How many sick days are normal?

[Anonymous]

Our nanny has taken 20 days off this year, not counting 10 paid federal holidays and 3 days that we comped her after vaccine reactions. We want to be flexible and supportive (we believe she is genuinely ill when she calls out) but we're really struggling to cover the amount of time she needs. We have talked to her about the absences a few times. The last time was at the end of August. We told her we weren't able to continue covering so many days off. She said she understood, but now she's been out 4 days in the past 2 weeks. I think she genuinely can't do any better. Meanwhile I am drowning at work and starting to worry about my own job performance.

Do any families or nannies have advice for us? We are fond of her; she genuinely loves our kids. She has also taken some financial hits lately and we would feel awful firing her. But we can't go on like this and I don't know what to do. We do have some backup care options through our work, but they are generally not able to send someone on the same day, and she usually calls out first thing in the morning.

[Anonymous]

I think you need to have a more serious talk with her. Let her know that you can’t accommodate any more sick days this year. I’m going into my second year with my current family and have used a total of 2 of my sick/personal days. Her use of time off is very excessive.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I think you need to have a more serious talk with her. Let her know that you can’t accommodate any more sick days this year. I’m going into my second year with my current family and have used a total of 2 of my sick/personal days. Her use of time off is very excessive.

Thank you so much for responding. Apologies if I sound dumb, but if I say "we can't accommodate any more sick days this year," what happens if she gets sick again between now and the end of the year? (She is already taking unpaid days, she's used all of her paid sick and vacation days.)

[Anonymous]

We give five sick days and those are expected to be used when actually sick but also for medical appointments of any kind, or mental health. The nanny has never used all five.

I'd have fired your nanny ages ago. Her money problems are not your responsibility. If you make them your responsibility then you will get fired and have your own money problems (and not be able to afford this crappy nanny).

[Anonymous]

I think it depends on why she is taking the sick days but it does seem excessive and I would consider replacing her. I would not pay for the sick days.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I think it depends on why she is taking the sick days but it does seem excessive and I would consider replacing her. I would not pay for the sick days.

It’s different stuff every time. Last week it was the flu. Today it was food poisoning. She’s also called out for migraines, high fevers, bad allergic reactions. I feel awful for her because I think she just has really bad luck and is very vulnerable to illness for whatever reason. But today I just feel broken, like a terrible mom and a terrible employee and a terrible employer. I get sick to my stomach imagining the hiring process again. It takes so much time and I feel like I have none. We’re on so many daycare wait lists too and they’re just not budging because it’s so hard to hire right now.

[Anonymous]

When u say 20 days how many of those were same day notice sick days?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think it depends on why she is taking the sick days but it does seem excessive and I would consider replacing her. I would not pay for the sick days.

It’s different stuff every time. Last week it was the flu. Today it was food poisoning. She’s also called out for migraines, high fevers, bad allergic reactions. I feel awful for her because I think she just has really bad luck and is very vulnerable to illness for whatever reason. But today I just feel broken, like a terrible mom and a terrible employee and a terrible employer. I get sick to my stomach imagining the hiring process again. It takes so much time and I feel like I have none. We’re on so many daycare wait lists too and they’re just not budging because it’s so hard to hire right now.

That sounds a bit fake. I would insist on a doctors note especially with the flu. I’d insist on a flu and Covid test upon each return. Find someone else.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:When u say 20 days how many of those were same day notice sick days?

12 of them. 5 were prearranged vacation days. 3 were for an injury over a weekend so we at least had notice and could get someone to cover.

[Anonymous]

I’m sorry, OP, but you really do need to find a new nanny. I have a friend in your position who has an equally unreliable nanny and I gave her the same advice.

Sensitive question: is your nanny foreign-born? Does she have family obligations that she’s hiding?

Anyway our nanny is 66 yrs lad and has never called in sick in three years. She’s only left early twice due to not feeling well but would have stuck it out if we needed her. She took two days of planned PTO after her vaccine and booster and we planned around it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I’m sorry, OP, but you really do need to find a new nanny. I have a friend in your position who has an equally unreliable nanny and I gave her the same advice.

Sensitive question: is your nanny foreign-born? Does she have family obligations that she’s hiding?

Anyway our nanny is 66 yrs lad and has never called in sick in three years. She’s only left early twice due to not feeling well but would have stuck it out if we needed her. She took two days of planned PTO after her vaccine and booster and we planned around it.

No, she's US-born. I suppose it's possible she is sneaking time for family obligations she hasn't shared, but I don't think it's likely (she is chatty and doesn't strike me as someone good at keeping that kind of secret).

OK. I'm going to have a hard conversation with her on Monday and say that this latest string of absences has created a lot of stress for our family, and she's now missed an entire month of work this year and the year's not even over yet. We are fond of her, we don't want to fire someone who loves the kids, but if she can't get the absences under control we will have to look for someone else.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I’m sorry, OP, but you really do need to find a new nanny. I have a friend in your position who has an equally unreliable nanny and I gave her the same advice.

Sensitive question: is your nanny foreign-born? Does she have family obligations that she’s hiding?

Anyway our nanny is 66 yrs lad and has never called in sick in three years. She’s only left early twice due to not feeling well but would have stuck it out if we needed her. She took two days of planned PTO after her vaccine and booster and we planned around it.

No, she's US-born. I suppose it's possible she is sneaking time for family obligations she hasn't shared, but I don't think it's likely (she is chatty and doesn't strike me as someone good at keeping that kind of secret).

OK. I'm going to have a hard conversation with her on Monday and say that this latest string of absences has created a lot of stress for our family, and she's now missed an entire month of work this year and the year's not even over yet. We are fond of her, we don't want to fire someone who loves the kids, but if she can't get the absences under control we will have to look for someone else.

That’s a reasonable approach, OP. Good luck!

[Anonymous]

Start looking for a new nanny. Being responsible as a nanny is a priority.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I’m sorry, OP, but you really do need to find a new nanny. I have a friend in your position who has an equally unreliable nanny and I gave her the same advice.

Sensitive question: is your nanny foreign-born? Does she have family obligations that she’s hiding?

Anyway our nanny is 66 yrs lad and has never called in sick in three years. She’s only left early twice due to not feeling well but would have stuck it out if we needed her. She took two days of planned PTO after her vaccine and booster and we planned around it.

No, she's US-born. I suppose it's possible she is sneaking time for family obligations she hasn't shared, but I don't think it's likely (she is chatty and doesn't strike me as someone good at keeping that kind of secret).

OK. I'm going to have a hard conversation with her on Monday and say that this latest string of absences has created a lot of stress for our family, and she's now missed an entire month of work this year and the year's not even over yet. We are fond of her, we don't want to fire someone who loves the kids, but if she can't get the absences under control we will have to look for someone else.

Go ahead and give her your talk, but I’ll tell you right now what is going to happen: she’ll stop taking sick days through the end of the year in the hopes she still gets a holiday bonus, and come the new year she’ll be back to taking lots of sick days. Start looking for a new nanny now.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I’m sorry, OP, but you really do need to find a new nanny. I have a friend in your position who has an equally unreliable nanny and I gave her the same advice.

Sensitive question: is your nanny foreign-born? Does she have family obligations that she’s hiding?

Anyway our nanny is 66 yrs lad and has never called in sick in three years. She’s only left early twice due to not feeling well but would have stuck it out if we needed her. She took two days of planned PTO after her vaccine and booster and we planned around it.

No, she's US-born. I suppose it's possible she is sneaking time for family obligations she hasn't shared, but I don't think it's likely (she is chatty and doesn't strike me as someone good at keeping that kind of secret).

OK. I'm going to have a hard conversation with her on Monday and say that this latest string of absences has created a lot of stress for our family, and she's now missed an entire month of work this year and the year's not even over yet. We are fond of her, we don't want to fire someone who loves the kids, but if she can't get the absences under control we will have to look for someone else.

Go ahead and give her your talk, but I’ll tell you right now what is going to happen: she’ll stop taking sick days through the end of the year in the hopes she still gets a holiday bonus, and come the new year she’ll be back to taking lots of sick days. Start looking for a new nanny now.

OP here. That sounds really plausible unfortunately. I think instead of the vague "we need you to get the absences under control" I need to say something specific, like "the next time you take two or more last-minute days off in a two-week period, we will end your employment."