Yes I think your new Nanny is a little “off.”

I say this as a Nanny myself.

After just a few, short wks it appears your Nanny is getting a little too comfortable w/her job & I am putting it mildly.

I would let her go - but I wouldn’t tell her the reason.
Perhaps you can craft up a reasonable excuse??

Something tells me the longer this Nanny stays > the more engrained she will be w/your baby boy.

Good luck.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:As a former Nanny and now parent I think you are over reacting. I think she’s trying to show you how much she enjoys your child already and that she’s connected with him.
Regarding food and clothing, from a parent viewpoint I do these things for sitters, like a date night sitter or occasional after school sitter. But for a FT Nanny the nanny usually does this. As a Nanny I always chose the kids meals, usually something we all liked as I ate with them. I knew what our plans were for the day so chose clothing appropriate for the days activity.
You could make suggest a food diary or something so you know what he’s been eating and so does she, but you need to step back from the micromanaging if you want the Nanny to succeed.

OP, I respectfully disagree w/this response.

You are definitely NOT overreacting here nor are you micromanaging your Nanny.

Your gut instinct is warning you that this Nanny seems to be a little too close to your baby (as well as her previous charges.)
As a parent, it is very important that you do not ignore the little voice inside you that is telling you something here is amiss.

This voice is meant to guide you in a safe direction.

[Anonymous]

Nanny here and I would get the ick from this kind of behavior. I always go out of my way to correct anyone who refers to me as the kid’s mom, whether the child themself, or a stranger at a park. I love “my” kids but I know that I am NOT the parent. Recently I disagreed with how MB handled a logistical choice and she said “is that okay?” I told her flat-out: “Look, you heard me out and now you get to decide whether my reasoning makes sense or whether you want to do something different. You are the mom and you don’t need my permission!”

[Anonymous]

She seems a little off. Maybe just socially aloof but if you have clearly given her instruction and she isn’t following it, that’s a red flag.

[Anonymous]

I would cut my losses and tell her you’re going to stay home etc. this lady sounds nuts imo and it’s only going to get worse. I’m a nanny btw and this is just creepy.

[Anonymous]

She is nutty. I would not want her around.

[Anonymous]

OP again here, thanks for your feedback. I just found out today that the pictures she’s taking of DC during the day (hasn’t asked permission to do this, and it’s made me nervous since we don’t know her well) she’s been sharing with a contact who recommended her to us but without asking our permission.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP again here, thanks for your feedback. I just found out today that the pictures she’s taking of DC during the day (hasn’t asked permission to do this, and it’s made me nervous since we don’t know her well) she’s been sharing with a contact who recommended her to us but without asking our permission.

Then you have reason to fire her with cause. No severance no 2 weeks call her now and tell her not to come tomorrow. This is unacceptable, unprofessional and creepy

[Anonymous]

Be upfront tell her that she is unprofessional and crosses boundaries. It needs to be an immediate termination. No more access to your child.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:As a former Nanny and now parent I think you are over reacting. I think she’s trying to show you how much she enjoys your child already and that she’s connected with him.
Regarding food and clothing, from a parent viewpoint I do these things for sitters, like a date night sitter or occasional after school sitter. But for a FT Nanny the nanny usually does this. As a Nanny I always chose the kids meals, usually something we all liked as I ate with them. I knew what our plans were for the day so chose clothing appropriate for the days activity.
You could make suggest a food diary or something so you know what he’s been eating and so does she, but you need to step back from the micromanaging if you want the Nanny to succeed.

This response IS nuts!
What the heck are they talking about???!!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP again here, thanks for your feedback. I just found out today that the pictures she’s taking of DC during the day (hasn’t asked permission to do this, and it’s made me nervous since we don’t know her well) she’s been sharing with a contact who recommended her to us but without asking our permission.

OP, While I definitely think you need to get rid of this Nanny for purely creepy reasons, I don’t necessarily think her sharing photos w/a mutual person whom you both know is that wrong.

I don’t necessarily think it is a wise idea considering her other behaviors however just this one thing isn’t (to me!) very significant.

I work w/families where I was a referral to & I will sometimes share cute pictures of my new Nanny kids w/the family who referred me just to show how great things are working out or how cute the kids are, etc.

Usually our mutual contact enjoys receiving these pics since they technically know my current family.

[Anonymous]

You need to be firm about the food.
You: Please feed the baby A, B and C for lunch
Nanny: She likes D and E, so I may feed her those okay?
You: No, she may not have D and E, only A, B and C.

The clothing thing - maybe your kid shat their pants and needs to be changed?