Ski trip with AP

[Anonymous]

So, we are going skiing out west and do not need childcare because DC will be in ski school. It’s during Christmas, so we gave our AP the opportunity to either join us, or we could book her a trip to see family. She chose to join us. We had her do a ski lesson last year, and she enjoyed it, so we paid for additional days of rental/lift tickets. This year, the holiday rental/ticket rates are crazy, and we just don’t need childcare this time around. How would you manage this situation? Would you pay for a one day lesson/rental and tell her any further rentals/lessons are at her discretion?

[Anonymous]

I think you are stuck with the deal you offered last year and should pay for her tickets and rentals for maybe 3 or 4 of the 6-7 days you will be there.

I would build in some child care so you don't feel frustrated - do a couple date nights - spend some child free time in the spa or hot tub with your partner - have her do drop off and/or pick up from ski school.

You played this wrong by not thinking about this up front and making clear your offer was different than what you were offering last time. Now you look like an ogre if you are less generous than she was expecting...

[Anonymous]

You can afford an au pair and to go on a ski trip out West over Christmas but you can’t afford a weeks worth of life tickets and rentals? You should not have given her the choice if you didn’t want to cover the experience. FWIW I am in my 40s now but came over here at 19 as an au pair. My family with 3 kids took me to Colorado skiing ( gave me the choice) and they paid for my expenses. It was awesome to see another part of the US and I had never skied so loved that too.

[Anonymous]

yes. you should pay.

[Anonymous]

Agree with the first PP that what you did last year has set the expectations for her. When you gave her the choice this round, you did not mention anything about cost being very much higher and thus blowing your budget. That's unfortunate.

I'd pay similar to what you paid for her last year, and ask for some make up days where you could use the care.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I think you are stuck with the deal you offered last year and should pay for her tickets and rentals for maybe 3 or 4 of the 6-7 days you will be there.

I would build in some child care so you don't feel frustrated - do a couple date nights - spend some child free time in the spa or hot tub with your partner - have her do drop off and/or pick up from ski school.

You played this wrong by not thinking about this up front and making clear your offer was different than what you were offering last time. Now you look like an ogre if you are less generous than she was expecting...

Op: Thanks! Yes, this seems like the best compromise. Will get her the rental, lift tickets for a few days, have her do pick ups/drop offs and just do grown up dinners out.

[Anonymous]

Think about what she makes…one weeks pay is close to a one day ticket. You cannot ask her to pay for that, especially after you asked her to join you. Plus, you set a precedent last time.

We are actually doing the same for Christmas, and the ap traveling with you dilemma is one one my main downsides of having an ap. So, solidarity. Just use her a bit like others have said.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Think about what she makes…one weeks pay is close to a one day ticket. You cannot ask her to pay for that, especially after you asked her to join you. Plus, you set a precedent last time.

We are actually doing the same for Christmas, and the ap traveling with you dilemma is one one my main downsides of having an ap. So, solidarity. Just use her a bit like others have said.

We were planning to go to Disney this year but did not go because of this the traveling with AP dilemma. My AP is immature and thinking about what benefits she could get from us all the time. While I understand that they don't make much and would not be able to afford a decent Disney trip by herself, I don't like the feeling of almost being forced to give her an expensive trip. Yes taking her with us is not required, but the AP will definitely feel disappointed if we don't take her and that might affect the quality of her work. So we decided not to go this year.

While I agree with providing the AP the "American experience", but it shouldn't be expected an experience at my financial level that I worked my butt off for. I would give exceptions to an unicorn AP who treats me truly like a family but doesn't make me feel that I am a dollar tree. I have no problem paying for a beautiful year for an AP like that. Unfortunately our current AP is not.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Think about what she makes…one weeks pay is close to a one day ticket. You cannot ask her to pay for that, especially after you asked her to join you. Plus, you set a precedent last time.

We are actually doing the same for Christmas, and the ap traveling with you dilemma is one one my main downsides of having an ap. So, solidarity. Just use her a bit like others have said.

OP Here. I think the big issue for me was the prospect of getting a rental and daily lift tickets for someone who is still very much a beginner. I’m sure she’d like to have the *option* of skiiing every day, but there is the realistic possibility that she may choose not to and end up just relaxing at the house, which is fine. So I’ve decided to give her an allowance that will allow her to manage that week on her own; she can choose to do a lesson(s); practice on her own on the beginner mountain/get all mountain access; purchase half day tickets; or take that amount as a bonus if she decides not to ski at all.

[Anonymous]

OP - Great compromise!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Think about what she makes…one weeks pay is close to a one day ticket. You cannot ask her to pay for that, especially after you asked her to join you. Plus, you set a precedent last time.

We are actually doing the same for Christmas, and the ap traveling with you dilemma is one one my main downsides of having an ap. So, solidarity. Just use her a bit like others have said.

OP Here. I think the big issue for me was the prospect of getting a rental and daily lift tickets for someone who is still very much a beginner. I’m sure she’d like to have the *option* of skiiing every day, but there is the realistic possibility that she may choose not to and end up just relaxing at the house, which is fine. So I’ve decided to give her an allowance that will allow her to manage that week on her own; she can choose to do a lesson(s); practice on her own on the beginner mountain/get all mountain access; purchase half day tickets; or take that amount as a bonus if she decides not to ski at all.

Maybe don't take her and take her on a better trip that would meet her interests more.

[Anonymous]

This is why I only hire AUPairs who are Northern European, west a size 9 shoe and are 5’7-5’9, so they can use my extra pair of ski equipment.

Kidding, but that is how it worked out with our last 2 AUPairs. So so much cheaper if you are a ski family and everyone has their own equipment.

I think OP looks like jerk I’d she back peddles, but is a good lesson to think about expenses before making the offer.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Think about what she makes…one weeks pay is close to a one day ticket. You cannot ask her to pay for that, especially after you asked her to join you. Plus, you set a precedent last time.

We are actually doing the same for Christmas, and the ap traveling with you dilemma is one one my main downsides of having an ap. So, solidarity. Just use her a bit like others have said.

We were planning to go to Disney this year but did not go because of this the traveling with AP dilemma. My AP is immature and thinking about what benefits she could get from us all the time. While I understand that they don't make much and would not be able to afford a decent Disney trip by herself, I don't like the feeling of almost being forced to give her an expensive trip. Yes taking her with us is not required, but the AP will definitely feel disappointed if we don't take her and that might affect the quality of her work. So we decided not to go this year.

While I agree with providing the AP the "American experience", but it shouldn't be expected an experience at my financial level that I worked my butt off for. I would give exceptions to an unicorn AP who treats me truly like a family but doesn't make me feel that I am a dollar tree. I have no problem paying for a beautiful year for an AP like that. Unfortunately our current AP is not.

Actually…yes it does. Au Pair literally means “on par” as in she is to be treated “on par” with your exalted financial level.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Think about what she makes…one weeks pay is close to a one day ticket. You cannot ask her to pay for that, especially after you asked her to join you. Plus, you set a precedent last time.

We are actually doing the same for Christmas, and the ap traveling with you dilemma is one one my main downsides of having an ap. So, solidarity. Just use her a bit like others have said.

We were planning to go to Disney this year but did not go because of this the traveling with AP dilemma. My AP is immature and thinking about what benefits she could get from us all the time. While I understand that they don't make much and would not be able to afford a decent Disney trip by herself, I don't like the feeling of almost being forced to give her an expensive trip. Yes taking her with us is not required, but the AP will definitely feel disappointed if we don't take her and that might affect the quality of her work. So we decided not to go this year.

While I agree with providing the AP the "American experience", but it shouldn't be expected an experience at my financial level that I worked my butt off for. I would give exceptions to an unicorn AP who treats me truly like a family but doesn't make me feel that I am a dollar tree. I have no problem paying for a beautiful year for an AP like that. Unfortunately our current AP is not.

Actually…yes it does. Au Pair literally means “on par” as in she is to be treated “on par” with your exalted financial level.

And on par with your children who also haven’t worked for these fantastic vacations, and may be sassy and angsty as preteens and teens.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Think about what she makes…one weeks pay is close to a one day ticket. You cannot ask her to pay for that, especially after you asked her to join you. Plus, you set a precedent last time.

We are actually doing the same for Christmas, and the ap traveling with you dilemma is one one my main downsides of having an ap. So, solidarity. Just use her a bit like others have said.

We were planning to go to Disney this year but did not go because of this the traveling with AP dilemma. My AP is immature and thinking about what benefits she could get from us all the time. While I understand that they don't make much and would not be able to afford a decent Disney trip by herself, I don't like the feeling of almost being forced to give her an expensive trip. Yes taking her with us is not required, but the AP will definitely feel disappointed if we don't take her and that might affect the quality of her work. So we decided not to go this year.

While I agree with providing the AP the "American experience", but it shouldn't be expected an experience at my financial level that I worked my butt off for. I would give exceptions to an unicorn AP who treats me truly like a family but doesn't make me feel that I am a dollar tree. I have no problem paying for a beautiful year for an AP like that. Unfortunately our current AP is not.

Actually…yes it does. Au Pair literally means “on par” as in she is to be treated “on par” with your exalted financial level.

And on par with your children who also haven’t worked for these fantastic vacations, and may be sassy and angsty as preteens and teens.

Sorry I don't have that kind of unconditional big love. My kids go on these fantastic vacations because they are lucky to be MY kids money wise. But they "paid" for those benefits by missing a lot of parents' company because we are working our butt off to provide them a nice life. What did the AP do to deserve the same? Plus I discipline my kids when they are not good and potentially punish them if they don't improve. Does AP want the same?

I treat my AP very generously, nicely and reasonably. She is not a superstar and doesn't deserve to be treated like one. I am not a saint and never wanted to be one. What I said is the ugly truth whether you admit or not. If your AP is on par with your own kids, why don't you pay for AP's college here for $80k a year? If you do, I truly admire you.