Housekeeper boundaries?

[Anonymous]

Hi,

I'm a FTM, no nanny/never have used a nanny, with elementary aged kids. My FT housekeeper (who does not have any childcare duties but started her career as a nanny) refers to my youngest child as "her baby." I know she has really taken to my kids over the three months that she's worked for us but this really bothers me and I don't know if my reaction is okay. Today as I was running out the door to pick my kids up and take them for a surgery consult for my child, she told me to "take care of my baby" meaning hers. She has mentioned that one family she nannied for, the kids referred to her as "mom," I would really, really not be okay with this. I was not raised by my mom because she didn't want to be a mom so this is an especially sensitive area to me. Would love to know what boundaries would be okay establishing and how to relay this to her.

[Anonymous]

If she had kids calling her mom, she does not have appropriate boundaries. Are you sure you want to keep her around?

[Anonymous]

Lord have mercy lady. She is just being funny and sweet. She is use to being around kids. Some people just come on here to bitch and complain about everything. If she didn’t speak it would be a problem. If you don’t like it , let her go. But you’re being extra!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:If she had kids calling her mom, she does not have appropriate boundaries. Are you sure you want to keep her around?

Thank you for your feedback!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:If she had kids calling her mom, she does not have appropriate boundaries. Are you sure you want to keep her around?

I agree

[Anonymous]

Tell her "It makes me uncomfortable that you call Brady your baby. I know you mean well, but I prefer you just call him Brady. Thanks for understanding."

[Anonymous]

Her calling your baby “my baby” is a little weird but I would let it go. Some people just really love babies.

It’s super weird that her nanny kids called her “mom,” but you don’t know the situation so I would take it with a grain of salt. Now, if she wants your child to call her “mom,” that’s a different story. I would let her go immediately.

[Anonymous]

I am a Nanny myself as well as a Mother & find it odd that your housekeeper’s former Nanny charges referred to her as “Mom.”
I could only see this being acceptable if she were playing house w/her charges - but other than that > that is just a little off to me.

If your housekeeper is reliable, trustworthy + overall does a great job keeping your home clean, I might let her comments just go.
Because finding a great housekeeper is not easy and I wouldn’t want to let someone I trusted go based on some annoying comments.

However if the comments truly bother you which would be completely understandable, then you can let her know in a tactful manner that you would prefer she not say what she says or you could let her go.

Again if she is a good worker it may be more beneficial just to let her comments slide.
Perhaps you could just not respond and hope that she gets the general hint.

Good luck!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Hi,

I'm a FTM, no nanny/never have used a nanny, with elementary aged kids. My FT housekeeper (who does not have any childcare duties but started her career as a nanny) refers to my youngest child as "her baby." I know she has really taken to my kids over the three months that she's worked for us but this really bothers me and I don't know if my reaction is okay. Today as I was running out the door to pick my kids up and take them for a surgery consult for my child, she told me to "take care of my baby" meaning hers. She has mentioned that one family she nannied for, the kids referred to her as "mom," I would really, really not be okay with this. I was not raised by my mom because she didn't want to be a mom so this is an especially sensitive area to me. Would love to know what boundaries would be okay establishing and how to relay this to her.

Oh wow. That is very inappropriate and unprofessional.

I’m a live-in nanny. I prefer 24/5, 6 or 7. Children slip and call me by the wrong name or title frequently, whether it’s an aunt, former nanny or AP, mom, teacher, coach, etc. It happens occasionally to many adults in children’s lives, especially if a child is excited to tell you something. However, adults who want what’s best for children gently give the correct name and don’t let it continue. In over 15 years of nannying, I’ve only had one child who started calling me mommy on a regular basis. That child didn’t have a mother in his life at that point, but his father and I still did not feel it was appropriate, so I continued to give the correct name every time.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Her calling your baby “my baby” is a little weird but I would let it go. Some people just really love babies.

It’s super weird that her nanny kids called her “mom,” but you don’t know the situation so I would take it with a grain of salt. Now, if she wants your child to call her “mom,” that’s a different story. I would let her go immediately.

OP said the kids are elementary age.

[Anonymous]

OP here. Thank you all for responding. I spoke with her and let her know that I was not comfortable with those terms for my child. I'm hoping that's the last time it will come up.