Nanny Taking Toddler to Indoor Places

[Anonymous]

I have a nanny for 6 hours/day (from when my 1.5-year-old wakes to naptime). Our house is about 2200 sq ft. My partner and I work on the second floor. The first floor has a playroom, small living room, and kitchen, it's not very big.

Our nanny started last spring and she would take our kid outside to the park for 3-4 hours/day. She initiated this and I was happy about it - we got peace and quiet to work, baby got fresh air, nanny had her own space.
Occasionally her husband would join them (she didn't ask my permission but sort of mentioned it casually, showed me photos from the park with him holding my kid, etc). I didn't fight her on this but I didn't love it either. She never brought the husband over to our house or anything.

Now, as it's gotten colder, she won't go outside anymore, or will go for half an hour max. I get it - it's not fun to sit outside for hours in the cold.

Instead, she has pushed to bring my kid to the mall or to the lounge of her apartment building. She says they're mostly empty and she keeps my kid away from other people. But now she is spending 3-4 hours/day there, which feels like a lot of time for a toddler to be wandering in these random places. And I'm sure her husband (who works in the medical field, so increased covid exposure) is there sometimes too.

I don't feel comfortable with this, but she says the toddler feels cramped playing in our playroom all day. And it is kind of loud and annoying to have them always there.

She doesn't drive, so our options for baby classes are very limited - plus, I feel like a room full of maskless babies would be even worse than the mall, if not for COVID then for regular kid germs.

What would you do in my situation? I am feeling pretty lost. Should I allow the mall and lounge but limit the time they're there? Or not limit time but tell her she's not allowed to have her husband join then? Make them spend at least some time outdoors if it's not raining? Have them just stay at home?

[Anonymous]

1. She should not be meeting her husband during work. He should definitely not be playing with your child. You haven’t even met him!

2. Outside time is non-negotiable for me. 30 minutes three times per day minimum, unless there’s lightning all day long (never happens).

3. Her building is a no. Mall is ridiculous.

She needs to dress herself and your child appropriately, then she can split the 6 hours between the park, walking, and the playroom.

1.5yo don’t get bored with the same toys. She feels bored.

[Anonymous]

Agree with PP. She's only there 6 hours a day - plenty of time to see her husband, run errands, etc.

She shouldn't meet her husband during work, period. You haven't met him, it's additional exposure, hard no.
"We've given it additional thought, and we've decided we don't want you to meet with your husband during the work day."

It isn't even that cold out? Dress in layers. What will she do when it snows?! Is she walking to the mall/her apartment lounge?

Your 1.5 year old does not need the mall. He is not bored with his toys at home. SHE is bored and cramped.

I'd be concerned she's leaving your kid in the stroller and chit chatting with friends or her husband and ignoring DC.

She doesn't drive - what's your plan for when DC is older?

I would not allow the mall or her apartment lounge. Ridiculous.

Do any neighbors have a nanny? In your shoes, I might be willing to let nanny have play dates with someone nearby for a change of scenery (for an hour or two, not 3-4 hours!)

[Anonymous]

Kids probably watching TV while she’s relaxing at home. OP I’d seriously consider looking for a new nanny asap

[Anonymous]

It's too much want to spend 4 hrs outside. She is taking advantage of you, wanting to spend too much time at the mall and at her apt. You will never know what she is doing with your kid. Probably she will be watching tv, doing her laundry and cooking at her place while let your kid on the floor with some toys. Or walking all those hrs in mall; having lunch and just walking. And your kid all the time in the stroller.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Kids probably watching TV while she’s relaxing at home. OP I’d seriously consider looking for a new nanny asap

Yeah this is super shady. Fire her in January.

[Anonymous]

This is all very strange. Do you have any trusted friends with nannies that they can have playdates with

Can you and DH agree to leave one or two days a week and work elsewhere so nanny and kid can stay home

[Anonymous]

Even though you can be working upstairs on your own office with doors closed; you don't have to feel bothered by them if she and the baby want to stay there.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Even though you can be working upstairs on your own office with doors closed; you don't have to feel bothered by them if she and the baby want to stay there.

1.5 is toddler, not baby.

And they don’t need to leave. The nanny knew they’d be home when she was hired.

[Anonymous]

Career nanny here a d I agree with the general consensus that:

1) If you are even remotely covid-cautious it is absurd to be sending a 1.5yo to any indoor play spaces. Because…

2) Kids that age are quite happy within a routine.

Now do you need to introduce new activities? Yes. But that is why being a nanny is a job. A great nanny would be coming up with activities he can do with things around the house. When my current charges were that age, they played with recyclables every day: climbing in and out and on top of amazon boxes, building ramps for small cars out of paper towel rolls, putting objects into and out of McCann’s Irish oats cans to hear the clanking (they loved this so much it was the only reason we ate that brand so much).

Likewise, it is good for them to be outdoors part of the day, but if she feels it is too cold for the park, she should at minimum be going on walks. She frankly sounds a bit unprofessional. How much are you paying?

[Anonymous]

Thanks all, it was helpful to hear my instincts made sense. I talked to my nanny and set some rules about no more indoor places and no more hanging out with husband or others during work hours. The last few days they’ve been playing at home with short trips to the park and everything seems to be working well.

[Anonymous]

I’m an outdoorsy person and even never spent 3-4 hours outside with my toddler every day. I think 30-60 mins in the morning of outside time is fine when it’s cold.Tell her to bundle up because you’d like her to start doing this. Which mall is she taking him to? I might be ok with this once or twice a week but not every day and not the apt lounge area. It sounds like she doesn’t really have ideas of what to do with him to fill the morning. Maybe try and come up with a rough schedule together.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Career nanny here a d I agree with the general consensus that:

1) If you are even remotely covid-cautious it is absurd to be sending a 1.5yo to any indoor play spaces. Because…

2) Kids that age are quite happy within a routine.

Now do you need to introduce new activities? Yes. But that is why being a nanny is a job. A great nanny would be coming up with activities he can do with things around the house. When my current charges were that age, they played with recyclables every day: climbing in and out and on top of amazon boxes, building ramps for small cars out of paper towel rolls, putting objects into and out of McCann’s Irish oats cans to hear the clanking (they loved this so much it was the only reason we ate that brand so much).

Likewise, it is good for them to be outdoors part of the day, but if she feels it is too cold for the park, she should at minimum be going on walks. She frankly sounds a bit unprofessional. How much are you paying?

You sound like an awesome nanny, but I know I can’t expect this level of care for $20/hour, which is what I can afford to pay. DH and I are both in the nonprofit field and my whole salary goes to pay for the nanny as is. We do get some outdoor time every day, no screen time, and reliable care, and my kid loves the nanny. so as long as she’s ok with my new no-mall, no-husband rules, I think it’s all good.

[Anonymous]

Personally I feel it was very unprofessional for your Nanny to have socialized w/her husband while working.
I would feel uneasy seeing pictures of my child in the lap of someone I had never even met!
Your Nanny should have known better.

Yes, I would request that she no longer socialize w/her husband while working.

I get how tough it can be working for parents who telecommute.
It is tough, especially if the parents are in ear shot or there is not a ton of space.
I always feel like I should make sure that my charge + I do not make too much noise while playing which can be a significant challenge at that age.

Depending on how cold it gets where you live - I think during the winter season as long as it is not raining or snowing heavily or below 50-55 degrees, taking a stroller or foot walk should be done as much as possible.
I wouldn’t have a huge problem w/them going to the indoor mall, out to eat, etc. as I know a Nanny can get bored staying in the house so long.
Happy Nanny = Happy Child.
Though w/us still being in a pandemic it is totally understandable to want to limit your child’s contact w/others.

I suggest you suggest certain activities they can do in the home.
Maybe even purchase certain toys that your child can only play with when the Nanny is there.

Some ideas:
• Play Doh in the high chair or on a patio outside
• Coloring on plain paper or a coloring book
• Sticker play (child can put stickers on paper or coloring book
• Blowing bubbles
• 1/2 Hr every day of screen time watching a show that incorporates some form of education.
Kids at this age range love Cocomelon!

Etc.

[Anonymous]

You might be a good candidate for a nanny share so they are out of your house at least half the time, and you could afford a more experienced nanny. The husband thing was a test— if you put up with that she wanted to push other boundaries like letting her take your kid to her home.

My baby has spent 2-4 hours outdoors per day since birth, because when she was quite small that was the best way to have her nap. Buy good play clothes that are warm and weatherproof. Go out in the rain sometimes and splash in puddles. Children belong outdoors.