Advice on toddler + twins

[Anonymous]

I posted in preschool forum and looking for advice here from nannies and / or parents of multiples who've had or have nannies.

We have a 2 yr old and a wonderful nanny who has been with us since toddler was a baby. We just had twins, currently 2 mos. I go back to work around 4 mos and DH has no leave. Original plan had been to send toddler to FT preschool (9 to 4 pm, ish) that is very close and have nanny home with twins. That would be $$$ for us but figured everyone would be better off.

Starting to have a lot of reluctance about sending toddler out of the home for so long. He is sensitive, not yet potty trained, and very attached to nanny. I WFH most of the time, do not micro-manage the nanny at all, and quite frankly enjoy seeing the toddler and having him close. On the other hand, he is high energy and just wants to be outside all day. Nanny has expressed that she could manage all 3 herself, but we've yet to work out details or hash out what a sample schedule would like (perhaps language barrier contributing). This would be a new undertaking for her, although she has nanny share experience. How do I know if she is being over-confident? 2.5 yr old and infants just seems impossible to me. But it would be amazing if everyone could be at home, happy and safe (and we'd obviously save $)

PT preschool options are farther away and less impressive to us as schools / facilities but possible.

Looking for constructive advice, insights, even sample schedules or suggestions on how to make this decision with nanny. Also input on whether PT or FT preschool would be easier re logistics of drop off, etc.

Obviously willing to adjust pay and PTO - whatever it takes to keep her happy.

[Anonymous]

Keep him at home. Compensate the Nanny well. Do you have Grandparents close by that might want to tag team once a week? They take the babies for a couple of hours so she can take 2yo out? Or vice versa?

[Anonymous]

If he's attached to his nanny, it seems cruel to send him away and have his nanny care for his new siblings.

Can you swing hiring a second nanny for the twins? Even just part time?

[Anonymous]

No GPs around to help. Just us and nanny. First I've heard that it's "cruel" for a nanny to stay with a family and care for more children as the family grows and ages !

[Anonymous]

I'm surprised at the first responses. I was a nanny to a 2.5yo and newborn twins and the poor toddler got the major shaft. I was always giving her busy work- books, crafts, sensory bins- because I constantly had to be feeding, changing, or putting a baby/babies to sleep. When babies were on a 3 nap schedule, the basically eliminated outings for the toddler because there was no feasible way I could get two babies to stay on a nap schedule while out and about. We didn't regularly pick outings back up until the babies were almost 1 and on two naps. Then we just got quick spurts to the park or library. The toddler was CRAZY interaction with peers, someone to sit and endlessly pretend with her, and exploration but everything had to be toned down for the babies. I would absolutely send your oldest to full day school and they will THRIVE and still get their special nanny time after school.

-full time nanny for 15 years, mom of 3, oldest kid in my family with twin brothers 3 years younger than me.

[Anonymous]

Watching a toddler and baby twins are doable. I’m
Doing it now but raised my hourly rate from $30 to $34 and 3 extra PTO (4 days so overall I have 15 days of PTO/52 weeks).It’s a lot of work and commitment. I can’t complain, family is very generou$

[Anonymous]

I’ve cared for a set of twins and 18 month toddler It was fun, just had to keep up with schedule and nap times accordingly.
Family increased my salary to about 71K /year plus health insurance, workers comp, PTO 12 days and 7 sick days.

[Anonymous]

We hired a middle school boy to come over and play outside with our toddler boy when we had twins. It gave our nanny a break each afternoon from three. It gave our toddler a couple of hours to run around and get tired after nap/before dinner.

I guess he was sort of a nanny's helper!

[Anonymous]

For those of you with experience in this situation, can you provide some specifics or schedules that made it work? For example, toddler is very used to a set schedule and spends almost the whole morning outside most days (playground, library, group play) and some of the afternoon outside again. How would that work if we want twins to nap in their cribs and not in strollers?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:For those of you with experience in this situation, can you provide some specifics or schedules that made it work? For example, toddler is very used to a set schedule and spends almost the whole morning outside most days (playground, library, group play) and some of the afternoon outside again. How would that work if we want twins to nap in their cribs and not in strollers?

Everyone stays home. You have to be realistic.

[Anonymous]

I think he sounds like a great fit for preschool, and that he'd still be able to see the nanny before and after school.

Plenty of kids go to preschool when they have baby siblings at home, whether with a parent or a nanny. It's not cruel.

[Anonymous]

I am a career nanny that specializes in twins. It is certainly possible to keep 6mo twins and a toddler alive and meet their basic physical needs but it is def going to suck for the toddler. As the other twin nanny said, babies at that age need so many naps that it is really hard to go anywhere during the mornings.

A typical 5 month old schedule is a morning nap maybe 9-10:30, then an afternoon nap 1:30-3 then a catnap sometime around 5 to get them to bedtime. And in between all of those naps you have to diaper and feed the twins, typically twice between each nap! So it leaves you with maybe an hour and a half max of empty time. If you live literally across the street from a park you could maybe do some nice outdoor time there, or if you have a nice backyard they can play outside there but only if it’s 100% fenced in.

[Anonymous]

7:20 here and I want to add that if you really want to avoid full-day school, then I would hire a second nanny for 6 months. It will be more expensive in the short term but it will get you until the twins are more set in their routine and will give your nanny breathing room to be able to hand off the twins for a few hours and focus on the toddler every day. You could even do part-time but you want someone reliable.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:For those of you with experience in this situation, can you provide some specifics or schedules that made it work? For example, toddler is very used to a set schedule and spends almost the whole morning outside most days (playground, library, group play) and some of the afternoon outside again. How would that work if we want twins to nap in their cribs and not in strollers?

I'm the nanny/mom/sister of twins.

It doesn't. You either have the babies on no schedule to meet the toddler's socialization needs or you full stop the toddler from activities to stay home and accommodate the babies' feeding and nap schedules schedules.

4-8 months the babies will probably nap 9-10:30am, 1-2:30pm, and a cat nap at 4:30/5pm.
9-15 months, they'll nap 9-10:30am and 1:30-3:30pm
16 months-3 years they'll nap around 12:30-2:30ish

I'd say the first opportunity to reliably get out with all 3 kids will be morning outing before nap once the babies hit 16ish months. Even when the babies are on the two nap schedule, they will wake from nap 1 at 10:30am need bottles, changing, getting 3 kids ready and packed up, maybe out the door by 11:15/30 and then have to come back in 30-60 mins for lunch. It's just not worth it.

[Anonymous]

Thanks to helpful responses. To the career Nannies - input on PT vs FT schools in terms of coordinating pick up and drop off and also stress for toddler? Thanks again