"Lending" your nanny/housekeeper to other people

[Anonymous]

Under normal conditions I don't think it appropriate to borrow someone's nanny or ask your nanny to work for free at someone else's house because you don't need them. "We are on vacation this week so can you go to my cousin's and watch her kids (or clean her house) since we are paying you anyway" is not good and would lead to resentment. It is not the same as a nurse being asked to cover a different unit or a server being asked to work a shift in another restaurant of the same management group. So I don't think it comparable that it happens in your industry.

BUT, this sounds like a unique situation where your family member has basically taken to employing this person for life, paying their health insurance, providing them a car (I would guess although have no idea that they also have helped out in times of need like a sick relative or given generously when someone got married). This type of relationship is still employee / employer but very different. The nanny.may be very bored and not enjoy the lack of stimuluation after having worked with the family for son long and so might be happy to help out. Nanny should see herself as extension of the family and this helps family out, so she is happy to do it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This whole thing is based on the relative THINKING the nanny is bored. But the relative has not actually ASKED the nanny if she is bored. The nanny has not SAID she is bored. Perhaps the nanny feels she is getting older and this is a nice change of pace and enjoys a calmer, easier working environment. This is SUCH a big, and delicate situation that to base it on what an employer THINKS his employee might be feeling is a very bad idea. I would not get involved.

I didn't write the the relative thinks that the nanny is bored. I wrote that she is concerned about the fact that the nanny is bored. My guess is that that concern is based on what the nanny has said to her, or what she observes. The nanny has never told me she is bored, partially because if the kids and I are there she's got company and things to do, and because the nanny is a professional, so even if she was bored, she wouldn't complain about it to a visitor.

Again, this is all speculation. As someone else said. This is wrong, and you know it's wrong.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I have a wealthy relative who has had the same nanny since her child was very young. Her child is now in college, but the relative likes the nanny and has kept her on in a housekeeper role.

The housekeeper, who is a lovely person, always seems excited to see my middle school aged children when we come and visit. She invites them to help her cook, and teaches them her native language. My kids look forward to seeing her. My relative, who is concerned that the nanny is bored, is proposing that she can come over a few times a week to help with my kids after school, driving them to after school activities, and keeping them company after school. This would be part of the 40 hours that she is currently being paid.

In theory, I think this would be nice. My kids are old enough to stay alone, but it would be convenient to have someone to drive them places. I think my kids would enjoy her company. But it seems weird to borrow someone's employee, the way you would borrow an object. Obviously, if I decide to explore this, I will ask the nanny, but I am concerned that she would feel like she couldn't say no. So, I thought I'd ask what other nannies or housekeepers would think of this situation.

You could offer a trial basis.
How often do you visit where she sees them, compared to the frequency she'd see them if she wanted the extra work?

[Anonymous]

Right now, during covid, we've been going there a couple times a week, because they have a lot more outdoor space. She wasn't coming in, due to covid precautions until the past few weeks, but once she was fully vaccinated she came back.

She's known my kids since they were born, but the relationship has changed as the age of the kids involved changed.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This whole thing is based on the relative THINKING the nanny is bored. But the relative has not actually ASKED the nanny if she is bored. The nanny has not SAID she is bored. Perhaps the nanny feels she is getting older and this is a nice change of pace and enjoys a calmer, easier working environment. This is SUCH a big, and delicate situation that to base it on what an employer THINKS his employee might be feeling is a very bad idea. I would not get involved.

I didn't write the the relative thinks that the nanny is bored. I wrote that she is concerned about the fact that the nanny is bored. My guess is that that concern is based on what the nanny has said to her, or what she observes. The nanny has never told me she is bored, partially because if the kids and I are there she's got company and things to do, and because the nanny is a professional, so even if she was bored, she wouldn't complain about it to a visitor.

Again, this is all speculation. As someone else said. This is wrong, and you know it's wrong.

Well yes, but if I have to choose between the speculation of someone who has read a few posts on the internet, vs her employer of almost 20 years, I gotta assume the latter has a better idea?

[Anonymous]

Under normal conditions I don't think it appropriate to borrow someone's nanny or ask your nanny to work for free at someone else's house because you don't need them. "We are on vacation this week so can you go to my cousin's and watch her kids (or clean her house) since we are paying you anyway" is not good and would lead to resentment. It is not the same as a nurse being asked to cover a different unit or a server being asked to work a shift in another restaurant of the same management group. So I don't think it comparable that it happens in your industry.

In my industry, my employer donates my time to nonprofits. So, I spend a day or a series of days working for another organization, and I still am paid for those hours by my job. It's not an internal move, it's a gift from one organization to another. This situation would be similar. It might or might not be the right choice, but it's slavery, as a PP implied.

Anonymous wrote:

BUT, this sounds like a unique situation where your family member has basically taken to employing this person for life, paying their health insurance, providing them a car (I would guess although have no idea that they also have helped out in times of need like a sick relative or given generously when someone got married). This type of relationship is still employee / employer but very different. The nanny.may be very bored and not enjoy the lack of stimuluation after having worked with the family for son long and so might be happy to help out. Nanny should see herself as extension of the family and this helps family out, so she is happy to do it.

Yes, she is part of the family, and yes I imagine that she'll have a job for as long as she wants it, and that there are probably plans for retirement when that comes, although that's pretty far down the road. Some of it is that she makes their lives very easy, and some of it is that she provided excellent care for their child and they're grateful, and some of it is that they care about her.

I think she loves the family, so she isn't looking to leave, but I also think she enjoys her job more when her charge is at home, and misses the days when she was younger.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Take your first steps based on her previous interest. She has invited your children to help her and enjoyed their company.

However, you need to be clear whether you are paying her or not. If not, you aren't her employer, and your relative is really the only one who gets to say what she does. If you are her employer, you have more control, but you'll also put her in the position of doubting whether her original position will continue at 40 hours if this goes south.

I'm pretty sure she has a job for life. I mean, if your employer didn't ask you to leave when the toddler you were initially paid to watch graduates high school and moves to another state for college, they clearly want you to stick around. They also paid her all the way through covid without asking her to come in until she was vaccinated.

I would not be paying her. I might give her a nice bonus or something, but she would continue to get paid by her current employers. All I need is transportation. It wouldn't surprise me if she ended up doing more, because she's that sort of person that might fix the kids a snack to be nice, but those wouldn't be things I'd ask her to do.

Then hire someone else.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Offering the use of a person to someone else is...distasteful at best, reminiscent of slave trading at worst.

If YOU want to have your relatives nanny work for you, then ask her if she is at all interested. If she is interested, ask her how many hours she would like to work for you. Then interview her, and offer her an hourly rate that fits with her experience.

Yes!!

[Anonymous]

Sooooo, op, You just want to mooch childcare???

I guarantee you your relative didn’t mean it for real!

[Anonymous]

Lending people is tantamount to slavery! She works for you and you do not "lend" her out!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Are you paying her mileage for driving your kids? What are her benefits and hourly rate? None? Well okay then no nanny for you.

She drives a car paid for and maintained by her employer, and puts the gas on a credit card that is paid by her employer. If she came to my house she could switch and drive my car, if she didn’t want soccer cleats in hers. So mileage in the sense of reimbursement for gas and wear and tear isn’t an issue but she’d be paid for the time driving between the houses.

I do not know exactly what she is paid. When I was looking into childcare when my kids were little, and I talked to my SIL then and her compensation was higher than any one else I spoke to. I imagine she has gotten annual raises over the years since I asked. I know she has the car and health insurance and paid leave but I do not know the details.

What I mean is WHAT BENEFITS AND PAY WILL YOU BE GIVING HER???? OR are you expecting her to do extra work for me? Man you’re clueless max just an entitled mooch. I’m a nanny and so over parents like you.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:This nanny has done her time. She has earned her relaxing paid bored time. I nanny for teens and I’ve been here since they are born. I’ve earned my guaranteed hours and free time. No way do I want to take on some entitled relatives kids... for free??? Gtfo

+1

Mom here. Agree with every word of this. i found out after the fact that my well paid nanny was "borrowed". I will never look at those people the same. Those aren't my friends - those are users who invite bad karma to their doorstep and into their home, each time they overstep. Each and every time.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Are you paying her mileage for driving your kids? What are her benefits and hourly rate? None? Well okay then no nanny for you.

She drives a car paid for and maintained by her employer, and puts the gas on a credit card that is paid by her employer. If she came to my house she could switch and drive my car, if she didn’t want soccer cleats in hers. So mileage in the sense of reimbursement for gas and wear and tear isn’t an issue but she’d be paid for the time driving between the houses.

I do not know exactly what she is paid. When I was looking into childcare when my kids were little, and I talked to my SIL then and her compensation was higher than any one else I spoke to. I imagine she has gotten annual raises over the years since I asked. I know she has the car and health insurance and paid leave but I do not know the details.

What I mean is WHAT BENEFITS AND PAY WILL YOU BE GIVING HER???? OR are you expecting her to do extra work for me? Man you’re clueless max just an entitled mooch. I’m a nanny and so over parents like you.

+1

I'm a mom and so over parents like this. There are good parents, and there are bad parents. The bad parents pay minimum wage, slightly over, or nothing - and they don't especially like their own children. The good parents pay well, because they know they have someone good.

No is a full answer. Use it, nannies - early and often. I warn nannies of user parents whenever possible.

[Anonymous]

A despicable idea!