Need Some Advice Re: My Job

[Anonymous]

I have been a part-time Nanny for a 2 yr old little girl for the past 18 mos.

I have formed a strong bond w/her and things have overall gone well.

Until yesterday afternoon.
We were at the playground & she was climbing the bars up but accidentally lost her grasp and fell on the mat below.

She cried briefly but then got up and played again a few min. later.
She appeared to walk w/a slight limp afterward.

When I told her parents, they told me I should not have let her climb the bars w/o holding on to her.
(I had tried but she had took my hands off of her and said she wanted to do it herself.)
When she fell, I had been standing directly behind her but was not holding on to her.

Anyway the parents are super overprotective and had taken their daughter to her MD to hopefully get X-rays done because they thought she may have broken a bone, etc.
I waited for three hours, stressed out to only find out that he stopped limping + the Dr. wasn’t concerned.

I am now contemplating quitting this position as I thought I was treated unfairly.
Kids fall down, they get bumps and bruises > it’s part of being a kid.
Even when in the care of parents kids sometimes fall and get hurt.

Yet when in the care of a Nanny parents can be harsh and judgmental and assign blame to their Nanny.

Would it be unfair to quit?

[Anonymous]

I’m sorry that happened to you. When my daughter was 2, she had an accident with our nanny and like your employers I sort of overreacted - got upset with our nanny and immediately took my kid to the doctor. Years later I still feel bad that I got so upset with our nanny (we had a great relationship, I did apologize to her at the time).

Just trying to give you the perspective of a parent. We aren’t perfect, we are human. The first time our child gets hurt with a caregiver can stir up all sorts of feelings for us - guilt, fear, worry. It’s not right that your employers took it out on you - full stop. But they’re human beings. In my case I’m glad my nanny gave me grace and I’m glad I was able to process my feelings and apologize to her and move on. We are still good friends today!

Maybe see how it goes this week and then make a decision? You shouldn’t stay in a job where you are blamed or scapegoated, but also you might want to give them some grace here.

[Anonymous]

Hmm, this depends on how the exact situation went down. I could see it going both ways. For example, how high up were these bars? Anything higher than adult waist-level, I would not let them do without support. How long was the child limping? Did you tell the parents immediately while you were still at the playground or was it some time later / at the end of the day?

It also depends on your attitude throughout. If you appeared unconcerned and your attitude was more "well, kids fall all the time" as opposed to "I'll have to watch her more closely now that she's getting more active", I'd be concerned as a parent too that you would not make any changes going forward. Yes, kids get hurt with us as well, but good parents usually place some of the 'blame" on themselves and think about how they will do things differently in the future.

[Anonymous]

I would fire a nanny who complies with a 2 yr old' wishes when it comes to safety.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I would fire a nanny who complies with a 2 yr old' wishes when it comes to safety.

Right? Who's running the show here?

[Anonymous]

If the Nannie was not watching my kid and was either engrossed in conversation with another person or was distracted scrolling on her phone, then yes I would definitely be upset with her. But at the age of 2, as long as the ground below was not solid concrete or even blacktop, many kids of that age can climb bars (not monkey bars) without needing to be carried up by an adult.
It sounds like the nannie was standing close behind the child and when the child fell, it would have been impossible for her to have caught the child on time.

Nannies get blamed for many things while on duty. If a child gets hurt, vomits or even does not sleep the parents always will blame the nannie. It is just par for the course. The fact that they took the child to see a doctor over falling off some bars is just overkill. If the child had broken some bones or injured herself she would have been in pain.
I once was a nannie for a young boy. He fell off the swing at a park and landed in the sand. Of course I phoned his mom and she was so concerned that she took off early from work and came home to take him in to see a pediatrician. She yelled at me for not watching him sufficiently and blamed me for the entire thing. I felt guilty of course (who wouldn’t?) but the pediatrician said the kid was just fine. He had no bruises or bumps from the fall and was acting the same.

About 3 weeks later at the same park the kid was there with his dad and happened to actually fall off of the rock climbing wall. He broke his arm and had to be in a cast for the next month or so.
Shortly after this happened I realized that I had been unfairly blamed and gave notice I would be leaving in 3 weeks. They ended up letting me go immediately.

As nannies we have to understand that if a kid falls or gets hurt while in our care then the parents will assign 10000% blame on us.
But if the child gets injured while with the parents they just label it as an accident citing kids will be kids.

For this reason alone - I would definitely quit this job.
The parents are not living in reality and really should stay home with their child if they get angry over a child falling off some bars.
Now if a nannie left an infant in a bathtub alone, then went to the living room to watch TV, then that is definitely an issue.
But to let a 2 year old climb up some bars alone is no big deal as long as there is a cushion/sand below.

****
Quit now!
I wish I had quit much sooner.

[Anonymous]

+1000

Well said.

My child just turned two & he climbs the bars at our park (climbing vs. monkey).

He is at the age where he is exerting his independence + can be very stubborn on not wanting to be carried up.

He has fallen a few times but has not learned “cause and effect” yet.
Lol.

If after eighteen months this is the first time this has happened then yes her parents overreacted.
I mean, c’mon.
Unless a child comes home w/bruises/bumps every few weeks then this family is overreacting over a fall.
Accidents happen.
Such is life.

I would definitely quit because when this family took their child into the doctor’s -> they likely told the doctor that this child fell in the care of her nanny.
Which paints you in a bad light and could have unfair consequences later on.

[Anonymous]

I had let my charges watch fifteen minutes of Cocomelon on T.V. so I could wash their lunch dishes/cups as well as wipe down the table and benches after a very messy lunch.

When the father returned home, he yelled at me for letting his kids watch “that garbage.”
He likened it to me actually giving them crack!!!??

I have watched many episodes of this program and it is whimsical, fun as well as educational to a hilt.
I admire how they named the children in them after the Watts kids who were murdered in CO in late ‘18……

[Anonymous]

It is normal for the parents to take the kid to the doctor after an accident, especially since they did not witness it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I had let my charges watch fifteen minutes of Cocomelon on T.V. so I could wash their lunch dishes/cups as well as wipe down the table and benches after a very messy lunch.

When the father returned home, he yelled at me for letting his kids watch “that garbage.”
He likened it to me actually giving them crack!!!??

I have watched many episodes of this program and it is whimsical, fun as well as educational to a hilt.
I admire how they named the children in them after the Watts kids who were murdered in CO in late ‘18……

Wow.
Just wow.

I have read online that “experts” are claiming that letting your toddler watch Cocomelon is the same as letting them smoke crack……??!!
I find this laughable.

When my now grown children were younger, there was talk of letting my kids watch Teletubbies would likely make them gay due to the purple Teletubbie named Tinky Winky.
They claimed that Tinky Winky was a bad role model for young children since he was purple (a gay color?!), had a triangle shape on his head (apparently a “gay” symbol??!) and carried a purse even though he was a boy.
This is laughable to even imagine someone saying all of this today, right?

Then when my kids were teens and Harry Potter books became must-reads, I heard experts complaining that by allowing children to read these books would expose them to witchcraft, etc.

Anytime something blows up in popularity there is always someone ready to bring it down.

Poor Cocomelon.
In 25+years, this will all be considered a stupid fallacy.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It is normal for the parents to take the kid to the doctor after an accident, especially since they did not witness it.

In some instances I would agree with you.

But kids fall off bars everyday either at daycare, school or even just the playground.
What child has never fallen off the bars??

To take a child to the Doctor when the child is obviously not in any physical pain is just ridiculous.
It is a waste of the Doctor’s time that could, should be used for truly sick as well as injured children.

Obviously the child was fine since no xrays were taken.

I personally think the parents are very strict and do not think anyone except for them is trustworthy enough to care for their child.
They obviously do not trust the nanny alone with their child and if the nanny stays in this job, there will be a day soon (mark my words!!) where the nanny will be accused & possibly held liable for child neglect or worse.

If the nanny does not extrapolate herself from these overprotective people she may end up in deep legal trouble.
Because these parents do not respect boundaries.

Nor do they respect their nanny.

[Anonymous]

PP, do you have your own child? If my child was limping, there might be an injury, and no, 2 yr olds do not fall off bars every week. In day cares, they are not allowed on taller slides and high monkey bars, that equipment is for older kids.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It is normal for the parents to take the kid to the doctor after an accident, especially since they did not witness it.

This
It's inappropriate to think that the parents should have been more concerned with making sure the nanny didn't feel the situation was "unfair", than about the safety/possible injury of their young child. That said it does sound like this might not be the field for you.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:+1000

Well said.

My child just turned two & he climbs the bars at our park (climbing vs. monkey).

He is at the age where he is exerting his independence + can be very stubborn on not wanting to be carried up.

He has fallen a few times but has not learned “cause and effect” yet.
Lol.

If after eighteen months this is the first time this has happened then yes her parents overreacted.
I mean, c’mon.
Unless a child comes home w/bruises/bumps every few weeks then this family is overreacting over a fall.
Accidents happen.
Such is life.

I would definitely quit because when this family took their child into the doctor’s -> they likely told the doctor that this child fell in the care of her nanny.
Which paints you in a bad light and could have unfair consequences later on.

Hi OP. If you want to quit, then quit. You are presumably an adult and can make that choice regardless of whether it is "unfair".

[Anonymous]

All young children will end up with bumps and bruises. It is all par for the course.
Obviously the child was not hurt since it appears her physician did not even order for an xray to be run.
Just my personal opinion, but as a parent myself I would not take the time to take my child in for falling off playground equipment as long as it wasn’t above cement. Because that is not something to take your child in for. If the limping were something that concerned me I maybe would but it is very telling that the parents here stated that the physician did not perform any xrays.

My thought?
I think these parents lied to you about her limping, I strongly doubt they even took the time to take their kid to seek medical care.
They are just helicopter parents who believe that if a child is hurt while around anyone but them then they must have been neglected or abused.

Leave this job as soon as you have another one lined up.
Oh and my own son just turned two last October and he does climb the ladder bars on the play equipment on his own. Yes he has fallen off many times (mostly by going too fast!) but the playground I take him to is geared for kids 2-5 so I doubt they would have bars there that would be too high or complicated for a child his age.