Son is too attached to Nanny

[Anonymous]

My wife is unhappy how attached our son to his nanny. Our son is 3 years old and he's starring preschool soon. Our nanny has been with us since he was three months old. Nanny is very smart, happy, trustworthy, and she has a special way of handling our son. My wife and I work long hours, The Nanny has been with our son from 7:30 a.m. to 4:00 p.m. Monday through Friday. We encourage full disclosure our son daily activities, Nanny always ask before new activities introduce. Lately, our son knows that he is going to school Monday and Wednesday from 11:00 to 2:00 p.m., he has been acting up, saying he just wants to stay home with his nanny. When we ask him what he's he's going to miss the most, when he's at school, he told us he does not want his Nanny to be lonely without him. When my wife heard that, she broke down and unhappy ever since. My wife is thinking of putting son in full-time School and letting the nanny go. I don't think it's a good decision and it might harm our son in the long run to separate him from his nanny so soon. The idea was for him to attend preschool two to three days a week and have nanny watch him part-time. I don't know what to do, some obviously jealousy is involved but our son can't help himself but to love is nanny, because he spends so much time with her and she's really really good with him.

[Anonymous]

It’s actually healthy for kids to be attached to their nannies because they know that nanny loves them and care for them on a daily basis. Please help your wife with her jealousy issues and don’t punish your son by taking his nanny away from him while he needs her.

[Anonymous]

Whatever you do, do not banish the nanny from his life (fire her and never let her see him again). It’s so psychologically damaging.

Tell you wife it’s normal and kids go through phases. My own son at 3 went through a couple weeks when he cried when nanny left and wanted to go home with her. I’m still his mom and will always hold that place in his life.

[Anonymous]

It’s completely understandable since the time he’s in school is the time he’s with nanny.

Tell your wife to be happy. Her son is loved and can love in return. No one is ever going to take a mother’s place.

[Anonymous]

When my kids preferred our nanny when little, it helped my mindset immensely when my own mom pointed out that you can *never* have too many people who love your child.

[Anonymous]

The problem is not the nanny. It's your wife. She needs to spend more time with your child. She probably feels guilty for not spending more time with him, and that's understandable.

Be happy your child is loved and that he feels so safe with his nanny. I am a nanny myself and once had a charge that was "worried" to leave me all alone at home while she was in school, it didn't last long at all. It stopped when she felt happy in school.

It's a new transition for your son, it'll all work out but make sure you absolutely keep your nanny, even part time ...

[Anonymous]

Your wife is thinking only of herself and her feelings and not thinking about her child at all! Please put your foot down, OP. Banishing the nanny will damage your son.

We all, as parents, need to respect our kids relationships with others.

[Anonymous]

Your wife is very selfish and a bad mother to your son. How could anyone do that to a little kid?! I would NEVER do that to my kids. I wanted them to bond and trust their nanny and I would never fire the nanny because I got a bug up my butt.

[Anonymous]

OP here,
My wife is definitely upset and I know my son and Nanny closenes are the reason . The Nanny is a formal middle school teacher and experience with early Childhood Education. Reasons why she was hired, plus she speaks fluent French and our son speak fluent with the nanny. I know my wife is feeling left out in some weird way but I will try to help her see the light.

[Anonymous]

Your wife sounds like a nut job. Most moms would love a nanny that cares for their child so deeply and vise versa.

[Anonymous]

Your wife is jealous of the nanny because your son has spent almost all all his waking hours all his life with someone who loves him. Maybe you and your wife should take a lesson from this.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Your wife sounds like a nut job. Most moms would love a nanny that cares for their child so deeply and vise versa.

OP is also a nut job.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Your wife is jealous of the nanny because your son has spent almost all all his waking hours all his life with someone who loves him. Maybe you and your wife should take a lesson from this.

OP here,

My wife had the opportunity to stay home but she declined the job.
My job did not give opportunity to work from home but if it ever does, I will take it and spend time at home. having a baby was my idea and my wife didn't at the beginning but we agreed to have a full time Nanny. Our son knows he is loved and wanted but he has chosen to love his Nanny more than his mother.

[Anonymous]

11-2 is a weird block of time for a 3 yr old, but okay. Don't fire the nanny. Let him grieve spending time with her. That's the natural progression of life and he'll slowly and gently figure it out himself.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Your wife is thinking only of herself and her feelings and not thinking about her child at all! Please put your foot down, OP. Banishing the nanny will damage your son.

We all, as parents, need to respect our kids relationships with others.

This. Absolutely do not allow the nanny to be fired. Your son will never “recover” from that sort of trauma. And trauma it would be. I learned this from a very wise pediatric psychiatrist.