"Lending" your nanny/housekeeper to other people

[Anonymous]

I have a wealthy relative who has had the same nanny since her child was very young. Her child is now in college, but the relative likes the nanny and has kept her on in a housekeeper role.

The housekeeper, who is a lovely person, always seems excited to see my middle school aged children when we come and visit. She invites them to help her cook, and teaches them her native language. My kids look forward to seeing her. My relative, who is concerned that the nanny is bored, is proposing that she can come over a few times a week to help with my kids after school, driving them to after school activities, and keeping them company after school. This would be part of the 40 hours that she is currently being paid.

In theory, I think this would be nice. My kids are old enough to stay alone, but it would be convenient to have someone to drive them places. I think my kids would enjoy her company. But it seems weird to borrow someone's employee, the way you would borrow an object. Obviously, if I decide to explore this, I will ask the nanny, but I am concerned that she would feel like she couldn't say no. So, I thought I'd ask what other nannies or housekeepers would think of this situation.

[Anonymous]

Take your first steps based on her previous interest. She has invited your children to help her and enjoyed their company.

However, you need to be clear whether you are paying her or not. If not, you aren't her employer, and your relative is really the only one who gets to say what she does. If you are her employer, you have more control, but you'll also put her in the position of doubting whether her original position will continue at 40 hours if this goes south.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Take your first steps based on her previous interest. She has invited your children to help her and enjoyed their company.

However, you need to be clear whether you are paying her or not. If not, you aren't her employer, and your relative is really the only one who gets to say what she does. If you are her employer, you have more control, but you'll also put her in the position of doubting whether her original position will continue at 40 hours if this goes south.

I'm pretty sure she has a job for life. I mean, if your employer didn't ask you to leave when the toddler you were initially paid to watch graduates high school and moves to another state for college, they clearly want you to stick around. They also paid her all the way through covid without asking her to come in until she was vaccinated.

I would not be paying her. I might give her a nice bonus or something, but she would continue to get paid by her current employers. All I need is transportation. It wouldn't surprise me if she ended up doing more, because she's that sort of person that might fix the kids a snack to be nice, but those wouldn't be things I'd ask her to do.

[Anonymous]

No, you don't borrow an employee.

[Anonymous]

Nanny here.

You should only do that sort of arrangement if you pay her extra. She wouldn't be doing the same job at all.
You can't compare housekeeping to being responsible for children.

I'd agree to that only if I was getting paid extra. Otherwise I'd feel taken advantage of.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Nanny here.

You should only do that sort of arrangement if you pay her extra. She wouldn't be doing the same job at all.
You can't compare housekeeping to being responsible for children.

I'd agree to that only if I was getting paid extra. Otherwise I'd feel taken advantage of.

OP here,

How much would one usually add?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:No, you don't borrow an employee.

OP here,

In both my field and my relatives field it is something that happens.

Which doesn’t make it right or wrong here.

[Anonymous]

This whole thing is based on the relative THINKING the nanny is bored. But the relative has not actually ASKED the nanny if she is bored. The nanny has not SAID she is bored. Perhaps the nanny feels she is getting older and this is a nice change of pace and enjoys a calmer, easier working environment. This is SUCH a big, and delicate situation that to base it on what an employer THINKS his employee might be feeling is a very bad idea. I would not get involved.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:This whole thing is based on the relative THINKING the nanny is bored. But the relative has not actually ASKED the nanny if she is bored. The nanny has not SAID she is bored. Perhaps the nanny feels she is getting older and this is a nice change of pace and enjoys a calmer, easier working environment. This is SUCH a big, and delicate situation that to base it on what an employer THINKS his employee might be feeling is a very bad idea. I would not get involved.

I didn't write the the relative thinks that the nanny is bored. I wrote that she is concerned about the fact that the nanny is bored. My guess is that that concern is based on what the nanny has said to her, or what she observes. The nanny has never told me she is bored, partially because if the kids and I are there she's got company and things to do, and because the nanny is a professional, so even if she was bored, she wouldn't complain about it to a visitor.

[Anonymous]

Offering the use of a person to someone else is...distasteful at best, reminiscent of slave trading at worst.

If YOU want to have your relatives nanny work for you, then ask her if she is at all interested. If she is interested, ask her how many hours she would like to work for you. Then interview her, and offer her an hourly rate that fits with her experience.

[Anonymous]

Nanny here- You know this is wrong. Don’t be an asshole. This nanny is paid to be nice to your kids. We don’t do this job for free. Do you not realize that she’s going to have to do all her duties housekeeping plus be a free Uber driver for your kids? All for the same pay?? What is wrong with you? Seriously. If you want the nanny to come help you can pay her $25/hr addition to her regular rate. Unbelievable.

[Anonymous]

This nanny has done her time. She has earned her relaxing paid bored time. I nanny for teens and I’ve been here since they are born. I’ve earned my guaranteed hours and free time. No way do I want to take on some entitled relatives kids... for free??? Gtfo

[Anonymous]

Are you paying her mileage for driving your kids? What are her benefits and hourly rate? None? Well okay then no nanny for you.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Are you paying her mileage for driving your kids? What are her benefits and hourly rate? None? Well okay then no nanny for you.

She drives a car paid for and maintained by her employer, and puts the gas on a credit card that is paid by her employer. If she came to my house she could switch and drive my car, if she didn’t want soccer cleats in hers. So mileage in the sense of reimbursement for gas and wear and tear isn’t an issue but she’d be paid for the time driving between the houses.

I do not know exactly what she is paid. When I was looking into childcare when my kids were little, and I talked to my SIL then and her compensation was higher than any one else I spoke to. I imagine she has gotten annual raises over the years since I asked. I know she has the car and health insurance and paid leave but I do not know the details.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:This nanny has done her time. She has earned her relaxing paid bored time. I nanny for teens and I’ve been here since they are born. I’ve earned my guaranteed hours and free time. No way do I want to take on some entitled relatives kids... for free??? Gtfo

Do you anticipate that you will still have your job when they are gone? I am curious.