Feeling nervous about picking a nanny

[Anonymous]

Did phone interviews for a handful of candidates. Likes two enough to ask to come and do in person meeting. One never responded to that offer. The other came.over and I liked her. There are some things that were not *perfect* but she was kind and engaged the kids and has experience.

I like her but am so nervous about making this decision (which is a common theme in my life. I don't even like being the person who has to pick the restaurant.) Husband also liked her. So why am I up at 1:45am worried?

Anyone else have this worry and it work out great? It is such a huge decision and I (as an anxious person) worry about all the what ifs that could happen if she is not the right person. But will I always feel that way until they build that trust?

Or did after the interview you just know it was the right fit?

[Anonymous]

Did you cast a wide enough net? Did you check her references and background check? Did you verify her ssn or work permit for the I9? If all of that checks out, contact her and see how she feels about a few small cameras.

[Anonymous]

What are you concerns?
That she won’t work out? Trial period. If it doesn’t work out you’ll have to do another search, but that’s okay.
Nervous for her to drive your DC around? Ask her to wait, or ride along with her.
Nervous you’ll miss your DC? Ask if she’d be open to texting updates during the day at first.

You’re a first time mom. Any nanny worth their salt will work with you to ease your worries, unless you’re micromanaging and overbearing.

[Anonymous]

Are you a first time mom? I don't think so. As you said she engage with your kids. Is her the first nanny or second nanny you will have? If you are a little worried and not sure about it; maybe you are not ready to make that decision picking her up. You still have worries and questions about if she is the right fit or not. You could take a little more days or couple of weeks to keep looking if you feel this way!

[Anonymous]

If you are planning to set up cameras as PP says, she might reject your offer. Some nannies won't feel comfortable working like that. It's a lack of trust you are having since the very first beginning. The cameras topic; it's the first thing you should have said right in the interview; no when you already interviewed with her and see if she will agree working like that.
No just contact her again just to tell her that Opss.. you forgot that the position will requiere the nanny feel comfortable and be watches all day with cameras all around.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:If you are planning to set up cameras as PP says, she might reject your offer. Some nannies won't feel comfortable working like that. It's a lack of trust you are having since the very first beginning. The cameras topic; it's the first thing you should have said right in the interview; no when you already interviewed with her and see if she will agree working like that.
No just contact her again just to tell her that Opss.. you forgot that the position will requiere the nanny feel comfortable and be watches all day with cameras all around.

And some nannies like me encourage cameras. I want my employers to see how hard I work and how happy their kids are. I wouldn’t work in a home without cameras.

[Anonymous]

Op here -- I checked her references (but again, those are people I don't know so I have to take with a grain of salt). I did a background and driving check and she came back clear. We have a nanny who we hired during the pandemic. I was working from home, so I could keep an eye and ear out. After two years, I had full trust in her and her decision making. I will not have that luxury this time. Our nanny is moving, so we need to find someone else.

I am not trying to replicate her and know that I can't really. So I am trying to let the new nanny stand on her own. The things that were great about her seem really great. She brought the kids bubbles to the in person interview. She engaged with the kids and took a "tour" of my oldest's favorite spots in the yard. The things I worry about are not deal breakers but are things I loved about our outgoing nanny. (She made connections with other families and I don't totally get that vibe from the prospective nanny -- but I also don't make connections with other families at pick up. So it is not a deal breaker.) She is a little more "chill" and not bubbly. But again, safety and engagement are my focus, so chipper isn't a deal breaker but it makes it hard to feel 100% confident in my decision.

I am not sure if I need to keep looking (although from a timing perspective I don't totally have that option) or just roll with it and see if my worries go away. I know what I want which is either my old nanny stays or I found her exact clone (neither of which happened). But, decision making is so hard for me and this one matters so much.

I guess I was hoping to hear that others had those doubts but they went away and nanny was great or you knew right away and found someone else. I don't know if the doubt is nerves or something else, if that makes sense.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If you are planning to set up cameras as PP says, she might reject your offer. Some nannies won't feel comfortable working like that. It's a lack of trust you are having since the very first beginning. The cameras topic; it's the first thing you should have said right in the interview; no when you already interviewed with her and see if she will agree working like that.
No just contact her again just to tell her that Opss.. you forgot that the position will requiere the nanny feel comfortable and be watches all day with cameras all around.

And some nannies like me encourage cameras. I want my employers to see how hard I work and how happy their kids are. I wouldn’t work in a home without cameras.

Known troll.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Op here -- I checked her references (but again, those are people I don't know so I have to take with a grain of salt). I did a background and driving check and she came back clear. We have a nanny who we hired during the pandemic. I was working from home, so I could keep an eye and ear out. After two years, I had full trust in her and her decision making. I will not have that luxury this time. Our nanny is moving, so we need to find someone else.

I am not trying to replicate her and know that I can't really. So I am trying to let the new nanny stand on her own. The things that were great about her seem really great. She brought the kids bubbles to the in person interview. She engaged with the kids and took a "tour" of my oldest's favorite spots in the yard. The things I worry about are not deal breakers but are things I loved about our outgoing nanny. (She made connections with other families and I don't totally get that vibe from the prospective nanny -- but I also don't make connections with other families at pick up. So it is not a deal breaker.) She is a little more "chill" and not bubbly. But again, safety and engagement are my focus, so chipper isn't a deal breaker but it makes it hard to feel 100% confident in my decision.

I am not sure if I need to keep looking (although from a timing perspective I don't totally have that option) or just roll with it and see if my worries go away. I know what I want which is either my old nanny stays or I found her exact clone (neither of which happened). But, decision making is so hard for me and this one matters so much.

I guess I was hoping to hear that others had those doubts but they went away and nanny was great or you knew right away and found someone else. I don't know if the doubt is nerves or something else, if that makes sense.

I feel for you. After you have the new nanny for a few weeks, can you invite over a trusted friend to hang out with you while the nanny is with the children? Later ask her what kind of vibe she got from the nanny. Could you do that? Let your friend know of your worries.

[Anonymous]

Honestly you should just stay home. Not being able to keep an eye and ear open let’s me know you have control issues. I wouldn’t want to work for you

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Honestly you should just stay home. Not being able to keep an eye and ear open let’s me know you have control issues. I wouldn’t want to work for you

Not necessarily control issues - just concerns about the care of a child who may not be able to articulate what is happening. Infants cannot say "the nanny ignored me all day" or even worse, abused them in some way. Older kids are probably less of an issue.
If the nanny was working in a daycare setting, there would be a lot of oversight and people around so I do not understand the concern that some nannies have about having total autonomy. Statistically, infant deaths and abuse are more likely to happen in at home care than in centers because there are a lot of people at centers monitoring, and if a child becomes un-manageable, there is someone to trade off with.
Good nannies are hard to find. Good luck! If this turns out to not be the right nanny, you can find another. It takes a lot of work, but do-able.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If you are planning to set up cameras as PP says, she might reject your offer. Some nannies won't feel comfortable working like that. It's a lack of trust you are having since the very first beginning. The cameras topic; it's the first thing you should have said right in the interview; no when you already interviewed with her and see if she will agree working like that.
No just contact her again just to tell her that Opss.. you forgot that the position will requiere the nanny feel comfortable and be watches all day with cameras all around.

And some nannies like me encourage cameras. I want my employers to see how hard I work and how happy their kids are. I wouldn’t work in a home without cameras.

Known troll.

I am absolutely not a troll. Ask Jeff. I’m a nanny who posts/reads here frequently.

Ask Jeff and then come back and apologize.

[Anonymous]

If you weren't nervous about who you were leaving your children with, something would be wrong with you. It's a big decision! When we were picking a nanny for our four month old infant, I had all these grand ideas of the ideal person - age range, maternal vibe, tons of experience, bachelor's degree at minimum, etc. We interviewed people like that, and for various reasons they all were wrong. Then we interviewed a man who had no education past high school, and no nannying experience but wanted to go into the career. We wound up hiring him. It's over five years later. He's still with us.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If you are planning to set up cameras as PP says, she might reject your offer. Some nannies won't feel comfortable working like that. It's a lack of trust you are having since the very first beginning. The cameras topic; it's the first thing you should have said right in the interview; no when you already interviewed with her and see if she will agree working like that.
No just contact her again just to tell her that Opss.. you forgot that the position will requiere the nanny feel comfortable and be watches all day with cameras all around.

And some nannies like me encourage cameras. I want my employers to see how hard I work and how happy their kids are. I wouldn’t work in a home without cameras.

All nannies have different ways to work. We all are unique; and look different kind of environment to work when we feel completely confortable. Good for you if you love cameras. I don't need to have cameras watching me all the time. Thankfully all families I have worked for; always trusted on me. But it's respectful your point of view.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If you are planning to set up cameras as PP says, she might reject your offer. Some nannies won't feel comfortable working like that. It's a lack of trust you are having since the very first beginning. The cameras topic; it's the first thing you should have said right in the interview; no when you already interviewed with her and see if she will agree working like that.
No just contact her again just to tell her that Opss.. you forgot that the position will requiere the nanny feel comfortable and be watches all day with cameras all around.

And some nannies like me encourage cameras. I want my employers to see how hard I work and how happy their kids are. I wouldn’t work in a home without cameras.

Known troll.

I am absolutely not a troll. Ask Jeff. I’m a nanny who posts/reads here frequently.

Ask Jeff and then come back and apologize.

I’m still waiting for my apology.